Florida_03

The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before.
It always leads me here, leads me to your door.

The wild and windy night that the rain washed away, has left a pool of tears crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way.

Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried.
Anyway you've always known the many ways I've tried.

But still they lead me back to the long, winding road.
You left me waiting here a long, long time ago.
Don't keep me standing here, lead me to your door.

Elaine M

Lany,

I reckon Pollyana's idea is a good one, pluck up the courage to speak to someone sitting near you when you next visit the beach. I've visited my sister in Adelaide twice and been really impressed with how friendly, and interested, people have been when they hear my Yorkshire accent. When I walked along to the nearest shops from my sister's house, I couldn't resist saying g'day to people out in their gardens as I passed by, which gave me loads of opportunities to speak to the locals (although if I'd stopped, I would probably never have got to the shops!)

It's easier if you come from somewhere friendly (I do - I've had real trouble explaining to the kids why they shouldn't speak to strangers when people say hello to me all the time that I don't know - and I answer them!) but you can do it if you take a deep breath as Pollyana says.

Most of my friendships here started with a chance conversation, when I think about it, even the deepest friendships have to start somewhere. That person by the beach could become your new best friend.

Hope things improve for you - keep posting and let us know how you're doing, you'll always find some encouragement and support on the forum.

All the best,

Elaine

Florida_03

What Pollyana Mellencamp was trying to say...

Days turn to minutes
And minutes to memories
Life sweeps away the dreams
That we have planned
You are young and you are the future
So suck it up and tough it out
And be the best you can

Sandra

I am here 20 months and still have times like this.

A few things - buy a supersaver phone card, usually sold at news agents or petrol stations - my current one is $30 and got me over 900 mins of phone time, brings down the cost of those long chats you need.

Check out your local library for local information on what is going on - some even have general meet and greet groups for all sorts of activities (not all super active ones).

I agree with all on here about people meeting being a great start.

For yourself - Make a list of activities (found from surfing on the web, papers etc) to do around Melbourne - then start doing them, don't let time pass. Do one a week or one a day! Include daft things like seeing how long it takes you to get a bus in and out of town at rush hour (useful for when you work), visit a suburb a week and have a coffee there, it doesn't have to be museums or the like. Take the books you like reading and sit around and watch. What you are doing does not need to be exciting everytime but will expand what you know and force you get up and out for a least a short while.

Hunt out the local bookshops for second hand books also books are expensive here so make sure you have a ready supply.

Lots of different things work for different people - for me it is not always greener here all the time and being able to have a moan to a mate does help. (I can't moan to my UK peops as they will just say come home) but chatting to the expats is a great start and I hope you meet some of the Melbourne ones soon.

Best of Luck

Olive101

Dear Lany

I am sorry to hear that it's tough for you at the moment.

I am only in the very early stages of getting to Oz but already know that I will find it very hard to leave my family and friends (in particular - my mum).

Having read everyone else's replies I feel relieved to know that this is very much the norm and feel sure you will be able to find some much needed new friends to support you.

Hang in there. I am sure the sky will look a little sunnier every day.

tiredwithtwins

bugger....whats that song!!!???
keep slipping into 'will you stay tonight' by flock of seagulls or whoever it was
seconds turn to minutes
and the minutes turn to hours
and time slips away...

but I know its not that...which JKM is it????

sue

Mr&MrsPom

When I was 18 I was given the chance to go to America but didn't take it, when I was 23 I was offered another chance and took it with both hands. Wow what a great time I had (apart from splitting up with my boyfriend of two years over there but hey I got over it). Anyway I met my husband, we both worked in the embassy, i was locally engaged and he was on a posting there. We got married and came back to the UK, basically because I did not want to work when we had kids, he couldn't entertain the idea of working as a local in the embassy so we came back. We moved into his small apartment, he then spent every other six weeks away with work (that was six weeks away, then six home and so on), I was so depressed I cried on a regular basis and really thought I had made a big mistake marrying him because I had given up my life in the US to come back to miserable England. Thats what it felt like, you walk around the malls that are full of miserable people. one of the main reason I think is the weather, it is so depressing and whilst we had season in DC, with much more severe weather than we have here (well where I live anyway) it was almost always bright blue sunny skies. We were only 30 miles away from my parents but I hated where we lived, hated the three surrounding towns, hated everything. Eventually we sold the apartment and moved into a house in a village, proceeded to have three children and have now moved away from that village. Still have that feeling that we are missing out and have now decided to at least try and apply for visa for OZ and see how it goes. In all honesty I think it took 5 years to get over the move back to the UK.

One of my bigest concerns when I went to the US was that I was upset because I did not miss my family as much as I thought I would and I was worried because I thought that made me very hard but the truth is that I am used to a slightly transient lifestyle and working in the embassy meant that we had people constantly coming and going, and whilst that means that not all the friendships are longstanding it does not stop you having a brill time whilst you are friends.

I hope you meet some people soon, in my experience this will happen when you a) get a job but probably more likely when b) you start a family.

Best Wishes

whisky

Hello Rach, yes me too, we all have our moments, and I have had mine, especially missing my daughter and grandchildren, and some very close friends, but they way I have coped with it is by getting out. Walking, shopping, taking a drive, going fishing(something I had no inclination of ever wanting to do) but I really love it, and yes, you actually get to meet and speak to people, either when they have a catch or when a dolphin breezes past etc. Of course they aren't friends, but you are getting to speak to others.
I found that staying at home when you have those moments, is not a good move.
I then come home and tell myself all the reasons why we wanted to come here and ask myself again do I really want to go back, and at the moment the answer is definately NO.
Try not to get down, I am sure that these moments will come and go for quite some time for all of us, and at least we all have expats to get it off our chest.

Whisky

Florida_03

"Minutes to Memories"
Scarecrow
John Mellencamp
Polygram Records 1985

janeyray

Hi Lany,

I to got very homesick, still am but we are returning to the Uk in a few months so it's been pushed to one side.

For the people who say that it gets better (homesickness) the longer you are here then they must be the ones that eventually settle and stay. For the ones like me who return maybe it would never go away?

I hope everything gets easier for you, but it will be hard. If your love is strong enough for each other then you will be happy in any country and maybe you partner will be happy to move back to the UK?

I think once homesickness takes a real hold then it's very hard to shake off. You don't know it's coming but when you get it it's awful and I feel for you. It is right when someone said that 'the dream is far better than the reality' when you get here. For some anyway!

NickyC

I can identify totally whith what you said! Similar situation here - worked abroad and travelled a lot whilst single, returned to UK and HATED it, came to Australia and fitted right in. After many years here the novelty still hasn't worn off, whilst after two weeks in England I feel like it's back to boring normality.

I have a few theories obtained from personal experience. If you've always travelled a bit then you are far more likely to settle down here. If you lived all your life in the same village and your mum lives round the corner I don't fancy your chances!

If you come here as a single person, you also have a better chance of settling. All my happy English friends in Sydney (without exception) came whilst single and met and married people when they got here. A good proportion of couples either have one or the other still hankering for home (even after 25 years in some cases!).

Also agree that once you have kids you meet more people than you can handle. There are so many things to do and join - Pre-natal classes, Nursing Mothers, Mother/Baby Coffee mornings, Playgroups, School P & C meetings, Tuckshop volunteering. List goes on and on....

owieb

For people who are maybe reading this post and thinking it's all doom and gloom; not EVERYONE (as has been mentioned several times) gets homesick.

The only homesickness I ever feel is when I think about what would happen if I had to go back to the UK! I break out in a sweat and start having panic attacks. The only cure I've found is to get myself to the beach quickly and stroll along the white sands with the turquoise ocean lapping at my feet, looking at a clear blue sky and feeling a warm breeze on my face!

bondipom

I have moved around since I was 3 so nowehere has ever felt like home so nowhere to feel homesick for. The parents phone me more than when I was 10 minutes walk away and I e-mail friends regularly.

One day I may find somewhere to get homesick for.

MrsDagboy

Nicky, I think that is very very true. Doesnt mean you may not get some homesickness either way, but the ones that seem to suffer the most are the ones who havent moved more than 10 miles from where they were born/brought up.

Owieb LOL, you poor thing - love your description . Agree with you, not everyone gets homesick, Dagboy doesnt.

NickyC

Hope I didn't give anyone that impression. I've never been homesick - not even for a nanosecond. Nothing would induce me to go back to the UK for anything other than a holiday.