I want to go home but family doesn't
Sep 1st 2011, 1:23 am
#31
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Mt Martha, Melbourne
Posts: 1,199
Re: I want to go home but family doesn't
In the UK we've all had x amount of years to build friendships, from school, college, work, moving around. You keep your original friends and then add people in as and when the opportunity arises you build up friendships over a long period.
When you move here if you don't know anyone then you are starting from scratch and sometimes when you're a wee bit older it isn't quite as easy as when you were younger. You're trying to cram in xxx years of friendship building immeditately and sometimes it can be frustrating!
It's been said that the Aussies (or even expats) will already have got their circle established and they may not be looking for someone else to join their ranks. I know lots of people have said it's hard to break into the circle maybe only ever being on the outside.
When we arrived in Mel we knew one couple and everyone else we knew was in Sydney (and my Sydney friends had gone to the UK for a stint!). Most of our close friends are expats met through the forums as it was such a good starting point. We were all in the same boat
and could understand what we were going through and some of the wobbles in the early days. Since then because of the work we do, the fact we don't have kids or a dog it has been slow to get to know other people. We've got to know people through our photographic association, local supplier groups and now some new contract work.
I have to say going for a drink in the local bar is quite good for chaps, one Brit guy I know who hasn't been here long has been doing this and has got chatting and made friends with loads of people!
It is hard but you do have to put yourself out there, we'd go to the opening of an envelope in the early days if it meant getting out and talking to people. The weekly meet up in Sydney sounds a good starting point as it is so regular which means you have a fixed social event to go to.
It is really hard with the old friends, miss mine like crazy as it's because you have that history and it takes a long time to build it up here. A friend of mine has lived here for years but she said she only really felt part of it once her and her new friends had some history. I feel sometimes life only started 4.5 years ago because I don't have anyone here who has shared the previous xxx years (well apart from one friend in Sydney) with me, yes, I can tell people what happened on that funny night out 20 years ago but they weren't there so it's not quite the same. A few months back I met up with an old work friend who now lives in Perth and we had a great night going over old times and it just made me realise that sometimes it's hard to share memories which is why it is so much easier when you go back to your old mates.
I hope that you can find your way as if you like everything else about Oz and your family are happy then it would be a shame to give it up and even possibily with even greater consequences. It will always be hard when one loves it and the other doesn't have heard a lot of sad stories around this.
Just get out and about, is there an evening class you'd like to do? You never know where you might find a chum. I went to an evening do in Mel, met someone there, we hit it off straight away and she became a friend.
Good luck!
When you move here if you don't know anyone then you are starting from scratch and sometimes when you're a wee bit older it isn't quite as easy as when you were younger. You're trying to cram in xxx years of friendship building immeditately and sometimes it can be frustrating!
It's been said that the Aussies (or even expats) will already have got their circle established and they may not be looking for someone else to join their ranks. I know lots of people have said it's hard to break into the circle maybe only ever being on the outside.
When we arrived in Mel we knew one couple and everyone else we knew was in Sydney (and my Sydney friends had gone to the UK for a stint!). Most of our close friends are expats met through the forums as it was such a good starting point. We were all in the same boat
and could understand what we were going through and some of the wobbles in the early days. Since then because of the work we do, the fact we don't have kids or a dog it has been slow to get to know other people. We've got to know people through our photographic association, local supplier groups and now some new contract work.I have to say going for a drink in the local bar is quite good for chaps, one Brit guy I know who hasn't been here long has been doing this and has got chatting and made friends with loads of people!
It is hard but you do have to put yourself out there, we'd go to the opening of an envelope in the early days if it meant getting out and talking to people. The weekly meet up in Sydney sounds a good starting point as it is so regular which means you have a fixed social event to go to.
It is really hard with the old friends, miss mine like crazy as it's because you have that history and it takes a long time to build it up here. A friend of mine has lived here for years but she said she only really felt part of it once her and her new friends had some history. I feel sometimes life only started 4.5 years ago because I don't have anyone here who has shared the previous xxx years (well apart from one friend in Sydney) with me, yes, I can tell people what happened on that funny night out 20 years ago but they weren't there so it's not quite the same. A few months back I met up with an old work friend who now lives in Perth and we had a great night going over old times and it just made me realise that sometimes it's hard to share memories which is why it is so much easier when you go back to your old mates.
I hope that you can find your way as if you like everything else about Oz and your family are happy then it would be a shame to give it up and even possibily with even greater consequences. It will always be hard when one loves it and the other doesn't have heard a lot of sad stories around this.
Just get out and about, is there an evening class you'd like to do? You never know where you might find a chum. I went to an evening do in Mel, met someone there, we hit it off straight away and she became a friend.
Good luck!
Sep 2nd 2011, 10:37 am
#32
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Illawarra
Posts: 266
Re: I want to go home but family doesn't
I moved to Australia around five years ago with my wife and kids. Coming here was really my idea, probably down to running away from a messy extended family situation (to cut short a long story). For most of the time that we have been here we have been relatively happy. However a recent trip back to the UK (around six months ago) has changed all that and has left me desperate to return to the UK. The problem being that I am the only family member that wants to go.
The trip back to the UK made me realise that I have never really settled here. In the UK we had a social whirl catching up with friends and family which is a total contrast to my life in Australia. After returning this began to weigh on my mind and has made me take a long hard look at things. Although the Wife and kids are happily settled the same is not true for me, essentially I haven’t made a single friend in the whole time that we have been here. It also made me realise that I prefer life in a UK town to an Australian suburb. I like Australia and don't have anything against the way of life here as such it just hasn't worked out for me.
It’s got to the point where it is causing real problems in the family. My wife is fed up with how negative I have become and the situation is unsettling for the kids. I don’t want to split the family up but the thought of spending the next ten years or so here has led to me becoming severely depressed.
Have any other posters experienced anything similar and if so how was it resolved? Am I just being selfish and need to just get on with it?
Thanks for reading.
The trip back to the UK made me realise that I have never really settled here. In the UK we had a social whirl catching up with friends and family which is a total contrast to my life in Australia. After returning this began to weigh on my mind and has made me take a long hard look at things. Although the Wife and kids are happily settled the same is not true for me, essentially I haven’t made a single friend in the whole time that we have been here. It also made me realise that I prefer life in a UK town to an Australian suburb. I like Australia and don't have anything against the way of life here as such it just hasn't worked out for me.
It’s got to the point where it is causing real problems in the family. My wife is fed up with how negative I have become and the situation is unsettling for the kids. I don’t want to split the family up but the thought of spending the next ten years or so here has led to me becoming severely depressed.
Have any other posters experienced anything similar and if so how was it resolved? Am I just being selfish and need to just get on with it?
Thanks for reading.
If it looks like the reality would be working in Maccas, living in a council high rise, mabye you'll feel better about staying in Oz. If the reality turns out to be a nicer house than you have here and better pay/shorter hours you could lay out the advantages to your family and ask them to consider it seriously.
Sep 2nd 2011, 11:18 am
#33
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2011
Location: Thirroul
Posts: 27
Re: I want to go home but family doesn't
In the UK we've all had x amount of years to build friendships, from school, college, work, moving around. You keep your original friends and then add people in as and when the opportunity arises you build up friendships over a long period.
You're trying to cram in xxx years of friendship building immeditately and sometimes it can be frustrating!
It is really hard with the old friends, miss mine like crazy as it's because you have that history and it takes a long time to build it up here. A friend of mine has lived here for years but she said she only really felt part of it once her and her new friends had some history. I feel sometimes life only started 4.5 years ago because I don't have anyone here who has shared the previous xxx years (well apart from one friend in Sydney) with me, yes, I can tell people what happened on that funny night out 20 years ago but they weren't there so it's not quite the same. A few months back I met up with an old work friend who now lives in Perth and we had a great night going over old times and it just made me realise that sometimes it's hard to share memories which is why it is so much easier when you go back to your old mates.
You're trying to cram in xxx years of friendship building immeditately and sometimes it can be frustrating!
It is really hard with the old friends, miss mine like crazy as it's because you have that history and it takes a long time to build it up here. A friend of mine has lived here for years but she said she only really felt part of it once her and her new friends had some history. I feel sometimes life only started 4.5 years ago because I don't have anyone here who has shared the previous xxx years (well apart from one friend in Sydney) with me, yes, I can tell people what happened on that funny night out 20 years ago but they weren't there so it's not quite the same. A few months back I met up with an old work friend who now lives in Perth and we had a great night going over old times and it just made me realise that sometimes it's hard to share memories which is why it is so much easier when you go back to your old mates.
