friends on holiday what do you say?
Mar 22nd 2005, 9:25 pm
#31
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 597
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
I've got my mum and brother coming over to stay with me next weekend for a month. I don't have a problem with this except that I have to work (only just started my job 4 weeks ago 
).
My mum has already said "don't worry about us we'll be fine; we'll find our way round (she's been here before); I can get tea ready for when you get home and your brother will keep the garden tidy for you" - Fantastic!
My problem now is that my sister who's been here for years is stressing cos she thinks they won't get out and about as much as they should because we're all working; she wishes they were coming later in the year when we could have arranged some time off.
Can't keep everyone happy no matter what I do!
Elaine M
).My mum has already said "don't worry about us we'll be fine; we'll find our way round (she's been here before); I can get tea ready for when you get home and your brother will keep the garden tidy for you" - Fantastic!
My problem now is that my sister who's been here for years is stressing cos she thinks they won't get out and about as much as they should because we're all working; she wishes they were coming later in the year when we could have arranged some time off.
Can't keep everyone happy no matter what I do!
Elaine M
Mar 22nd 2005, 9:49 pm
#32
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Posts: 2,886
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by sunny side up
brisnick,
i think there's a slight difference between 'helping someone out' and 'becoming a hotelier because you've moved to australia'.
i'm sure no one on this forum would be at all bothered to help someone out (ie. arrive late at night and can't get room or something like that), but i can definately see how jenny feels - just because you happen to live in another country, doesnt make you 'the place to stay'.
my parents are coming over in june and they're not staying with us - we're both working all day, can't take time off work for everyone that decides that now is a good time to come and visit, and quite frankly, if it was anyone else but my immediate family or closest friends, i wouldnt want them 'rummaging' through my house while i was away at work.
on top of all that - isnt it terribly rude to just assume that people will take you in???
tanja
i think there's a slight difference between 'helping someone out' and 'becoming a hotelier because you've moved to australia'.
i'm sure no one on this forum would be at all bothered to help someone out (ie. arrive late at night and can't get room or something like that), but i can definately see how jenny feels - just because you happen to live in another country, doesnt make you 'the place to stay'.
my parents are coming over in june and they're not staying with us - we're both working all day, can't take time off work for everyone that decides that now is a good time to come and visit, and quite frankly, if it was anyone else but my immediate family or closest friends, i wouldnt want them 'rummaging' through my house while i was away at work.
on top of all that - isnt it terribly rude to just assume that people will take you in???
tanja
Poor Jen....so are they bringing their own tent then, or expecting you to provide one?!! I wonder where they are going to go to the toilet at 2am. I bet they haven't even stayed in a tent for longer than a week, never mind a month. Where are they planning on doing their washing, cooking, etc. Are they gonna move the tent around the lawn every couple of nights so as not to kill off the grass!! What are they going to do when you and hubby want an early night as you're both up for work the next day? What if the kids want some friends over for a sleepover.....they (the friends) really haven't thought this thru have they!! If they say they will keep out of your way for a month then they're all but admitting they're just using you for a free hotel.
Well good luck, let us know the outcome. This story might be funny if it wasn't actually really happening to you
HP
Mar 22nd 2005, 11:43 pm
#33
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Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Im sorry to say this but there is being hospitable and theres taking the piss.
A good guideline to have when it comes to guests is:
If they never bothered with you in the UK, then let them come to Australia by all means, find them an apartment. No discussions, those are the rules. They wouldnt let you take over their home and dont let them do it to you.
Good friends and family should not assume they can stay with you for weeks on end.
If you can barely feed yourself and have no furniture then its not fair that they should still expect to take over your house and disrupt your life.
And, if suddenly everyone wants to visit you now your in Australia when not many did in Blighty, then you are being used for a cheap holiday.
I have told everyone that once I am out there, I am not a holiday camp, I will have my own life that will involve working to fund it.
Staying 6 weeks in anybodys home can sometimes be outstaying your welcome. And if I was a guest in someones home, I would be embarrassed at the very thought.
Laura, I feel so sorry for you.
Have a quiet word with hubby and explain your feelings. Ask him if you were in England and had a house with no furniture, both working, would he want lots of people imposing and using you like a guest house?
Because whatever country you are in, it boils down to the same rules.
I hope you work it out with him.
Any relatives that may be on this site reading this thread, how would you like it? If you want a holiday with someone, it is polite to be invited.
A good guideline to have when it comes to guests is:
If they never bothered with you in the UK, then let them come to Australia by all means, find them an apartment. No discussions, those are the rules. They wouldnt let you take over their home and dont let them do it to you.
Good friends and family should not assume they can stay with you for weeks on end.
If you can barely feed yourself and have no furniture then its not fair that they should still expect to take over your house and disrupt your life.
And, if suddenly everyone wants to visit you now your in Australia when not many did in Blighty, then you are being used for a cheap holiday.
I have told everyone that once I am out there, I am not a holiday camp, I will have my own life that will involve working to fund it.
Staying 6 weeks in anybodys home can sometimes be outstaying your welcome. And if I was a guest in someones home, I would be embarrassed at the very thought.
Laura, I feel so sorry for you.
Have a quiet word with hubby and explain your feelings. Ask him if you were in England and had a house with no furniture, both working, would he want lots of people imposing and using you like a guest house?
Because whatever country you are in, it boils down to the same rules.
I hope you work it out with him.
Any relatives that may be on this site reading this thread, how would you like it? If you want a holiday with someone, it is polite to be invited.
Last edited by Professional Princess; Mar 22nd 2005 at 11:52 pm.
Mar 23rd 2005, 12:12 am
#34
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Joined: Sep 2004
Location: From Bradford to Brisbane
Posts: 773
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Awww, let em stay in the back yard.
Listen to you all.
They probably won't stay there the whole time anyway.
Listen to you all.
They probably won't stay there the whole time anyway.
Mar 23rd 2005, 12:18 am
#35
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
It might sound petty but I have suffered the same when I had no money and poor accommodation.
Its rude to expect to take over someones home and life when they are working their nuts off to survive.
As I said, its polite to be invited.
Its rude to expect to take over someones home and life when they are working their nuts off to survive.
As I said, its polite to be invited.
Mar 23rd 2005, 1:49 am
#36
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Posts: 554
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by BenandPam
Me too, but the difference for me is I said to people - if you do come over, then you'll just have to accept that we will be working most of the time - so you get a set of keys to our place whilst you're in Melbourne and you won't see us during the day. But we'll spend as much time as wanted / needed with you in the evenings and at weekends.
Really, I'm expecting to see family and hoping to see friends. But am fully aware that in about 10 years time that creepy bloke I once said hi to at the office coffee machine will turn up on my doorstep complete with 4 wives and 20 kids expecting a place to crash for a 'couple of months'.
It's all part of the joy though - still can't wait to get on the plane and get down there.
Really, I'm expecting to see family and hoping to see friends. But am fully aware that in about 10 years time that creepy bloke I once said hi to at the office coffee machine will turn up on my doorstep complete with 4 wives and 20 kids expecting a place to crash for a 'couple of months'.
It's all part of the joy though - still can't wait to get on the plane and get down there.
Mar 23rd 2005, 1:56 am
#37
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by matt-and-jenny
Awww, let em stay in the back yard.
Listen to you all.
They probably won't stay there the whole time anyway.
Listen to you all.
They probably won't stay there the whole time anyway.
Tell them its fine for them to stay in the back garden, but bring lots of mosquito, spider and snake repellant. Oh and recommend they get anti spider and snake venom injections before they come.
That'll scare the b'jesus out of them.
Cheers,
JTL
Mar 23rd 2005, 2:07 am
#38
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Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Melbourne's North East Outer Suburbs
Posts: 689
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
We had it the other way round. Very nice Australian niece came to stay for the start of her working trip and ended up staying for nearly 5 months.
Thankfully her Australian cousin who was also working over here told her to get her own place and she did it really quickly.
Wouldn't have minded so much if she'd shared the cooking, babysat and/or paid what we'd agreed for food and lifts and phone calls to Aus.
Anyway it's brought me to my senses on this one - I would seriously love loads of visitors (contact with friends, home, help with settling in, showing off, etc) but will keep it short (3-4 days unless pretty close) and when we arrive we won't impose on the rellies for more than a few days until we get our rental place.
Good luck with this one - really don't take on visitors you don't want and get yourself an escape plan if those you do want change into freeloaders.
Good luck
Carolyn
Thankfully her Australian cousin who was also working over here told her to get her own place and she did it really quickly.
Wouldn't have minded so much if she'd shared the cooking, babysat and/or paid what we'd agreed for food and lifts and phone calls to Aus.
Anyway it's brought me to my senses on this one - I would seriously love loads of visitors (contact with friends, home, help with settling in, showing off, etc) but will keep it short (3-4 days unless pretty close) and when we arrive we won't impose on the rellies for more than a few days until we get our rental place.
Good luck with this one - really don't take on visitors you don't want and get yourself an escape plan if those you do want change into freeloaders.
Good luck
Carolyn
Mar 23rd 2005, 2:16 am
#39
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by flip
We had it the other way round. Very nice Australian niece came to stay for the start of her working trip and ended up staying for nearly 5 months.
Thankfully her Australian cousin who was also working over here told her to get her own place and she did it really quickly.
Wouldn't have minded so much if she'd shared the cooking, babysat and/or paid what we'd agreed for food and lifts and phone calls to Aus.
Anyway it's brought me to my senses on this one - I would seriously love loads of visitors (contact with friends, home, help with settling in, showing off, etc) but will keep it short (3-4 days unless pretty close) and when we arrive we won't impose on the rellies for more than a few days until we get our rental place.
Good luck with this one - really don't take on visitors you don't want and get yourself an escape plan if those you do want change into freeloaders.
Good luck
Carolyn
Thankfully her Australian cousin who was also working over here told her to get her own place and she did it really quickly.
Wouldn't have minded so much if she'd shared the cooking, babysat and/or paid what we'd agreed for food and lifts and phone calls to Aus.
Anyway it's brought me to my senses on this one - I would seriously love loads of visitors (contact with friends, home, help with settling in, showing off, etc) but will keep it short (3-4 days unless pretty close) and when we arrive we won't impose on the rellies for more than a few days until we get our rental place.
Good luck with this one - really don't take on visitors you don't want and get yourself an escape plan if those you do want change into freeloaders.
Good luck
Carolyn
3 weeks... pushing it
3 months... very very tough
So, its gotta be tough love, tell them that your not ready,house isn't up to scratch, too busy with work. Even encourage them to visit the rest of Oz, and stay with you for just few days.
Cheers,
JTL
Mar 23rd 2005, 2:19 am
#40
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Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Melbourne's North East Outer Suburbs
Posts: 689
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by JackTheLad
The major problem with people visiting from UK is that its not realistic for them to pay out the money and do the endurance flight, for a few days here. Most assume a 3 week break or more. Thats where the problems arise. I'd never have any problems with guests for a week.
3 weeks... pushing it
3 months... very very tough
So, its gotta be tough love, tell them that your not ready,house isn't up to scratch, too busy with work. Even encourage them to visit the rest of Oz, and stay with you for just few days.
Cheers,
JTL
3 weeks... pushing it
3 months... very very tough
So, its gotta be tough love, tell them that your not ready,house isn't up to scratch, too busy with work. Even encourage them to visit the rest of Oz, and stay with you for just few days.
Cheers,
JTL
Carolyn
Mar 23rd 2005, 10:50 am
#41
surfer chic from Teesside
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Halls head, WA
Posts: 1,431
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Jen,
have you told them yet?? Let us know how it goes.......at least they are just friends, if they are arsey about it you dont have to talk to them again, its even worse dealing withthe MIL :scared:
I rold JC to call MIL and tell her that the friend of his sister cant stay as there is not enough room, but he hasnt called her, yet, and im worried that she will of already booked their flights and have their cases packed....(there only 16 for fecks sake!!) but seems like she cant wait to ship her off to us!!!!
Miss money penn, think I will take your advice and get away with my mate, JC can stay here with his 2 sisters and rest of his bloody family and entertain them while I am having fun with my mate! And stay in he will have to aswell, no xmas nights out for him, as he will be childminding, i dont think he relises the responsability he is taking on by saying that he will have his kid sister for 3 weeks............I think that you should fail to give those mates of yours any contact information before you leave, cheeky buggers!!!
I dont mind having guests to stay if they are respectable adults, I am not a total meanie, my auntie and uncle are comming to stay with us for a week on 18th april, which I am looking forward to so much. I know that they wont be any bother and will respect my house etc.....but having his sisters, they wont offer us any houskeeping and will eat us out of house and home (they did in UK) and they think that we are loaded (for some strange reason) and expect us to pay for them to do stuff......JC is so soft that he does, and then we end up having no money to live on for rest of month!!!!
I am just worried now that I will come back from my break and the house will be wreked and all my stuff "borrowed"..........I might move back to the UK arrggghhhh!!!
Sam, I like you r style, I should of laid the rules down from the start, instead of saying to everyone to come and visit us when we get there blah, blah......they could of at least waited a year or two, they certainly dont waste any time do they???
well good luck, i like some of those spider ideas, i might have to start screaming when i am on the phone about BIG spiders gettin me!!!!
laura
xx
have you told them yet?? Let us know how it goes.......at least they are just friends, if they are arsey about it you dont have to talk to them again, its even worse dealing withthe MIL :scared:
I rold JC to call MIL and tell her that the friend of his sister cant stay as there is not enough room, but he hasnt called her, yet, and im worried that she will of already booked their flights and have their cases packed....(there only 16 for fecks sake!!) but seems like she cant wait to ship her off to us!!!!
Miss money penn, think I will take your advice and get away with my mate, JC can stay here with his 2 sisters and rest of his bloody family and entertain them while I am having fun with my mate! And stay in he will have to aswell, no xmas nights out for him, as he will be childminding, i dont think he relises the responsability he is taking on by saying that he will have his kid sister for 3 weeks............I think that you should fail to give those mates of yours any contact information before you leave, cheeky buggers!!!
I dont mind having guests to stay if they are respectable adults, I am not a total meanie, my auntie and uncle are comming to stay with us for a week on 18th april, which I am looking forward to so much. I know that they wont be any bother and will respect my house etc.....but having his sisters, they wont offer us any houskeeping and will eat us out of house and home (they did in UK) and they think that we are loaded (for some strange reason) and expect us to pay for them to do stuff......JC is so soft that he does, and then we end up having no money to live on for rest of month!!!!
I am just worried now that I will come back from my break and the house will be wreked and all my stuff "borrowed"..........I might move back to the UK arrggghhhh!!!
Sam, I like you r style, I should of laid the rules down from the start, instead of saying to everyone to come and visit us when we get there blah, blah......they could of at least waited a year or two, they certainly dont waste any time do they???
well good luck, i like some of those spider ideas, i might have to start screaming when i am on the phone about BIG spiders gettin me!!!!
laura
xx
Mar 23rd 2005, 11:08 am
#42
Drunken Aussie
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Brisvegas
Posts: 1,080
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
with all due respect, i think a couple of weeks is hardly going to kill you.
i stayed for 3 weeks with the second cousin of the girl i had just split up with (at their insistance) even though i didn't know them. i then stayed two weeks with a guy i had met once before a football match back in the uk ( again at his insistance). and a further week with someone i only knew about because the guy i stayed two weeks with knew him, and said when i got to brisbane i should look him up.
the generosity of these three people changed my life. i know things would have turned out completely different for me if it wasn't for them, and i will be forever grateful.
i'm not saying you should turn your house into the hilton, just maybe offer some help, not everyone can afford to fly around the world and then pay $120 a night to stay in a hotel for a few weeks.
none of the three people who helped me out had any reason to as they didn't know me, and apart from my ex-gf's relos, the rest of us are all good friends now.
i know that those experiences changed my views, and i will always be happy to help out if someone is after somewhere to stay.
fyi, i had my sister stay for two weeks, and i had to sleep in a walk-in wardrobe while she and her fella had my bed. i was at work all day too. small sacrifice really. adn tonight my gf and me will be sleeping on the futon in the living room tonight while my mum gets my bed!
i'm not having a go, each to there own, and i probably would have said i wouldn't want everyone coming to stay before i was helped out. but i look forward when someone from the uk says there cousin is out in oz. i only wish i had somewhere to put them up!
i stayed for 3 weeks with the second cousin of the girl i had just split up with (at their insistance) even though i didn't know them. i then stayed two weeks with a guy i had met once before a football match back in the uk ( again at his insistance). and a further week with someone i only knew about because the guy i stayed two weeks with knew him, and said when i got to brisbane i should look him up.
the generosity of these three people changed my life. i know things would have turned out completely different for me if it wasn't for them, and i will be forever grateful.
i'm not saying you should turn your house into the hilton, just maybe offer some help, not everyone can afford to fly around the world and then pay $120 a night to stay in a hotel for a few weeks.
none of the three people who helped me out had any reason to as they didn't know me, and apart from my ex-gf's relos, the rest of us are all good friends now.
i know that those experiences changed my views, and i will always be happy to help out if someone is after somewhere to stay.
fyi, i had my sister stay for two weeks, and i had to sleep in a walk-in wardrobe while she and her fella had my bed. i was at work all day too. small sacrifice really. adn tonight my gf and me will be sleeping on the futon in the living room tonight while my mum gets my bed!
i'm not having a go, each to there own, and i probably would have said i wouldn't want everyone coming to stay before i was helped out. but i look forward when someone from the uk says there cousin is out in oz. i only wish i had somewhere to put them up!
Originally Posted by sunny side up
brisnick,
i think there's a slight difference between 'helping someone out' and 'becoming a hotelier because you've moved to australia'.
i'm sure no one on this forum would be at all bothered to help someone out (ie. arrive late at night and can't get room or something like that), but i can definately see how jenny feels - just because you happen to live in another country, doesnt make you 'the place to stay'.
my parents are coming over in june and they're not staying with us - we're both working all day, can't take time off work for everyone that decides that now is a good time to come and visit, and quite frankly, if it was anyone else but my immediate family or closest friends, i wouldnt want them 'rummaging' through my house while i was away at work.
on top of all that - isnt it terribly rude to just assume that people will take you in???
tanja
i think there's a slight difference between 'helping someone out' and 'becoming a hotelier because you've moved to australia'.
i'm sure no one on this forum would be at all bothered to help someone out (ie. arrive late at night and can't get room or something like that), but i can definately see how jenny feels - just because you happen to live in another country, doesnt make you 'the place to stay'.
my parents are coming over in june and they're not staying with us - we're both working all day, can't take time off work for everyone that decides that now is a good time to come and visit, and quite frankly, if it was anyone else but my immediate family or closest friends, i wouldnt want them 'rummaging' through my house while i was away at work.
on top of all that - isnt it terribly rude to just assume that people will take you in???
tanja
Mar 23rd 2005, 1:47 pm
#43
someone's had 'Alex'...
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Vic Park, WA
Posts: 270
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by brisnick
with all due respect, i think a couple of weeks is hardly going to kill you.
Mar 23rd 2005, 2:04 pm
#44
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by 4lex
Totally agree. I can't really see the difficulty here - if you like and get on with the people in question, let them stay. If not, tell them no. All these wierd and wonderful excuses are just stupid - it's your place you don't have to qualify your decisions.
Cheers,
JTL
Mar 23rd 2005, 2:40 pm
#45
Y Ddraig Goch
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Body is in Brissie. Heart and soul has long flown home.
Posts: 3,722
Re: friends on holiday what do you say?
Originally Posted by brisnick
with all due respect, i think a couple of weeks is hardly going to kill you.
i stayed for 3 weeks with the second cousin of the girl i had just split up with (at their insistance)
i stayed for 3 weeks with the second cousin of the girl i had just split up with (at their insistance)
I was always taught not to take liberties - don't invite yourself unless you are invited, say "thank you" when someone tries to help you - it doesn't kill a person to have manners .
You have said you were invited "at their insistance", these two in -laws of friends don't sound as if they were invited like you were. It seems they are taking liberties
Totally bad manners.
Seems there is quite a lot of it about these days.
I'd just tell them B8gger off myself, I can not put up your in-laws in my home , garden or not. we don't have the room - if they are real friends, they would understand.
Last edited by Ceri; Mar 23rd 2005 at 3:00 pm.
