SydneyStace

Hi All,
I have a huge family dilema, but before I explain I will give you some history.

OK, Mum left Dad when I was about 2, never lived with her - Dad bought me & my sister up, so I haven't had a really good relationship with my Mum.
Have been in Aus for 2 years now with hubbie & we have just bought a house. Extremely happy here - no regrets! Step - dad is a jack of all trades & so we offered to pay for them to come over & he could renovate bathroom plus a few other bits. They are really low on money so basically couldn't have afforded to come over, so we thought we'll do you a favour (3 month holiday - well for Mum anyway) & we get our bathroom done. I thought this may be a good way of trying to build bridges in our relationship etc.
Anyway, Mum is a bit nosey & basically doesn't miss a thing, which made me & hubbie feel like we didn't have our own space. She cooked dinner for us all about 3 times in the whole 3 months as she "doesn't like cooking", so when I got home from work, I had to then make dinner while they sat & watched Neighbours!
Then when it came to bills, the phone & electricity had pretty much doubled & we were left with rather large bills without an offer from them to help contribute towards them! Despite the fact they went home with too much stuff cos they'd been buying loads of clothes etc for themselves!
I will admit that hubbie & I were a bit put out by all this plus more & as I said before, we don't have a very good relationship anyway.
So now comes my dilema Mum & step Dad want us to sponsor them so they can come & live out here.

Here are my issues:

We don't have enough money to be a guarenteed sponsor if they didn't have enough money.
I'm not sure if I could handle them here permanently

Should I ask them how much money they have?
They don't have life insurance & I have told them they will have to get it as we can't afford to cover them.

Basically Mum wants me to sign the form for her no questions asked & I'm not sure if I want to.

Can anyone advise on how to tackle this delicate subject? Basically I still want to end up talking to my Mum but I know she will get mad at me for asking any kind of question.

As you can tell, I'm all in a mess & would like some friendly but honest advice.

Thanks,
Stace

shade8

A lot of us will of had the same problem visitors been waited on hand and foot thinking they are staying in 1st class accomadation.
As for sponcering tricky just have to put the cards on the table from the start or should of been talked about while staying with you.
Good luck.

Mrs Jackaroo

Hi Stace

God this is a difficult one. If it were me I would probably just say 'I'm sorry but in order for us to sponsor you we have to show that we can financially cover you and that just isn't the case'. Be honest - this is your new life and if you dont really want your mum in it permanently then dont go out of your way to make it happen. Sounds harsh I know but you've got your family over here now with your new life (obviously it would be different if you had a close relationship with her) - if your mum is desperate enough to get across then she'll find another way. Whats her reason for wanting to move across by the way? Is it to be close to you or does she just like the life style? What does your husband say about it?

Good luck

Rach xxxx

galloping gaijin

..the life of an Expat...when people visit you, you look after them take them out and let them have a holiday...

when you visit them in the UK, you're coming home for a couple of weeks and their life carries on as normal

As to the OP, you should just point out the financial barriers that prevent you sponsoring them, as you have done to us...

to be very blunt, if your mum takes offense and gets the ar$e with your reasoning, just think what it would be like if they lived round the corner. Life can be stressful enough, with flying it in from the UK.

SydneyStace

Thanks for your comments Rach, she wants to move cos of the lifestyle I think (she loves the blue skies). Hubbie is not too keen on the idea but would leave it up to me to decide. Basically he doesn't like confrontation.

When they were here they were thinking that only hubbie could sponsor them, so Mum wouldn't talk to me about it. Every time I went out,she would approach him & ask if he could do it (and put him in an awkward situation where he couldn't say no), so it was kind of talked about, but my step dad is still deciding if he wants to. Mum is being pushy with him & asking me to complete forms already. I've had such an up/down relationship with my Mum that I can't handle having to go through a "not talking" stage, especially long distance.

Mrs Jackaroo

Its def a difficult one Stace - no denying that!

How about telling her that you're going to speak to an Agent about it?? That way the decision will be coming from the Agent rather than from yourselves??

SydneyStace

[QUOTE=galloping gaijin


As to the OP, you should just point out the financial barriers that prevent you sponsoring them, as you have done to us...

I have said this to her, but she reckons they've got enough money to support them, despite her not working (no pension) & he has a basic pensioner pay.

to be very blunt, if your mum takes offense and gets the ar$e with your reasoning, just think what it would be like if they lived round the corner. Life can be stressful enough, with flying it in from the UK. [/QUOTE]

Now this brings it home to me...yeah what would it be like her turning up every weekend! HHHmmmm

Thanks for your comments!
Stace

SydneyStace

How could I use that though? I don't know any financial details or how much money they have.

I notice your in Richmond...that's the area they like Richmond/Windsor.
I don't even think they have enough money to buy a decent house there!

Mrs Jackaroo

Exactly! Tell them that you're going to see an Agent and that you need all of their financial information - they're going to have to provide it at some point in the application anyway. If they're not happy to provide you with it then you just tell them the Agent said you can't proceed.

Yep we're in Richmond. For a decent 3 bed house around here you'd be looking to pay around $320k - $400k.

galloping gaijin

Plus of the stepdad is unsure, you're giving him more time to go cold on the idea. Maybe it's one of these post holidays whims that people have and you need to ride out the storm til they get it out of their system.

cranni

Did you get your bathroom done?
tricky one, you are happy , you have a nice life, why let them rock the boat, tell them at this moment in time, financially it cant be done. With a bit of luck they might get over it.
My mum and dad came for 3 months, they where great, i never washed or ironed while they where here, and they where baking and helping out all the time. Well better go do that ironing thats piled up since they left.
Denise

debilloyd

Hi Stace

When I came out here, I asked some friends to sponsor us. Quite rightly they asked about our financial situation as they have 2 small children to bring up and couldn't afford to bail us out of trouble. I was able to assure my friends that I had enough cash to keep us going (even without jobs) for several months and I also went through each of the benefits he would be liable for and explained 1) if it was applicable to us and 2) what he would be liable for if everything went pearshaped.

I agree with the other comments, unless your mum can be totally upfront with you, I wouldn't risk it even for family. After all, it will be your lifestyle that will be affected if it doesnt work out for your mum.

Debs

moneypenny20

Maybe I haven't read it all properly but if you can't afford to sponsor them, they will come unstuck surely. Obviously you don't know how much money they have, but I don't think you need to see an agent, afterall how much info can you give them.

Your mother and step dad are the ones that need an agent. They will have to give all the info and the agent will tell them if they can or can't. It may be that they don't stand an earthly regardless of if you were to sponsor them.

I would write and explain that you have visited a financial advisor who has told you that you are not eligible to sponsor them. If they still want to try and get over here, it's up to them, but you have done what you can. Not lying exactly.

SydneyStace

Yes we got our bathroom done as that was the deal.
My concerns are what if it all goes wrong for them & they can't afford stuff, they certainly won't be able to afford to go back to England, so it would come down to us. We have worked hard to get where we are & when I suggested that Mum get a job to help pay for everything she shot her nose up in the air & said "oohh no".

SydneyStace

I think they would pay the money to come over, it's just if anything goes wrong they don't have spare cash to bail themselves out & that's where we would come in. Mum has read up on absolutely everything so it's very hard for me to tell "fibs".