tinamichelle

Finally found out how to post a thread!
Half of my life in the uk and the other half in Perth. The time has come to stop saying that i will go back one day to now feeling like I must go home.
My kids are growing older and and I'm growing more miserable.
This might sound morbid but I resently got around to writing a will. Where do I want my remains buried? the question asked, I felt very sick at the thought of being buried in a church somewhere and my husband and kids returning to England without me. I never thought about this before but it could happen, I had visions of me being an unhappy spirit floating around trying to find my way home. I'm not particularly religious and I don't sit and ponder my passing but this thought scared me and made me realise I don't want to die here.
Am I having a midlife crisis or do others feel the same way?

Edo

Do you believe in life after death?

tinamichelle

Not really , I just don't want to be lonely

mohogony

Could'nt you arrange to have your body flown over to the UK to be buried when you die or maybe get cremated in Perth and have your ashes scattered in the UK which would be cheaper and easier.

Toe Dipper

A real conundrum. What happens if your remains return "home" and your family stay in Aus. You will still be separated.

You can't win either way

TD

Damson

I really feel for you; to be having such thoughts and it getting you so low must be dreadful. Have you spoken in depth to your family to let them know just how bad you are feeling or are you just bottling it up? I'm guessing that what's really bothering you is wanting to go home and that the whole death issue is an aside to it. Could it be that you are suffering a bit of depression too? I really hope that things start to seem a bit brighter for you. I know it is a terrible upheaval, but if you are desperate, your family may decide that they want to help and consider a move (to another part of Oz maybe). You may also be suffering a bit of rose tinted specs syndrome as the UK, whilst a lovely country and one that I still believe in, isn't doing so well at the moment. It could be that you come back, realise how good things were for you back in Oz after all and return, feeling much more settled. Plenty of people have done this as I'm sure you know.

All the best.

Petals

I used to feel like you but not now. I do not want to be in a grave yard at all I want to be free hence cremation for me. I believe our spirit leaves our body the minute we die so does not matter what happens to what is left. If you believe this then the spirit goes to where its been happiest.

We have and are doing our family trees and its made me realise I will always be a brit no matter where I lay my head as we go back many hundreds of years, me in England and oh in Scotland. Its very reassuring. Its also reassuring to find that ancestors have migrated like us too and that we now have distant relatives everywhere. My husband has one here in Melbourne in Rowville for goodness sake a fourth cousin and another over in NZ. Its amazing.

Be happy with your immediate family they love you and even if they moved away they still love you and remember you if you are gone. Its a bit down the line when we are forgotten.

I felt like I belonged nowhere for a long long time but not any more.

Good luck try talking to a psychologist its amazing the stuff that comes out and one can say because they are a stranger.

tinamichelle

Thanks lorrielou,

I think the death thing is just another reason for me to go home.
People are always telling how bleak the uk is at the moment but that doesn't seem to bother me, so yes I'm probably feeling the blues .
I tried the eastern states last year (sold home and when away for 6 months)
Came back and still feel the same.
My hubby is supportive and will return if it makes me happy, son (13) ok if we do,but daughter (12) says "no way, untill I've left school"

still confused




.

tinamichelle

Hi petals
I think i'm just at a cross roads in my life at the moment.
Hubby wants to have his ashes scattered in the uk, and i just want to be free too, so this is what i will request.

My parent moved to TAS a few years ago and this has made me feel more unsettled. My mum moved for my dad and she's not happy there.

I also worry that if I move to the uk, my kids will hate it and resent me. My sis moved at 14 and found it so difficult to be happy here.

A no win situation

Hutch

Sounds to me like your daughter is out-voted. If you've all got citizenship, there's nothing stopping her returning to Australia in five years, when she's legally an adult. Until then, you and your husband are the ones in control and if you want to return to the UK - go for it.

tinamichelle

You make it sound so easy!!!

Why can't I see it like that?

kiwinow

OP have you been home since you moved to Perth? Does it still feel like home? If so, it's up to you to decide. Seems to me that if there are spirits they can transcend travel, but it is often important to those left behind to have somewhere to go to communicate with you once you're gone.

My 11 year-old daughter said to me the other day that if she dies before me she wants to be cremated, so that I can take her wherever I go. Grim thought, but I guess she is verbalising the same feelings as you are - she doesn't want to be lonely.

Friends of ours recently lost a still born baby boy. They had the funeral here in NZ, and friends got to see him and touch him, but the dad is from Brazil and none of his family were able to be present, so they raised money to go to Brazil and spread baby's ashes over there. I don't know how Mum will feel if she returns to NZ, but for here it is about heritage and leaving part of him where he originated.

Petals

Sounds like you are missing Mum and Dad as well and your Mum missing you. I know my Dad moved my Mum around all over the place and its very hard. She now lives near us and has done since Dad died.

Unless people have been young migrants and the upheaval it causes in our minds its hard for people to understand but there is happiness at the end of it all. I still have family in the UK but to be honest I am closer to my husband's family than my own family. I only keep in touch with one cousin of mine now.

We are caught between two worlds but our children are not, mine are Australian and they would not want to live anywhere else.

ABCDiamond

Become a Diamond after death.... They compress your ashes and turn you into a real diamond... Yes, it is real.

mohogony

There seems to be lots of Ping Pong pOms on the forum who get homesick move back to the UK and regret it and then move back to OZ again.