Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi Everyone

Im having a low day today which is making me rethink our decision to move to OZ. I keep thinking is life here so bad after all? and why do we want to go to OZ, are we going for something we might never find or may already have here but dont know it?

My hubby earns really good money here as a bricklayer and due to low bills we have a nice sum left over each month for holidays etc. Our mortgage is low due to buying house ages ago. And im scared if we sell everything to go to OZ, and probably use all our money getting there that our lives are not going to be any better, and we will work all hours for less money, and worse still not be able to afford a house. I just dont know what to do, we have gone through so much stress with court for RFJO and spent thousands, my hubby has no interest in researching where to live etc, and it's getting me down to know we could lose everything.

Also im worried that my children will not settle or be bullied and they have had enough upset in their lives so far, i dont want to cause them more upset by placing them in a bad situation.

I know im thinking all this as it that time of the month! and i will think differently tomorrow (maybe!) i keep telling myself you only get one life and i dont ant to look back when im older and regret not giving it a try, on the other hand i dont want to be there and think why didnt we stay in england.

i guess im just after some reassurance from you guys but as with every thread with these questions some will be for england and some for oz, so il prob be in the same boat!

anyway thts my moan out of the way. sorry if i bored or depressed you:o

Just had to get it out of my system

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

hi
feel like that to sometimes but your right you do only get one life so go for it you can always come back and start again if needs be . my sister went last year and her kids have settled in really well and made friends in the first week (kids are tougher than us)
good luck
karen:)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi
Definitely know what you mean. I often think that we are rocking our boat for no reason but someone said to me, 'you only regret the stuff you don't do in life' and I think there's something in that. I think it's good that you are having doubts - it shows how deeply you must be thinking about it. It's not a one way ticket - you can always come back ;)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi There

I think many of us are in the same boat as you to be honest.

One day I'm certain I'm doing the right thing and the next I'm not so sure at all.

I have a small business that I bought ten years ago and while there have been tough times in that time - generally I'm on a good salary and enjoy what I do.

However, I've decided to leave it all behind and head to Oz. To be honest I have sisters there so that really helps - however my OH is leaving EVERYONE behind.

I worry about lots of things - will my dd settle in a new school - will she miss her grandparents terribly - will my oh miss his family too much - will I make new friends - as good as the ones I have here - will we find work - will we be able to afford our rent (we're not selling our house here) - will it really be as good as I hope it will ????!!!!!!!!!

But do you know what - we're gonna give it our best shot - and if it doesn't work out, so be it. Yes it will have cost us money to get there etc..

I don't want to regret anything in my life.

I wish that one of us could help you make your decision, but it has to be right for YOU.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

You wouldn't be human if you didn't have doubts. I think we all do:eek:
Trouble is if you don't do it now, when your too old to apply you'll be always saying what if???

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Think we all feel the same its the bloody waiting it really gets you down!!!

I've had enough of the waiting and I've only applied since Sept (but started whole thing march 07) god knows how them that have been waiting longer get through it. hats off to them

But I'll say the same as the other posts the UK ain't gunna get better and going to Oz will benefit the kids in the long run and if you don't like it you can always come back or go to another part of Oz.

Cheer up it will all be worth it. We are all here to help and be there for each other.

Tina x:thumbsup:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

I think you should only not do it if something happens now that convinces you to stay. If you're not convinced about where you are then go.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Listen honey, you'll be fine :)

The way to look at it is this: You've said you're pretty well off here, so you know there's no reason why you shouldn't be again if Oz doesn't work out for you. If your mortgage is low on the house, why not look at renting it out for a while, so you have something to come back to if you need?

Children are little sods, bless 'em. We moved here to Kent last summer & you should have heard the fuss when we told them. Eldest was convinced her life would be over & the younger one howled for two days & then refused to do anything to help. Both said they wouldn't talk to anyone at school, that they wouldn't try at school & that they would behave so badly, we would be forced to bring them back to Devon. Within a week, they had made new friends who are now never off the doorstep, younger one joined Drama & got the lead in the Christmas show, older one full of confidence & has really come out of herself. When we told them we were moving to Oz we had the same dramas & we just looked at them, waved their excellent school reports in front of them & said "Oh really?" Don't worry about the children, they will settle before you do :)

Completely normal to feel this way, I do too when I think of what a huge thing we're doing. I'll tell you the same thing Wendy said to me when I was going through this a little while back - give yourself a break from it all, don't read all the checklists & websites & everything, take some time out to enjoy other stuff. You'll soon sort your head out & know what's right for you :)

And you'll need time to recover from that RFTJ, coz I bet that was stress-on-a-stick!

Take care & best wishes :)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

I know how you feel. I was only talking about it this morning to my OH. He thinks I'm having 2nd thought but I think its just natural to be having doubts.

We're all taking a huge chance but we only have one life and I think we'd all regret it in the future if we didn't have a go.

Of course you'll get a nice house - even if it means having to live a bit further out than you planned. And your kids will make lots of friends.
Chin up. My OH reckons I'm pre-menstrual before/during and after my periods :eek::eek: so you'll feel different in a few days time, more rational and all that
Irish Gal

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Know exactly how you feel as well. I reckon that if we all got a chance to move across within 6 months of us deciding, then things would be a lot easier.

I think the fact that in some cases it takes years to make the move doesn't help, hence lots of doubts.

I am starting to think my friends reckon I'm spoofing when we talk about going because it has taken so long and because we both now keep changing our minds. Our main reasons for doubting are we are fairly well enough off here and also have a child with special needs.

I don't know if people really are ever totally 100% about moving, not to mention homesickness and being totally out of your comfort zone.

Only you can make the decision,

Good Luck:rofl:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Ditto ditto ditto hooo humm what are we like? :p

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

It sounds to me that you are not ready to make the huge decision of leaving England behind and head off for a new life. If that is the case then definately dont make the move and stay put. Your attitude may change in a couple of years so rethink it then. Australia will still be here.

I made the decision 12 years ago to move from England to Australia. I left everything behind and came for a better life. For me, it has worked out but I was 100% committed when I left England and I have never regretted my decision. I did make the decision for myself as I came on my own and did not have to take into consideration what children / partners thought of coming as I was a single man. From some of the posts on this website, it is clear that some folks have deeply regretted the move. It is a huge financial cost to lift and shift so do think it through very carefully.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

Barney

PS Australia is a great place. (in my opinion):thumbup:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

[QUOTE=badassbrickie;6026409]Hi Everyone

Im having a low day today which is making me rethink our decision to move to OZ. I keep thinking is life here so bad after all? and why do we want to go to OZ, are we going for something we might never find or may already have here but dont know it?

Hi,

I think we all feel a bit like this and I see it as a process that we need to go through in order to make the right decision about such a HUGE move.

The highs and lows, feelings of guilt, soul searching and emotional roller coasters are simply stepping stones along the decision making path.
I think that 'acceptance' finally brings peace about the decision being the right one !
Only when you have acceptance are you ready to go !!

Wow, How deep was that !!!!
LOL !!

Alison

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Why do you want to go to Oz?

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi there:)

Your be fine I came over with my family in 1971 & sister who was 16 I was 20I enjoyed the experence. & loved the sun & weather & beaches.

The children wont get bulled here. Dont know where you come from ? I was born in London. Got more bulled there. I have a daughter thats grown up here & no bulling. Now has a great job working for the goverment. Has stacks of friends.

You will be fine. good luck.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Plenty of children get bullied in australia just as they do in the UK. If the OP is aware of that fact and her kids do get bullied, she is far more likely to pick up the signs quicker and deal with it, which here can be done by making a appointment with the teacher, or thorugh the office with the principal. I dont think pom kids get bullied just for arriving here, its all the normal little combinations of nasty kids you get anywhere, and there are some right scary little shi!s here at that.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Some reservations are normal, but a lot can be sorted out by really nutting out what the reality might be. Say you arrive and find yourself on the standard brickes wage of $280 a day, working on and off when the employer wants, plenty here only getting 2 days a week. IF that common scenario (9.2% mortage rates wont help the construction industry ) happened, would your finance risk factor cope with that. In other words would that be something you would be prepared to put up with in order to have this new life. I ask that as I know brickies and carpenters doing exactly that at the mo, and I think the answer would be personal but something that really needs to be faced before giving up what sounds like a comfortable life. What do you want more, what means more to you security or an adventure.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

If you are moving towards something here rather than trying to escape something there then you have a better chance of making it work. If this is an opportunity not to be missed then dont miss it.

However, it isnt necessarily going to be better for the kids - the standards of education are debatable (you will get 100 different opinions from 100 different parents but if you consider that nationally about 40% of parents choose private education that gives you a feel for what the state system offers), there are the same bullies, rampant adolescent mental health problems and substance abuse that you get in UK and other places.

You still have to pay the bills and most of us have to work very hard to make enough to pay those , it isnt a free ride here. Add to that a rapidly increasing housing market along with a rapidly rising interest rate for mortgages.

The weather is to die for - for a few years, and then you get rather fed up with constant heat, flies, mozzies in the summer along with the need to slather the kids in spf30 sunscreen and aeroguard whenever they go out. Most Aussie kids cant wait to leave here once they have finished school or uni and a good number of them dont come back or come back reluctantly (my eldest went for a gap year and hasnt come back yet - nearly 6 years later and not likely to due to much better career options)

There is also the sense of not belonging, missing family and friends and raising your kids without a support network, the isolation of the place and eventually the sameness of it all once you get over the honeymoon period. Also the risk that one of you wont like it and that can cause huge stresses on your relationship as you wrestle with whether to go or stay. I believe it is much easier for men to get established here because they go out to work and develop a social network - women, especially those who stay at home, have fewer social connections and less of a support network.

It obviously works for many migrants and, quite frankly, you will never know if you never give it a go but if it is adventure that you crave, dont burn all your bridges in the process.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Quoll, another excellent balanced post. K coming your way :)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi there, i am in the same boat as you guys, my hubbie is a brickie and we have such a good quality of life here, but there must be something missing as we are flying out June 1st to start our new life in OZ, i have had so many sleepless nights worrying about whether or not we have made the right decision ,but if we did'nt give it a shot we would be saying what if for the rest of lifes and we don't get any younger, the way i deal with it is i know we can always come back and just put it down to a bloody expensive holiday, but i have no plans to do that i'm going to give it 100%, keep you chin up you are only human after all, best of luck to you all

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

We moved to wa in 2006 until jan 2007 .
We came back coz our son did not settle in school but since our return we have( and our son ) realised that although we have great friends and family (including not bad income)that we miss the OZ way of life so much yes you still work and things are not cheap but the life is better in our eyes.
Our kids had the time of there lives
dont grow old with regrets.:thumbsup:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi, there.
There is no right or wrong answer , only don't be fooled 90% of people feel this way to.
Advise , all depending on how you like to live in the uk, Hence hol's, shopping, nights out, etc. As a trades man your wage will be either slightly lower or the same, but it will not seem to go as far ,for the luxuries in life.
Yes it will cost quite a big portion of your pound to set up, And housing over here is now costing about the same as the uk.
The weather is better, and 95% of kids settle well and do prefer it to the uk so i would not worry about the bully aspect.
think long and hard and do your research.
Good Luck.:)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Sounds like you have a very nice life why are you leaving?

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi there.
I am in the same position as you in many ways. My Mum is moving back very near to us after years away and my kids adore her and Dad has been admitted to hospital with very bad lung problems although it looks like he will recover (they divorced on good terms years ago).
We are flying out on August 18th after the whole thing taking around 3 years with one thing and another.
I see the same problems in life in Australia as I do in the U.K it is just a chance to try something different. I am bored with my life here and had a rough time and need something new, that may sound crazy but that's how I feel.
I am sure the initial excitement and hot weather wears off but doesn't it with everything in life? The new house, job,car e.t.c all become "boring" wherever you are in the world.

Give it a go life is far too short and as long as you have a strong relationship I think things will be fine either way. Me and my oh have always said it is a joint move and both must be happy, good luck James:)

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Hi
I also know what you mean, I am a bricklayer and am hoping to be out in Perth around Aug/Sep. We have 3 boys and am having sleepless nights thinking about it all.
We sold our house last October and have been in rented waiting for the visa to be finalised, very hard as we feel like our lives are on hold and out of our control. Fed up of people asking us when we are going and them not understanding that we actually don't know for definate.
I too worry about wages, job security, price of houses, schooling etc. sorry, I can't make you feel any better - but you are not alone, my sister is in Perth she moved out there last year, her oh works on sites and said there is plenty of work around - just may have to travel a bit, maybe not the $300-$400+ wages it used to be but still a decent enough wage. Last year I was lucky to work a full week over the summer with the weather we had + customers reluctant to take out loans for extensions etc. with the banking crisis.
It may or may not be a struggle in Aus but I think about what the U.K. will be like in 10-15 years for us and our children and cannot see it being a very nice place with crime, gangs, drugs, overcrowding, government with no backbone etc.etc. We will give it a go, if it doesn't work out we will come back and accept that the U.K. must be the best place for our future but I can't accept that until we have experienced Australia for ourselves. Good Luck, the more of us that go the more houses need to be built!!!

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Thanks you all for your kind words of encouragement.

I was stressing about the best thing to do for us all.

If your easily depressed dont read the rest!! I tend to moan alot.......:eek:

I have decided (although i will prob change my mind again!:o) that we are going to oz. Aside from the money my OH earns here, there is nothing else i can say we like about the UK. He has to work his arse off often laying 1000 bricks a day for his money, and often struggles to find work over here. Over last xmas he was out of work for 7 weeks. House building seems to have come to a halt here and he is mainly building supermarkets.

I should imagine its the same over in oz, but the lifestyle we could have would be much better (or so i dream and hope!). simple things like picnics together. and camping. everything is so expensive here. everyone is out to rip you off.

we are going completely into the unknown. But a fortune teller told me he saw me in oz on a ranch with 2 children, so i kinda feel it's my destiny to go!

I have no idea where we are going, OH likes hervey bay, but have no idea if there are any jobs there. aaaaarrrggghhh its so scary. its not just me and hubby who come a cropper if it goes tits up, my children are being taken away from alot here for our dream of a better lifestyle. dont want to wind up homeless, jobless, pennyless, friendless, did i miss anything?!:o

Dont even know if we will get visas. agent says we will but i keep doubting it (as you have probably gathered, im not the most positive person!) Dont know when to sell house or anything. Its stressing me out so much!!

sorry about moaning (yet again!) I know there are loads more people in the same boat, but it does help to vent the stress!:thumbup:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

I'm finding that selling the house is more stressful than waiting for our visa :eek:
At least we knew we would get the visa, but with the housing market being as it is at the moment we have no idea if we'll sell this year or next!
We have to validate by 10/1/09 & although it seems like a long way off we have no guarantees it will sell b4 then :(
I'm going to give it 110% when we do go cos I don't want all this stressing to be for nothing.
Give it a good go & you'll have no regrets. You only regret what you don't do :thumbsup:

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Have to agree. This is the best piece of advice you will get.
If you are not 100% committed to what you intend to do, then why do it ?

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Your feelings are understandable. As much as i would like to say don't worry, sometimes things are not always as they seem. Brickies do find it hard to get work here at times, pay can be alot less. Remember interest rates are alot higher etc, so just do your homework carefully and make sure it is something you can live with.
All the best.

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

Its easy to say don't worry, but you do especially if you have kids, my OH is in IT and is being made redundant in August, so we are hoping that we have Visa, sold house and Permission for kids by then otherwise I will be more worried about staying rather than going. We know we want Brisbane area but not much else, I suppose we will go where we find the work, its all a bit scary, but thats half of the excitement and adventure too! we are looking to change our lifestyle for the better which we see no way of acheiving in the UK

eve

Re: Im so down in the dumps
 

If you are not sure and things are working out OK for you in Britain I would advise you to stay put unless you are really committed to coming here. Life can seem wonderful here when you visit for a holiday but I would question why you would give up a comfortable life for the uncertainty of Oz. A lot of people say "Go for it" but it can be quite tough once the novelty of nice weather and beaches wears off and you find yourself in an unfamiliar country far from friends and family. You really do have to start again from nothing, and you need some motivation to do that. There's no easy answer - if you're one of those people who are really fed up with Britain and don't see much future for your kids etc then it may be the right move. We moved here because we just could not survive financially in the UK and we saw our neighbourhood just deteriorate into a really grim state. If we'd been able to get by and liked where we lived I think I would have stayed.