Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

The point is that adults can reason to a point - whereas a child can't. As the child ages it is not necessary - and time will show that it was in a short period of time. In other generations, I suspect it was over a far longer period.

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I agree totally with the first 2 sentences quoted. In fact as their comprehension increases the need to smack decreases. I don't think I had to smack my sons after they were around 7/8. They were asked to stop and given a reason, if necessary and that was it. They had learn about consequences! I will also add that I have never had to go through the "terrible teens" that most have to suffer. They weren't angels but never treated me or their home with anything other than respect.
Don't know about other families,Badge, but I grew up in a similar environment to my sons.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I agree totally.

My memories of being smacked were that it was unfair and traumatising. Eventually I started to hit back.

I've never, ever smacked my kids. My daughter is a hard worker and hates to be in trouble. She's loved by her school teachers - she's no trouble at all.
My son is a cheeky so and so, but he's loving and generous and has never been in any serious trouble.

IMO, people who smack can't be bothered to implement more positive kinds of discipline . Not smacking doesn't mean no discipline.
If I made a mistake at work and my boss hit me, it would be assault.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

My memories of being smacked are a jolt of pain: fleeting sense of shock, immense sense of calm and feeling that I deserved it and then the situation returning to normal.

You can run out of options though and one child can reduce two more to tears whilst those options are running out: on the rare occasion I have smacked it is when innocent siblings have been sucked into it all.In fact, its the siblings that have been the main driver.
Not in your case, but people with one child or even two would have much less reason as the dynamics are so different.
One child can upset 2 more very quickly. There are only so many naughty corners and time outs ...
Of course, I'm not saying that this is automatic.

But your boss is an adult. :-) And it's a workplace.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

God Bless New Zealand. ..eh? They get a bit of a rap....
:-)

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I hit one of my kids once - he was 15 and being a absolute shit. I lost my temper and whacked him on the arm. He looked down at me from his 6'2", laughed, and said 'the flies are bad today'. :frown:

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I've hit my youngest daughter twice in her 12 years and both were as a result of my own anger and frustration and were completely unnecessary. I have never hit/smacked my eldest.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I was smacked, as probably most of my peers were. It never did us any harm amd I am certainly not traumatised by it. I was given the slipper at school and slapped in the children's home and foster home and I deserved it. Cheeky little sod was I. However I always had good manners, please, thank you. I always respected other peoples property and never did graffiti etc.

Personally I think children are given too much of a choice these days and parents negotiate with them. I'm a believer that someone has to be the boss/decision maker and as the parent that is you. I also don't like Children who interrupt when their parent is talking is just rude and the parent who let's this happen is just as bad. Caveat of course if it's for something serious then I understand.

Let children be children and the parents, parent. You are not their friend. Your job is to bring them up and set free a young independant adult who is able to navigate life and the shit that sometime happens. Then you can be their friend!

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

Totally agree with that.

One thing I'm not sure about in the modern school system is what I see as an over-emphasis on 'there are no winners or losers'. I'm talking about things like sports days, where everyone who ran in the race fronts up and gets a ribbon, and how there doesn't seem to be things like spelling competitions etc. Don't get me wrong, I'd hate to see us go back to the 'dunce' days - there was a corner reserved in every primary school class for the 'dunce', who also had to wear a cone-shaped dunce's hat. Horrible!

But like it or not, life is full of competition and I'm not sure we do kids any favours by letting them think that as long as they turn up it's fine. Competition among kids of roughly equal intellectual and physical ability is, I think, healthy.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

:goodpost: This resembles my own childhood and opinions the most.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I agree with you on the over-emphasis on the no winners and losers attitude.

The dunce in the corner: we didn't have that in my time though we used to get sent out of class to wait in the corridor. That was tortuous - a sitting duck for every passing teacher to verbally abuse. And if the headmaster happened to walk by....! :eek:

Talking of which, the kids at my sons' schools all loved their head teachers - which I thought was very good considering the head teachers at both schools were considered strong disciplinarians.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I'm obviously a bit older than you - glad your school days were slightly more enlightened!

Waiting for whatever punishment's coming is definitely worse than the punishment itself :unsure:

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

I've got no problem with discipline.

Children definitely need boundaries and they need to know there are consequences for crossing those boundaries. Children feel secure with a parent making the decisions.

I just can't for the life of me see how anyone finds it acceptable to hit another person. What message does that send?

I agree with NB, I came close to hitting my daughter once and it was because I had lost my temper and so lost control.

No hitting doesn't mean no discipline.

Re: Grandchildren's behaviour
 

Definitely a mixed message. Like a woman I saw yelling at her child at the shops - 'what have I told you about swearing in public, you f***ing little bastard. :(