How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Jan 22nd 2009, 12:43 am
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Hi
My husband and I have been toying with the idea of moving to Oz for several years but just as I think I have reconciled myself to think about applying I just come up against the brick wall of not being able to leave my parents or in-laws.
We have two young children who adore their grandparents and spend a great amount of time with them. Our parents in turn would be devastated to saythe very least. I too am very close to my parents and they are a tremendous help - DIY, childcare, financially!!
I dream of a better life for my children - outdoor living, the beach, less negativity about life. better weather (not to spend 8 months of the year slave to the weather) but I worry that the loss and guilty of leaving family will be too great.
Everyone says that they will come out and visit but once a year is a long time waiting..and there will come a time that they won't be financially or age wise able to do that.
The problem is I spend my days here just thinking of bad points of the UK instead of just getting on with it. I wake up thinking about Oz vs UK and go to bed thinking the same. The only time I don't is when the sun shines here and I think perhaps everything in UK will be just fine (but that ain't often!! Perhaps I am sun-deprived!!)
But I worry about my parents getting old without me around. I feel sad that they wouldn't see their much loved grandchildren grow up but at the same time will I spend my life regretting it if I stay here. :curse:
I guess my question is - how did you do it? And is there anyone for whom it was too much and couldn't do.
My husband and I have been toying with the idea of moving to Oz for several years but just as I think I have reconciled myself to think about applying I just come up against the brick wall of not being able to leave my parents or in-laws.
We have two young children who adore their grandparents and spend a great amount of time with them. Our parents in turn would be devastated to saythe very least. I too am very close to my parents and they are a tremendous help - DIY, childcare, financially!!
I dream of a better life for my children - outdoor living, the beach, less negativity about life. better weather (not to spend 8 months of the year slave to the weather) but I worry that the loss and guilty of leaving family will be too great.
Everyone says that they will come out and visit but once a year is a long time waiting..and there will come a time that they won't be financially or age wise able to do that.
The problem is I spend my days here just thinking of bad points of the UK instead of just getting on with it. I wake up thinking about Oz vs UK and go to bed thinking the same. The only time I don't is when the sun shines here and I think perhaps everything in UK will be just fine (but that ain't often!! Perhaps I am sun-deprived!!)
But I worry about my parents getting old without me around. I feel sad that they wouldn't see their much loved grandchildren grow up but at the same time will I spend my life regretting it if I stay here. :curse:
I guess my question is - how did you do it? And is there anyone for whom it was too much and couldn't do.
I wouldnt do it, not if your that close.
Sorry but that comes after 8 years living in OZ and in that time my kids have seen my parents twice.
Yes they have a bigger house, yes if we were stupid we could send them out in the sun every day ( skin cancer risk is extreme ) Yes they see the beach more often. And yes they grew up without extended family and they hate that and so do I, beach or a big family ummm
Oz has the same problems as anywhere else, make sure its the paradise you think it will be before you chuck in family for it.
Jan 22nd 2009, 1:03 am
#17
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 130
Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Have to agree with you here - also as per previous post - for me its not about independence - had that for years - it's about enjoying those really important connections that don't come along that often, as you say the beach and the sun wears thin after a while - I miss that real connection of being yourself amongst people who know and love you dearly - just for who you are and can make you laugh so much that your belly hurts.
Haven't laughed like that much since being in Oz!
Haven't laughed like that much since being in Oz!
I wouldnt do it, not if your that close.
Sorry but that comes after 8 years living in OZ and in that time my kids have seen my parents twice.
Yes they have a bigger house, yes if we were stupid we could send them out in the sun every day ( skin cancer risk is extreme ) Yes they see the beach more often. And yes they grew up without extended family and they hate that and so do I, beach or a big family ummm
Oz has the same problems as anywhere else, make sure its the paradise you think it will be before you chuck in family for it.
Sorry but that comes after 8 years living in OZ and in that time my kids have seen my parents twice.
Yes they have a bigger house, yes if we were stupid we could send them out in the sun every day ( skin cancer risk is extreme ) Yes they see the beach more often. And yes they grew up without extended family and they hate that and so do I, beach or a big family ummm
Oz has the same problems as anywhere else, make sure its the paradise you think it will be before you chuck in family for it.
Jan 22nd 2009, 2:05 am
#18
Jan4kids
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Hertfordshire - Adelaide - now Gold Coast.
Posts: 1,156
Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
I wouldn't do it either....sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me.....sorry 
Popping back is not easy believe me....firstly comes the cost, which is rather alot once this end of the world (and earning dollars).
I knew my Mum was going to die a good month before she did.....It was just not logistically possible to get there before the beginning of the school holidays and my Husband was on his 2 week Christmas break (which doesn't always happen in jobs here) before I could leave. All of us going back would have cost $24,000 .....O.K this was just before Christmas and there's 6 of us, but I'm just trying to convey to you all how it is not possible to 'just pop back' especially at such short notice.
As it was Mum died 10 hours before I got there.....to say I am heartbroken would be an understatement....and I wasn't even that close to my Mum as the OP seems to be to her family......think long and hard please.
I think you would be far 'richer' in your life by making changes to your U.K one and keeping your loved extended family geographically close.
Jan
Popping back is not easy believe me....firstly comes the cost, which is rather alot once this end of the world (and earning dollars).
I knew my Mum was going to die a good month before she did.....It was just not logistically possible to get there before the beginning of the school holidays and my Husband was on his 2 week Christmas break (which doesn't always happen in jobs here) before I could leave. All of us going back would have cost $24,000 .....O.K this was just before Christmas and there's 6 of us, but I'm just trying to convey to you all how it is not possible to 'just pop back' especially at such short notice.
As it was Mum died 10 hours before I got there.....to say I am heartbroken would be an understatement....and I wasn't even that close to my Mum as the OP seems to be to her family......think long and hard please.
I think you would be far 'richer' in your life by making changes to your U.K one and keeping your loved extended family geographically close.
Jan
Jan 22nd 2009, 3:47 am
#19
Retired
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Does Australia offer enough to compensate the above? For some, yes and more. For others, no. For some, it's not a big deal ... they don't have so much in the way of family and ties to leave behind and they have a sense of adventure that helps them to enjoy the changes that migration brings. For others, it's a huge mistake from Day One.
You need a better reason to migrate than just a fear of regretting it a few years down the line. It is legitimate for someone to look at an option, consider it, and decide not to proceed if they don't think it's going to work out. You cannot live your life "trying out" every idea that occurs to you.
We're putting OUR family first (me hubby and kids) I don't want to begrudge them a better childhood if we can give it to them by moving to oz.
Hopefully you've read the Moving Back to the UK forum for the other side of the migration story.
Jan 22nd 2009, 8:22 am
#20
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
We have yet to go- prob april 09- and I am dreading the goodbyes. My brother and his family moved to perth 3 yrs ago and now we are joining them.
My dad was gutted when my brother went but fully supported him and now when we go, he says the same. Apart from some good friends who say they will visit and my dad, there is nothing to keep us in the uk . My dad (78) says we should think of our own lives cos his is nearly over and we must go forward, if it doesnt work out we can always come back (no chance!) It doesnt make it any easier but he is right -dads usually are.
I think people sometimes use emotional blackmail to stop you going -just cos they'll miss you going round for a cup of tea! we are lucky, my family and friends arent like that. so dont let anyone influence your dreams and wishes for your family. they are whats important and if you dont give it a go you may spend years thinking of what might have been.
my sister in law said the worst part was at the airport , about 20 people came to see them off but when they went through to departures she said she had a huge weight lift from her shoulders and was finally able to look forward to everything. No regrets.
My dad was gutted when my brother went but fully supported him and now when we go, he says the same. Apart from some good friends who say they will visit and my dad, there is nothing to keep us in the uk . My dad (78) says we should think of our own lives cos his is nearly over and we must go forward, if it doesnt work out we can always come back (no chance!) It doesnt make it any easier but he is right -dads usually are.
I think people sometimes use emotional blackmail to stop you going -just cos they'll miss you going round for a cup of tea! we are lucky, my family and friends arent like that. so dont let anyone influence your dreams and wishes for your family. they are whats important and if you dont give it a go you may spend years thinking of what might have been.
my sister in law said the worst part was at the airport , about 20 people came to see them off but when they went through to departures she said she had a huge weight lift from her shoulders and was finally able to look forward to everything. No regrets.
Jan 22nd 2009, 8:54 am
#21
Home and Happy
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Why make life complicated? Simplistic is less stressful 
And why concentrate on the 'what if' scenarios? (Unless its 'What if i really enjoy it?' )
Besides, I meant that parents/family/friends will generally want to come out and see what Oz is all about.
Oh Im sure Oz has telephones and interweb access too, so keeping in touch isnt that hard.
But like other people have stated, you never know until you try it.
And why concentrate on the 'what if' scenarios? (Unless its 'What if i really enjoy it?' )Besides, I meant that parents/family/friends will generally want to come out and see what Oz is all about.
Oh Im sure Oz has telephones and interweb access too, so keeping in touch isnt that hard.
But like other people have stated, you never know until you try it.
Family and friends - yes, some may visit you. Some may not be able to - whether for health reasons, or disabilities, or problems with visas or insurance. In many many cases, we expats will never see certain relatives again except when we fly bakc to the UK.
I'm not advising anyone whether to come or not, but I do think it is something that needs to be considered.
Jan 22nd 2009, 9:21 am
#22
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
It is a very hard decision to make, but at the end of the day who means more to you? Your OH and children or your other family and friends? If your family is the answer well it's a no brainer, you go for it. It is hard when you get "the phone call" and can't get there, this happened with both of my OH's parents. I was lucky and was there when my father died but was sick and couldn't even get to my Mother's funeral! Saw her the year before and two of my sons went over. Life isn't easy, you simply do what you think is the best thing for your family.
Jan 22nd 2009, 9:53 am
#23
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
It's no good people on here telling you not to do it, if you don't go you're gonna keep asking the same questions, you might go and it might not be a big a heartache as you think it will. Everybody finds it difficult to say goodbye, but nobody's dying it's not forever you can always come back after if the life there doesn't suit you and you're too homesick but you only live once. The beach may not be everything and the sun doesn't always shine but kids are quick to adapt I think you need to stop worrying, how do you know what the problems will be when you haven't even left yet.
Just make your own decisions, don't let people's opinions sway you, you have to do what you think is best. For us, it's trying to give our kids and ourselves a better quality of life, simple as. I know im going to be crying at the airport and probably be sick with anxiety for months but I'm thinking long term. We have this great opportunity and we're going to take it.
I'm only 25 I have 3 younger sisters who I'm close to. My Dad lives in Spain and my Mum lives in Holland so I have no parents here and I feel like a mother figure to them and feel guilty for leaving but I have my own children now and they have to be my priority. I've told one of my sisters she can stay with us on a working visa and she's excited it's a great opportunity for a for a teenager especially when there's nothing positive for her in the UK.
I'm sorry it's so long I'm not trying to be blunt but I just had to say my bit.
Just make your own decisions, don't let people's opinions sway you, you have to do what you think is best. For us, it's trying to give our kids and ourselves a better quality of life, simple as. I know im going to be crying at the airport and probably be sick with anxiety for months but I'm thinking long term. We have this great opportunity and we're going to take it.
I'm only 25 I have 3 younger sisters who I'm close to. My Dad lives in Spain and my Mum lives in Holland so I have no parents here and I feel like a mother figure to them and feel guilty for leaving but I have my own children now and they have to be my priority. I've told one of my sisters she can stay with us on a working visa and she's excited it's a great opportunity for a for a teenager especially when there's nothing positive for her in the UK.
I'm sorry it's so long I'm not trying to be blunt but I just had to say my bit.
Jan 22nd 2009, 11:13 am
#24
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Granted a year fruit picking or bumming around Oz may be fun but it does not translate to a PR residency. I know this paticular forum is for People coming to or living in Australia but please but not write of the UK and its population of 75 Million as having nothing positive to offer anyone.
She can go to college
She can learn a trade
She can in essence become skilled like a lot of people here(on work Visa's) had to do and a lot of them trained studied around the early 90's when times where pretty crap.
Plus if anyone does not like there part of the UK there is no Law against moving I recommend Scotland.
Jan 22nd 2009, 11:28 am
#25
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Hi re the rest of your post I see where you are coming from but as regards there is nothing for her in the UK I cant agree with.
Granted a year fruit picking or bumming around Oz may be fun but it does not translate to a PR residency. I know this paticular forum is for People coming to or living in Australia but please but not write of the UK and its population of 75 Million as having nothing positive to offer anyone.
She can go to college
She can learn a trade
She can in essence become skilled like a lot of people here(on work Visa's) had to do and a lot of them trained studied around the early 90's when times where pretty crap.
Plus if anyone does not like there part of the UK there is no Law against moving I recommend Scotland.
Granted a year fruit picking or bumming around Oz may be fun but it does not translate to a PR residency. I know this paticular forum is for People coming to or living in Australia but please but not write of the UK and its population of 75 Million as having nothing positive to offer anyone.
She can go to college
She can learn a trade
She can in essence become skilled like a lot of people here(on work Visa's) had to do and a lot of them trained studied around the early 90's when times where pretty crap.
Plus if anyone does not like there part of the UK there is no Law against moving I recommend Scotland.
Jan 22nd 2009, 12:19 pm
#26
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
There are plenty of options for young people in the UK just because you never chose to pursue them it does not make the place that bad.
If you really want to press your piont just say so I will start another thread on the subject as we are way OT.
Jan 22nd 2009, 12:29 pm
#28
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
I am entitled to my opinion and that is what I have given, no need for a witch hunt to start. Everybody has different backgrounds and comes from different places some rich some poor, in my familys case (which is the one I have given) it's a good opportunity for us, I don't care what anybody says about how good the UK is or how it's now the land of opportunity, if I did I wouldn't be on an expats forum wanting to leave the country and neither would anybody on here.
Jan 22nd 2009, 12:32 pm
#29
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
Not everyone leaves the UK because they don't like it.
Jan 22nd 2009, 12:36 pm
#30
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Re: How did you manage to get the courage to leave loved ones!?
I never said they did! again I was giving my opinion and explaining MY circumstances, that shouldn't cause offence to anyone.