noidea

Does anyone feel very very bad about leaving their parents and taking grand children away from them, I feel terrible and its only just sank in today when the kids were crying as we had to give the cat away. God knows what its going to be like on the day of the move, I feel terrible as my parents are not taking it well, I just hope it does not make them ill, don't know what I can do to help, the moves been on the cards since 2006 but I think they have been hoping it wont happen and now they realise it will, it is starting to show. We have had lots of chats about it but I cannot say anything to help.

shar07

Hi I am in exactly the same position, my mum and dad are quite elderly and will not be able to come over and see us due to poor health and my two children are the only grandchildren, my mum cries whenever I mention the move. I feel dreadful about it and the kids are dreading saying goodbye. Unfortunately I think it is a downside of moving abroad and you have to think about what is important to your family. Good luck I hope it works out and is not too heartbreaking for you

noidea

It is not good, I keep trying to imagine how I would feel from their point of view and its not good, it is true that you have to do what is best for you family, but its hard to justify it sometimes. Good luck to you also, I wish I could offer some advice but I stuck in that respect myself.

chasmw

I started a similar thread on this a while back....
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=530053
I think leaving your parents is one of the hardest parts of the whole process. Best of luck.

JAK

My OH is leaving his parents and I am leaving my 2 older children and 2 grandchildren. I can't imagine how we are going to feel when the day comes when we leave. His parents know we are applying for our visa, they don't know we have got it. He has got to tell them soon as we want to put the house up for sale. This is definitely the down side to what we are doing, I just wish we could take everyone with us.

lastone

I'm dreading the moment.

My parents have been absolutely fantastic, to the point where we've bought them tickets to come over next year for 3 months.
I've tried to tel lthem I'm doing it to hurt them, but they don't want to know and continue to support.

My Dad has always said,

"don't think about us - that's looking back, think of the kids, look forward."


That's helped me a lot.




Also, I'm sorry to lower the tone, but did anyone else read the title and think of something different?

fairwayskid

We all knew this would be hard.

I know i will find it hard when the times comes. But you have to think why you are doing it and know that the kids will benefit from it.

One thing i always think to myself and my mother says it to me as well that they wont be around forever and though it may be hard doing it they would not want me to give up on the dream because of them.

Not only do your parents want whats best for you they also want whats best for their grankids too.

Paddy

mand8002

My mum was devastated when we moved, like you, she knew it was on the cards but never actually believed it would happen. However, as time has gone on she now says we did the right thing and can see the advantages for our children.

moneypenny20

You're not taking your children away from their grandparents. You are taking your children with you and the grandparents are staying behind. You have to look at it that way and not feel guilty (easier said than done). You are doing what is you consider best for your family and unfortunately other people will suffer because of it but you can't live your lives for others.

Sounds harsh but sometimes it's the only way to get through stuff.

noidea

What you have said there is exactly right and I know it is, but when I see how it is effecting my parents I do feel bad about the decision I have made. I did hope they would want to come over with us to live if we could sponsor them but its our dream and not theirs and they are not interested.

kiwinow

Don't whatever you do take on board the guilt over their health. Being elderly their health may suffer even if you stay, so don't beat yourselves up if they get ill when you leave.

My parents have been great because they also left UK in the 60s. We live far apart and our kids haven't seen that much of them anyway. They are now around 80 and we're hoping to fly them out to see us in a year or two if they're still up to it.

Your parents will get over it and maybe they'll want to visit even if they don't want to live there. Send lots of photos and e-mails and they'll come round.

dickchap

My mum and stepdad moved to Spain to enjoy their early retirement. A year into their new life my mum died (nearly two years ago). My sister and I became very close after losing mum, we helped each other through the pain. When I told my sister about living in Australia she was sad but understood that life is too short and to make the most of your dreams. My sister's financial situation is such that it would be very difficult for her to come for a visit but it's easy to keep in touch with loved ones and I even talk more to my mother-in-law than I did when I was in the UK!

loubiegreen

Well put Moneypen. You are exactly right and unfortunately that is what I have had to tell my family as some of them are saying that we are taking the kids away from them. Not so, we are trying to find a better life for them.

Kind regards and good luck to all.

Lou xx

Brisben

But also once they see how happy your children are in their new life, once they settle they will appreciate it and feel comfort from it also.

I have been here 18 months and the grandparents are so happy and proud that I actually got off my backside and did something to improve their childhood. I am glad and proud of myself too.

Put the negativity to one side, concentrate on making the changes that yuo feel are required to improve your life / lifestyles.

noidea

There are some good perspectives, experience and words of advice here, thanks to everyone for taking the time out to offer advice, there are somethings to consider and take on board. Moving is stressful it is really good that there are decent people who can be bothered to help. Thank You All.