I don't quite know where to begin, but our plans for a new life in Australia may now be on hold!

My boyfriends dad has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and we have no idea how long he will live. His dad is 74 and its inoperable.

We are due to fly to Australia on the 21st Janauary and our flights are no refundable along with our hotel, and lets not even mention the paper work for the dog.

I am now stuck for what to do - obviously if he is given weeks\months to live we will not be leaving untill he had passed away as I could not bear to part him from his father and family.

Has anyone else had this happen to them?

I want to try and sort everything out - come what may - so that he dosent have to worry about about anything and can concentrate on being their for his family

First of all I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you We went through a similar thing with my father in law who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer before our wedding and also the "attempted" move to Oz.

I would do whatever you heart tells you, but mainly do whats best for your boyfriend at this time and stay in the UK as long as you can.

Try giving the airline & hotel a call direct and explain to them the situation and see what they can do. You might be surprised, as, I know its not directly the same, but back in 2006 we were going on hols to Florida when the day before we were due to fly they had a hurricane warning so couldn't fly. We were on non-refundable tickets and everything (flight, hotel, cars, tickets) all paid upfront, but I rang each company direct, explained everything as we got it all back in a few hours. Even if they don't refund you, they might very likely give you credit to transfer it to whenever you can.

Hope that helps and all the very best to you, your boyfriend and his family.

Chelly, is there a convenient time for shite to happen?
Probably not eh?

As Andy says ultimately you need to do what you feel needs to be done.

But please allow his dad a say. It would be easy to forget his opinion with all that's happening.

My dad died of lung cancer some years ago - never smoked and was only 59. From diagnoses to passing was only 10 months, but that depends on the type of cancer.

My suggestion is to talk to the doctor about the prognosis - that way you can make plans and financial adjustments.

Given the bureaucracy of immigration it may be best that you go ahead with your migration but allow enough funds for an air ticket back to the Uk at the critical time - that's assuming your father in law has someone else to care for him. If not, then you have no option but to postpone your plans.

I'd say speak to his dad and the hospitals and get a better idea of what's going to happen.

Sorry if this sounds blunt but would his dad want you to stay or want you to go ahead with your plans. As someone said just make sure you have enough for a return ticket.

Talk to his dad.

Someone who is given months to live can do just that - go on for months and months but others go very quickly. Would his dad want you putting your lives on hold?

Give the airlines etc a call and see what they say. You may have to get a medical letter but if that means having credits for the future then go with it.

I am sorry - it is such a shitty disease.

Do you have travel insurance? It should cover this sort of thing.

Wouldn't 'pre-existing illness' apply in this situation?

If the insurance was taken out some time ago (when the tickets were booked) it would depend on the policy. Usually pre-existing illness is applied to the people travelling, but serious illness of a close relative is a separate category.

Hi Guys,

I have travel insurance with my company and my boyfriend also has travel insurance as part of his bank account package with Barclays - so if teh worst comes to the worst I would hope that one of those would cover a bit of it.

Hopefully over the next couple of days we should get a better idea of how far down the line he is and what the next steps are

Sorry to hear your news.

The same happened to me (with my dad), though we hadn't actually booked our tickets - but all else was sorted. We spoke to my dad and he didn't want us to change our plans - he was quite certain about it. It felt all wrong, but as it was he passed away 3 months before we left. So, I was glad I was there and able to spend some time with my mum.

Good luck with whatever you decide - it's not easy.

As others have said, ask his dad what he wants you to do. If he wants you to go ahead with your plans then you really have to consider his feelings. No one can tell you how long he's got, everyone is different. Also try and remember that terminal doesn't always mean terminal - obviously he will sadly go at some point but there's no way of knowing when. He could be around in 10 years time and won't thank you for for putting your lives on hold for him.

Take care.

I think he would probably want you to go, he could have years left!

Carol

Its a very individual personal thing - really sorry to hear about his dad. The doctors will have an idea of how long, but people defy the doctors views in both directions. I've known people who've lasted 5 times longer than they were given, I also know people who have gone sooner.

I personally think you should ask his dad what he feels - he way well say go ahead, equally he may not. The only person who can answer that I'm afraid is him. Equally, the only people who can say what is the best thing for the two of you to do, is to two of you. Only you know how you'd both feel if you were here when he passed, only you know how you'd feel if you stayed in the UK until that happened.

There is no right or wrong thing to do - only what is right for you and your circumstances.

Good luck xx

Thanks for the replys guys it means and has helped a lot

I just sent you a karma message but what I wanted to say in more detail is the following:

When my Mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in Nov 2005, I took advice from Sue Admin on this site, she told me to treasure each and every moment and make the most of being with my Mum - spend as much time as possible with her.

Now I hadnt got my visa in that time but if I had, I would have delayed the trip, postponed the cats migration - it can all be done easily.

The reason being is because my Mum was on 'borrowed time' - now I must emphasise that noone knows the extend of your partners Dads lung cancer, I am just giving you my personal example.

Borrowed time is time that you cannot get back - it is precious time with a loved one that is all the more valuable because it is 'borrowed'.

Each second is so priceless - it's a time to say all things unsaid, to make amends, to treasure the time and make the most of every little thing. You cannot go back and re-live it.

When I was at Uni and I knew my Mum was at home with my sister, I was only 2 hours away and it felt like millions of miles and I walked out of my nursing course at Uni - resigned from it so I could spend those precious 6 weeks with my Mum.

I remember the those times of having no money, husband working day AND night shifts to pay the bills and we lived off our overdraft.

But you know what? I didnt and still do not regret giving up what I did because at the end of the day if it was that important I could go back to Uni and finish my nursing, but had I stayed at Uni I could not get back that time with my Mum.

Now we dont know the full details of your story or what kind of cancer this is but because time is so precious, because distance is huge when it comes to family when they are ill and because of the nature of the disease, I bet you that your fella would not feel happy being in Australia when his old Dad is sick.

Get the facts, talk to the doctors, talk to your partner and allow him to take in this sad news because it hits you like a bolt and it is extremely traumatic. Remove the pressure from him and tell him your plans are not anything that cannot be fixed or altered - Australia is part of your future but you understand that his Dad is his life for the here and now and he can have all the time he needs.

Once you remove that pressure from him, he might find it easier to make his own informed decision, Australia will always be here.

Lets hope that everything will be OK but don't underestimate the power of how strong that pull will be to be with his Dad, and your partner may just struggle to communicate that initially.

Oh how I wish they would find a cure for this disease.

Be kind to yourself as well because this isn't easy on you either.