redlion

Well I am not really sure where to start with this one, I am sure that many of you who are doing this have maybe gone through the same sort of thing. I do have to say though that I found it quite upsetting and I dont why but it came as a bit of a shock to me too.

I was recently at the wedding of one of my cousins, it was going to be a great day not only because it gave me a chance to see of my family that i havent seen for quite some time but it was also a chance to see my aunts who are living in Australia, they had travelled all the way over for this lovely family occasion. the day started off well enough with everyone meeting in the lovely posh hotel that was to be our residence for the evening. We found which rooms everyone was staying and and i run around the hotel like an excited school child from room to room greeting my uncle from yeovil and my aunts from Australia and my nana and my brother from Nottingham it was crazy and exciting to see my lovely family all together under one roof. We all met up for drinks and before long we where getting into our finery ready for the wedding.

I am going to jump ahead now to the end of the evening and say that we all had a lovely day and of course there was much eating of very fine food and copious ammounts of alchohol consumed, we danced and had a fantastic day all around, except for one thing that is. Although now i have come away from the day i know i should have expected it but at the time it hurt greatly. What I am rattling on about is the fact that so many of my family, who all by the way know that we are applying to move to Australia, when talking to me and my wife could be so negative about us going. "Are you doing the right thing?" "Are you sure this is what you want?" " what are you going to get over there that you dont have here?" "But you have got such a lovely house here!!" It just didnt seem to stop i was even accused by one member of my family of pushing my wife into the move which was one of the most upsetting things. We have decided to try this move as a family, we have discussed this entire thing as a family and that includes full in depth discussion with our ten year old daughter, explaining exactly what this move would mean to her and what it would entail.

Now i know that some of you would say that this is concern from my family and that they are just saying it because they want to make sure that we are doing the right thing but i have to say i am very dissapointed and quite hurt that not one single person that day came up to me or us and said, hey great you go for it, good luck. Am I being selfish or am I misunderstanding the situation? I dont know but it definately took the shine off a day that I was so looking forward to as potentialy being one of the last for quite some time that i would see some of my family.

By the way for anyone that is interested, we have now sent off the first lot of forms and currently waiting for the TRA papers to come back so that we can get started on processing those. Have a great day and remember sometimes life is just too damn short and you just have to grab it by the balls and go for it.


Cheers for now,

Nev.

CORKER

STUFF THEM...... You have to do what you think is best for you and your family...not stay here with the rest of them who like you say "haven't got the BALLS" to give it a go....

GOOD ON YOU AND GOOD LUCK WITH THE TRA....



CORKER

redlion

thanks corker much appreciated

Nev.

Wickedsid

Hi there
We had a very bad response from my mom, made the children feel very guilty, and things have been very strained for a few months now.
We know that we are doing the right thing for us and our children and we are sticking to our decision, if family want to be negative thats fine but we are not going to let that rub off on us, we are feeling very positive and hope it stays that way!!
Keep hold of your dreams, I believe that eventually our families will understand and hopefully yours will too!!

Good luck with the TRA
Carole

meljor

Nev.[/QUOTE]

Oh im so sorry they spoilt your day, cant really say whether they were well meaning or selfish but for what its worth I believe you have to live your life your way (mmm could be a song in there) after all the world is getting smaller and you can always come back, and and Im sure your rels dont consult you on every decision they make. What do your rels in Australia think? Hope everything turns out ok. Mel

redlion

Oh im so sorry they spoilt your day, cant really say whether they were well meaning or selfish but for what its worth I believe you have to live your life your way (mmm could be a song in there) after all the world is getting smaller and you can always come back, and and Im sure your rels dont consult you on every decision they make. What do your rels in Australia think? Hope everything turns out ok. Mel[/QUOTE]

Rels In oz are just fine, they are sponsoring us and assurer too but that said they are not forcing us to come over. this is something I and my wife have wanted for a very long time but are now just having the guts to go for it. I suppose thats why it hurt so much when i got such negative vibes from my family. We will do this regardless, it just would have been so much nicer with a little encouragement from the family.
I must just point out that my mum has been great about the whole thing but thats because i know that given the choice, she too would be on her way.

Nev.

p63500sv8

Hi

Sorry to hear about your families response.
People can be selfish and tend to look at these things from their point of view only.
Most of our family that we have told are excited for us.
They forget that Australia is only 24 hours away and they potentially have free accomodation!
You can always get a webcam once you are there.

If you know you are making the right decision then ignore everyone elses opinions.

Good luck with your application.

Best wishes

Michael

Grayling

Remember this can work both ways.

G

moneypenny20

G is right, but very often words get said that cannot be unsaid on both sides and when someone is trying to voice concern it comes over as hugely negative. Some people don't think before they speak and other just don't think at all.

Everyone, bar one has been really positive for us although obviously they are going to miss us loads and vis versa But, and it's a big but, once you have a family ie wife hubby kids, that unit is the one you have to look after first.

Accept that you can't please everyone and there will always be at least one who cannot deal with it.

No one said getting a visa and moving to the other side of the world was going to be easy :scared:

v moore

Hi Nev,
I was just sat hear thinking about my families reactions to our move and just like you we never got any Quote"Good on ya or good luck".
I am very peed off also its the biggest thing me and Mr Moore have ever done and i am very excited but also very scared about our move.
Wayne said tonite that we should start and be a bit more selfish and just think of what we want not what everyone else wants.
Also you are 100% correct about life been to short . I say grab the bulls by its balls and go for it.
Good Luck and you do what ever makes you and your familys life a happy one.
Have a happy and safe journey.
Vanessa (Mr Moores misses)

nanci

I am sorry you have had such a special day spoilt for you. We faced a lot of flack from our families over our decision to move here, and the months to our move were a real roller coaster ride.

Personally I questioned myself many times over our motives to make this move, but knew that if we didn't do it we would be saying what if... in the future.

We have now been here nearly year, and are still riding the roller coaster to a certain extent, but our families have accepted our decision and as we are all happy and settled, they have realised that our move wasn't perhaps the disaster they predicted, not that any of them would acknowledge that.

You have to be a bit selfish yourself and do what you feel is best for you, I have no regrets over our decision to move, in fact feel it really did give us a "new life down-under".

Good luck to you,

Nanci

blossom

Hi, just have to say that this type of response is quite normal, and I don't think you should take it personally. Look at it from their point of view, you and your family and here with them, and they are going to miss you terribly and cannot envisage what life will be like for you in Australia or life for them without you all in the future.

You just cannot expect family to be as excited as you its your dream you are following not theirs and they aren't following your dream but concerned for you all.

Having left my family back in 1981, I know exactly what you are going through, but at no time did I expect my family or my husband's, to be ecouraging and excited about our plans.

Once we left it was a big adventure for us - I didn't know that back in the UK my mother suffered a nervous breakdown etc, thankfully nobody put this guilt on me, but you need to understand how they are feeling too. Look at it from another angle, in 15 or 30 years time when your children have grown and they decide Australia isn't for them and they want excitement and to see the world or return to UK, will be honestly be really pleased for them that they are leaving you in Australia to follow their own dreams - I know I would be upset if my daughter did that - not that I would stop her of course, but because I love her so much I would desperately miss her and my grandchildren.

So be kind to them, they are not wishing you ill, they just can't see life in the future without you, and for that you should have a sense of pride that you and your family are loved.

They will be happy for you once they see that you have settled and are getting on with your lives - in fact they will end up being very proud of you and probably brag about how you are doing so well in Australia - so be kind and be patient.

Blossom

mand8002

We had much the same really. My mum saying "what do you want to go there for?". She never really said I will miss you but was more concerned with how she would get her shopping (not that she needs anyone to take her!).
Friends that I thought cared didn't even wish us luck for the future and accused us of being selfish. Well excuse me but should I stay somewhere for someone elses benefit, it is my life not theirs. Only a few people wanted to stay in contact, and these have been accused of not caring about us. I fail to see how people can say they care and then not wish to be in contact with us.
I wonder sometimes if people are jealous that we are trying to carve out a more fulfilled life for ourselves while they still trudge along. You live your life for yourself and your family, for nobody else. Although it is upsetting don't let it spoil your adventure.
We too discussed it as a family and it was a family decision. As it happens two of my daughters are still in the UK and we have been accused of abandoning them. We discussed things at length and if at anytime one had said they didn't want to go or indeed the ones in UK didn't want us to go then we wouldn't have moved. Obviouslt people didn't know us as well as they thought.
Keep your chin up and live your life, not the life they want you to lead. All the best.
Amanda

jensteve

I guess your family are very upset you are going and their way of dealing with it is to say nothing. Mine did a similar thing, I still didn't get a good bye from my dad or even a hug, pretty shitty really but my nan said he was very upset we where going but he knew we where doing the right thing for us.

It really annoyed me at the time that none of them seemed overly bothered about our adventure, but must have been their way of coping.

Jenny

ShozInOz

Several emotions or thoughts can underlie people's responses to announcing one is moving for the other side of the world, such as:
* sadness - really like you being around
* grief - at a major loss, e.g. you or your children
* jealousy or envy - don't want you to be 'better' than them or wish they were going
* fear - at how they will cope without you
* pride - at how well you are doing
* bitterness - at you taking something away from them or at you 'putting down' their home country where they intend to stay

These translate into a number of behavioural responses, such as:
* nonchalence - unable to express the emotion or thought
* anger - at you leaving them
* pleased - genuinely pleased you are making a go of a big change

Many people just can't interpret their feelings about your leaving, or else can't translate these into an appropriate response.

I was a little surprised when my relatives did not seem sad at all, but said it sounded like a good opportunity, or else made reference to the UK going downhill, etc. They reacted on a cognitive level. Friends were more open about their feelings and said they would really miss us. They reacted on an affective level. On the other hand if I had said I'm leaving because I hate the UK etc etc, then I could rightly expect far more negative responses.

I suppose the thing to bear in mind is that people are not necessarily in touch with their feelings or may not know what kind of response is appropriate.