jad n rich

The family of 4 and fave brother have gone

Can I just say one thing missing family gets harder and harder to deal with as the years here tick away.

At first the UK family all did the trip out, had plenty of visitors first year. Then the reality of the flight and the cost of where else they could go for far less ( and often more interesting ) hits home and visitors drop right off. So we thought we hit lotto with 2 lots in 2 months arrived.

Usual visitor ups and downs from the theme park aint it cheap phase to the nice but couldnt live there stage to the amazed at places like Thursday Island, Weipa, Bamaga etc which my bro took on. The shock of going on a tour which ended up instead of backpackers but aussies of a mere late 40's/50ish who look and acted like pensioners, and thought they were really seeing the world as they drove dust and saw sunsets

Big family get togethers like you should have, but as a immigrant you see others enjoying but dont have anymore .....

Then the goodbyes OMG if I didnt have kids here I would have been on that plane with the fave brother in 10 seconds flat...

Then the OH decides to sympathetically suggest we go back for christmas, knowing bloody well airfares are around $14,000 for a family now :curse:and a month off work with no pay so I got really pissed off with ultra stupid suggestion.

If someone said you only have ONE piece of advice to offer on immigrating to OZ ( distance OMG ) it would be if you have close family - DONT DO IT.

I know someone will disagree but I dont care, I wouldnt wish this feeling of those you care about on 2 sides of world on anyone, the distance/cost is huge and it sucks big time:curse: and I want have an extended family and I want my kids to have an extended family and as long as we live here it aint gonna happen.

Machiavelli

Really feel for you!

I always feel like I have 'deserted' myself here when visitors leave. I've always moved about and thought that I was over feeling sad at goodbyes, but the goodbyes here seem to be very final because of the distance.

I wish I had some good advice to give to help you get over the sadness, but I'm sorry, I don't.

Take care,

M

Mrs Jackaroo

No disagreeing with you here mate - I hear you loud and clear. When my mum headed back last year, I couldn't even look at her without wanting to cry on the build up to her leaving. When it came to the big day, I couldn't go to the airport, it was just too hard. Shes due to come out again in Novermber, and although I cant wait to see her, I'm already thinking about how hard it'll be when she leaves again

Why do we put ourselves through it?? For the sun?? Not worth it in my opinion

bu1lder

Is it just me? but, if you are so miserable.....why are you there then?

Mrs Jackaroo

I'm not miserable....I'm just saying I dont think its worth moving to the other side of the world just for the sun. Obviously in many cases there is a lot more in the equation, like kids and partners. Do you just up and leave just because one part of the move doesnt make you happy, and then make the rest of your family unhappy?? I dont!

NKSK version 2

Excellent advice.

For all those people who say that you only live once so you should go for it and explore the delights of Australia whilst you can - "you only live once, wouldn't want any regrets..." etc etc, I'd say............
when your family members start to die and the sudden realisation hits you that you will never see them again, do you think...."I'm glad I moved to a country with nice beaches....."?

Nikki.P

You are so right. I love it here and generally I am happy, but when the people you love come over and have to leave, you wonder what on earth you are thinking and it only gets harder as they get older. It's the only reason I can't say I am here forever. Although thats exactly how I thought about coming here..'."its an adventure and you only live once', and right now I don't regret it, but I am sure when the inevitable happens I will ask myself if it was worth it....and I'm pretty sure of the answer. Thats exactly how it feels - like someone has ripped your heart out and it makes you think of what you're putting the people you love most in the world and who love you most in the world through. I know people will say that you know all this when you make the move, which is true, but it doesn't change it and it doesn't make it any easier.

Nikki

NKSK version 2

I find that it gets harder as I get older. I don't want to get too maudlin but although my family drive me crackers sometimes, when I think of the eternity facing all of us after death, I do wonder whether it is better to have stayed with those that you love and those that love you in the instance of life - in spite of how much they drive you bonkers on Christmas afternoon.

Mrs Jackaroo

Spot on Nikki. I would add that as much as you KNOW it before you leave, you dont FEEL it. Having some say goodbye to you in Australia is FAR FAR harder than us saying goodbye to them in the UK without a doubt.

When my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year I thought the bottom had fallen out of my life - I was completely lost thinking things like "shall I go straight home? Shall I wait for the results? shall i wait for her to start treatment? shall I take Danielle with me? how long will I stay? etc etc etc - nothing, and I mean NOTHING can prepare you for that when you live on the other side of the world. In the end it all turned out good, but I would have given anything to be by her side while she was going through it.

NKSK version 2

Right ***** it.

I'm off home tonight.

Mrs Jackaroo

Tickets please.....

quoll

You wont get any argument from me! In fact the older I get the worse it is - when I was young and very blase about it all it didnt matter - my parents made the trip on a regular basis and now, nearing the age that they did it, I realize the impact it made on them every year to trek out to Australia for summer. Sure, my mum drives me nuts but now I am here on a visit, I really really do not want to go back there again, there is too much here and too many here for me to leave them! Unfortunately for some of us, having an Aussie OH is a real PITA because guess where he wants to be??? And it aint here!

Vash the Stampede

I have a close family, but it didn't stop me moving to the UK.

Both of my grandparents have died since I arrived here. I was unable to visit either of them before they went; in both cases, my workplace wouldn't give me time off to fly Down Under. All I could do was to send some emails that were read to them before they died.

My grandmother had managed to fly over and attend my wedding in 2005. That was the last time I saw her.

It's hard to be stuck in a foreign country on the other side of the world without any chance for a final goodbye in person.

Brisben

Yep I was very close to family and hate it everytime someone visits then goes home.

It does make you want to go back with them, you also question why you came.

I also try to remember exactly why I came. I also try to remember why I left the UK.

To be honest the feelings pass after a few days.

But it is hard, I feel for you....

I think the returning gets hard as time passes also.

You settle in, your kids love it and you truly have a better lifestyle.

Ozzy dog

Hi Jad,

So sorry to see you feeling so sad, all I can say is that I'm thinking of you and you know your not alone, life isn't straight forward is it?

Once when I was feeling very low about not being able to share a particularly lovely thing with my sisters in the UK, I found solace in the fact that I have such great sisters and that I'm lucky to have had them. Not everyone has good or positive family relationships and perhaps thats the cross we bear when we miss them.

People we met did say that its the family visits that often keep them going, others dread them. Most of us fall somewhere in-between.

Thinking of you.

Tracey x