Lee and Tracy

My husband and I (36 and 38) and our 15 month old son have just began the process of applying for an Australian visa. We have both lived/worked in Australia before on working holiday visas and have always wanted to wanted to return to Australia on a more permanent basis.

At this time we haven't mentioned to our families about our plans to move away in case our application is turned down, although when we've mentioned our desire in the past our families were not keen on the idea.

Our dilemma is we feel we are being selfish by taking our son away from his grandparents and other family members just as they have began new roles as grandparents. Our son is the only grandchild and it's likely our children will be the only grandchildren for both sets of parents. My Mum (73) was also recently widowed after my Dad passed away earlier this year so we also feel guilty of potentially moving away and leaving her with less support in her twilight years.

So why are we thinking of moving away and leaving our families? Apart from the obvious things like weather, cost of living, cramped conditions etc etc associated with living in England, more than anything we want to embark on the experience and adventure of moving to Australia while we're still young enough.

Our question is, how have other members coped with the feelings associated with leaving your family behind while you head off on your 'new life' in Australia?

mandyp

Hi, welcome to BE!!

We were similar in that my dad haddn't long passed away and we have two young children. We've been over here for almost 10 months now and love our new lives over here. Our daughter is 3 n a half and our son has just turned 2. We are over on a student visa, and made the decision not to tell anyone until it was all near to happening (the student visa can be very quick though!!) we told them only about 4 months before we left so not sure how much it had really sank in for us all at this point.

We basically made the decision in as much as we had our own family unit to think of, I don't really see this as a selfish thing, more as a priority to give our children the best that we can. Also if children come over when they are still very young, then they will adapt more easily so less to worry about. We keep in touch with everyone back across through the internet and make regular phone calls.

Everyone is different some people will be fine others will not cope with leaving family and suffer really badly with home sickness and feelings of guilt.

good luck
Mandy

sinead80

i know how you are feeling.my mum died 5 years ago and there really is nothing keeping me here in scotland but my husband is a different kettle of fish altogether.he is an only child, i have 2 brothers.me and OH have 2 boys, one 6 and the other 4 months. so my OH mum and dad only have the 2 grandkids.MY inlaws worship the kids and we feel bad about moving but im afraid that it is our lives and we are doing what we feel is right for our kids.we are not being selfish but when looking at the pros and cons, we have more pros than cons. we havent even told them we have started the process as we know his mum will quite literally put the boot into us(well me anyway as she doesnt really like me, but tolerates me as im married to her son)
you do what is right for you and your family, not what everyone else wants.

Lee and Tracy

Thanks for the replies, you've confirmed what we thought to be honest that we must make the right choice for us as a family unit and for us we do definitely want to give Australia a go.

Another question we have is do most people who go to Australia or who are planning to go to Australia go with quite a bit of cash, sorry if this is abit of a cheeky question and I obviously know it will depend on how many people are in the family and what sort of accommodation you are looking for plus other factors. We have seen programmes on the tv where people seem to turn up in the clothes they are wearing and not much cash and others seem to have a lot of cash to take with them so we just wondered.

stepbeanie

My family moved to Australia when I was 11. I hated it I missed my Gran & my friends but that soon changed when I made friends out there.

My papa fell ill when we were out in Australia so my dad being the eldest son came home to see his father die, my mother came back 6 months after that as they were told it could be at any time. My papa lasted another 15 years by which time my gran on mum's side was 89 my gran is 93 next week. My mum & dad still live in Scotland and can't now move until she dies because she has no one else in the UK (& she's fighting fit lol)

My sister never came back to Scotland and has been through many traumas. I leave for Australia on 24th Sept. All my dad can say to me is it's not about us it's about you and your life. You can not live your life for others. Your mum & I put everything on hold to look after our parents and all we now have is regrets.

My partners family on the other hand are saying once you step on that plane you will never see us again (My gran flew out for her 90th birthday so never say never) but that is actually pushing him further & further away.

Sorry if this is sounding a bit doom & gloom it's not meant to be. I guess what I'm saying is yes it is hard to leave a family unit behind, but is it any less selfish to deny your own family an opportunity for a different life in Oz?

What we did was set up a skype account with a skypein number where you get a local number in the UK & they can ring it for the cost of a local call although it rings in your house in Oz. My gran calls my sister all the time. Make sure they remember the time difference, gran seems to think that because she's calling a Glasgow number then Jaqui must be in Glasgow

Sorry just saw your second post about cash, think the rule of thumb is how long will you need the cash to last? We couldn't sell our flat so don't have a great deal of disposible income to go with however we have someone that we can stay with so really only need enough cash to get us through until we find work. The plan was to travel around for 6 months but now we just need to cut our cloth accordingly. Just think would you be freaking out thinking I only have enough money for 6 months or would you be ok only having enough money for a month? It all boils down to your own comfort zone. My partner used to think he was poor if he didn't have £100 note in his wallet when I first met him, boy did that attitude get changed quickly when he met me!

Best of luck with everything

hppokpy

Very interesting question, it was something I was thinking about today,
Have you thought about who will look after the grandparents when they are "realy old" ill and need “full time care”?

I have this dilemma too as i am the only son and if i leave them I have no idea on what we will do and have been asking myself if I am being a selfish pig but a lot of you guys must being going through this…

THORPES

I am worried about leaving my parents. I am an only child but my step dad has a daughter. She is a waste of space but thats another story.
Although my mum and stepdad are only 54 & 59, I wonder what will happen in 15 - 20 years. If me & my family are settled in Australia, what will happen to my parents.
Im hoping they will love Australia and move over.

Jill
xxx

Alborg

You could always read the answers to my amazingly popular question "leaving your parents behind"

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...parents+behind

best4ever

We are/were in the same boat. Mother-in-law was adament we werent going and would make our life hell for us not to go. She told everyone. Came out to oz with us, at my suggestion for a holiday - and fell out with me. Didnt speak to me for a couple of weeks - and I couldnt do enough for her, but she was adament that we were not going and hoped we werent. Threatened us in many ways, and even told us we would go 'over her dead body'. Taking this into account, we still had to think about us - I was ill a few years ago and felt I got a second chance in life. Could have died with 2 very young children - life is so short - go for for it.

Unfortunately, in the equation my mother-in-law got stomach cancer and died, very sad for us, but didnt hate her for the way she went on, she would have missed us, but we have to think of us and our children.

My dad is still alive, he is the only one left here, but he has always said to make the most of our lives and do what we want to do. So thats good.

Dont envy you in you decision. God its a hard one, but as I have said before 'Life is Short, you only get one chance at it'.

hppokpy

Is it possible?

Alborg

Most people are selfish to some extent. I guess it's human nature - although tough when family are involved.

Burkins

When we told all our friends and family that we were moving, one friend said to me "I wish that I was selfish enough to do it".

That really upset me - do I have to stay in the city I was born for the rest of my life not to be selfish?

I have my own family with husband and kids and I want what is best for us.

My parents have been ok and the in laws ok too, they are upset but have tried to be positive for us. They are now actively planning their retirement to Oz.

Good luck.

stepbeanie

Oh my word please tell me it isn't possible for my outlaws to retire in Oz. I want to live there myself I don't want to be finding some other place to move to

That said my partner did tell his parents that he had booked his flight finally today (he's been sitting on that info for a couple of weeks now) MIL said why do you have to pick the place on the planet that is furtherest away from us? Let the emotional blackmail commence, last time we talked about it 14 years ago (hadn't even applied for a visa) she was diagnosed with cancer & recovered with no treatment a walking miracle I'm sure!

I totally understand peoples upset my Gran asked me if I was going forever? She didn't mean anything bad by it but I cried my eyes out. I know that chances are when I step on the plane I will never see her again. She asked me to swear many years ago that I wouldn't attend her funeral. I'm crying now writing this, I know I'll always have her in my heart but the thought of never seeing her smiling face again in person just kills me. If only we could take emotions out of the equation it would all be so simple. The sad fact is that there is just no easy solution to it all.

to all who are going through the emotional rollercoaster, here's to the highs the lows, and running round to join the queue to do it all again x

Laura and Tom

Stepbeanie youve got me filling up now as well!! I was chatting to my gran the other day (shes 91) she said that she will wave to me in Oz on her way to heaven, I cried all the way home...god knows what all the other drivers thought. You are right though, if we could take emotions out of it it would be so much easier.
Hope it works out for you
XX

islandergirl

So why are we thinking of moving away and leaving our families? Apart from the obvious things like weather, cost of living, cramped conditions etc etc associated with living in England, more than anything we want to embark on the experience and adventure of moving to Australia while we're still young enough.

I'm not going into the emotional side - that is the hardest bit for most people and takes a few years to really sink in.

Yes it's an adventure to come out here and I have had some amazing experiences over 11 years.

BUT don't come out based on the cost of living being cheaper here, it's not.
Petrol is still cheaper at $1.50 per litre, which is handy as the spread out nature of the cities means you drive further.

Unless you are coming from the south of England chances are housing will be more expensive here and wages are generally lower.

Groceries etc are a bit more expensive, clothes and electrical items are definitely more (less competition in the retail sector) taxes on major transactions like property prices much higher, and air tickets are more expensive going from Aus to UK than vice versa.

The weather is much sunnier, most of the eastern states are in drought which means water restrictions and a parched landscape even now in spring.
But it is nice being able to plan outdoor activities in advance and living near wineries is fab.

So in some ways it is better, in some ways worse, better to just say it is different and you won't be disappointed.