sandra oldfield

For those of you that know our story, we finally fly out next sunday, the 29th at 12 noon. I was absolutely dreading the goodbyes, but now I dont even think I can face it at all.
Remember me posting that dad wasnt too well. He has had his biopsies and CT scan. Saw consultant yesterday and it has been confirmed he has lung cancer. I was devestated. Mick advised me to stay here whilst he went ahead with the boys (House sold and living in `student land`)
Spoke to the mcmillan nurse who said that because of the position of the tumour they cant operate, but will start chemo straight away. Now my dad, isnt really a fighter. He will just give up so I think they only told him part of the `true picture` rather than bombard him with it all at once.
Today he has a visit by his GP the same wan*er that xrayed him in April, did spitum tests, the lot and said there was nothing wrong with him!!!!!

He has advised dad that the reason they are not attempting the surgery is because the cancer has spread into his liver and is too far advanced. In other words it is too late.

Ever wanted to kill someone? Well thats how I am feeling today.
Should be jubilant, that after a `long ` visa process and house sale we are finally on our way. How the bloody hell can we be happy at all?

After speaking in depth with the `wise man` of the family (my brother) I am still going ahead with my flight. How hard is it going to be getting on that plane. Dad has also gone from 11 stone to just over 8 in a matter of weeks.

Sorry to burden you lot with this, but I cant talk to anyone. At the momnet cant even open my gob at all, without making a complete fool of myself.
had to go to the Halifax today to redeem a small personal loan. Whilst being served my sister called in a terrible state. Was trying to calm her down when the teller in the halifax advised me that I was being charged a `penalty` of £300 for redeeming before term. How I never climbed over the counter and punched her straight in the mouth I dont know.

Anyway feel a bit better now it is off my chest. Havent even told the boys the whole story as I dont know how it will affect them. Any advice?

Simone

I don't know what to say, I really really don't. I'm totally useless.

DollyDaydream

Sandra

There are truly no words that can comfort you at the moment.

All I can say is take heed at what your brother is saying and carry on with your plans. I know this sounds somewhat heartless considering your dad's situation but I'm sure he would want you to continue with your plans. My father also has cancer (had it for a few years). Has got lymphona (sp?), had an op to remove large lump from the side of his neck but we all opted for him not to have radio/chemo because he's too frail. He had his op 5 (nearly 6) years ago and is still with us!! Cancer can be very deceiving. You can have it, not know you've got it, be diagnosed and pass-over within weeks. On the otherhand, there are people like my dad who've lasted nearly 6 years. I know our time is slowly running out but whatever situation dad will be in when we finally get to go to Melbourne, we'll still go.

I feel incredibly selfish at saying this and I've tears as I'm writing this but we have our own lives to lead. It's one of the hardest decisions I and you will ever have to make ( do I go, or do I stay) - I think you've made the right one.

My heart goes out to you,

D D

PS With regard to your boys, I personally wouldn't tell them yet. Leave it a while. Just be a bit economical with the truth (as we have been with our boys).

sandra oldfield

Hi Simone.
There isnt much anyone can say.

I have been feeling bloody awful as I feel as if I am in a terrible dilema.
I get on really well with my dad, much better than I do with mum. But what can I do? I am not a doctor. he is not really a patient man. if he feels unwell he will just go to bed, he wouldnt want people hanging around, so why do I feel SO bloody guilty????????

nibblo

Really sorry to hear of your bad news - My grandad had cancer and I felt so angry for not being able to do anything - I'm sure your dad would want you to go and make the most for you and your family.
I really hope things work out for you and am sending a cyber hug to cheer you up
Nibblo

sandra oldfield

thanks dolly for yuor words.

I think what I am looking for is someone to say `look here........go with your dreams, do what you were going to do` What i mean is a needed a second opinion. I can ask family as they dont really want us to go anyway. Cant talk to my best friend as i am a very emotional person at the best of times (as Rach will verify)
Even Mick, bless him, has said I must do whatever I feel is the best?

Simone

I'm glad that I know there are people on here who CAN and WILL be of more use/help/support, because they've had similar situations, like Dolly.

Thinking of you, and wishing you and your whole family all the best.

bonza69

Im confused But just do what u gotta to do...ive been here 3 months...my dad as never been been to the docs......and then 3 weeks ago he got rushed in wi chest pains and dizziness....they say its phemonia and he was in a bad way.......but after closer inspection they say they wont know till later...as he has a shadow on his left lung :scared: and until the phemonia clears up,they can tell him either way.....so hes at ome...im here....my brothers in basra(in the Army and other bro is travelling......and mum and dad split up...its hard...so u do whats rite.....as 4 me...as soon as he gets results,then ill relax.....if its gud..then grt...if not......(im not thinking of that!)then im ome like a shot....Hes my dad...nothing more to say......
tasha

sumpti

Hi Sandra,
Really sorry to hear your news!
My sister was diagonsed with cancer, 6 weeks after her baby was born 10 weeks premature..........it all becomes a big blur in knowing what to do......as previously stated, and it does sound awful to say, but you have your lives and I'm pretty certain that even though he may not say it, your dad would want you to be happy, he will appreciate how hard you have worked toward this goal.....be strong, it is difficult and take strength from your family!
good luck Em

lindseyden

Hi Sandra

I'm so sorry for you and your family. I'm afraid I too don't have any answers or suggestions but I really have to send you my love and thoughts and tell you that I'm thinking of you.

Lindsey

sandra oldfield

This is where it gets hard.
I have two teenage boys in tow. If it was just me or me and Mick there wouldnt be a problem, but the boys are much older than other peoples kids and they have had their lives on hold for 2 years whilst we go through the visa process.
Makes things really hard

lindseyden

Sandra

It looks like deep down you know what you want to do, i.e. go with the boys and hubby. I'm certain that's what I would do in your position (heaven forbid). I'm sure you're feeling guilty about this but your children are paramount plus imagine how they will be feeling if they have to go off knowing you are staying behind because their grandfather is so ill, as with you staying they will guess how ill he is.

Don't feel guilty you can still talk to him daily and I'm sure this is what he would want too, I know my father would. There is no right answer but your children will need you to be with them most.


Lindsey

marie66

Sandra

I've just filled up reading your post. My heart goes out to you. My Dad has been unwell for a long time and I suppose in many ways I've sort of got used to it. It's only now it's starting to hit home how hard it's going to be leaving him. I really can sympathise with you (shxx I am now sitting here bubbling) Better compose myself before hubby gets in.
Feel free to send me a pm if you need a shoulder to cry on.
At the moment I have to keep reminding myself of the reasons we decided to go out there. As much as we love our parents this is for a better life for our kids. It is the hardest thing but try and stay strong (says me sitting here with tears stotting off the keyboard!!

Dawn

Handyandy180

Sandra I know exactly how you must be feeling at this very moment and my sympathies are with you.
I have recently losy my mother to liver cancer (24/07/04). Many many people on here have helped more than they will ever know. My mother was a fantastic person who always wanted me to do whatever it took to find happiness. She would have gone ballistic if I had ever mentioned delaying our plans due to her illness. She would have hated it so much so that she even tried hiding how ill she was, actually lying to me about the medication she was on.
I am sure that she knew how much we all loved her.
I am also sure that your dad realises how much you all love him. I am also sure he would hate you altering any plans you have already made.
So there is only one other thing to say and that is Good Luck to you all.

P.S. Do you live in Halifax? We are in Bradshaw.
Regards Chris and Andrea

madsad

So sorry to hear your news Sandra,
We are all here for you.
Donna x