bondipom

Weddings are another event to bring out the worst in family.

karawara88

I think the worst part of going back is the realisation know one has moved on. Half hour in the local and its as if I had never been away.

Best plan of action, arrive on a Friday leave on the Monday.

PeteY

I really feel for you Dotty.

My wife has had a similar problem with her mum in aus, and in my opinion (and Susans) her mum is just acting like a big kid (or was....)

For the first 2 years Sus was here, whenever she phoned home she could only speak to her dad. If her mum picked up she would just put the phone down and get the dad REALLY upset Susan. Was a bit like emotional blackmail.

Then all of the sudden, when mumsie dear discovers we are moving to oz she is aok again. No probs. Chatty and friendly on the phone. Sus have of course forgiven her, but (don't tell sus!), i am still annoyed with her. The amount of suffering and angst she cause her daughter was horrible, just because she was being selfish. I know its just because she cares etc etc, but susan was really upset about it.

Its also one of the many reasons we are going, as my parents are somewhat more mature about it (luckily).

Hope your trip home goes well.

pomijean

I was cut out of my mums will,I went home to see her about 10 years ago as she had cancer,had a row with my sister and she died leaving everything to her. My younger sister and me got nothing,the lucky one got a bungalow,needless to say I didn,t send flowers to the funeral.This happens in lots of families,thats why we are going to Devon as I don,t want to be anywhere near that sister,who actualy sent me a card when I had breast cancer,I told my younger sister and said that she hadn,t included a cheque for my share of the house,never mind I can buy my own bungalow without anyones elses money,i have worked for everything I,ve got,not like my sister who never worked in her life apart from a couple of years, who wants families.

Kath

Bondipom, I like the term "guilt bomb" because that's exactly what it feels like!

I've been disgusted at things my Dad said to me before we left for Perth last year and even when my parents visited us earlier this year I could still feel the resentment.

I've not said anything back, just taken all the crap thrown at me. I'm not sure I've done the right thing, I do feel I should have stood up for myself a bit more but maybe that would make things worse. I've found you still have to deal with all the family issues even if you live the other side of the world

MrsDagboy

pomijean, you dont happen to be a preschool teacher do you?

Sad when things like that happen in families, I have to admit I was expecting a huge shit fight with my brother & sister for years, but nothing eventuated. Not yet anyway, but thats probably just me being cynical .

Tazzy

Dotty,

I'm just waiting for that line. I know my mum has been to the solicitors this week and she's been very secretive about what she's been up to. Usually (before we dropped the bomb shell that we were emigrating) my mum phones up and i she tells me exactly what she's done with her day. But things are different now. Its more like a "them and us" situation.
When will parents grow up?
Its not money that drives me anymore, its happiness and making the most of the time I've got on this planet!
The sooner the penny drops ( sorry for the pun) the better.

Tazzy

queenie

My brother-in-law's uncle immigrated to Noosa about 30 years ago. The family still calls him the one who deserted the family.

He's never been back and I understand why.

Queenie

bondipom

Fantastic thread Dotty.

I find it incredible that fathers do not seem to be playing up. Everyone else, brothers, sisters and especially mothers lose their sense of proportion.

Pollyana

My lot aren't being too bad now; my sister and her husband have supported me all along anyway, so they are fine. My mum has decided to sell her house so thats all she wants to talk about now - not giving me a guilt trip any more, just not mentioning it at all, which I guess if preferable. My dad was very anti the whole idea - though more the wedding than the migration I think, but since he met the Bloke he has improved - we don't have much contact anyway.
I always wished that my family were closer emotionally, until now. As the day for leaving gets closer, I'm quite glad that we have always had that distance between us, as it stops me feeling guilty for going.

colinnsam

Hi all

Do you think that they might be jealous of what we all, have acheived.
We've only been here 6 months, but 3 sisters and the b%^tard inlaws did not send my 11 year old daughter a b-day card. Had the sisterinlaw on the phone the week before asking if we had borrowed 4 grand from the wife's nan, to enable our move out here.
It makes me angry to think that these paople we love can be so small minded.

Colin

steandleigh

Smile sweetly and think nice thoughts. And when you do move back, get yourself a nice place a few hundred miles away from them....

They'll be used to the distance issue anyway and it'll be a complete nightmare for you to be living permanently at such close quarters with your family after the freedom you've experienced!

Good Luck.

Larissa

Funny that the largest cause of mental illness is.... the family! (Not drugs, drink, death, stress in the workplace etc....)

My mum is fine - though planning to spend her old age near us, which would be lovely. My dad is the funny one - he doesn't want us to go, despite the fact he emigrated to Greece with my mum when I was 19. I think he's most concerned about the length of the flight as he can't cope without his fags!

My mother-in-law has been dropping the guilt bombs - despite the fact that she had no contact with my husband for 7 years after he left home, even crossing the road to avoid him. (He grew up in a weirdo-religious cult, which the parents have now left).

The people that I'd miss the most (brother, sister-in-law/best mate and 2 nieces) have been really encouraging. I guess it's true that when you really love someone you let go.

Hope all goes well for you dotty!
Larissa

jeannie

My thoughts on this are...... a mother who really cares would.... NEVER!!!!!!!! put her daughter through that........... very spoilt lady me thinks !!!!!!!

Pollyana

I think Larissa summed this one up well - "when you really love someone you let go." If you love them enough, you want them to be happy, whatever your own feelings......

And remember - you can choose your friends, but not your family.......