Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Aug 10th 2003, 5:21 pm
#1
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Location: Rugby, Warwickshire, Uk
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Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Hello everyone, I am new to this site. My problem is that my husband and I (& 2 kids) have our visas, the house is up for sale, we're suppossed to be moving to Melbourne early next year but hubby has now had a change of heart! His reasons for this are varied and I do understand them but if we don't go I'll always have that "what if?" factor.
I'll briefly explain his reasons and would appreciate any reply comments.
1) Education - not happy about the fact that our 4 yr old daughter can apparently only get 3 max kindergarten sessions p/w when come Sept here she will be going to school 5 full days p/w. Likewise son, aged nearly 2 will not even be able to start kindergarten until he is 4 & 1/2.
2) Health care / family support - our son is diabetic & it is a worrying unknown quantity about level of health care. Also, although we don't have much family support here, we do have a little and it would appear that he will probably be in & out of hospital on a regular basis which makes it difficult to cover care for daughter.
3) Financial / lifestyle - hubby hates job as printer & was hoping to get out of it, but we will loose son's disability allowance & rate of exchange isn't as good as it was in Nov when we started process, so we will probably still have a mortgage & he will still probably have to do printing.
4) I don't think all the negative comments from PB etc have helped although I do try to tell him that people who are enjoying it are probably too busy to come onto the forum as often as him!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
I'll briefly explain his reasons and would appreciate any reply comments.
1) Education - not happy about the fact that our 4 yr old daughter can apparently only get 3 max kindergarten sessions p/w when come Sept here she will be going to school 5 full days p/w. Likewise son, aged nearly 2 will not even be able to start kindergarten until he is 4 & 1/2.
2) Health care / family support - our son is diabetic & it is a worrying unknown quantity about level of health care. Also, although we don't have much family support here, we do have a little and it would appear that he will probably be in & out of hospital on a regular basis which makes it difficult to cover care for daughter.
3) Financial / lifestyle - hubby hates job as printer & was hoping to get out of it, but we will loose son's disability allowance & rate of exchange isn't as good as it was in Nov when we started process, so we will probably still have a mortgage & he will still probably have to do printing.
4) I don't think all the negative comments from PB etc have helped although I do try to tell him that people who are enjoying it are probably too busy to come onto the forum as often as him!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
Aug 10th 2003, 5:57 pm
#2
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Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Runcorn Brisbane
Posts: 135
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Hi Iam sure most people can sit down and think of reasons not to go but you have to remember why you wanted to leave in the first place. To apply for a visa I know for us was not just for a laugh and we had genuine reasons to leave and like your husband I have worried about education, healthcare etc but I think of all the other people who have gone and have not had problems. As for hubbys job you say he does not like printing well stay here and he is more than likely going to have to stay printing else why is he still doing it?
I can see where you are coming from with your son but Im sure there are other families with similar problems and everything has worked out fine. Have you looked in to the healthcare regarding diabeties in melbourne maybe if you did this would put your minds at rest.
Anyway good luck and I hope you make the right choice.
Liz and Mark
I can see where you are coming from with your son but Im sure there are other families with similar problems and everything has worked out fine. Have you looked in to the healthcare regarding diabeties in melbourne maybe if you did this would put your minds at rest.
Anyway good luck and I hope you make the right choice.
Liz and Mark
Aug 10th 2003, 5:59 pm
#3
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Joined: Jul 2003
Location: warwickshire
Posts: 59
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Originally posted by Linda Spilman
Hello everyone, I am new to this site. My problem is that my husband and I (& 2 kids) have our visas, the house is up for sale, we're suppossed to be moving to Melbourne early next year but hubby has now had a change of heart! His reasons for this are varied and I do understand them but if we don't go I'll always have that "what if?" factor.
I'll briefly explain his reasons and would appreciate any reply comments.
1) Education - not happy about the fact that our 4 yr old daughter can apparently only get 3 max kindergarten sessions p/w when come Sept here she will be going to school 5 full days p/w. Likewise son, aged nearly 2 will not even be able to start kindergarten until he is 4 & 1/2.
2) Health care / family support - our son is diabetic & it is a worrying unknown quantity about level of health care. Also, although we don't have much family support here, we do have a little and it would appear that he will probably be in & out of hospital on a regular basis which makes it difficult to cover care for daughter.
3) Financial / lifestyle - hubby hates job as printer & was hoping to get out of it, but we will loose son's disability allowance & rate of exchange isn't as good as it was in Nov when we started process, so we will probably still have a mortgage & he will still probably have to do printing.
4) I don't think all the negative comments from PB etc have helped although I do try to tell him that people who are enjoying it are probably too busy to come onto the forum as often as him!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
Hello everyone, I am new to this site. My problem is that my husband and I (& 2 kids) have our visas, the house is up for sale, we're suppossed to be moving to Melbourne early next year but hubby has now had a change of heart! His reasons for this are varied and I do understand them but if we don't go I'll always have that "what if?" factor.
I'll briefly explain his reasons and would appreciate any reply comments.
1) Education - not happy about the fact that our 4 yr old daughter can apparently only get 3 max kindergarten sessions p/w when come Sept here she will be going to school 5 full days p/w. Likewise son, aged nearly 2 will not even be able to start kindergarten until he is 4 & 1/2.
2) Health care / family support - our son is diabetic & it is a worrying unknown quantity about level of health care. Also, although we don't have much family support here, we do have a little and it would appear that he will probably be in & out of hospital on a regular basis which makes it difficult to cover care for daughter.
3) Financial / lifestyle - hubby hates job as printer & was hoping to get out of it, but we will loose son's disability allowance & rate of exchange isn't as good as it was in Nov when we started process, so we will probably still have a mortgage & he will still probably have to do printing.
4) I don't think all the negative comments from PB etc have helped although I do try to tell him that people who are enjoying it are probably too busy to come onto the forum as often as him!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
Aug 10th 2003, 6:03 pm
#4
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Joined: Jul 2003
Location: warwickshire
Posts: 59
hubby changed mind
I think to do this both of you have to be committed 100% else there are going to be lots of arguments when times are tough like " you made me come here". I have lived in several different countries, some of which I really didnt want to be in and have been in this situation, both of us want to make this transition so it is easier but you have to understand where he is coming from and sit down and make a list of pros and cons for both of you and if they tally well good luck
arlene
arlene
Aug 10th 2003, 6:18 pm
#5
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,882
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
1) Education - not happy about the fact that our 4 yr old daughter can apparently only get 3 max kindergarten sessions p/w when come Sept here she will be going to school 5 full days p/w. Likewise son, aged nearly 2 will not even be able to start kindergarten until he is 4 & 1/2.
With regards to the little ones I don't know what your financial situation is but I would be looking at it as an opportunity to spend more time with them. This is one of the big reasons for us moving. I'm fed up with the rat race and spending over 3 hours a day in a car travelling to and from work.
2) Health care / family support - our son is diabetic & it is a worrying unknown quantity about level of health care. Also, although we don't have much family support here, we do have a little and it would appear that he will probably be in & out of hospital on a regular basis which makes it difficult to cover care for daughter.
3) Financial / lifestyle - hubby hates job as printer & was hoping to get out of it, but we will loose son's disability allowance & rate of exchange isn't as good as it was in Nov when we started process, so we will probably still have a mortgage & he will still probably have to do printing.
4) I don't think all the negative comments from PB etc have helped although I do try to tell him that people who are enjoying it are probably too busy to come onto the forum as often as him!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
Help, what can I say to change his mind?!
If you have the visas and if like us you have had to jump through hoops to get them then you have got to do it. You will always regret it wondering what life might have been like.
It isn't going to be a bed of roses but you have had the courage to come this far, ask yourself this
"In twenty years time do I want to be living the same life, all comfortable and cosy or do I want to get out and see the world do something with my life. Dare to be different.
We are going to Melbourne to and yes I get scared but I am so excited at the prospect of the new things and experiences me and my family are gonna have
PS For the pessimists out there I know it isn't going to be easy and Oz has its problems. It will have things I won't like. But I do want to try it and I'm going with the mind that I aint coming back
Aug 10th 2003, 6:24 pm
#6
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Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Rugby, Warwickshire, Uk
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Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Originally posted by liz and mark
Hi Iam sure most people can sit down and think of reasons not to go but you have to remember why you wanted to leave in the first place. To apply for a visa I know for us was not just for a laugh and we had genuine reasons to leave and like your husband I have worried about education, healthcare etc but I think of all the other people who have gone and have not had problems. As for hubbys job you say he does not like printing well stay here and he is more than likely going to have to stay printing else why is he still doing it?
I can see where you are coming from with your son but Im sure there are other families with similar problems and everything has worked out fine. Have you looked in to the healthcare regarding diabeties in melbourne maybe if you did this would put your minds at rest.
Anyway good luck and I hope you make the right choice.
Liz and Mark
Hi Iam sure most people can sit down and think of reasons not to go but you have to remember why you wanted to leave in the first place. To apply for a visa I know for us was not just for a laugh and we had genuine reasons to leave and like your husband I have worried about education, healthcare etc but I think of all the other people who have gone and have not had problems. As for hubbys job you say he does not like printing well stay here and he is more than likely going to have to stay printing else why is he still doing it?
I can see where you are coming from with your son but Im sure there are other families with similar problems and everything has worked out fine. Have you looked in to the healthcare regarding diabeties in melbourne maybe if you did this would put your minds at rest.
Anyway good luck and I hope you make the right choice.
Liz and Mark
As for Geoff's job, he could possibly get out of it if we downsized house here which he could also do there but if anything we would like a bigger house not smaller! I know it's a case of priorities, it's just that we don't seem able at present to work ours out!!
Aug 10th 2003, 6:42 pm
#7
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Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Eatons Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 2,289
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Originally posted by Linda Spilman
Thanks for your comments. Yes we have looked at the level of care for diabetes & as far as regularity of checkups with consultants, it appears the same but what we cannot find out is how much contact we would have with a diabetic nurse which we have unlimited access to here. Also we would have to apy for his insulin there although it is not much.
As for Geoff's job, he could possibly get out of it if we downsized house here which he could also do there but if anything we would like a bigger house not smaller! I know it's a case of priorities, it's just that we don't seem able at present to work ours out!!
Thanks for your comments. Yes we have looked at the level of care for diabetes & as far as regularity of checkups with consultants, it appears the same but what we cannot find out is how much contact we would have with a diabetic nurse which we have unlimited access to here. Also we would have to apy for his insulin there although it is not much.
As for Geoff's job, he could possibly get out of it if we downsized house here which he could also do there but if anything we would like a bigger house not smaller! I know it's a case of priorities, it's just that we don't seem able at present to work ours out!!
best of luck
rach, mark and chanelle :scared:
Aug 10th 2003, 6:49 pm
#8
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Have to agree with nosuchluck at the moment we are all for it but we have decided if we change our minds we will definately validate so the option will be around for five years.
Best of luck i hope it all works out for you and your family.
footie chick
Best of luck i hope it all works out for you and your family.
footie chick
Aug 10th 2003, 8:49 pm
#9
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 315
good idea rach.
If i felt that way i would definately validate.
Cheers
Karen
If i felt that way i would definately validate.
Cheers
Karen
Aug 10th 2003, 8:54 pm
#10
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Joined: Mar 2003
Location: melbourne,australia
Posts: 1,028
Yeah
Go on that holiday and get it validated. As for PB , take no notice. I could give a postive to every negative he gives. Im from Aus and my brother lives not too far from PB. I have a few friends in Perth and we are movng to Melbourne once our house has been sold. It has taken me 14 years for my husband to agree to move to Aus. It is a 100% full steam ahead for my husband and I do feel that this total committment needs to be forthcoming from your hubby. I also feel that the comments he has made regarding not wanting to go sound like he is very worried of the unknown once there. Sorry peeps, but I think alot of men like to plod along and not take chances. My hubby is very much like this but has come to realise chances need to be taken to improve things sometimes.
Ive rambled a bit but I hope this helps you some
Best of luck
BooBoo
Go on that holiday and get it validated. As for PB , take no notice. I could give a postive to every negative he gives. Im from Aus and my brother lives not too far from PB. I have a few friends in Perth and we are movng to Melbourne once our house has been sold. It has taken me 14 years for my husband to agree to move to Aus. It is a 100% full steam ahead for my husband and I do feel that this total committment needs to be forthcoming from your hubby. I also feel that the comments he has made regarding not wanting to go sound like he is very worried of the unknown once there. Sorry peeps, but I think alot of men like to plod along and not take chances. My hubby is very much like this but has come to realise chances need to be taken to improve things sometimes.
Ive rambled a bit but I hope this helps you some
Best of luck
BooBoo
Aug 10th 2003, 8:56 pm
#11
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Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Lindfield W.Sussex
Posts: 183
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Hi Linda,
We also went through times during our application when either my husband or myself decided it might not be for us, but we have come out of the tunnel! I think its normal to go through all of that, it is a very big move and like us you have no relatives etc there, but I always looked at (a) better to have a smaller mortgage and larger house (b) having talked to many people re education etc everyone decided it was quite a good thing for the kids to go back a year, too much pressure, here in our area for the kids in school (c) have to agree with footie chick and nosuch luck, better to have validated and seen for yourselves what the possibilities are than not to have looked at all. I am sure there are allot of support groups like in uk, that issue of support is the main worry for me too we are very used to having family and close friends to help out if needed, it is a bit of a risk but the downside is exactly what you said " what if " Anyhow, try and ride it out for a while he might just change his mind again! good luck with it all.
Suz
Perth 10th Nov
We also went through times during our application when either my husband or myself decided it might not be for us, but we have come out of the tunnel! I think its normal to go through all of that, it is a very big move and like us you have no relatives etc there, but I always looked at (a) better to have a smaller mortgage and larger house (b) having talked to many people re education etc everyone decided it was quite a good thing for the kids to go back a year, too much pressure, here in our area for the kids in school (c) have to agree with footie chick and nosuch luck, better to have validated and seen for yourselves what the possibilities are than not to have looked at all. I am sure there are allot of support groups like in uk, that issue of support is the main worry for me too we are very used to having family and close friends to help out if needed, it is a bit of a risk but the downside is exactly what you said " what if " Anyhow, try and ride it out for a while he might just change his mind again! good luck with it all.
Suz
Perth 10th Nov
Aug 10th 2003, 9:09 pm
#12
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Location: Woodcroft, 25 kms south of Adelaide South Australia
Posts: 281
Just adding my 20 cents worth here.........I emigrated 12 1/2 years ago.
Whatever you do, don't emigrate unless both of you are 100% committed to the move. No matter how committed you are it WILL put the greatest strain on your marriage and family life that you could ever imagine. If you are both not supporting the move 100% then my advice is don't do it.
Whatever you do, don't emigrate unless both of you are 100% committed to the move. No matter how committed you are it WILL put the greatest strain on your marriage and family life that you could ever imagine. If you are both not supporting the move 100% then my advice is don't do it.
Aug 10th 2003, 9:50 pm
#13
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Location: brisbane
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hi ya Linda
They do say, ststistically, that late starters at school do much better than rising 5s.I dont know how true that is but i read it somewhere.
As for hubbies 2nd thoughts,i reckon its only natural.It goes back to the hunter /gatherer/provider malarky,and all the pressure that goes with it.I know that i would be happy to travel for 3 months then choose somewhere to settle,but my hubby wants to be a bit more secure and find a job beforehand.
good luck in whatever you decide.
donna
They do say, ststistically, that late starters at school do much better than rising 5s.I dont know how true that is but i read it somewhere.
As for hubbies 2nd thoughts,i reckon its only natural.It goes back to the hunter /gatherer/provider malarky,and all the pressure that goes with it.I know that i would be happy to travel for 3 months then choose somewhere to settle,but my hubby wants to be a bit more secure and find a job beforehand.
good luck in whatever you decide.
donna
Aug 11th 2003, 12:23 am
#14
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Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
Hi Linda
We have been here in Sydney for a year and a half, husband was a printer for 22 years and he wanted out of the business asap. But we didn’t make that move in the UK it all seemed too difficult. Possibly downsizing house and/or moving or a new area. It was easier to stay in the same groove. We had a very very nice life and lots and lots of family support. My daughter is partially deaf so hospital visits and appointments and tests are an important part of our lives.
We decided mostly for the challenge we would face to try something different and after quite a few years deciding Aus was the choice. I did get a transfer in my job which helped an awful lot and Andy took five months off. Once kids and rental was sorted he went looking for work here (in print) and didn’t get so much as a nibble as far as jobs went. We did know he had work offers from Melbourne area and around. Well then came the big decision – and he took a job as a new car salesman and loves it. No it doesn’t pay as much as print did/does and he works weekends but he is very happy and contented. We have a bigger house just bought and a pool, but we have a bigger mortgage and less ‘stuff’, eg one car, not two and a motorbike, as we did, we have less eating out, more going out to beach and pool and park, less money in terms of disposable income but less worry about it! Two happy kids in school and working hard and achieving to their levels.
Nope it is not as safe and secure as knowing everything as we did in the UK, a few nasties with costs like dental treatment for braces up in the 1000’sK. But superb coverage on Briony and hearing aids.
We came for a challenge and are enjoying it, I will state I plan to be here for quite a while now but I never say never about moving again, after all we made the move here from the UK! Make your decision based on what the two of you want cause I was not sure when we first decided and did take a long while adjusting (and still am). Resentment did come into it at times but not for long as we are a great family team.
Definitely validate of course and maybe consider renting out the UK house and trying something different for a year, even if it is printing in this country for your husband?
Best of luck
Oh and I have heard lots about later starter schooling - look into the Scottish education system - I am sure they start much later and have very high achieving results within the UK.
We have been here in Sydney for a year and a half, husband was a printer for 22 years and he wanted out of the business asap. But we didn’t make that move in the UK it all seemed too difficult. Possibly downsizing house and/or moving or a new area. It was easier to stay in the same groove. We had a very very nice life and lots and lots of family support. My daughter is partially deaf so hospital visits and appointments and tests are an important part of our lives.
We decided mostly for the challenge we would face to try something different and after quite a few years deciding Aus was the choice. I did get a transfer in my job which helped an awful lot and Andy took five months off. Once kids and rental was sorted he went looking for work here (in print) and didn’t get so much as a nibble as far as jobs went. We did know he had work offers from Melbourne area and around. Well then came the big decision – and he took a job as a new car salesman and loves it. No it doesn’t pay as much as print did/does and he works weekends but he is very happy and contented. We have a bigger house just bought and a pool, but we have a bigger mortgage and less ‘stuff’, eg one car, not two and a motorbike, as we did, we have less eating out, more going out to beach and pool and park, less money in terms of disposable income but less worry about it! Two happy kids in school and working hard and achieving to their levels.
Nope it is not as safe and secure as knowing everything as we did in the UK, a few nasties with costs like dental treatment for braces up in the 1000’sK. But superb coverage on Briony and hearing aids.
We came for a challenge and are enjoying it, I will state I plan to be here for quite a while now but I never say never about moving again, after all we made the move here from the UK! Make your decision based on what the two of you want cause I was not sure when we first decided and did take a long while adjusting (and still am). Resentment did come into it at times but not for long as we are a great family team.
Definitely validate of course and maybe consider renting out the UK house and trying something different for a year, even if it is printing in this country for your husband?
Best of luck
Oh and I have heard lots about later starter schooling - look into the Scottish education system - I am sure they start much later and have very high achieving results within the UK.
Aug 11th 2003, 12:34 am
#15
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Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
Re: Help, hubby has changed his mind!¬
Divorce Him --
No seriously, this is a shit situation to be in. Have you been to Oz before, where are you heading etc? Is he in contact with people who are here already who can advise him on various things. As the guys were saying earlier, you must come and validate at least.
Even if he only has to do printing for a while till you get settled, it's not the end of the world. He can't expect to walk in to a different career of his choice, (don't mean to sound nasty there - sorry). There are lots of pros and cons and unfortunately the desicion has to be made do we go for it and make the best of it or not. There ARE lots of people here who are happy so don't think it can't be done, it's just a bit of a rollercoaster of a ride but it levels out and your life comes together hopefully for the better.
He should stand a good chance of work as a printer here (as apparantley all the printers in Perth are on drugs!!) My hubby is a printer too. (not on drugs (today))
Good luck, I hope you work it out.
Diane
No seriously, this is a shit situation to be in. Have you been to Oz before, where are you heading etc? Is he in contact with people who are here already who can advise him on various things. As the guys were saying earlier, you must come and validate at least.
Even if he only has to do printing for a while till you get settled, it's not the end of the world. He can't expect to walk in to a different career of his choice, (don't mean to sound nasty there - sorry). There are lots of pros and cons and unfortunately the desicion has to be made do we go for it and make the best of it or not. There ARE lots of people here who are happy so don't think it can't be done, it's just a bit of a rollercoaster of a ride but it levels out and your life comes together hopefully for the better.
He should stand a good chance of work as a printer here (as apparantley all the printers in Perth are on drugs!!) My hubby is a printer too. (not on drugs (today))
Good luck, I hope you work it out.
Diane