feeling so guilty
 

does anyone feel so guilty that it eats them up inside?
egg and I have'nt got our visas yet, but still the guilt is unbearable:(
I wanted my brother to come with us, but he didn't meet the criteria that egg and I have, so unfortunately he has to stay here.
we are so close, I cant imagine my life without him. silly I know:o
we might me counting our chickens before they hatch, but the feelings are the same.
bec

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Its natural to feel guilty but you have to live your own lives.

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Its a horrible feeling Bec isnt it.........and it will still come and go when you're here (well for some it does).......but you will adjust I'm sure :)

Re: feeling so guilty
 

It seems that guilt is a big part of the whole process of going- or at least it does to me!

My family have just swallowed me with guilt this past few weeks too- "how can you take the children away from me...." "Im going to never see you again..." "You are sooooo selfish leaving us", "Im not going to be able to cope without you..." are just some comments which Ive had too.

I know it feels unbearable, and you do really wonder why you are doing this at all when everything seems like its falling apart round your ears, but you must stay focused on why you started this whole thing at all.

Stay positive, and stay believing in yourself- Im sure there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel

:) Rach

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Is your brother the only member of your family left over there? If so then there used to be provisions for this. It would be breaking my heart too as my brother and I were always very close when I came to Oz :(
But in those days it was so very different, the whole process of emigrating was so much easier....and my brother followed me out a few months later :)
My thoughts are with you:)

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Hi Rach - sorry to go off track but its nice to see someone so close from my home town - I'm from Monmouth :)

Cant believe what your family are saying to you - honestly thats just awful. If they only knew how stressful the process was in the first place then I'm sure they wouldn't do it!

Good luck :)

Rach xxxx

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Hi- do you know I felt the same when I saw the OP was from Newport!!!

Anyway- back to the original message!! Those are actually just a few of the milder comments Ive had- Ive been told Im going to be mourned like I was dead too. Families are just great arent they!!!

I have told them how stressful its been but it doesnt wash- I dont have to do it do I??

Im sure it will be soooo worth it though and Im really looking forward to it. Flying out on christmas day!!! Christmas present to myself after all the ****!!!

:) Rach

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Glad I'm not the only one... I am very close to my parents and it is going to be hard leaving but I'm trying to concentrate on the things i need to do. No doubt the few weeks I will stay with them before we go will make things a bit easier as we will be at each others throats before the first week is out LOL.

Re: feeling so guilty
 

thanks everyone
I suppose we do all fee dreadful at some time. i'm lucky that my family arent making me feel guilty, i'm making me feel guilty.
i'm just hoping that we can get him there at some point, my cousin lives on the sunshine coast, so that may be another route.
anyway good luck to all those who are feeling it a bit more than me:)
bec

Re: feeling so guilty
 

I'm going through the whole guilt thing myself and it's eating me up.

I've always been close to my parents, and also lived fairly close to them. Always popping in for a chat etc. They're both at pensioner age and when I told them about my flights being booked etc my Mum broke down and it broke my heart.

It's very, very hard to deal with - and I don't think I'm doing it too well. Have had a couple of arguments with the wife who is totally intent on going to Oz, while I have constant 2nd thoughts etc.

I'm just hoping it will get easier, but I doubt it.

Re: feeling so guilty
 

I think a lot of this is about fear. Fear for themselves & for you, after all, they've been able to protect you all of your life.

Maybe you need to tackle the two things separately - show them that you are very capable, that you'll be absolutely safe & that you see it as a great adventure with absolutely nothing to be afraid about. Make sure you keep them advised of all your plans & arrangements, even if they are being really negative about it all & let them see you have it all in hand.

As for the fear for themselves, that they don't know how they'll cope without you around, that they'll miss you & so on... that one can only be dealt with over time. Help them plan lots of ways of keeping in touch, maybe even booking a holiday for when you're well settled & pay it off every month so they have it to look forward to when you go.

Good luck to you, I've still got this to look forward to with my family & we're already planning the broadband for those without, skype phones & all the rest of it...

but don't let other people's fear ruin your plans - I'm betting you've spent a lot of time doing stuff for other people, which is why they're so resistant to any change. Perhaps it's time for them to start standing on their own feet & realising that now is YOUR time!

Very best of luck :D

Re: feeling so guilty
 

I had the chat with my gf of 18 months yesterday and she ended thinsg there and then. I'm due to fly around new years day. I feel like shit cos we're over and shit because I've hurt her. Its tough bur he's your bro and he'll always be in your life and when you stop and think abou it, I'm sure you know its the right thing to do.

Re: feeling so guilty
 

I started a similar thread about guilt a few months ago as I am leaving my mum who is on her own.
I completely agree and relate to all comments about feeling bad. Sometimes I really think the guilt might prevent me from going. I've bought some self help books from the internet to try to help me come to terms with my guilt but they weren't particularly enlightening. (No surprise I guess!!)
I'm scared the guilt will actually stop me from enjoying my new life in Oz when we get there as I'll be too worried about my mum back in the UK...... any advice from anyone already in Oz about how they cope with guilt would be much appreciated x

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Yep, I can relate to this too.

The guilt is getting worse for me as time goes along.

Yesterday when the in laws were over, we were discussing Xmas pressies. MIL pipes up and asks could we give them money towards their new garden. It would be something to remember us by then when we go to Aus.

OH replies it's not like we're dying, we're going to Aus.

But it dawned on me that our relationship with them will totally change and despite the talk of them coming out, etc etc, eventually it will become too much for them. If we begin a family of our own, we have to be realistic; money would be tight.

Ironically, our relationship with inlaws has improved over the last 18 months. :huh:

It's sooooo hard. I could go on for ages but won't bore you all! :)

Re: feeling so guilty
 

Sparky Wife, I do sympathise.
I guess we just have to have the best long distance relationship possible with the family we leave behind. I've also told my hubbie that I'll want my mum to come out and stay for a couple of months a year when she retires in a couple of years.
And even though money will be tight I'm going to try and put aside $150 dollars a month in Oz for the price of my yearly ticket home to the UK for a couple of weeks every year.
If your in laws are retired or soon to be retiring maybe they can visit you for an extended stay every year?
The other thing that helps me is to tell people, especially my mum, that I'm not going "forever", necessarily, as forever is too long to think about. That way, I feel less pressure & less sadness and I'm going to take one day at a time in Oz. If that turns into forever then great. If not, well, we gave it a go.