having doubts
 

Had our meds last week everything seemed fine just waiting for the police checks to come back then the six week wait. Thing is wife is now having doubts. Going to the sunshine coast Caloundra. Starting to have constant arguments she says we have a good life here. what if we fail. FAMILY and FRIENDS would be waiting so they could say told you so Not as if we havent been and dont know what to expect. Finding myself shouting telling my wife to think positive not negative all the time but family & friends keep putting doubt in her head.She wont put the house up until the visa comes in case it is bad luck but i think now is a good time to sell and we can always pull out. anyone else out there been through all this hassle. constant knot in my stomach at the moment
HELP :scared:

Re: having doubts
 

It is not unusual to have doubts, it is such a huge move. It is hard to remove yourself from your comfort zone and I am sure the family and friends saying things to make your wife doubt the move is not helping. They obviously don't want you to move but they should be supporting you as well and being positive. Yes you can always return and I would not see that as failing, no one can tell if they will settle or not and if the friends and family would stand there saying I told you so then I would not particularly think they are friends as friends wouldn't do that to someone...........family mind you are a different matter altogether!!

Re: having doubts
 

Try and chill for a few days - -put Oz to the back of your mind for a few days. Maybe just try and do something together as a couple.

It's normal to have doubts - -god knows I've had a few in recent weeks. :scared:- - I would worry if she didn't have doubts! It's an enormous thing this emigrating lark.

I just tell myself that if it doesn't work then you haven't failed - -you've had an adventure. I couldn't live with the "what if's" if we don't try it.

Millions of people never even have the chance to apply and would do anything for the opportunity. It would be almost selfish not to give it a go when you are one of the few who can. ;)

I agree it is a good time to sell - -ours sold in 10 days. I'd rather we'd sold early(which we have - -gonna be homeless :scared: ) than have the visa and be stuck with the house.

Give your wife a big hug and remind her of all the reasons you decided to apply in the first place.

Good luck.

xRachx

Re: having doubts
 

Join the end of a very very long queue ;) Everyone goes through this several times. It is totally normal. I wouldn't put the house on the market until I had the visa personally but lots do, on the other hand, if you have had meds, the visa is likely not far behind and judging by how long houses are generally taking to sell, it would be an idea to at least get a few agents round to value and go from there.

Easier said than done but try to ignore "helpful" friends and relations. They are either jealous or upset they are going to miss you or both. I am sure the majority of them don't mean to be negative although there will be one or two who do mean it :rolleyes:

Try and remember what it was that got you started on this journey. It's not the end of the world if after a year or so you want to go back to the UK but IMO it is a bad thing to not give it ago if you feel deep down you need to try. There is no such thing a failure. Your life is what it is, you have the ability to change things during your life but you can never fail because you will simply be taking a different path not the wrong one.

Re: having doubts
 

Yeah, what she said! :D

And... I had doubts right up to the final bit. Then I had more doubts within the first three weeks, and now it's 5 weeks and I haven't got any doubts at all.

Don't worry, it's normal. :)

Re: having doubts
 

Everyone has doubts I think. It wouldn't be normal not to when you are in the middle of such a huge move. Try not to let people's comments get to you. It is your life and you need to do what is going to make you happy. This is far easier said than done, I know. We are having a bit of a hard time with my husbands parents but we are trying not to let it get to us. We can't do what they want us to do all the time.

If you don't go, you will probably always wonder what it would have been like. My husband and I have had long discussions about it and have been contemplating it for nearly a year before we decided to go for it. I think we need to give it a try otherwise we will spend the rest of our lives wondering.

Perhaps have a few days without mentioning Oz and try and have some quality time together. Remember why you applied in the first place.

Re: having doubts
 

just don't read all the negative posts on "returning to the UK forum" and you will be alright.

Re: having doubts
 

There are negative posts? About returning to the UK? Well smack me with a kipper! :eek:

:cool:

Re: having doubts
 

Was commenting on that the other evening - how we hadn't seen any kippers or smoked mackerel etc :confused: Maybe you should be slapped with a barramundi :eek:

Re: having doubts
 

Hi Raven,

We where in exactly the same situation as you, after the visa was granted the uncertainty turned to reality....."this is it were going".

Then the rows began about if we were doing the right thing or not, but it was then that we both decided that if we did'nt go, we may have missed the chance of a lifetime.

Many people want to go to Australia and can't because they won't pass the immigration criteria...........we are the lucky ones.

My wife is now in Adelaide with my young daughter, and Im waiting for the house to sell.

My wife had a good job here and was in the last year of a degree, im in the same job I started in 1979. My wife is 46 and I'm 49, we have 4 children and the 2 eldest girls won't be coming with us.

We only got on the mortgage ladder 7 years ago, so at our age we won't have a chance of getting back on it here in England.

But after weighing up all those risks, and the thought of splitting up our Family, we are still going...........

It's our adventure...........my Mum once said to us "are you sure your doing the right thing" and my wife replied "no, but we will never know unless we try"

I heard a phrase recently (might have been posted on here) and it was something like this "better to live with failure than live with regret".

I don't know what the future holds for us, but when Im sitting in my rocking chair looking back on life I want to be able to think that i tried something rather than think what if !!!!!!

Re: having doubts
 

Yeah, but it's just not the same, is it? I'd not thought about kippers actually. Prob not a lot of mackerel out this way... :confused:

http://www.centrafinefoods.com.au/pu...3&path=17,1083

Shows what I know. :rolleyes:

Re: having doubts
 

Going by what I have heard of others experiences I would advise you to rent the house out rather than sell it, just yet. If things don't work out then you have a home to go back to, rather than start all over again. If things do work out then you can decide whether to sell it or keep it as an investment. It never hurts to play safe and hedge your bets. Might also reassure you wife a bit.

Good luck

Re: having doubts
 

Hi. I take the point but it's not the right thing for everyone - -we have sold for 2 reasons.....if we don't then we can't buy as nice a place as we want over there and part of the reason for moving is the standard of living we can achieve due to property being cheaper and getting alot more for your money.

2....I know there will be tough times whilst we settle and i didn't want to leave a "bolt-hole" here that might make it too easy to return to the UK, too soon without giving it a proper go.

xRachx

Re: having doubts
 

You can get frozen kippers that are imported from scotland. Check the seafood area of the freezers in your local supermarket (Woolies or Coles more likely to have them. Usually Tullys or Findus from memory).

Re: having doubts
 

Hi Raven

Just a quick note from someone who has emigrated twice already! Once as a child when my father took us to Norway (Yes my family are Vikings!), loved it!

Then we emigrated back to the UK as a teenager (gave him a lot of stick, this was more hormones than anything else). This was to take the huge value Norwegian Kroner and start his own business in the UK - which was very successful!

As an adult my OH and I are going for the big leap across the puddle! He was amazed I didnt put up a lot of obstacles etc but as I said I have done it already so not that scary for me - and I dont have to learn another language again. And it has also shown that it is not impossible to go back if you want to.

My parents have emigrated back to Norway again! I think to get away from four daughters! However Ryan Air have started Newcastle to Oslo mega cheap so doesnt get that much peace.

I agree that you are better off giving it a go that sitting in the UK next winter resenting each other for not trying - just be patient with each other for now.

Re: having doubts
 

You make good points but my thinking is when people arrive its best to find your feet, get work, suss out local area and nearby towns etc. Deciding to buy a property is a big commitment, requires a lot of research. Have heard horror stories from people who rushed in to buy a place only to find out it was a big mistake. Anyway, like so many things in life, it's all horses for courses.

Re: having doubts
 

We've gone through this exact situation a few months ago. My MIL has been constantly pressuring my wife, using guilt as a the weapon, in an attempt to make her change her mind. This has been going on for over 1 year now. My wife did go through a very doubtful period (as have I from time to time - it's natural I think) as a consequence and we found ourselves going through a stressful period because of it all.

Time is the key to allowing situations like this to resolve themselves. I also realised that I couldn't and shouldn't force my wife to do something that she really doesn't want to do. However, as I said, after a bit of time went by my wife's guilt subsided (to a greater degree) and allowed her to once again see all the reasons behind her original decision to move to Australia. To be honest, I think that she needed to go through this to provide an even firmer underpinning of her desire to actually do it. It acts as a test of your resolve when all is said and done. Her Mother is much better now as she has also seen in time that it's not a decision that we have taken lightly and that we are doing it for the right reasons. She does say the odd thing from time to time and I am expecting a final desperate act just before we leave BUT I have warned my wife that this might happen and to be prepared for it.

Don't lose heart as with hindsight I can say that I found myself reacting just as you have described but I can now say that this was unnecessary. Try to support your wife at times like this (this is what I have tried to do during subsequent periods of much lesser doubt) and re-assure her that you will be there for the family 110% during and after the move. I think that your wife needs to have her feeling of security re-established at times like this because it also seems to me that women go through the whole immigration process in a more emotional manner than that of their OH's (this is a generalisation BTW and I know that this doesn't apply to all of the ladies) and the guys seem to adopt a much more adventurous and emotion-free approach.

I think that more often than not that this will be the case due to the intrinsic and respective nature of a Mother and Father's (Wife and Husband) orthodox responsibilities and duties.

Re: having doubts
 

Raven
We are in about the same position as yourselves. Have just had request for medicals and police checks last week and house has just gone up for sale. Felt sick when we put the sign up as I love my house :( . We are looking to go to Brisbane area hopefully in Jan 07.
We only live down the road in Middleton, used to live Rochdale! :D . Tell her to PM me if she wants to. Been sharing experiences with a friend who is ready to go anytime and I felt it helped just getting it off my chest as it is a total roller coster emotionally.
You only live once :)

Re: having doubts
 

If one of you is not 100% sure about doing this then you are likely to have a lot of pressure put on your relationship as a couple. Therefore if you can afford it, you could take another trip out there and again show her what life will be like in Auss. Don't treat it as holiday though spend the time really investigating, it might re-assure her that you are capable of doing this.

I do agree about putting your house on the market now though, we first put ours on last august with a useless agent and waisted 2 months and then we sold it just before x-mas but it fell though in February just before exchange and we re-sold it again at the end of March and are about to exchange (I hope) we've asked for a long completion to give ourselves time to organise everything so it won't all go through until mid July, so it will be nearly a year since we first put it on the market.

Simone

Re: having doubts
 

If moving so far from England is an issue, why not offer the misses a compromise and emigrate half way across the world instead.

We were thinking of Iran.

Re: having doubts
 

How did you get in at your ages?
Not being rude, but we are trying and need sponsoring by a secondary school as we are too old to go any other way.
The difficulty has made us more determined that we want to go. I know doubts will creep in for everyone, it is frustrating when we read of some who give in when they have the chance of a life time.
Take heed, don't leave it too late as it can be such a disheartening experience not being able to go when you want to.
Lawrenson

Re: having doubts
 

I know it's frustrating but try to be supportive of how your wife is feeling and don't get angry with her. I also went through the same thing once our visas were granted and it got to the point earlier this year when I told Dave that I didn't want to emigrate - and I meant it completely for a time.....however, given time, I've got my perspective back and, whilst not feeling 100% about emigrating, I'm probably at about 80% which is good enough!

Dave has been fantastic throughout all my dramas, God love him! :o He's never had any doubts about emigrating, but neither has he ever got angry with me when I've been having a complete shit-fit about leaving the UK! :D He's just stayed calm, been loving and supportive - even when I'm sure he just wanted to give me a good kick up the ass!

So, point of all this, is to say we all deal with this process differently and what your wife is going through is all part of coming to terms with leaving the UK - it's almost like grieving: you go through anger, blame, a whole variety of emotions until you finally reach acceptance!

Just hold her hand, tell her you love her, that you understand how she's feeling - and that it will work out. Australia isn't the promised land - but then again, where is? Give it a go while you have the chance - that's the way I'm looking at it!

Nicky

Re: having doubts
 

It was my missus that actually suggested we emigrate and join the rest of my extended Australian family. God only knows we've had some rows about it though - in fact I recently had to go to Woolworths and buy another four pack of wine glasses because she'd chucked the rest of 'em on the floor during moments of, ahem, high drama (usually once a month :p ). She's had pressure on her from all-and-sundry about the move, her parents, friends, her sister have all had subtle and unsubtle digs, so I just let her get on with it. I'd rather she vented than let it all build up inside her. Won't be long till we're gone now - we've set wheels in motion regarding the dog and when we did that we decided that even if the house fell through we'd still go which I think eased things up a bit tension-wise. Thing is, this emigrating lark is one big roller-coaster - it certainly helps to clarify who's important in your life! End of the day, though, you can't force her to emigrate and if she has genuine problems about moving that far from friends and family now, it's probably a recipe for disaster in Oz.

Re: having doubts
 

Just had to say it's great to see someone else in their "40's" going for it.

You've made me feel a lot better !!!!

Re: having doubts
 

Another one for you we are 47 & 44 ;)

Re: having doubts
 

Thecloser it gets and the more reality bites the more nervy you get dont you ? hope you resolve issues.

Dave

Re: having doubts
 

Doubts are healthy. You are in a comfort zone and any change to that 'safe' feeling is natural.

We are moving out to Geelong Vic in July and we are scared to death. But its a good fear??? It stops the boredom.

We are also in a very enviable position in that we have spent 24 year in the Royal Air Force. We have been everywhere, both abroad and in the UK...............................But we are still nervous. We have moved on average every 2 years................still nervous.

On that note, we are partly treating it like another posting (just without the blue uniform)........If we dont like it....we'll move on...until we find a place that does it for us.

The kids are just as pragmatic.........they are scared but excited...........

Its just like when you get strapped in the seat of that mega fast roller coaster that you know will probably fill your underware.

There are two sayings that are particularly thought provoking. (Mark Twain I think)

" Ships that stay in harbour are safe......but that's not what ships were meant to do. So hoist up the main sail and head off for the horizon. theres a new world waiting just beyond it"

" In twenty years time, you will by far regret the things that you havn't done, compared with those that you have."

Its your choice, ulimately, but life wont come to you.

Hope this helps!!!!

Taff

Re: having doubts
 

46..so another over 40...thats if i ever get there..!!!!

Re: having doubts
 

[QUOTE=lawrenson]How did you get in at your ages?
Not being rude, but we are trying and need sponsoring by a secondary school as we are too old to go any other way.

Major tom
have e-mailed you
Lawrenson