fraser

You're 100% right, for a start I don't let my boys wash up and teach them that it's womens work

bridiej

I must be lucky, Malc does loads round the house and often cooks

ub40fan

Mine don't wash up either, but then I have a dishwasher! But they do iron, after all when I throw them out at 17 to join the army they will need to iron their own kit!

floss

If I could give you a hug, I would... instead... some rambling thoughts:

Your husband is almost certainly not intentionally not helping out.... when you talk to him about it, as you must, he will express surprise... "but I changed the baby's nappy the day before yesterday" (meaning - could it really have needed changing again so soon...?). You know all those comedy sketches where people talk very slowly and LOUDLY to foreigners, well, this is sort of the same thing. He really won't know what you are talking about.

So my advice is to work out what you want to tell him. Make it simple and make it absolutely to the point - when this happens, I want you to do "x". Do not raise your voice. I have found that if you raise your voice, men close their ears with their secret invisible ear mufflers that stop them hearing anything they don't want to (this is why they NEVER hear a baby cry at night). Also, they get defensive - and if this happens it is best to leave it and try again later, you'll be banging your head against a brick wall. Incidentally, once you have worked out what you want to say, learn it - you will be saying it repeatedly at regular intervals until your last child leaves home.

I have found that if you combine these talks with alcohol, arguments always follow. Tears, on the other hand, seem to help - particularly because, in my experience, while I did want that extra help with the baby, what I NEEDED was a hug, to be told that I was doing a good job and that the fact that my life had turned completely upside down since the arrival of the baby (while his had apparently remained the same, with just the odd requirement to coo at the baby or pat it on the head) was APPRECIATED!

He may not ever really realise how your life has changed and how hard it is to be a Mum, especially if you work as well, and the emotional toll it takes. This is why you will have these crises and these conversations time and time again. This is, I think, why we turn to our women friends - to rant and rave, and be understood.

So I think you did the right thing coming on here for a rant. I think you should talk to your husband - it may help a little to even up the workload, for a bit, anyway... but the really important thing may well just be the cuddle at the end.

Karma on its way - hope things get a little easier. Firsts always the hardest but they do grow up eventually (mind you, then they get minds of their own :scared: )

binbird

Definitely talk to your hubby but it was a good idea to get your thoughts down here first! Set some guidelines and start as you mean to go on - ask for help now or it will only be worse when you are juggling 2 or 3 or 4 etc kids!

Fortunately, I have a saint for a husband (most of the time) but I hope he's not reading this over my shoulder! It's one thing I thank my mother in law for - she did do a good job bringing him up to help but then she needed to with 5 of her own! :scared:

Karma for you - we've all been there at one time or another!

Binbird

lucy.summers

Thanks for all your comments yesterday - raised it yesterday evening before any alcohol had been consumed. He agreed that he could probably help out more at the weekends but disputed during the week as he works long hours with a long drive. I don't mind the week so much if I know he'll help out at the weekend - he did put Ben to bed last night but then this morning it was me again doing the milk and brekkie!!!!!!

I'm glad I've said something and we did have a big hug afterwards which was nice. I guess I just wanted him to appreciate a bit more what is involved in 24 hour childcare!!!!!!!

Thanks for everything guys and hopefully things will improve a bit!

Lucy

madsad

Hi Lucy,

When hubby has some holidays from worked,go & arrange a day for yourself & leave hubby to cope from early morning till evening (till Ben is put down for the night atleast) i can assure you it will be an eye opener for hubby & will go to show him just how much you have to do everyday!

Take care x
Donna.

pako

Is this the Australia forum, or the relationship crappy whinging forum?

Merlot

It is the Australian Forum but from time to time we need to let off steam. This Forum is an outlet I guess as the more you use it the more you get to know other posters - like a support network.

We have ramblings on a million subjects, fridges, lettuces, washing machines, cars, application processes.

I think the best way is to tackfully stay away from anything that is not your bag, I have learnt that one the hard way.

Lucy, I hope things get better for you soon.

M

madsad

Australia Lifestyle Forum actually

If you dont like what your reading,stop reading it! find something that does interest you.

Would you like a thread of yours to be sabotaged with ignorant comments?

Donna.

G'Day

It's a bit hard for men to "get with the program" when you've had your first child. You've had 9 months of it being real for you and he's only had a little bit of it recently. Best thing to do is not to get upset, 'cause he probably doesn't even realise he's doing this, but to just start asking him very specifically to help you with certain things. Make certain things his "job" and soon he'll get the picture. Say to him e.g. I'll get the tea in the evenings if you'll just give the baby a bath. See it as "training" him a bit in the fatherly role.

No need for you to feel any guilt about being "ungrateful" either, what should you be grateful for? Him doing his bit? It's his child too after all! You're just helping him to build a better bond with your child by not leaving him to do what comes naturally (doing nothing).

If you keep this up you will eventually be rewarded by him getting with the program and he will have the joy of enjoying a bit more of your son as he grows up. You will also see, if you persist, that it gets better with then next one.

sme

No but it is a "lifestyle" forum and if you don't want to read it then don't.

pako

'Probably the most popular destinations for British expatriates. This is where to ask for advice on living in and moving to Australia.'

You don't have to respond to my comments if you don't like them I was only making a tounge in cheek comment before, no offence meant peeps!

bridiej

Glad you've cleared the air

Merlot

I think it was the little that made it seem a bit harsh. It is the age old thing of something getting mis-interpreted on the Forum I guess.

Moving forward . . .

M