krissy

Thanks guys!
We will see how things go.
I really appreciate all the support.
Kris

dolly1

Hi even if you decide on the legal route.
which is expensive & stressful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are no guarentees- that you will get permission to go.
It just gives you another option
Best of luck and keep us posted
Dollyx

loose

krissy - your attitude is spot on. Of course you have every right to be dissapointed, but you are being very responsible. To have ideas yourself of how you'd like you're life to be is totally natural, but to your credit you're considering the thoughts of your children, your ex and your husband also. I wish everyone was as selfless.

You'll get good advice and bad on here to be honest, but i reckon you're doing a good job on your own so far so keep on doin what you're doin.

Everyone should have the right to determine how their own life goes, but its good to see that people consider other people too.

Keep pluggin away and things will work out eventually.

Simone

I agree.

Krissy does seem to have the right attitude, Dolly on the other hand seems to be pushing for her to take the court road

And Australia might have nicer houses, better weather, but is that worth taking the child away from family? And yourselves probably don't have a job to go to?
And even if you do heaps of research, you can never know that life will be better in Australia.

Of course, as has been said, if the fathers and arse etc etc, go for it, but obviously in this situation he isn't.

Krissy, I can understand your feeling sad etc.
But as soon as you guys thought about going to Oz, didn't you realise the dad wouldn't like it?
Sounds like you got your hopes up to much..... ??

Well, I guess you should start concentrating on all that's great about the UK
You shouls go to the 'moving back to the UK forum'! That'll be the perfect start!


Good luck with everything

MikeStanton

Good idea

Unfortunately, it's not until you spend some time away from the UK, you realise just how good it is and how much we take for granted.

As Bill Bryson said, 'It may be a small island, but it takes some beating.'

Which may explain why he moved back to the UK after recently moving to the USA...

krissy

Actually when i first mentioned it to him he was in the first flush of lurrrve with his new wife, who was pregnant at the time. He actually seemed quite open to the idea and i told him he would have to sign something to confirm this and he seemed very OK about it. Obviously he had months to think about, and when i asked him again is when he ummed and ahhhed.
We have looked into this very thoroughly and my husband has a job waiting for him as soon as we could get out there. We have a formal contract of employment pending a favourable visa outcome. His skills are in demand and we also have State Nomination to Victoria.
I have 2 children (one from my new marriage) and would not expect my ex husband to even consider letting his child go if i couldn't prove i had researched as fully as one can before asking him.
You are right Simone, we don't know if life will be better in Australia, however if people went through life with that attitude then no one would do anything. We believe it would be a better life, why else would we be bothering, it's a hell of a lot of money hassle and paperwork to do on a foolish whim.....call me blinkered.......i prefer cautiously optimistic.

Kris

ianj

Krissy,

Once more 'Hats off', even my Dipsy hat which I cherish.....

I won't bother going over old ground again but I applaud you and your whole attitude. Only you know the full score of your situation and only you can make the decision based on that.

Whatever happens, I hope its for the best for everyone.....especially the children.

Ian

tinaj

Krissy Of course you have the right to be pi**ed off! If some of the negative posters put themselves in your position they might have more understanding of how you feel. After all how would anyone feel when they can't give their whole family what they feel is best for them? People have to remember his decision affects you, your husband and other child as well. In effect his refusal scuppers all of your plans.

It sounds like you are dealing fantastically with the whole process. Posters should be applauding you for your handling.

Sent a pm

Simone

As I said, YOU have the right attitude etc.
And now with adding this, I'm very sad that's things can't go the way you'd planned...

You're one of the few with a job offer, which in my eyes, makes all the difference.

Again, good luck to you!

bettytweena

Unfortunately, marriages/ relationships sometimes don't work out as planned.....................but, ultimately, everyone should have choices.......it appears that Krissy's choices have been withdrawn, as have those of her current partner and their child..........

There is no easy (or right) answer in the circumstances, however, I am sure that Krissy wants the best for BOTH her children.

ianj

And everyone does have choices. EVERYONE has choices, even the absent father has a choice. Maybe in this instant he isn't being pig headed for the sake of it but maybe, just maybe he would be gutted if his child wasn't as big a part of his life as they could be.

Believe me, I know the heartache involved. My son lives with his mum and it is me that has had the visa for 4 years and still haven't gone. My ex won't be going anywhere, she has remarried and it is my decision to go to Melbourne and even though it is my decision, I am beside myself. This is singlehandedly the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and I know I am going to miss my little lad like there's no tomorrow.

If it had been the other way round and my ex was wanting to go, it would have been even worse. I dote on my child and contrary to popular belief there are many fathers that love their children to bits. Too often the brush from the crap fathers pot comes out to tar us all, just remember their is a pot for the good dads as well and every now and then it needs to be used.

Krissy.......good luck to you in whatever may come.

anypan

Has anybody thought that if the shoe was on the other foot and Krissy's ex wanted to move to Oz and wouldn't see their son very often.
I suppose that's a different matter.
Would she turn round and say sorry you can't go because Junior will miss you!
Probably not she'd wish him every luck and even suggest taking their son over for holidays and getting a webcm so at least they can see each other as often as they like.
Perhaps i'm looking at it wrong but us women always see things from every angle.

kath29

Krissie I know you are saying it affects a whole family but this is what happens when children are involved after a marriage break up. I have a step daughter and it drives me mad sometimes that things have to be arranged around my husbands ex and her familybut that's the way it is. Her mother wanted to take her to Australia but luckily for my husband his daughter was old enough to say she didn't want to go. Having good relationships with people who love them is the most important thing for children in my opinion. My husband would have been devastated if she had gone to the other side of the world not because he's got any interest in making life difficult for his ex but because he loves his daughter.

gary2rep

Kris, get yourself a good family solicitor, we've just won a court case for us to take my fiance's daughter (from her previous boyfriend) to oz if we get accepted. He took us twice to court and on the third occassion he finally gave in. So long as you've done all your research regarding school, home, lifestyle and regular contact with dad i can't see him having a case, so long as you're bieng reasonable, i can't see there bieng a problem.
Best of luck

Gary

WheelsOfSteel

Gary2Rep: Utter bullshit! I hope your children don't end up as selfish as you clearly are!

For what it is worth I agree with loose on his first post.

You made the decision to have the child, so now you must live with the consequences. We don't live in utopia and have to accept the implications of earlier decisions we make.

Whats so wrong with England anyway. (Don't answer, it is retorical). Any problems one may have won't be solved by good weather and nice beaches...