MikeStanton

I'm with you! Speaking from experience, with an ex who loves to quote what is good for our child, but actually only puts herself first

I don't know Krissy, so these comments are not aimed at her.

Can anybody guarantee a better life for children when they emigrate - to Oz, Canada, Mars... ? Of course not. And how will the child eventually feel towards a mother who has taken him/her away from the father? I can't imagine that good beaches etc wipe out that feeling of loss.

I wonder how many times a parent uses a child to justify seeking a better life and really means it...

krissy

I agree with you Mike, i think too often children are used as 'weapons' for the parents to hurt each other with.
I can assure you however i do not do this.
As i said previously i would feel exactly the same is his position......doesn't make the disappointment any easier to deal with though!
And the fact remains that his decision is not just affecting his son....but a whole family.
Kris

dolly1

Hi Iam in a simular position & going down the court route.
Pm me for info if I can help. Dolly x

ianj

Hats off to you Krissy,

Being a absent parent myself I know only too well of the hurt and heartache that not seeing my son as often as I would like causes. To actually see someone who isn't just taking the attitude of, F**K it, I want to go to Oz and am going to regardless of anyone else, is a breath of fresh air.

Children aren't weapons and should NEVER be used as such. Every situation is different but in yours I really do think that the way you are taking your sons fathers feelings into consideration is excellent. If it doesn't happen now there is nothing to prevent it happening further down the line. It may be harder but not impossible.

Whatever happens, the children come first.

krissy

Thanks for your words of encouragement Ian. It is hard to deal with and i do try to imagine my feelings if i were in the same situation as him.
Kris

Three Legs

Hi Krissy,

I'm shooting from the hip here and it's only based on what I know from a close friend who is going through the mill somewhat.

My friend, a bloke split from his wife around three years ago. They both lived on the Isle of Man and had a daughter together.

Within months of separating she had met someone else and decided to re-marry following a divorce.

They married and decided to move to the South West of England. OK it's not Australia but it's still a journey from the Isle of Man. The place where my friends daughter was born. He was devastated when his ex said she was moving away and I mean distraught. He went through the courts to fight for custody and the right to see his kid.

It was and still is a nightmare for him. He's so so cut up.

I don't know what it's like in your case, but you really must weigh up how your ex is feeling.

It's not easy when kids are involved, it never is.

Your dream is NOT over, you just need to work things through.

It maybe costly but if you take your son would you be prepared to send him home for summer holidays and at Christmas to see his family back home ?

I don't envy you but wish you the all the best. I sincerely hope it works out for everyone concerned.

Three Legs

Jayell

So many times I've heard people saying that their reason for emigrating is that it's best for the child and you've just put into words what I wonder, too.

It's true on the whole that if the parents are happy, then the children are too, but it also works the other way around. I think a child is best where he/she has good, loving and supportive relationships. If going does not affect these to any great extent then the move is well justified, although I know this statement is quite broad and there are many more variations.

I speak as a mother with two young children and would love to move away and have nothing whatsoever to do with my ex partner. He was violent and abusive but not to the children. However, that wouldn't be the reason for moving and there's no new partner to consider. I have to put my feelings aside and encourage the girls to build a relationship with him. He sees them for a few hours most weekends (he works away) and I constantly "gauge" their feelings.

I don't believe I could justify taking away this present relationship but know how easy it would be to say it's best for the girls and go ahead, anyway. I'm not speaking for everyone, I'm speaking for me.

So, Kris, I really feel for you and your situation. It's hard to come to terms with, but like Ianj says, your post is like a breath of fresh air.

thebarkers

Have sent you a pm
hope it makes you laugh
it did me when i read it back to myself
but the bottom line is keep your chin up

krissy

Thanks, i got the PM, will keep you posted!

rossifumi

Krissy been reading the posts, chin up girl and I hope it gets sorted.

Rich

cookie1

Just a comment on previous posts.
Obviously everyone is affected when families split up, and everyone should be considered when changes occur which will affect all parties.
But: A BIG BUT!! Everyone surely still has the right to have choices in life: and whilst i am not in favour of mums(or dads) taking children away from the absent (responsible parent) in spite, i do feel that you should be able to make responsible life choices and move away from the convenience of access to dad to improve or change your own life.
I have been divorced for 5 years, and initially lived with my family up north, but moved back south very quickly as i wanted my kids to have regular input from their dad. (as he did). The kids were then 1 and 3. Initially he was living a bachelor lifestyle, paying nothing, and seeing the kids when he felt like. But now he is remarried, successful in his career, and has a 2yr old. He has moved twice, and recently moved to eire. Obviously this has a massive impact on my kids life; he is now well ensconsed in his new life, but is still a big part of theirs; they are actually in his new, big mansion!! as we speak!!
Not wanting to sound like a dad beater; he loves his kids to bits, as i do, but i also want choices in life for me and my children.
He has now agreed that the kids may benefit from this move. Maybe they will; i sincerely hope they do.
Who knows?

desperate2go

Dont wish to offend ( and dont know your particular circumstances) but.........is it really selfish for a father not to want his child to move to the other side of the world???
Lets not be too biased towards the posters guys! Would people feel the same way if a father was taking a child away from its mother?....just seems a little unfair. I see loads of these on this site where the mum wants to take the kids and accuses the ex of being a complete arse for not just going along with her plans ....and i do realise that in some circumstances the father has not been supportive or even seen the child for years and there will always be exceptions but I do not think a father can be accused of being selfish for wanting to maintain regular contact with his own child ....they are his kids too!
By the way i am a mother not a father so i am not being biased, just trying to have a more balanced viewpoint:lecture:
Sermon over.

krissy

Just for the record....i don't think my ex husband is being selfish.
I think people reading this thread are too willing to jump on their high horses.
I am pissed off.....we had plans for ourselves, they have now been scuppered.
I think i have very right to be a little miffed.
My ex is the father of my child and therefore has all the same rights I have.
I had to ask his permission....he said no.
I respect that decision, however i don't have to like the knock on effect it has.
And i say again.......if i was in his position i probably would be very reticent to let my child travel half way round the world to live. Some people on here seem to think i have not put myself in his place.
I really am getting annoyed by posters who seem to think i am some Oz obsessed wannabee expat who wants to tear her son away from his father with no thought to how anyone feels. You're wrong, I'm not even taking him to court.

bundy

Krissy, you'd have to be a total saint not to be upset by the fact that your plans have been thwarted. We all have dreams and ones as large and life-changing as this take up a big piece of our minds and our thoughts. As yousaid before, there are others involved in this and it muts be so hard to appease everyone.

I really hope that you can work something out, perhaps not now, but maybe later. Good luck with it

dolly1

Hi do not get fed up. If it is what you really want to do & have a good chanceof a visa then you might have to take the legal route.
Dolly