desperate2go

Posted off visa application on 11/3......all was fairly well until then ......now ...EVERYONE HATES ME!!
My mum can bearly have a civil conversation with me, my best friend never really calls anymore- pretty much everyone who is being left behind seems to be withdrawing from me.Is this what happens????
Am beginning to get cold feet as I am moving on my own with my daughter and am constantly being given little gems like"but what if it all goes totally wrong" and my favourite"what are you running away from"...that is a rhetorical question surely!Even had my mum breaking down in tears and talking about never being able to touch her granddaughter again....its all a bit much.. Only family member being civil is my Dad and that is only because he doesnt know yet...and now i am loathed to tell him!
Anyone else suffered similar probs??....or is it just me. I am trying to be understanding.....but the more i empathise with their side of the story ....the less determined i become to just do it. I need some wise words!

Troood

Firsty - you sent your application off on my birthday, so I reckon it's gonna be a lucky one :-)

Don't let them get you down. Mine aren't being as emotional as yours but I can still tell that I'm breaking my mum's heart. We live quite a distance away now and I keep convincing myself that although I'll live the other side of the world, when visitors come over we'll spend longer periods of time together than we would in the UK. We're going to hpefully give our 2year old son a better start in life and we want to spend more time outdoors with him than we do now.

Keep focussed - if you don't give it a go you'll possibly always regret it. IF it doesn't work out you can always come home. Family and friends are being seemingly cruel by treating you this way - they are thinking of their loss and not your gain.

Try to keep your chin up and remember why you are doing this. This is your life and your childs. That is the most important thing and hopefully everyone else will come round in time.

Keep your chin up hon

---Halifax---

Join the club! Prepare yourself for a whole lot of emotional manipulation, deliberate negative comments and anger. Especially your family that knows you best will know exactly which sensitive buttons to hit. Try to focus on why you are doing it. Sorry, I don’t have any wise words or comfort for you. We are in the same boat.

Natbat

It is probably their way of dealing with it. They feel like your taking their Grand Daughter away from them, when in fact she will probably have a better life where you are going. They will see this if they come and visit you both. Are they in a position where they will be able to visit you?

I remember my best friends Mum reacting like this when she told her she was going on a One year working visa! Her Mum wouldn't talk about Australia and refused to be part of the excitement for her daughter. So eventually my friend left books laying around the house and newpaper articles etc and finally her Mum came round and started asking question etc.

Then to top it all my friend met an irish fella whilst travelling and now lives with him in Dublin (i know its not the other side of the world) but her Mum took that quite bad, but after a few visits she has completely accepted the idea, and is always very proud to tell people 'my daughter lives in Ireland'

Hopefully your family and your best friend (who I am surprised at not supporting you - sorry to judge) will eventually accept your decision and will want to be the first to come out an see you both in your new home.

I hope it goes well for you and wish you all the luck in the world.

Bye for now

Chin Up

Nat

S Oldfield

I know exactly where you are coming from................but what I have learnt from this site is that the reason they are like this is because they love you and dont want you to go.
We needed my mother in laws birth cert to confirm relationship to our sponsor. She was against us going so much that she refused to give it to us.

they might come round but it will take a long time....live your dream though and just advise them that they will always be welcome.

desperate2go

Thanks for your support.......I think my Mum is just genuinely worried that I will have no support......as I am a single parent. But to be honest a lot of the time i feel as if i have very little here either- but like she said"youll find out"!!!! Shes the queen of emotional blackmail

desperate2go

You are right ...i just need to stay focused on the bigger picture. Its a lot more difficult to do in this waiting time than in the frenetic months prior to applying though.........am just hitting a trough i spose! Need to pick myself up

xxdebsonlinexx

sorry to hear what you are going through but i think alot of us are the same i havent put any applications in as yet were trying to sort out an agent first as ours is a bit complicated but when i chat about it to my best friend she says that she has to go then leaves i think she does this because when i first told her about it she broke down in tears and i think she doesn't want me to see her get upset. my family are not to bad but my sister says things like what if this happens and what if that happens. i just say well if it does we will cope but maybe if you sat down with them and talked about how strong you feel about going to get a better life for you and their grandchild maybe they will understand abit better and reasure them that they can always come and see you when ever. i hope you can sort it out but like someone else said if you dont go you could regret it for the rest of your life and you could end up blaming them for it which could make things worse good luck with it all and keep your chin up im sure we will all be here for you

elksa

It's worth remembering and reminding your mum that if you and/or your son don't like it or it doesn't work out how you hoped you can always come back home. Your making a very big and responsible decision regarding yours and your sons long term future. If it's any consolation it sounds like your making the right decision, however, you probably won't know for definite until your out in OZ. Don't let anyone put you off living your dream, remember that your mum only has your best interests at heart, it's just that your mum's opinions on what are your best interests are obviously not the same as yours.

As long as you and your mum make the effort (and I'm sure you both will) theres no reason why your mum won't see and here from you and your son just as often as she does now. Theres always webcams, tv phones, emails, etc... that make being halfway around the world feel like your next door.

Remember if you don't do it your always regret it if you do do it you're probably never regret it whether it works out or doesn't.

maxpaxx

Try and bear with it. I think we have all been through a similar scenario. It takes them all time to comes to terms with it and really it is a compliment that they are all sad you are going to leave them.

Time really does heal. We applied May 03 and got the visas last month. It's been a complete turnaround now everyone calling to say well done and how they wish they could do it, how they all want a cheap holiday! etc etc.

I dealt with it by being very matter of fact and not by pretending it was not happening but updating everyone every time we went through various stages. Your mum is being selfish - you can only hope it doesn't make you such a clingy mum yourself - I know it's what I keep telling myself.


Don't let this initial response spoil the excitement for you - just because you are a mum doesn't mean your life is over and you have to stay close to home so everyone can see your kids!

Max

desperate2go

THANKS FOR EVERYONES SUPPORT.......
and thank you all for reminding me why i undertook this journey in the beginning. Your words have been a great help

Manc

Even though I am in America, this one is for all Expats.

My bloody mother, I still maintain to this day she thought I was just going to the Costa del Sol and I would be back in a couple of weeks.

My dad was fine, but my mother was devastated. What can you do though? I mean, you can't please all the people all the time.

With regards your mates, I think it is more a sense of envy rather than anything else.

desperate2go

I dont know what the little motto under your message is technically called....... but yours, manc is by far the best i have ever seen

jonni boy

dont worry a lot of it comes down to spite and jealousy but at the end of the day if u get in to oz dont waste it because u will always regret it and sit there saying what if!! i am an only child and have just found out this week that we are in which means taking my mum and dads only grandkids away from them but at the end of the day u have got a chance and not everyone gets in so sod them they will come round and at the end of the day there is nothing 2 stay here for the place is a dumping ground for imigrants so u do what u think is best and dont stay because other people put pressure on ya.theres no jobs now so what will it be like in 8 years when my oldest girl leaves school.if u get the chance take it. u can always come back.good luck

phyonics

Yep, agree with all the wise words posted here.

Remember that you are doing this because of the fantastic opportunity it represents. Not everyone gets the chance to do it, and its such a positive for those who go through with it.
As has already been said, you don't know how it will work out, but good on you for giving it a go. There are lots of people that you'll leave behind that will be envious because they passed off an opportunity like this or have never had it.

The people that really matter to you will stay friends for life, wherever you are. You will also meet many new people and form friendships that you can't imagine right now.

I know its hardest when family aren't giving their approval, but you have to live your life for yourself and realise that what you want is most important and not what your mum or dad wants for you. They made their own decisions in life, and you make yours.

If you put effort into the relationships and they don't do the same well thats their loss........

Keep your chin up and push on......it'll be worth it

Marko