You hit the nail on the head there! That's why I feel do hurt and let down. I supported their move to Oz, even though I was gutted they were leaving. after all, her kids call us 'aunty and uncle' and like wise with my kids to them. My older twins are completely bewildered as to how and why someone would do this! Luckily my 3 year old is oblivious.
I was niave to think my friends could offer advice and keep through this long, emotional journey.
I trained this friend (I'm a hairdresser), I was the one who wrote her job references and character references for the family too. I do all her families hair back here in the uk. Just feels so mean.

Thanks for your compassion

I often think emigration is a bit like divorce, its one of those times when you find out who your friends really are. You leave some by the wayside, but you take true friends with you as you move on. Its your life, and your decision - and sad though it is, if a "friend" can't support you in it - do you need them in your life?

Mmm I just clicked the 'Karma' button on the left by mistake!! What's it for lol!!!??? Ooops!?

I think I just value friendships more than some people do. Like marriage, you take the highs and the lows, help each other and share successes and failures alike. But, this has indicated maybe they were not as good friends as we thought.

Trying to move on!

If you like somebody's post, you click on the karma button and leave them a nice message - I have given you some. check in "my profile"

We are moving to Brisbane and don't know anyone there.
I had a good friend who emigrated to Perth and I have made a conscious decision not to go there.
There are a couple of reasons for this and one is because I have been to Queensland and liked it, whereas I've never been to Perth.
However; I haven't seen my friend in 5 years (since she emigrated) and although we are still friends and message on Facebook, she has a new life and new friends and I don't want to intrude on that. I don't want her to feel beholden to me or that she has to introduce me to all of her friends, etc.

Maybe your friend thought about you meeting all of her new friends and felt threatened or stressed by this.

I think what your "friend" has done is very harsh though, and she could have done things differently.

Havn,t had time to read it all but she sounds like a right bitch you probably better off without her

Neil

we are emigrating to perth in august on the back of visiting our best friends there, we loved it so much that we wanted to give it a go and they couldn't have been more helpful, we are staying with them when we arrive and they have been helping us with finding work etc.
we are however very conscious of over staying our welcome and we will be looking for our own home asap, we purposly dont want to "live next door" either as thay have their own set of friends and dont want to gate crash that and its important we find our own way.
but saying all that we have been friends since childhood (over 30 years) and it would take alot to change that.
your so called friend dosnt sound like that at all so your best off without, all the best on your potential move

I think Pollyanna is correct in her comments, we are not moving over until August but i already have a good idea as to what "friends" will stay in touch etc. One friend who i have know for over 20 years has never once spoken to me about our move since the day i told her, not even to ask where in Oz or when we were going! Not one questions! She does get feedback im sure from other friends in our circle though?! As time is nearing more friends seem to be less inclined to meet up/call/text etc, i just put it down to them weening themselves away from us gradually........ still hurts though

Wow - it doesn't really matter what her emotions might be or her justifications - that's just uber weird behaviour. I would guess that it's not the first time in your long friendship she's done something that's just made you go - 'huh?'

As others have said many people go without that support network and manage to make a go of it - you seem pretty friendly and open so think you'll be just fine as long as you allow for rocky patches.

Good luck x

I don't think the Karma button is working from my iPhone :-(
Thanks for explaining!!!

You have a similar situation to us. We felt the same way - loved the sunshine coast and although that's where our friends are, we assured them that we'd be looking in a different area to them so as not to encroach on their new life and also for us to be independent. However, I was naive to expect help I support and shocked to here they don't ever want to see us/hear from us - even contact on Facebook!! Oh well!

I hope your move to Brissy is a smooth and enjoyable one ;-)

How wonderful is that!! I'm so happy for you as it makes it do much easier with this kind of support. We weren't going to expect our friends to put us up, find us jobs etc as we kinda want to do it ourselves. But to have someone to advise and recommend services, proceedures etc would have been such a great help. After all, they know how hard it is to do it totally alone. Why would you make someone go through that if you can help. Especially when kids are involved and need settling into good schools. That's something you need local knowledge on!!!

Well, it seems that I'm getting much more help and support from this forum in the 24hrs I've been on here for!! That's says something!
Thank you ;-)

That sounds tough, but it will inevitably be hard to keep in touch with all your friends. You'll find the ones who keep in touch are the ones who care most and support your move. As I did with my friend. We spoke every other weekend and did webcam once every 6-8 weeks to 'see' each other and watch the kids growing up.

The important people will be there. Maybe the 'weaning process' will do you a favour too??? Just a thought but I know I'd feel offended - being sensitive!

Oh yes absolutely. Long term friendships have their ups and downs and Im sure I've annoyed her too over the 17yrs! I always forgive and forget and am
Keen to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. We saw a lot of each other here in the uk (3-4 times a week) as our kids are same ages.

I've always been ok at making new friends, so I'm sure I'll be ok - kids do half the work for you!!! There'll be plenty of new mums at the school gates!

I totally get what you're saying here, but I assured her that we would not be settling to close by, certainly not in her town/suburb and that I would put the kids in a different school to hers and not expect to be back in Thorpe day to day life as I know they have new life and fab friends there. We were introduced to their friends whilst staying with them and they were all really welcoming andy friend seemed confortable with it too. Infact we had their best friends over for Xmas dinner with us all. I was very aware not to seem to 'pally' with her best friend and make her feel like I was muscling in etc.
I think I've tried to hard lol!
I'm naturally a people pleaser and go out of my way to help and please people. To my detriment sometimes.

Jesus she's even divorced you on facebook?? Would be interesting one day to see exactly what her problem is - it's the kind of thing that would niggle at me.

You'll be absolutely fine coming over without her anyway. My husband has two brothers AND a best friend here and they were bugger all help to us - we hardly ever see them and one of them only lives three miles away.

One thing by pure chance helped me know people straight away was living within walking distance to primary school. I saw the same people every day at the junction/traffic lights and got chatting. Best of luck

Thanks Penny
I'm sure we'll be fine. I'm just going to need time to process it all and I still keep thinking of why she's done this and thinking of my god children too. So sad.

You're right though, having the school run will do wonders for making friend with mums out there. We could learn a lot from kids - making friends so easily hey!!