The ex......he says no!!!!
May 18th 2004, 11:55 pm
#61
You sip .... I glug !!!
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Over the hill!
Posts: 2,790
Originally posted by Salli
I guess that the decision is still with you...you have to decide whether you want to be on the other side of the world from your son. If your ex won't give up his rights and you still want to go, then I guess you will have to give up yours
I guess that the decision is still with you...you have to decide whether you want to be on the other side of the world from your son. If your ex won't give up his rights and you still want to go, then I guess you will have to give up yours
Originally posted by Alborg
You could always emmigrate to Oz without your son if it meant that much to you.
You could always emmigrate to Oz without your son if it meant that much to you.
this is exactly what I was thinking as I read this thread.
Guess it depends on which means more - the dream or the child.
Alternatively could it be an option to leave the child behind for a couple or few years until the new life in OZ is established?
Child lives in UK with father and comes out to OZ for summer (winter) hols and then eventually the chuld could move out to OZ and have hols in UK instead of the other way around.
May 18th 2004, 11:55 pm
#62
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
God what a tangled web we all live
Not on my high horse here, but if i split up from my hubby and he saw the kids every weekend along with his family, i couldn't even contemplate taking them away from their family
No offence intended to any of you, i just know what my heart would tell me to do......
Not on my high horse here, but if i split up from my hubby and he saw the kids every weekend along with his family, i couldn't even contemplate taking them away from their family
No offence intended to any of you, i just know what my heart would tell me to do......
May 19th 2004, 12:24 am
#63
Bite my shiny metal ass!
Joined: May 2004
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 73
Originally posted by krissy
Hiya again all,
The situation is basically this,
Callum is 4 and he sees his father and paternal grandparents auntie and cousin every weekend. As far as that goes he is close to his father and other relatives. I fully understand his position, and both myself and my husband said that we would probably have felt the same put in the same situation.
He is however having probs in his own new marriage and has just had a child with his new wife. This i imagine wont help things for him, he will be feeling very unsure about his future generally.
I don't want to drag him through court as i feel it would turn into a slanging match and i know what solicitors are like, one will make out i'm a bad mother and the other will make out he's a bad father.....etc. The animosity that would result would be unbearable for all of us. This is why we asked him to do the affidavit. However he has made his decision based not just on what he feels but also how it would affect his parents and other family members not having Callum with them here(totally understandable).
The annoying thing about it all is that his decision regarding his son actually affects all of us not just Callum. Our future in his hands, as it were.
I don't think that the fathers should be painted as the bad guys, they have rights too. If he was an absent parent, basic waste of space etc i would be a hell of a lot more upset than i am now, however he's a good dad and i have given him ample time to mull it over. I told him at Christmas what our plans were. I didn't push him for a decision.
My hubby has a job offer and we have got State Nomination to Victoria, we have looked at housing and the rest we would have looked into further into the application process....schools etc once we knew which area we would be living in.
We aren't doing this on a whim, i have two small children to consider and have thought it over carefully.
Well, dream over really.......just annoys me that one person has that power.
Kris
Hiya again all,
The situation is basically this,
Callum is 4 and he sees his father and paternal grandparents auntie and cousin every weekend. As far as that goes he is close to his father and other relatives. I fully understand his position, and both myself and my husband said that we would probably have felt the same put in the same situation.
He is however having probs in his own new marriage and has just had a child with his new wife. This i imagine wont help things for him, he will be feeling very unsure about his future generally.
I don't want to drag him through court as i feel it would turn into a slanging match and i know what solicitors are like, one will make out i'm a bad mother and the other will make out he's a bad father.....etc. The animosity that would result would be unbearable for all of us. This is why we asked him to do the affidavit. However he has made his decision based not just on what he feels but also how it would affect his parents and other family members not having Callum with them here(totally understandable).
The annoying thing about it all is that his decision regarding his son actually affects all of us not just Callum. Our future in his hands, as it were.
I don't think that the fathers should be painted as the bad guys, they have rights too. If he was an absent parent, basic waste of space etc i would be a hell of a lot more upset than i am now, however he's a good dad and i have given him ample time to mull it over. I told him at Christmas what our plans were. I didn't push him for a decision.
My hubby has a job offer and we have got State Nomination to Victoria, we have looked at housing and the rest we would have looked into further into the application process....schools etc once we knew which area we would be living in.
We aren't doing this on a whim, i have two small children to consider and have thought it over carefully.
Well, dream over really.......just annoys me that one person has that power.
Kris
May 19th 2004, 12:44 am
#64
Bite my shiny metal ass!
Joined: May 2004
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 73
Re: The ex......he says no!!!!
Originally posted by gary2rep
Kris, get yourself a good family solicitor, we've just won a court case for us to take my fiance's daughter (from her previous boyfriend) to oz if we get accepted. He took us twice to court and on the third occassion he finally gave in. So long as you've done all your research regarding school, home, lifestyle and regular contact with dad i can't see him having a case, so long as you're bieng reasonable, i can't see there bieng a problem.
Best of luck
Gary
Kris, get yourself a good family solicitor, we've just won a court case for us to take my fiance's daughter (from her previous boyfriend) to oz if we get accepted. He took us twice to court and on the third occassion he finally gave in. So long as you've done all your research regarding school, home, lifestyle and regular contact with dad i can't see him having a case, so long as you're bieng reasonable, i can't see there bieng a problem.
Best of luck
Gary
May 19th 2004, 12:49 am
#65
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
OH MY GOD!! i just had a banner pop up saying "the national fatherhoods initiative""
Fek me big brother IS watching:scared: :scared:
Fek me big brother IS watching:scared: :scared:
May 19th 2004, 3:43 am
#66
The Godfather
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: South East Suburbs of Melbourne
Posts: 7,336
Originally posted by hevs
OH MY GOD!! i just had a banner pop up saying "the national fatherhoods initiative""
Fek me big brother IS watching:scared: :scared:
OH MY GOD!! i just had a banner pop up saying "the national fatherhoods initiative""
Fek me big brother IS watching:scared: :scared:
To many paint fumes with all that renovating me thinks Hevs.
May 19th 2004, 5:29 pm
#67
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
no mate, seriously. Keep and eye on the banners, its spooky:scared:
May 19th 2004, 10:00 pm
#68
Just Joined
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2
Made interesting reading.
Im a Dad of 2 wonderful little boys, one from my first marriage the other from my current.
My ex-wife (of 4.5 years) asked me 6 months ago out of the blue for permission to take my eldest to Oz with her, if I was an absent father then I really would have had no grounds for objection but Im not.
He has more of a family unit with me, my partner (of 4 years) and his half-brother (2 years) than he does with my ex-wife. The 2 brothers adore each other.
Anyway I have of course refused and now I find shes seeking legal aid to take me to court. I am of course responding along with the rest of his extended family (including his only Great Grandmother).
I am sick of the father being seen and classed as a second class citizen, especially in these supposed enlightened times.
It is refreshing to see in these messages some women that recognise that a dads involvement in a childs upbringing is just as important as the mothers.
But at the end of the day, it should always come down for what is best for the children and in my case 2 brothers growing up on opposite sides of the world from each other is not in their best interests. If she wants to go, then gives us full custody.
Im a Dad of 2 wonderful little boys, one from my first marriage the other from my current.
My ex-wife (of 4.5 years) asked me 6 months ago out of the blue for permission to take my eldest to Oz with her, if I was an absent father then I really would have had no grounds for objection but Im not.
He has more of a family unit with me, my partner (of 4 years) and his half-brother (2 years) than he does with my ex-wife. The 2 brothers adore each other.
Anyway I have of course refused and now I find shes seeking legal aid to take me to court. I am of course responding along with the rest of his extended family (including his only Great Grandmother).
I am sick of the father being seen and classed as a second class citizen, especially in these supposed enlightened times.
It is refreshing to see in these messages some women that recognise that a dads involvement in a childs upbringing is just as important as the mothers.
But at the end of the day, it should always come down for what is best for the children and in my case 2 brothers growing up on opposite sides of the world from each other is not in their best interests. If she wants to go, then gives us full custody.
May 19th 2004, 10:11 pm
#69
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Originally posted by BorgUK1of9
Made interesting reading.
Im a Dad of 2 wonderful little boys, one from my first marriage the other from my current.
My ex-wife (of 4.5 years) asked me 6 months ago out of the blue for permission to take my eldest to Oz with her, if I was an absent father then I really would have had no grounds for objection but Im not.
He has more of a family unit with me, my partner (of 4 years) and his half-brother (2 years) than he does with my ex-wife. The 2 brothers adore each other.
Anyway I have of course refused and now I find shes seeking legal aid to take me to court. I am of course responding along with the rest of his extended family (including his only Great Grandmother).
I am sick of the father being seen and classed as a second class citizen, especially in these supposed enlightened times.
It is refreshing to see in these messages some women that recognise that a dads involvement in a childs upbringing is just as important as the mothers.
But at the end of the day, it should always come down for what is best for the children and in my case 2 brothers growing up on opposite sides of the world from each other is not in their best interests. If she wants to go, then gives us full custody.
Made interesting reading.
Im a Dad of 2 wonderful little boys, one from my first marriage the other from my current.
My ex-wife (of 4.5 years) asked me 6 months ago out of the blue for permission to take my eldest to Oz with her, if I was an absent father then I really would have had no grounds for objection but Im not.
He has more of a family unit with me, my partner (of 4 years) and his half-brother (2 years) than he does with my ex-wife. The 2 brothers adore each other.
Anyway I have of course refused and now I find shes seeking legal aid to take me to court. I am of course responding along with the rest of his extended family (including his only Great Grandmother).
I am sick of the father being seen and classed as a second class citizen, especially in these supposed enlightened times.
It is refreshing to see in these messages some women that recognise that a dads involvement in a childs upbringing is just as important as the mothers.
But at the end of the day, it should always come down for what is best for the children and in my case 2 brothers growing up on opposite sides of the world from each other is not in their best interests. If she wants to go, then gives us full custody.
Are you thinking of going as well or just looking here to see what is going on in migration world?
May 19th 2004, 10:37 pm
#70
Just Joined
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2
Shes just been over there for a month, supposedly as a hoilday but it was quite obvious she was looking for a place to live etc.
I certainly couldnt afford that trip, the cost and the length of time off work would cripple me. So yes one of things I have asked is for us to challenge her right to legal aid.
Oh - I just noticed the question.
Im an ex-expat, I lived and worked in europe for a few years, coming back to see my son every other weekend. My partner is dutch and my other son ex-dutch. I used to frequent this site a few years ago
I certainly couldnt afford that trip, the cost and the length of time off work would cripple me. So yes one of things I have asked is for us to challenge her right to legal aid.
Oh - I just noticed the question.
Im an ex-expat, I lived and worked in europe for a few years, coming back to see my son every other weekend. My partner is dutch and my other son ex-dutch. I used to frequent this site a few years ago
Last edited by BorgUK1of9; May 20th 2004 at 1:28 am.
May 19th 2004, 10:47 pm
#71
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Originally posted by BorgUK1of9
So yes one of things I have asked is for us to challenge her right to legal aid.
So yes one of things I have asked is for us to challenge her right to legal aid.
May 20th 2004, 2:31 am
#72
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 74
Can I ask all your opinions on my situation?
A few years ago I worked in Aus for a year and decided that I wanted to live there. I came back to the UK to finish my studying and I now have enough points.
I now also have a wonderful 3 year old daughter - When she was born her father did not want anything to do with her and refused to go on the birth certificate (don't think I am going to have problems with the visa as we where not married)
last year I (VERY STUPIDLY) went to the CSA and he now pays maintance, but has since made MY life HELL and is being really horrible (even telling my daughter that it was my fault he did not see her)
He now (since I went to the CSA) speaks to my daughter 3 times a week on the phone and visits occasionally (about once a month). He says he would visit more often if I let him take her out for the day - I have refused on the basis that she has to get to know him first (and I don't trust him)
My daughter loves him and loves speaking to him on the phone and loves seeing him when he visits.
I am three months into my skills assessment - should I stay or go?
A few years ago I worked in Aus for a year and decided that I wanted to live there. I came back to the UK to finish my studying and I now have enough points.
I now also have a wonderful 3 year old daughter - When she was born her father did not want anything to do with her and refused to go on the birth certificate (don't think I am going to have problems with the visa as we where not married)
last year I (VERY STUPIDLY) went to the CSA and he now pays maintance, but has since made MY life HELL and is being really horrible (even telling my daughter that it was my fault he did not see her)
He now (since I went to the CSA) speaks to my daughter 3 times a week on the phone and visits occasionally (about once a month). He says he would visit more often if I let him take her out for the day - I have refused on the basis that she has to get to know him first (and I don't trust him)
My daughter loves him and loves speaking to him on the phone and loves seeing him when he visits.
I am three months into my skills assessment - should I stay or go?
Last edited by jana1; May 20th 2004 at 2:33 am.
May 20th 2004, 2:36 am
#73
Bitter and twisted
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: Upmarket
Posts: 17,503
Jana
Does he have to agree? and will he?
Good luck
G
Does he have to agree? and will he?
Good luck
G
May 20th 2004, 2:42 am
#74
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 74
He does not HAVE to agree as we are not married and he is not on my daughters birth certificate.
If I asked he would not agree out of spite....
I am just trying to work out what is the right thing to do.
If I asked he would not agree out of spite....
I am just trying to work out what is the right thing to do.
May 20th 2004, 2:52 am
#75
Re mem mem member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Tykeland
Posts: 1,076
Its a difficult situation jana. From what you've said you've just got to decide whether he genuinely loves your daughter, and always will. If so and she's happy to see him, then possibly you need to put that first. If he's the sort that wont love your daughter as he should then he's a bum and doesn't deserve her.
Its a real toughie, and there's no way I'd consider telling you what to do, you'll always know the situation best, but best of luck, and I really hope it works out for you all.
Its a real toughie, and there's no way I'd consider telling you what to do, you'll always know the situation best, but best of luck, and I really hope it works out for you all.
