nosuchluck

Claire
Hi Claire,
sorry to hear that your mum has been so horrible, it must be so difficult for you and her of course.
My dad couldn't care less he lives about a 2 hour drive from here so i only see him once a year anyway, my mum has been great and very supportive although since we got our visas she's become quite tearful which is only to be expected. Mark's family have also been great, they see it as a cheap holiday every year!
hope it gets better for you, have you thought of setting up your mum with a webcam? we did for my mum
Rach x

sue and mick

Hi

have a look on old threads you will find lots about this subject

my parents have tried the "you are taking our grandchildren away and we will have nothing worth living for" "what a silly idea have you really thought about it" "is this his idea" (meaning my husband)

now many months down the line (going for a rekkie to Perth March 2005) my mum just about accepts it my dad will not speak about it at all.

they have both said its to far to go for a visit

it is going to be really hard to leave everyone but if we dont try it we will wonder for ever if we should of done it

my mum and dad were emigrating to melbourne when i was 4 but due to family circumstances they never went but you mention the subject and she says "but that was different"!!!!!!!!!

you are not the only one suffering this believe me

sue and mick

Springo

We told our parents in March, My mum has been fantastic, she is 76 and planning to come for a holiday. My In Laws were upset at first and we couldn't talk about it without Father in Law having a funny turn. But now we have had our TRA approval, they seem to have excepted that this really is going to happen, yesterday they were full of questions, we were actually accused of keeping them in the dark, ie not talking about it, (You can't win) but this is ok because at least they now want to know all the details. They have said the more we involve them the less they will worry about it. It is now obviously the right time for them to become involved. My father in Law is 74 and he says he will not visit because the flight is too long.

I think we all have to simpathise (excuse my spelling) with the ones we love because this is hurting them so much, If you think we are all on a rollercoaster ride, then yes but we chose to be, they didn't, but all of a sudden we have thrown there comfortable world into dissaray

Give them all time and hopefully they will all come to accept, but probably will never be happy about it.

Julia

b.uk

As a mum with family and friends overseas, one of my sons being in Melbourne,I take a great interest in the ex-pats site, thoroughly enjoying reading how everyone is going on over there. Reading all the comments makes somewhere like Aus seem much closer.
It is very difficult being a mum, encouraging your flock to lead their own lives,to get out into the world and "do their own thing" because when they do you realise what a void it can leave. My own mother and my family "sent me to Coventry" at the age of 18, because I wanted to go to drama school.....in London!!!!! Just down the road, compared to Australia! I bowed down to the pressure but swore that if I had children I would never hold them back. The phone, e-mailing and sites like ex-pats are a Godsend to families back in the UK....lots of letters, photos, help to ease the situation. We mums lose a lot when out children grow up, become independent and it can be frightening to some people. Those of you with problem parents, what can I say to help?.....You have to lead your own lives but always remind them of how much you care and love them. Good luck to all you kids.

Ceri

When I first left the Uk to go Asia at the time.. My parents went something like this woo hoo!, halleluiah! Praise the lord ..( just joking) , but my mum was very supportive. Had no probs about me wandering the world, she wished she could do it herself... My dad just grunted and did not say much( he's the type if he goes over the severn bridge into that weird English country next door.. it's all too much for him.. and he goes into cardiac arrest at the very thought of it)

My in-laws, hubby's parents.. one kept saying something like you've got to watch the Malaria -ans (malaysians he was trying to say), and you can catch the Benji over there.. he meant Dengue, and they all live in Ka- pongs LOL ( he gets his words mixed up, funny thing I can understand him, and what he's trying to say..lol) This was his way of saying .. I'm going to miss you, and please don't go, but go it's too good of an opportunity to miss, I'm not going to ask you not to go - I'm proud of you both but going to miss you.
.
Mum -in-law.. was not a happy girl.. my baby boy, look after yourself.. boo hooo.. "Ceri" look after my son. And twelve years down the track.. it's still my fault.... ooh my son should come back home as he misses me( Like F he does), and when are you going to give me a grandchild.. "me me me" .. daren't tell her even when we go home. to Wales to settle . we are looking to live far away as possible from her .

P.s the world is a big place when something happens. My father had a heart bypass a few years back.. I was frantic! calls home do not cut it. My dear gran died in feb this year.. she was taken into hospital.. I was planning to get there to see her alive - she died before I got back.. one day makes a difference. I was hospitalised a few years back.. I would have killed to have my family there. My hubbies grandparents both died.. only one he managed to get back for. Family having weddings, kids etc you miss all that believe it or not .. even if your not that soppy type, which I'm not .. It's quite surprising believe me .. internet, web cams and phones do not cut it. It may not seem important to you in the first few years of a new country.. but further down the track it is.

There is no easy answers to this. Parents react in so many different ways.Your mum is going to miss you and her grandchildren, she's just taking it out on your hubby.. same as I get grief from my hubby's mum on the phone when I talk to her.. and boy did she try the guilt trip on me when I went home for a visit earlier this year without my hubby ( I went back for my gran's funeral).

she's hurting that's all.( when I mean "that's all.". I don't mean it literally)
Good luck

yafm

As great grandparents we had a varied reaction. Our children - those who spoke about it to us sport of said good on yeh! The grandchildren - mostly teens said make sure you have spare rooms for us to stay.
The parents made life more than difficult - feined illness - caused illness by refusing to eat and etc. gave us a great deal of extra running around after them to get them sporgted out as they changed their minds from home with help to residential home to warden assisted home and back to home with help - in a matter of 5 months - they are now waiting to get b ack to the warden assisted place as they know it is the best place for them - giving them social life as well - now it is down to my children to sort it out.
However sicne we are out here and have been for 7 months, we get no news, no phone calls no e mails and no birthday cards from the family; no response much to our contacts, birthday cards and presents to them and we get snide comments from the parents one of whom calls hereself 'The Abandoned Mother' ( her other two children have gone to USA and France!)
However they are all 24 hours away as are we and we have to live the life we want - their situation will change all the time as they get older so why should we not take our own choice?
No matter what we tell ourselves - it still hurts (Sob)

RichS

All went pretty well for a while for us. We managed to negotiate the initial homesickness and then prety much got on with it.

the really big problems come after you've been here a while. we arranged a trip back to the uk after a year or so, and my parents and my wifes mum have both visited us in Aus. the problems come once that has all happened. The grandparents look forward for so long to seeing their grandchildren, but once its time for them and/or us to return to our homes I guess they are left with a very empty feeling. The older ones are wondering if thats the last time they'll see you and your young ones.

Make no mistake for us its tough. I do feel guilty and I have thought of moving back for the family reasons. Deep down I know our lads have a better life here, but it's hard not to feel a bit selfish at times. My dad is very understanding. My mum would just love me to come home. My wifes mum has now taken to imploring my wife on the phone to come home every phone call (3-4 times a week). Its not pleasant and I really don;t know what to do about it.

I guess my main point is that there are hurdles down the track after the initial big split has occurred when the finality of your decision can hit home with rather unpleasant consequences.

Hope this doesn't sound too negative - I'm sure others find things much easier. It may even be that a very bad attitude prior to leaving will soften over time.

debsy

I think a lot of people have had problems with their parents. I have been living overseas for the past 17 years, but my mum is still not happy and keeps crying saying that it is too far and how could I do it to her. My dad is great though and he cannot wait to get on the plane to visit me. nHe is so positive about it.

My MIL - well ask me on monday as we are going to say goodbye to her this weekend I have not my husband not to tell her the date we are going as I am sure she will have a "sudden illness" :scared: She is the Queen of emotional blackmail and I cannot wait to escape from her

TrickyTree

My folks have taken it as well as can be expected.
They are both happy and sad.

I am not looking forward to the final day at Heathrow.
We were watching "a place down under" the other day and she started crying when one of the couples left there folks.
So should be plenty of water works when we finally go.

TT

young_lad

I liked reading that post Barbara - you explained the 'other side' pretty much the same way my own mum did.

My own mum didn't believe we'd really go - that we'd change our minds. I could never understand why she didn't have question after question lined up for me. In hindsight, I guess she was 'in denial' - and I was too wrapped up in my own enthusiasm (and trepidation!).

As it became clear we *were* going, the questions slowly started to be asked.

The final stage of this transition seemed to be sentiments along the line of,

'I can't believe you're going, I think you're mental, I admire you for having the strength to follow your dreams, I *sincerely* hope you're both happy there - but I hope you hate it and you're back home in 6 months'

The day of our leaving was horrendous - she sobbed her heart out and hugged me for an age. It was very difficult to see her so upset over a decision I'd made (had 2rd, 3rd and 4th thoughts then!).

Since we've arrived we speak on the phone and email (and boy are the questions flowing now). She misses us still (and of course us her), but it seems better as everything is 'honest' now. She's planning her first trip out for next year.

The strange thing is her reaction to the fact that things are falling into place here. She sounds genuinely happy and genuinely p****d off at the same time

philip&claire

Hi

My mother seems to think my hubby is taking me away to this country, she seems to think I'm being pressured into going, even though I've explained 100 times it was actually me who did all the research & completing of forms etc. None of this she believes though....just can't win.

It's so frustrating that she can't see the bigger picture..on your note about keeping her informed, we've tried until we're blue in the face, she just gets nasty & slams the phone down.

My mother in law, whose eldest son is already in Perth, she's been fab about the whole thing, very supportive.

Oh well, i've given myself a headache now!

Claire
x

DIMO8

Hello

You are not doing anything wrong except having the best sort of life you could possibly wish for. We plan to move to perth in about 18 months time, we also go in march 2005 for 3 weeks to decided we we want to live.
We told our parents about 6 months ago, i know they are not really happy as they would miss us so much as we would with them. However they have given us thier blessing. They even said if they were younger or richer they would go too. I have been told that they could have a dual passport meaning 6 months in this country and 6 months in Australia, what about that idea for your parents?
I hope you keep on with your dream and dont let anyone sway you. i will miss my family so much but my dream is to live and bring my children up in the most spectaculor country in the world.
good luck and best wishes
Donna and Trev

philip&claire

Hi Rach

Done that one, even bought the computer & webcam & got her connected to the internet, she had a go for a month & decided she'd rather have the film channel on NTL instead!!!!!!!!

Thanks for your idea though
Claire
x

sue and mick

donna and trev

we are going in march 2005 for a rekkie as well looking to go aswell in 18 months to perth have you started applying yet and what sort of visa are you applying for keep in touch so we can compare our stories you can always pm me if you like

sue and mick

DIMO8

Hi Sue and Mick
Would love to keep in touch and compare stories. Have sent you an email.
Have you already booked your rekkie? We are hoping to go on the 11th March 2005, we still need confirmation for extended time off work. Working in the NHS has alot of claims on our holiday entitlement
look forward to reply
Donna and Trev