jayr

With my inaugaral Great Australian BBQ fast approaching, I am at great pains to ensure I commit no social faux pas. I have considered alternative approaches to the great occasion and would welcome advice on which would be most fitting to ensure my instant integration into Australian society and rewards of future invitations.


What to wear?

A. Something smart yet casual and understated, say Ralph Lauren shirt and chinos

B. Singlet, shorts and optional thongs

What to offer the host?

A. A cheeky Chardonnay from a fine French vineyard

B. 10lbs of raw steak and some tinnies

Polite Conversation?

A. A critical discourse on the Arts

B. Footy

Views on the Iraq crisis?

A. It's a dfifficult situation with a fine balance between the US and UN determining future outcomes.

B. Where?

Thylacoleo

The biggest question in life is immediately before you: Do you really want to hang out with faux pas counters encounter after encounter?

pommiesheila

Very witty! With a great sense of humour like that you won`t last long here!!!

pommie bastard

Under dress any atempt to be smart is bad form , boxed wine and a carton of beer is exceptable as for food what ever your taste buds can manage burnt food wise.Conversation forget it animal noises will do grunt or fart its your call.

Herman

Just make sure the conversation stays any one of these key topics - great places in Australia you have visited, great places in Australia you are going to visit, great places in Australia you would like one day to visit if you get a chance, great places in Australia other people have visited and told you about, great places in Australia you have never visited and never will but that you have read about, the amazing and unrelenting greatness of Australia etc etc.
Stick with these topics for intellectual discourse and you'll be fine. Remember, do not stray from these topics and never, ever, mention England.

dotty

I love BBQ,s especially the way aussies cook the sausages then stick them straight back on the blood sodden plate which they came on, by now encrusted with flies. The 10 bucks for 4 litres of wine always reminds me of how lucky I am to live in such a cheap country. The hearty dose of the runs from the potato salad which got warm after 2 hours in the 40 degree woops I must not get it wrong 39.2 degree heat. And the social mingling, tales of australias 1996 whatever sport (yawn) win by some fat greasy bloke who never got off the couch in the last 10 years. For the ladies, the washing up and kiddie minding plus a little stimulatng conversation about the sheets on special in K-Mart this week.

God I'm gonna miss the smoke filled acrid air on a Sunday afternoon. Not.

On our last house move we invited lots over to housewarm with a cocktail and formal dress party, the aussie lasses piled over themselves for the decent night out. Some even bought a new frock. But the blokes, not one, I jest not, even bought a new pair of underdaks to poke out from under the faded shorts, poor taste, last time I throw a decent bash here.

(By the way i gathered this was a lighthearted post, not one which will give us all boring statistics on how many kinds of snags you can get at one millionth of the price of in the UK).

Interested

Someone actually turned up to a party you threw Dotty !!??

pommie bastard

Cutting but I am sure Dotty has more friends than most on this forum even aussies.

dotty

I always play safe.

Who won in 1996

Australians who take drugs are not drug cheats, despite all other countries athletes who take drugs are drug cheats.

Who won in 1998

Best place in the world even tho you have never left QLD no problem mate.

38 degrees is the perfect climate, especially as you armpits now resemble a fire hydrant with a leak, lovely ideal and perfect.

Who won last Saturday.

Of course the Government owes you a living, why should you contribute to anything.

Problem in Iraq? did they play last week.

Saddam? who does he play for?

The news, didnt australia play well.

Annual holiday, oh lovely, rainbow beach againnnnnn, you must love it there youve only been 10 years in a row.

Yes I'd love to look at your lawn, staring chatting about grass is so stimulating dear.

When you tire of this, the perfect excuse is asthma, say the kids/wife/dog cant handle the smoke and you can decline the Sunday afternoon from hell without offence.

dotty

Main problem with our parties, is the police, most of the neighbours start compliaining at 9.30. Worse one was in the pool when a few got all the gear off and the old boy (47) next door came around to complain and got a eyefull of several naked persons including my husband. He called the police and tried to charge us with indecent behaviour. Police were very nice, Well I was only wearing a wet towel at the time, but quite amused just asked us to keep the noise down a bit and to make sure we didn't go on the street starkers. As for the dressed up do, most of the Aussie girls reckon they were screaming for a night out where they could dress up and not have to eat BBQ offerings. Doing my bit for OZ..

yafm

[QUOTE]Originally posted by dotty
I love BBQ,s especially the way aussies cook the sausages then stick them straight back on the blood sodden plate which they came on, by now encrusted with flies. The 10 bucks for 4 litres of wine always reminds me of how lucky I am to live in such a cheap country. The hearty dose of the runs from the potato salad which got warm after 2 hours in the 40 degree woops I must not get it wrong 39.2 degree heat. And the social mingling, tales of australias 1996 whatever sport (yawn) win by some fat greasy bloke who never got off the couch in the last 10 years. For the ladies, the washing up and kiddie minding plus a little stimulatng conversation about the sheets on special in K-Mart this week.


In my several visits to all territories (except WA)- over the past 15 years - we have NEVER had any problems with the hygiene of the BBQ - the quality of the food in the BBQ OR the behaviour of the various diverse groups we have visited with. How could I have missed all the 'stuff' mentioned above ??????????????:scared:

pommiesheila

[QUOTE]Originally posted by yafm
Must have been very short visits then...

r.bartlett

you're starting to get bitter again p.s..

cheers

richard

pommiesheila

Must be the wine Mr. Bartlett... Sorry, I`ll try and be nicer in future. However, I stand by what I said about Jayr - he`s obviously a man of considerable intellect and wit - bugger all of that around Brisbane I`m afraid!!!

r.bartlett

Mr bartlett indeed...

lets not be so formal

sir will suffice....;-)