I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Apr 26th 2023, 11:09 am
#16
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 0
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
We emigrated to NZ and it's the biggest regret of my life. Financially it has proved to be a disaster. I hated working as a midwife here and gave my career up after a couple of years. Ive been unable to find any paid work since that has fulfilled me. So I turned to voluntary work, this was okay for a while but then was spoilt by a toxic, bullying person who made it most unpleasant to be involved. As time has gone on, I've lost my confidence and I've lost me somewhere along the way. Both my physical and mental health have deteriorated over the past 16 years.
If this is your dream then go with it but don’t drag your other half along if he's reluctant.
If this is your dream then go with it but don’t drag your other half along if he's reluctant.
Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.
Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.
What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.
Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.
Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.
I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.
So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.
A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.
Apr 26th 2023, 11:21 am
#17
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 6,148
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
We emigrated to NZ and it's the biggest regret of my life. Financially it has proved to be a disaster. I hated working as a midwife here and gave my career up after a couple of years. Ive been unable to find any paid work since that has fulfilled me. So I turned to voluntary work, this was okay for a while but then was spoilt by a toxic, bullying person who made it most unpleasant to be involved. As time has gone on, I've lost my confidence and I've lost me somewhere along the way. Both my physical and mental health have deteriorated over the past 16 years.
If this is your dream then go with it but don’t drag your other half along if he's reluctant.
If this is your dream then go with it but don’t drag your other half along if he's reluctant.
There have been several stories in recent years of Irish families who moved to Australia and their houses were flooded, some couldn't afford insurance and others were just naive/unaware.
Now they are asking other Irish people for help as there is no support for them in Australia. Of course these are extreme cases, we just often forget that our personal success is not what others will experience.
Apr 26th 2023, 2:01 pm
#18
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,816
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Sorry to hear it's not better for you and you are right, people will only say this when it all goes well."The biggest regrets in life are what we didn’t do, not what we did" .
There have been several stories in recent years of Irish families who moved to Australia and their houses were flooded, some couldn't afford insurance and others were just naive/unaware.
Now they are asking other Irish people for help as there is no support for them in Australia. Of course these are extreme cases, we just often forget that our personal success is not what others will experience.
There have been several stories in recent years of Irish families who moved to Australia and their houses were flooded, some couldn't afford insurance and others were just naive/unaware.
Now they are asking other Irish people for help as there is no support for them in Australia. Of course these are extreme cases, we just often forget that our personal success is not what others will experience.
Apr 26th 2023, 7:59 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2022
Posts: 977
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Sad to read this. New Zealand is obviously a basket case now, economically, and for me it was never culturally anywhere I would have wanted to live. The people are fine but the social culture is insular and inward-looking.
Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.
Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.
What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.
Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.
Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.
I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.
So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.
A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.
Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.
Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.
What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.
Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.
Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.
I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.
So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.
A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.
Apr 26th 2023, 10:45 pm
#20
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,040
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
As large scale floods have become more common in Australia, insurance premiums have gone up hugely in flood-prone areas, and many thousands of families just can't afford insurance now. Its the same in cyclone-prone areas. There many families struggling to rebuild homes while living in tents, caravans and shipping containers. The floods themselves get huge exposure in the media, but afterwards no-one things about how the victis are getting on
Apr 26th 2023, 11:37 pm
#21
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 6,775
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Sad to read this. New Zealand is obviously a basket case now, economically, and for me it was never culturally anywhere I would have wanted to live. The people are fine but the social culture is insular and inward-looking.
Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.
Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.
What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.
Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.
Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.
I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.
So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.
A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.
Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.
Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.
What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.
Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.
Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.
I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.
So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.
A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.
Greed has certainly become a feature of this country. Corruption , well yes widespread and everywhere. Lies yes can tick that off as well. Increasingly it appears that vested interests are influencing the running of the country.
As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)
Apr 27th 2023, 12:01 am
#22
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,040
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
I am similar to you in despairing just how much Australia has declined. Where I live there has been a decline in 'standards' shall we call it not confined to anyone group (status, age, gender, ethnicity) It would it retrospect be easier to throw in the towel and save a lot of grieve by joining them.
Greed has certainly become a feature of this country. Corruption , well yes widespread and everywhere. Lies yes can tick that off as well. Increasingly it appears that vested interests are influencing the running of the country.
As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)
Greed has certainly become a feature of this country. Corruption , well yes widespread and everywhere. Lies yes can tick that off as well. Increasingly it appears that vested interests are influencing the running of the country.
As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)
Apr 27th 2023, 3:07 am
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Sydney, previously Northern Ireland
Posts: 729
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
I’m sorry to hear of your experience Chocolate eclair. Best wishes for the move back home.
JDWoowoo50, I appreciated the grace and candour of your thoughts. Your buoyancy is inspiring. Like a seagull righting yourself in stormy water!
Once again, I am not disagreeing with the other posters that it doesn’t always work out. I know of families that split up, or left again by degrees because one partner was unhappy and couldn’t settle.
My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return.
There is no avoiding painful separations unfortunately, and if your partner is from another country, there is no avoiding a permanent sacrifice for the trailing spouse, even if you share it out as we did. That said, the fact that my husband and family are Aussie has definitely played a part in my integrating and staying here.
Aside from the universal emigration dilemma, the world is facing a lot of the same problems atm, with cost of living, climate and conflict crises, and social polarisation. So we have to decide which bucket of same s*** we are opting for lol
Anyway, we must all do what we think right for us. Advice is easy to give, but the wearer knows best where the shoe pinches.
I hope the OP will find a resolution that works for her.
JDWoowoo50, I appreciated the grace and candour of your thoughts. Your buoyancy is inspiring. Like a seagull righting yourself in stormy water!
Once again, I am not disagreeing with the other posters that it doesn’t always work out. I know of families that split up, or left again by degrees because one partner was unhappy and couldn’t settle.
My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return.
There is no avoiding painful separations unfortunately, and if your partner is from another country, there is no avoiding a permanent sacrifice for the trailing spouse, even if you share it out as we did. That said, the fact that my husband and family are Aussie has definitely played a part in my integrating and staying here.
Aside from the universal emigration dilemma, the world is facing a lot of the same problems atm, with cost of living, climate and conflict crises, and social polarisation. So we have to decide which bucket of same s*** we are opting for lol
Anyway, we must all do what we think right for us. Advice is easy to give, but the wearer knows best where the shoe pinches.
I hope the OP will find a resolution that works for her.
Apr 27th 2023, 4:40 am
#24
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 0
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Two more comments from me - this time I will try (even force myself) to be brief...
the troubadour wrote - "As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)"
Yes, my partner has Malaysian citizenship, and is also in a sought after profession in Australia. So yes, I can live there more or less permanently as a spouse, without having to jump thru all the idiotic financial hoops their government has put on the now-dubious MM2H program. BTW, there is some hope among expats there for big changes to come in MM2H, as it seems the new Anwar regime is keen to bring back the well-lubed expats.
Rainydaze wrote - "My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return."
Too true. And me too. Friends from Canada did this in the '80s, for many reasons, largely as they had 'imported' their domestic problems with them to Sydney and the isolation plus having to start again and relearn everything in a new culture, did them in. Happily, they are still together.
Me, I'm happy to have made my choice to go when I did. I was in my 20s, not yet settled or loaded down with obligations and possessions as I later was. Moving was relatively simple and I always kept in mind that if it didn't work out, I could return home.
Many dream the dream, but cannot adapt. Others are more pragmatic and try to critically think out all the plus- and minus-points of the move, but forget to input the constantly changing situations in the new environment. Also the stresses. For some it works, for others it doesn't. In my case, I went to Sydney for five months in 1974, but found I was missing some aspects of my life in Canada too much, and went back, very briefly - in fact, just long enough to move my things out of storage into a serviced apartment I rented, sort like crazy, keep only the basic things I wanted, ship these off by sea to Australia, and back I went. Obviously, when there is a will, there is usually a way, a final decision, right or wrong. We know everything in life always changes. We have to keep this in mind in all that we do, and accept that moving to a new continent is a major change with potentially many new problems and stresses, but also new experiences and the joy of being in a wholly new environment. Even if every Brit in Britain now must be thinking of an escape of any kind, not everyone is up to such tremendous life upheavals. Fortunately, there are always options, one being to go home and start again in the old and familiar surrounds.
The OP has big decisions to make and one may be whether to stay in her current relationship or leave, whether after having broken off with her partner or with the intention of trying to keep it going via long-distance. The logical outcomes for her could then be that (1) the partner will follow her to Australia, (2) the OP will return to Britain to be with the partner, orr (3),their relationship finishes (it may well be that it would have ended before or when she left, that's a "could well be"). Whichever way it turns out, it's a big, big change with many big decisions to be made.
In everything she/they decide, I (and I'm sure all of us here) wish her and them both "the very best of British," as our good friend Gordon here would surely say.
As for "brief", well, ha!! to that...
the troubadour wrote - "As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)"
Yes, my partner has Malaysian citizenship, and is also in a sought after profession in Australia. So yes, I can live there more or less permanently as a spouse, without having to jump thru all the idiotic financial hoops their government has put on the now-dubious MM2H program. BTW, there is some hope among expats there for big changes to come in MM2H, as it seems the new Anwar regime is keen to bring back the well-lubed expats.
Rainydaze wrote - "My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return."
Too true. And me too. Friends from Canada did this in the '80s, for many reasons, largely as they had 'imported' their domestic problems with them to Sydney and the isolation plus having to start again and relearn everything in a new culture, did them in. Happily, they are still together.
Me, I'm happy to have made my choice to go when I did. I was in my 20s, not yet settled or loaded down with obligations and possessions as I later was. Moving was relatively simple and I always kept in mind that if it didn't work out, I could return home.
Many dream the dream, but cannot adapt. Others are more pragmatic and try to critically think out all the plus- and minus-points of the move, but forget to input the constantly changing situations in the new environment. Also the stresses. For some it works, for others it doesn't. In my case, I went to Sydney for five months in 1974, but found I was missing some aspects of my life in Canada too much, and went back, very briefly - in fact, just long enough to move my things out of storage into a serviced apartment I rented, sort like crazy, keep only the basic things I wanted, ship these off by sea to Australia, and back I went. Obviously, when there is a will, there is usually a way, a final decision, right or wrong. We know everything in life always changes. We have to keep this in mind in all that we do, and accept that moving to a new continent is a major change with potentially many new problems and stresses, but also new experiences and the joy of being in a wholly new environment. Even if every Brit in Britain now must be thinking of an escape of any kind, not everyone is up to such tremendous life upheavals. Fortunately, there are always options, one being to go home and start again in the old and familiar surrounds.
The OP has big decisions to make and one may be whether to stay in her current relationship or leave, whether after having broken off with her partner or with the intention of trying to keep it going via long-distance. The logical outcomes for her could then be that (1) the partner will follow her to Australia, (2) the OP will return to Britain to be with the partner, orr (3),their relationship finishes (it may well be that it would have ended before or when she left, that's a "could well be"). Whichever way it turns out, it's a big, big change with many big decisions to be made.
In everything she/they decide, I (and I'm sure all of us here) wish her and them both "the very best of British," as our good friend Gordon here would surely say.
As for "brief", well, ha!! to that...
Last edited by scrubbedexpat143; Apr 27th 2023 at 4:43 am.
Apr 27th 2023, 9:45 am
#25
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 115
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
This is a good plan; to make a commitment that he has the absolute choice to return in 2 or 3 years, as a bargain for going with your choice now. We did something similar and did return to the UK because my wife missed her family etc. We do not regret either move and spend a lot of time in Australia now the kids are grown. Some of them live here too!
Apr 27th 2023, 11:21 pm
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 6,775
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
The issues while most evident in Perth and WA are hardly unique to this most" isolated city in the world" . It is a big country, we can agree on something, but in many respects remarkably uniform all things considered. By the way we are highly attractive to Eastern Staters going by the large number of number plates getting about. Isolation certainly has its perks for many.
Apr 27th 2023, 11:49 pm
#27
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Perth
Posts: 6,775
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
Two more comments from me - this time I will try (even force myself) to be brief...
the troubadour wrote - "As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)"
Yes, my partner has Malaysian citizenship, and is also in a sought after profession in Australia. So yes, I can live there more or less permanently as a spouse, without having to jump thru all the idiotic financial hoops their government has put on the now-dubious MM2H program. BTW, there is some hope among expats there for big changes to come in MM2H, as it seems the new Anwar regime is keen to bring back the well-lubed expats.
Rainydaze wrote - "My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return."
Too true. And me too. Friends from Canada did this in the '80s, for many reasons, largely as they had 'imported' their domestic problems with them to Sydney and the isolation plus having to start again and relearn everything in a new culture, did them in. Happily, they are still together.
Me, I'm happy to have made my choice to go when I did. I was in my 20s, not yet settled or loaded down with obligations and possessions as I later was. Moving was relatively simple and I always kept in mind that if it didn't work out, I could return home.
Many dream the dream, but cannot adapt. Others are more pragmatic and try to critically think out all the plus- and minus-points of the move, but forget to input the constantly changing situations in the new environment. Also the stresses. For some it works, for others it doesn't. In my case, I went to Sydney for five months in 1974, but found I was missing some aspects of my life in Canada too much, and went back, very briefly - in fact, just long enough to move my things out of storage into a serviced apartment I rented, sort like crazy, keep only the basic things I wanted, ship these off by sea to Australia, and back I went. Obviously, when there is a will, there is usually a way, a final decision, right or wrong. We know everything in life always changes. We have to keep this in mind in all that we do, and accept that moving to a new continent is a major change with potentially many new problems and stresses, but also new experiences and the joy of being in a wholly new environment. Even if every Brit in Britain now must be thinking of an escape of any kind, not everyone is up to such tremendous life upheavals. Fortunately, there are always options, one being to go home and start again in the old and familiar surrounds.
The OP has big decisions to make and one may be whether to stay in her current relationship or leave, whether after having broken off with her partner or with the intention of trying to keep it going via long-distance. The logical outcomes for her could then be that (1) the partner will follow her to Australia, (2) the OP will return to Britain to be with the partner, orr (3),their relationship finishes (it may well be that it would have ended before or when she left, that's a "could well be"). Whichever way it turns out, it's a big, big change with many big decisions to be made.
In everything she/they decide, I (and I'm sure all of us here) wish her and them both "the very best of British," as our good friend Gordon here would surely say.
As for "brief", well, ha!! to that...
the troubadour wrote - "As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)"
Yes, my partner has Malaysian citizenship, and is also in a sought after profession in Australia. So yes, I can live there more or less permanently as a spouse, without having to jump thru all the idiotic financial hoops their government has put on the now-dubious MM2H program. BTW, there is some hope among expats there for big changes to come in MM2H, as it seems the new Anwar regime is keen to bring back the well-lubed expats.
Rainydaze wrote - "My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.
But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return."
Too true. And me too. Friends from Canada did this in the '80s, for many reasons, largely as they had 'imported' their domestic problems with them to Sydney and the isolation plus having to start again and relearn everything in a new culture, did them in. Happily, they are still together.
Me, I'm happy to have made my choice to go when I did. I was in my 20s, not yet settled or loaded down with obligations and possessions as I later was. Moving was relatively simple and I always kept in mind that if it didn't work out, I could return home.
Many dream the dream, but cannot adapt. Others are more pragmatic and try to critically think out all the plus- and minus-points of the move, but forget to input the constantly changing situations in the new environment. Also the stresses. For some it works, for others it doesn't. In my case, I went to Sydney for five months in 1974, but found I was missing some aspects of my life in Canada too much, and went back, very briefly - in fact, just long enough to move my things out of storage into a serviced apartment I rented, sort like crazy, keep only the basic things I wanted, ship these off by sea to Australia, and back I went. Obviously, when there is a will, there is usually a way, a final decision, right or wrong. We know everything in life always changes. We have to keep this in mind in all that we do, and accept that moving to a new continent is a major change with potentially many new problems and stresses, but also new experiences and the joy of being in a wholly new environment. Even if every Brit in Britain now must be thinking of an escape of any kind, not everyone is up to such tremendous life upheavals. Fortunately, there are always options, one being to go home and start again in the old and familiar surrounds.
The OP has big decisions to make and one may be whether to stay in her current relationship or leave, whether after having broken off with her partner or with the intention of trying to keep it going via long-distance. The logical outcomes for her could then be that (1) the partner will follow her to Australia, (2) the OP will return to Britain to be with the partner, orr (3),their relationship finishes (it may well be that it would have ended before or when she left, that's a "could well be"). Whichever way it turns out, it's a big, big change with many big decisions to be made.
In everything she/they decide, I (and I'm sure all of us here) wish her and them both "the very best of British," as our good friend Gordon here would surely say.
As for "brief", well, ha!! to that...
Apr 28th 2023, 9:29 am
#28
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,040
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
The issues while most evident in Perth and WA are hardly unique to this most" isolated city in the world" . It is a big country, we can agree on something, but in many respects remarkably uniform all things considered. By the way we are highly attractive to Eastern Staters going by the large number of number plates getting about. Isolation certainly has its perks for many.
Apr 28th 2023, 10:10 am
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2021
Posts: 34
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
1. You stay in Britain and your resentment regarding not going back to Australia grows and grows, encompasses other things and you break up with your partner.
2. You both go to Australia with your partner feeling, 'strong armed' into going because it's what you want. Your partner's resentment grows and grows etc.
People who emigrate overseas (doesn't seem to much matter where to) and their relationship ends are in the awkward position of breaking up in a foreign country.....
You need to figure out whether you love your partner more than Australia or Australia more than your partner. Right now there's three of you in your relationship.
I'm married to a New Zealander whom I met in Britain. We spent a few years in NZ. Was supposed to be forever. I knew all along it wouldn't be because I was just humouring him. To bad we never discussed the move to NZ properly, but hey. He just got carried away and I didn't want to spoil things for him. (His mother, since deceased, and married sister live in NZ.) I posted/vented under a different user name back then. I forgot my password so opened a new BE account, hence the different name.
There were things that I waited until we were in NZ to tell him. This was because we didn't discuss the move properly. Despite me telling him I wasn't interested in moving to NZ, this was before we got married. 'I thought you had changed your mind' is what he lamely told me. Had he asked me ? Nope.
We've been home back in Britain nearly 7 years now. All good.
Apr 28th 2023, 11:48 am
#30
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,213
Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?