Sophie Louise

This is my first post, so hello to everyone!!

I'm moving to Brisbane this year with my Aussie boyfriend (and cats). We're going over for 3 weeks in March (interviews/ house hunting/ making sure I don't hate it as I've never been to Oz before and minor details like that...) and then moving out permanently in May/ June time. Very scary....

The practical stuff's been easy so far - massively helped by the fact that I'm going with an Aussie who comes from Brisbane. The hardest bit has been family reactions though. My dad's been great - very supportive - and so has my sister, but my mum has taken it very hard. We've been talking about it for over a year, and throughout that period she has burst in to tears every time the word 'Australia' has been mentioned. Now it's 'this year' as opposed to 'next year' it's all got very real for her, and she's really not coping with the thought of us going - despite our assurances of visits/ web cams/ etc.

Talking reasonably with her really isn't helping, as her reactions are (understandably) emotional rather than practical. At the moment she won't speak to me, as she says that the only way she can deal with it. I'm just really hoping that once we're in Brisbane she'll adjust to it, and things will get better. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? And did it get better?!!!! (Lie to me if necessary!)

Sophie

moneypenny20

Big welcome Sophie.

Unfortunately that is a big thing on here. Some family members really struggle to deal with it. Mums seem to be the hardest hit unless it's mine of course but that is another subject Everyone is different. Some do come to terms with their child leaving, others don't. Not much help I know.

Read this thread, there are loads of others but this is fairly representative. Let's face it, we are going thousands of miles away from loved ones it is only normal that at least one person you know will deal with it badly.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...oblems+unhappy

Hope you enjoy Brissie. There are stacks of people on here who are there if you see what I mean so lots of backup as well as everyone else here.

Look forward to your views of Aus.

Dreamaway 10

Hi there Sophie welcome to the Forum as Moneypen says there really are loads of us who have exactly the same problem.
Now the New Year is here we too will hopefully be saying that its this year it all happens and believe me that its a really scarry thought.
I am very close to my Mum and know its going to be really ahrd to say goodbye also reckon it will alwys be really hard but in time it may get easier.
As you say you are lucky as your boyfriend is from Brisbane so at least he can give you a good load of info before you go.
Best of luck Hope Australia lives up to your expectations.
Dreamaway

jimtrish

hi sophie and welcome to the madhouse!
my inlaws were all fine-ish about us going as it was always 'next year', but i then got a job and things became more serious for them as opposed to them just thinking it was a mere whim.
they now are being very difficult and cannot comprehend our reasons for going, we have offered to pay for their flights to visit us but they say they couldnt afford the long break! basically they are blocking all our efforts, all we can hope is that when we go in the summer, they will have come round abit.
its very difficult, but hang on in there, loads of us are going through the same.

Trish

artep

Welcome to the forum Sophie

As moneypen said...there's bound to be at least one member of the family that's not going to take the news well. And it's usually mum! We're hopefully headed to Brissy soon when our house sale goes through and my mum still gets upset when we discuss emigrating with her and we've been talking about it for the last 3 years!!!!!
Your mum will get used to the idea sooner or later but it may well take some time. But at the end of the day its your life and its your choice....you only get one bite at the cherry!!!

Good Luck!!!!!

Sophie Louise

Thanks for that, and I will read through that thread as I'm very sure it is a common situation!

My mum is also blocking attempts to deal with the fact that we're going - despite offers from us to buy them tickets out, etc. My dad's being fantastic though, and is talking seriously about the prospect of them both following us out there for their retirement - I'm wishing him lots of luck in diplomatic negotiating with mum on that one!!!

They did ask us to postpone our trip to give mum more time to get used to it and, as evil as I feel saying no, we refused to do this as it's been over a year of discussions now - I don't think more time will help! Things will hopefully improve once we're there. (I'll just keep telling myself that for the next few months anyway...!!)

Sophie

logan

Hi Sophie Louise,
Welcome to the forum. I have an Aussie passport and my boyfriend has only ever been there on a 3 week holiday, but loved it. He had intended on leaving the UK prior to meeting me, but didn't know where he wanted to go. I'm fortunate that my folks are retiring there in 2007, and have wanted me to go back for years, but it's all been about the wrong time, wrong person etc.

My other half's folks are mixed. His Dad and step mum are great, and very encouraging. They love to travel, work for an airline (like us) and will definately be over to us. His step dad is also very positive, but his mum is quiet I would say about it. I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it. She's not very forthcoming about how she feels, but saying that she just retired to France, and had grief from her parents so I know she feels she can't say too much. I think the biggest problem is she hates flying, (as do I), but she'll do it if she has to, and she'll miss her son too much to not come.

Your Mum will hopefully come around. I'm sure your Dad will support her when you go, and there's the beauty of webcams (we've just bought ours in preparation!).

We're also going to Brissy, where do you think you'll live? Where's your boyfriend from? Oh so many questions!! sorry
Logan

Sophie Louise

It's always one of those really difficult things I guess - especially if yourself or family hate flying but, as you say, I'm sure with all our families that they will overcome all of these issues to visit when the day comes.

My boyfriend's from Camira, and we're looking at a couple of areas to move to - ideally The Gap or Green Bank, which (he tells me) are nice areas where you can have acreage. In the long term I'd love to have horses, so land would be fantastic. When do you think you'll return? And to which part? I've not been yet, so I'm not really sure which areas are nice - I've just been looking on the realestate.com.au website, and listening to my boyfriend!

Sophie

logan

Not very familiar with the southside, but my parents are looking at it for acreage purposes. We know the medicals and police checks have been received, so we're just waiting on the visa now. (fingers crossed, but the trades recognition folk have passed him for his occupation). We hope to leave end of Feb, beginning of March. The packers are coming on the 6th Jan!! :scared: The flat looks like it's been trashed!! We've got three cats, how many have you got and how old? Our youngest is featured as our avatar!

Sophie Louise

Excellent - so you're nearly there! We have flights booked from 25th March to April 18tth (interview mission), and then plan to be out there permanently by the end of May/ start of June. Hopefully I should get a de facto spouse type visa, as have been living together for over a year. Boyfriend is contacting immigration tomorrow to get the application underway, but in the mean time I can come out on a year working holiday visa.

I was going to ask if that was a picture of your cat!! Very pretty. We've got 2, and they're brothers - both 3 years old. Are you taking the cats over? We've been looking in to Airpets and Golden Arrow, both of which seem to be rated highly on this site. Brisbane's a bit of a nightmare not having a quarantine centre though, so I guess that means transporting them on from Melbourne. Not looking forward to doing that to them...!!!!

Whereabouts in Brisbane will you be moving?

Sophie

logan

Most definately taking the cats!! Costing about £2500 for the 3 from door to door :scared: but they're worth it. We have Logan, 8 months, Milo and Mischief who are 3 and brother and sister. They're our "kids"! We live in Edinburgh and would've used Golden Arrow, even got quotes from a few companies but settled with a company just down the road. Having worked for BA, I know they're used regularly and my vet knows and approves of them. I know what you mean about not having a quarantine site, but we're sending ours to Sydney. They get stressed if you visit, but I've e-mailed and spoken to the quarantine station and they were v. helpful. Can give you details if you want. They get their own keeper, who looks after them, so they'll build a rapport which is good, and you can phone for an update anytime.
As for where in Brissy, well not too sure. Have always live northside. (lived there twice, and left last time when I was 16. 29 now :scared: ) Used to live in Carseldine, have friends in Redcliffe and Bracken Ridge. Petrie and Burpengary give you more land for your money it seems. What line of work are you both in?

Off for an indian now!

mel n jay

Hi your post has hit home for me this weekend, the only people I had not discussed my plans with fully are my parents as I love them so much and hate the thought of hurting them. I did mention in the summer that I had a plan to look into visa's etc and was told I could not take my boy's away from them, I did mention I may get a visa go for holiday and pop back while boy's go through school and left it like that. My sister burst out in tears at the weekend asking when we were going to tell them about us moving!!, mum walked off, she says dad is so upset as we have not been going up as much as thinks it's cos we have plans to move which my sponsor has mentioned to them, it is true we have not been up to play as much as usual but it's a combination of bad weather and being tired so can't be bothered to go out. I feel really bad and really do not know what to say as I do not know what will happen in the future, I don't know if I will get a visa or move in the next few years it's just a plan, a dream, an adventure I would like to have. So suppose the motto is just tell people of your intentions.

Merlot

I lived in Oz for 7 years, my hubby 17 before returning to the UK in March 2004.

His family moved to Oz in 1987 and are still there, mine are in the UK. We have concluded that we will never make everyone happy but as long as we are, that is what counts. Yes, we both feel guilt, we both have guilt thrown at us but we remain strong and focused on living the life we want.

It must be even harder for those deciding on emigrating in the present climate and heart break in SE Asia. Something like this, very traumatic makes you want to glue those you love to your sides.

I remember as daft as it sounds my Dad telephong the day they delcared war on Iraq a few years back, Dad was in the UK and me in Oz. I could sense in his voice he felt the distance between us and the very real fact is we don't know what is around the corner.

Good luck with everything.

Merlot

jimtrish

the things you say are so true, and with the awful tsunami's i think it has made all of us and our families aware, of just how far away we will be.
At the end of the day, i think as long as they know my family and i are happy and we still love them and try to involve them in their grandchildrens lives in some way, then i can do no more than that.
I think that at some point they have to let you fly and find your dreams.

Sophie Louise

I think that's a very important point regarding telling people your intentions. For the last year my mum has burst in to tears at the word 'Australia', and specifically asked us not to bring up the topic at all, saying that she didn't want to know our plans. We've spoken to her about it throughout this period, but it's either ended in tears/ arguments (which means the conversation has usually been ended and not got anywhere useful) or she has terminated the conversation before she could get upset.

While I understand that it's an upsetting topic for her I think this plays a big part in the sudden shock realisation that actually it's not much longer until we go. She says that she didn't believe we would really do it, and clung to the hope that I wouldn't like Australia, or that it was just a whim.

Kind of went the other way for some of my friends. Some have been great and very supportive, but others (including the person I thought was a best friend) have written us off already, telling other friends that there's 'no point' in making any big efforts with us as we're going anyway!! Ouch.... (Quick way of finding out who the real friends are I guess!)

We're now in a horrible sense of limbo - in rented house (sold house last year), parental nightmare (although - wish me luck - have arranged emergency summit meeting with my mother tomorrow night for peace talks!!!), and some dodgy friends floating around!!

But I do honestly think the benefits will outweigh all of this.

Sophie