Are there any grandparents on the forum who struggle with the behaviour of their grandchildren ? I really find it hard to understand my university educated daughter and the way she is allowing her children to behave. They seem to think they are the centre of the universe- interupt when adults are speaking, basic 'please and thank-you' are non existent, don't eat with knife and fork properly and have appalling table manners etc. etc.

I am starting to not want to take them out or have family occasions as they really annoy me.

I know in the future it will cause a big argument as at the moment I'm biting my tongue and am afraid to say too much.

It's so sad as I waited so long for grand children but really am getting to the point of not wanting to see them.

Any advice or suggestions would be gratefully received.

I know it's hard, but they are your daughter's children and she is entitled to raise them as she sees fit.

Having said that, you are entitled to ask for basic manners when they are with you. Children are very good at adapting to different situations and it won't take them long to realise, "we must always say please, if we want a biscuit at Grandma's".
You can instil this in them as long as you are not draconian and do it with love and kindness.

Just be careful that your daughter doesn't think you're interfering, it would be awful to fall out.

Good luck

That's sound advice

What she said ^

Totally your daughters fault here. There's no excuses for poorly behaved or bad mannered children. Of course they can be wild at times but they obviously aren't disciplined or being taught manners properly. Tell, your daughter that baby sitting offers are being rescinded until something's done..
I'm glad to say ours have very good manners, baring the odd slip, but they are fine with gentle reminders some times.. Rude children drive me mad, especially in public.. Although parents that let them behave like that are worse.

Don't beat around the bush, tell her straight out. If she doesn't like it that's probably because she knows you're right.. Pussy footing around doesn't work.

Yes, your daughter is entitled to bring her kids up as she sees fit, but when their behavior impacts on you, you are also entitled to say something.

If they're monsters when you take them out, I'd be telling my daughter just that and saying that until their behavior improves there's no more outings with nanna. After all, when they're with you, you're the one responsible for their safety and the consequences of their behavior.

Same as when they're in your home. Your home, your rules.

Family get togethers at someone else's house, or in a restaurant etc, are a bit different - you might have to turn a blind eye and have another

For me, the bottom line is if you want to bring your kids up to have no boundaries, respect or consideration for other people, then you shouldn't be surprised if someone that's been negatively impacted by said kids' behavior gives you an earful.

Yup
Where do our kids get their whacky parenting ideas from? LOL

I'm finding it quite easy now that we are 12000 miles apart. I just say Cheerio and switch Skype off if they behave like brats!

Buggered if I know where their ideas of raising their kids comes from, quoll. My husband's son and daughter in law are a good example. Apparently kids must never, ever be told off, it should be enough to gently explain to them that what they did 'isn't nice'.

Things such as their kids tearing through our house, upending the dog's water bowl, trying to get all the bottles out the wine rack, and continuously opening and slamming shut the microwave

I couldn't help laughing one day at their house - 7 and 5 year olds decided that it'd be fun to poo on the back lawn. So there's two bloody little monsters, strides down and pooing, while Mum stands there twittering on about how that's not a nice thing to do. Unbelievable!! I know what I would have done with them

Children need to learn that there are consequences for their behaviour. I'm not advocating corporal punishment, please note, but an immediate reaction that is followed through. Don't threaten them with something that you do not carry out, or they quickly learn that you are just all bluster and they will still do whatever they like. And don't decide to hold a grudge or punish them after they have forgotten about the incident.
How you deal with bad behaviour is up to you, but you do have to set boundaries. (I sound like I'm training a dog here!)

My husband told my son he could use the backyard to go to the toilet when he was about 2, but forgot to mention it was only for number 1's. So son decided to drop a number 2 in the backyard just before the lawn mower man arrived one afternoon - I watered it into the lawn as much as I could, but those pesky sun dried tomatoes just don't break down.

What about creepy children? Arrive well-spoken with perfect manners, then quietly disappear and go round the house looking in all the wardrobes and cupboards, ever so quietly. Some time later asks, ever so politely, "Why have you got a TV/toy dog/helicopter/body in that cupboard?" Parents don't bat an eyelid.

Agree with all of that

It's a wonder you didn't get a nice tomato bush growing there.

I can't get past you having a body in your cupboard! But yes, at least when the behavior is 'in your face' you have a chance of dealing with it, sneaky is hard to deal with.

A body....