Originally Posted by mabozar (Post 4789615)

Has anyone had problems with family prior to emigrating? i.e. the ones that are left behind, parents, grandparents etc.

We are soon to flit to Perth WA, have visa, and soon to put house on market.
All was well until there was a 'small' fallout in family on my in laws side. Everyone is happy to kiss and make up, apart from my mother in law who is a bit of a witch.

This is my wifes step mum, who would make an excellent role model for all those wicked step mothers in all those childrens fairy tales.

Father in law is a nice old bloke, but too spineless to stand up to her.

Basically, they have said to my wife, that if things are not sorted out, they will not come out to Oz and see us, thus our kids will never see their grandparents again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How's that for emotional blackmail!!!???

Obviously this is very settling for us, and very upsetting for my wife, who is an absolute angel, and makes it kind of difficult to go, leaving on bad terms.

Any time my wife, Carol, calls them, she ends up in tears, upset at their attitude. I've tried talking to them, and remained calm, even though I feel like ripping their heads off.

Anyone else had any such problems, and if so did you manage to resolve them.
Any comments or advice would be most welcome.

Ian

Originally Posted by Hel&Will (Post 4792602)

Like someone said - you can't choose your family - unfortunately.

When we were finally granted our visas in March I told my mum immediately. She accused me of being selfish and being brainwashed by my husbands family (who are in Oz). She has known for 3 years that we were trying to emigrate and no I did not expect her to be happy for us when we finally got the visas. Although we are now on talking terms she refuses to discuss our move later this year. She hates flying so has said that she will never visit us and her only grandson and now the sooner we go the better!

Ontop of this, my only sister announced a week after our visas were granted that she is getting married next year. I am thrilled that she has finally found someone who makes her happy and that she is getting married and maybe going to start a family, it is just the timing is so crap. We don't know if we will be able to afford to come back next summer for her wedding which has not gone down too well with her. She is trying to make me feel guilty as she wants me to help her organise her wedding, go on her hen do, be there if and when she has a baby - all decided after she knew we had to land in Oz during January 2008.

I do have days where I panic at the thought of moving and leaving everything that I know behind. I just wish my mum and sister would understand that this was not an easy decision to make and try to be supportive to us instead of putting us on a guilt trip all the time.

Originally Posted by mabozar (Post 4789615)

Basically, they have said to my wife, that if things are not sorted out, they will not come out to Oz and see us, thus our kids will never see their grandparents again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by kezzabird (Post 4793414)

Wow that is the same thing as me. I have always been close to my family and when we had a holiday to Tasmania last year I fell in love with the place and decided to go through the immigration process. When I told my mum she didn't speak to me for 2 weeks! and then after that she was very funny with me and wouldn't talk about Oz at all. 2 weeks ago I got confirmation that our visa's were nearing completion and when I told her she attacked my partner saying that she couldn't trust him to take care of me! Like hello mother I'm not an invalid!!!

Any way 2 days later I got the visa's through. My parents are on holiday in Turkey at the moment and I didn't want to spoil it for them but the shit is really gonna hit the fan when they get back. I love my mum and dad to bits but it really hurts to hear some of the nasty stuff they come out with to try and stop you from going. My mum also hates flying and I have her only grandson she said that she will never forgive me for doing this. Which makes me feel like shit:(

But its my life and my family now and I am gonna do what is best for them, if I don't do it now I'll always be wondering what if?

I know it feels like shit at the moment but I am convinced it will be ok in the end.

Heres to wishful thinking!!:beer:

Originally Posted by mabozar (Post 4795192)

She'll need you before you need her, you have to do what's best for your family. Looks like she will have to fly then.

Cheers Carol oooooo the drama.

Originally Posted by eddie007 (Post 4795252)

I used to be manipulated by people in my family, they could push my buttons and pull my strings but in the end I used Tough Love to change my situation..

It really, physically hurts when you need other peoples love and or approval and the only way I could break the cycle of abuse (becasue it was abuse) was to toughen up, occupy myself with my work, my own family and friends and wait for them to realise I wasn't desparate for them any more.

I needed the love, understanding and 100% unquestioning loyalty of my husband. I drew lines and wouldn't let them cross them...

If I felt my buttons being pushed (and after over 30 years they were expert) I walked away ... Very quickly before they could engage me.... and it was physical walking away... After some distance and lots of practice (walking away from situations) I was able to develop better strategies to cope with the manipulation.

I have one rule now when it comes to family .... I set the standard by which they treat me, if they treated a friend or aqauintance like this would it be acceptable? Yes...I stay, No.... I go.

We have got to the stage where we can be more honest and open with each other.... but I no longer allow myself to be psychologically abused or manipulated. I'm no longer a needy victim.

Originally Posted by pomgrrl (Post 4796454)

Both my husband and I had pretty dysfunctional upbringings and therefore do not have many close family connections and for us although there have been some perceived ideas about what our children have missed out on ie grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. but our children have far from missed out on love and support from us as "their" family, just the five of us in total.
So in a sense, it is easier for us as we don`t have to consider anyone else,we did our grieving or whatever you call it years ago.

Reading these posts I can not believe how controlling and nasty the people you love have been, Tum is completely correct when she/he says its abuse because it is!!!:curse:

How would you all feel if you stayed for those particular people? things would probably not be the same again, would you feel bitter and resentful?

They have had there lives and made their decisions, now is your time, live your lives for you and your kids:thumbsup:

I wish you all best with your decisions, god knows it hard enough without the added hassle from "LOVED ONES"
Karma to you all:wub:

Originally Posted by asher (Post 4799596)

I find it so sad to read these kinds of posts, life is too short for all this nastiness.

I am so lucky my mother loves me I love my stepfather and he doesnt try to make me forget my deceased father :)


however this woman is not worth it.
father in law has decided he wants a quiet life that is his choice

let them know they will always be welcome then live your lives. your own family are your priority ie wife and kids

it is very hard and very hurtful

Originally Posted by Cameron Clan (Post 4801380)

I totally agree :thumbsup:

Originally Posted by wanderingwombat (Post 4801450)

How come all these "loving & caring" parents didnt show the "love/care" to give their own children the opportunity in OZ all those years ago?

The £10 pom and all that.

WW