WeGottaGetOuttaThisPlace

I am seriously worried as we now have our visa's so I will defo have to tell my Dad about our plans. My mum died very suddenly almost 2 years ago and my Dad is soldiering on but he's not the same man as he used to be... I have this horrible feeling his will disown me if we go but I can't ruin my husband's dreams by pullng out at the last minute...

I am terrified about the current financial climate, all the what if's and forgetting the reasons that we wanted to go in the first place....

Anyone else been in similar situation or got any words of advice?

Thanks...

Our baby is just 1 yr old by the way...

fairydust300980

Sounds like a tricky situation, i can see why you are so torn.

Do you think your dad would consider retiring out there, i don't know if you have any brothers or sisters but when 50% are out of the UK Australia will alows retirement visa's. That is what my mum plans to do when we get out there.

Good luck, he would want you to tell him im sure. Can't believe you have got this far without telling him.

WeGottaGetOuttaThisPlace

Thanks for replying!

My family isn't that close any more and my Dad is not an adventurous person in the slightest. He is very old fashioned and stuck in his ways - which is fair enough and I wouldn't want him to change - but it also means he can be very tough on me.

My fiance and I were going to get married in Spain or Greece a few years back and he wouldn't go so I can't see him coming to Australia. I will emphasize that we will be back for holidays (although I don't know when) but I am looking at the situation as this... I have my family now and must do the best for our baby. The situation we are in here in the UK is not how I want to bring up my child. Hopefully we won't be any worse off in Australia and the benefits of being able to get outside every day and go for walks without having to worry about gangs of neds or shootings in broad daylight (seriously!!! Although hopefully a one off) and maybe even renting a house with a garden and utilising the parks etc in Melbourne will overcome the negatives I am dwelling on at the moment.

A lot of people have said I am being really cruel having got this far and not telling my father but I really am terrified he will cut me out of his life altogether.

Ahhh sorry to whinge on about this. I guess I already know the answer and am just prolonging the agony. I am just scared of getting to Australia and then what if (there we go again with the What Ifs) my husband has a mid life crisis, dumps me for some surfer chick and I have no one left to turn to since everyone hates me for running away to the other side of the world.....

Sorry... I'll prob feel better after a decent nights sleep.

johnknight001

Telling family can be very hard, my wifes family are still not used to the idea after 4 months of knowing, i had tears tantrums and "i cant believe you are taking our grandson away", i fely like saying you have 3 more here to keep you busy. You have to remember it is your life, say you stay here, what about when your father passes away which unfortunatly will happen at some point, you are left wondering what if you had of gone and how would your life have changed. Also on the subject of your husband and playing away when you get there, i would not think that would happen, also it could happen here just as easy. so dont live life worrying about what if, live it and enjoy it, it is your life not anyone elses.
john

Kath & Graham

This is a real hard situation for you. My mum also died suddenly and we came back mainly coz of my old Dad. We've been back a year now and we are going back and I felt sick telling him, but he was ok about it and we said come with us and I knew he'd say no. My sister has moved a long way away now and so its only me looking after him, all very worrying for me. Some days I think i cant go back other days I just want to go and stuff everything

All you can do is take a deep breathe and just tell him, Im afraid theres no other way of doing it. My Dad is in a bit of denial that we will be going back hopefully this year and of course I feel really horrible leaving him and am worried if he gets ill or doesnt cook for himself etc. I wish he'd come with us or go and live with my sister but he's so bloody stubborn and sometimes he makes me feel so guilty but I am sorry I cant put my life on hold or my kids for him. Tell him he has the choice either he comes or stays, thats all you can do . Remember the "old school gang" can only see things in black and white sometimes. My Dad thinks kids should be seen and not heard and stuff like that and even though Il ove him he drives me mad!!!!! LOL (BTW hes 79).

Good luck

Kath

lazylou123

Hi

I know how difficult it is to tell your dad you are moving.
I remember having to tell my parents that we had applied for our visa, my sister had just left the UK for Canada with her husband & 2 kids and here I was less than 1 month later trying to explain to my parents that we would be moving as well but to Australia. Well we had all the 'how can you take the grandkids away from us', 'first your sister now you', 'that's right just leave us here' , and all the other usual sayings. But the more I talked to my parents and explained all the processes of what we had to do etc, and kept them informed the easier I think it has been on them. Now we have our visa my mum is round helping me sort through all our things and helping me pack and now they have informed me that they are going to try and move out to Canada and live with my sister.
In the end you have to remind yourself that you are doing this for you and your family and that you are doing it for a (hopefully) better life

Louisa

davidb1989

easy hi dad by the way were moving to oz lol we are taking our 7 month old son away from all his grand pairents etc they can always visit your life not theres

quoll

Unfortunately you do have to be incredibly selfish and self centred to make a go of this migration lark. Nothing for it but to bite the bullet I'm afraid. The longer you leave it the worse it is going to get. You never know, he may say that he thinks you are doing the right thing.

I still dont buy into the "better life for the kids" excuse, the decision to move to the other side of the world is usually to scratch some adult itch and if you can rationalize that you think it will be better for the kids then all the better. You do have to question whether playing in the sun and increasing your chance of developing melanoma is worth depriving them of the love and care of an extended family network however there are some folk who really believe that the pay off is worth it.

Bite the bullet, tell him, you may be pleasantly surprised but if not, then you be the bigger person and keep him in touch with his grandchildren with photos, calls, letters etc - that way he can either accept them or protect himself against further hurt and ignore them. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!

davidb1989

well daid just bite the bullet i told my fammilly and all of them are 100% supportive

davidb1989

*said

memewest

Bully for you.

purple rain

I am not sure what this remark means. However, I think it is wonderful that you have supportive family and friends (Davidb1989)
We had massive support from most people, a few 'friends' were very negative and condesending. They are no longer friends.
MIL is over here at the mo. Her opinion is that she really didn't want us to go, but she would not tell us that as we would not tell her how to live her life and we have only ever been supportive of her.
Good luck, it will be hard but it needs to be done
jacqui

pompeyblonde

wegotta..... you raise some serious issues! you say you are not close to your family so why would you stay? I understand the guilt, but that has to be balanced out. Also is this really your decision? you say its your husbands dream? Dont want to stick my neck out here...but don't be pushed around by either of them! do what you feel is right for you!

memewest

I completely agree with you. I think it's wonderful that david and hannah have the support of their family in their journey to Oz.

But this thread is about someone else who has a genuine fear of how their news is going to affect her father,
and a remark is posted, "bite the bullet, i told my family and they are all 100% supportive"

Well good for you, but how does that help the OP? Perhaps my reply should have been that instead.

carolinephillips

You need to put your immediate family first- your father is no longer your keeper so to speak. If he does not want you to go he will use all sorts of emotional blackmail and you will end up feeling even more guilty. MIL didn't want us to go, but we were committed and she realised that, so although she was really upset, she tried to put a brave face on it. Mind you, OH promised that she can come and live with us. My family were mostly great, and they will be visiting in Feb (not my mum as she is not well enough to fly)

I hope that you can reconcile him to your departure and that it is truly what you want. Good luck.