jmc

Sounds like most people do come round in the end,like some of you have said they just have to come to terms with it, i do feel my relationship with my mum will never be the same again, just wish she would give me a big hug and accept what we are doing!

Louise x

Teabag

I am always amazed how families can sometimes use this form of passive agressiveness to make you stay with them or do things for them, as if you'd want to after being treated this way.

I feel for you Gillian and for everyone else in this situation, I have had a similar one but I don't want to go into it as it's not really on topic.

TeresaG

I really feel for you and know what you are going through. My parents have been great and although they don't want us to go they can understand why we are and are being very supportive. They are already saving up for their first triip out there. I feel so grateful to have parents like that as they are being great about the whole thing.

My inlaws however are being a bit of a nightmare and my husband is finding it quite difficult to deal with. We don't have kids but they are doing their best to make us feel guilty about moving. I can understand that they don't want us to go but they way they are treating us is awful. My hubby's sister has got in on the act as well and thinks we are awful for abandoning the family and how we are being selfish for moving away.

They don't want to talk about the move and don't want to know what is going on. We still have quite a way to go yet and won't be going for quite a long time. They don't want to know what stage we are at and don't want to talk about. One day we are going to be leaving and they won't be prepared for it. Its a bit of a nightmare but one we are learning to live with.

They may come round to the idea but even if they don't you have to remember why you are doing this.

GaryVFR8

My Mum, Keeps say little things to try and make me think about not moving over , Like how will you get a job. You won't be able to go out as much over there. I can understand were she is coming from. But I can see a better life for me my wife and hopefully some kids if we move to Australia.
Don't let anybody else decide what you want to do. just go for it and enjoy your life!!!
Gary and Vikky

wereoutahere

I personally think its selfish to stop your kids from making or attempting to make a better life. I can only put it down to jelousy. My advice is: your life, your future. In the end, i'm sure they will come round.

jmc

Hi

Mum has finally spoke about oz to me, still ranting and raging but i think it has sunk in now that we are really going, and she said she doesnt want us to leave on bad terms, still not spoke to Dad on his own my mum said he is to heartbroken! Oh i feel really bad ,as any one elses parents come over to visit after saying all this sort of thing.


Louise

emmyjc1

Hi Guys!
I had it the other way round! Hit 18 (im 23 now) and was told - right we're off! I really miss them but I am proud of them - I see my mates friends and their parents are set in there ways and boring- where as my mum and dad are getting the most out of life and living a better one then they did here! My sister has joined them last nov with her boyfriend she is 21 and I am hoping to be there in july! Best of Luck x

Cheetah7

I cant imagine how my Dad is feeling and how much I am hurting him by doing this, yet its something I have to do.

I am trying to see it from his point of view and it was only when I read some posts from Expats in Australia, whose child/children have made the decision to either not accompany them to Australia or to leave Oz for the UK. The devastation is plain to see on the parents and some people have moved back to the UK as they cant bear to be apart from their kids.

At least they have the option to follow their kids back to the UK to be with them, or have their kids with them in the first place.

As older adults, when it comes to our parents - now imagine how devastated they are to see their kids leave for the other side of the world. And one thing, unlike those that migrate with their older kids, our parents are too old to follow us (in some cases).

I dont suppose they mean to be so hurtful and obstructive, but hurt can make someone do and say strange things and if you push someone away, it can be their form of self preservation.

Im not justifying any emotional blackmail here, really I am not but for those with children, just imagine how gutted you would be or perhaps are, to find out your kids want to remain on the other side of the world from you and stay in the UK.

2oddballs

My mother is finding it quite hard at the moment and it is understandable as we lost my dad 18mths ago then i dropped the bombshell that we were emigrating,but could not put it off any longer hubby is 44 now and we was running out of time,she keeps saying she will never see me again and what will she do if she is taken ill,sometimes i feel really guilty and selfish but sometimes you have to think of yourself and your family.We are going and leaving my 3 grown children and 3yr old granddaughter but they have been fantastic about it and said that after all the sacrifices over the years that i made for them its time i lived my life i think in a few years that they will try and join us.you are given one life and you should live everyday as your last.I watched my father work all his life then retire and 12 mths later he was dead.Sometimes i do wish mom could be happy for us,i know my dad would have been.

ray2gill

[QUOTE=The_Effys;4494712]It's a shame your parents feel this way, they are very selfish things to have said & they have obviously not put themselves in your shoes.

I don't think they will be able to come & see us as they are not in the best of health, also they are not computer savvy

Chris,

My father died last year at the age of 91 so definitely was not techno savie who incidentally had just spent three weeks with us in Dubai.
We gave him our son's old computer when we left the UK and removed all the programs except for e-mail.

The thing I most miss is arriving in the office in the morning to read his e-mail. I would answer and would have a reply the next morning. There were the occasions when I would receive an e-mail saying this is the third time I've typed this e-mail, have lost the other two. But of course all three arrived.

The moral is, people are never too old, it's all in the mind unless physically impossible.

ray2gill

I don't agree with your comment. You are talking about children presumably, but these people are grown adults. Incidentally we left our two children 19 & 22 in the UK after a family conference. Our daughter is now here with us and our son currently applying for his & and his wife's visas now.

Has

I'm in the same boat, so I know how you feel. It's not easy, being made to feel like the source of all that's wrong in the world as far as familit are concerned.

I live in Londno, have a great career, enjoy life and have great mates. But I'm giving it all up next year to go to Perth and join the person I love. I know that people would think I was crazy, but she is my life. But my parents, they are the problem. Emotional blackmail is destroying me. I hear things like:

1. After all we did for you you leave us
2. There won't be any place in our hearts for you
3. You're naive, moving all that way for a woman
4. If you do go, never contact us again
5. What will family/friends/acquaintances say?
6. You're choosing her over us

I even ahd a physical confrontation with my dad over it, as my folks don't approve of my relationship.

So, I just think make your decision and move. If you've given up so much and have to suffer all this then see it through to the end.

Malcs66

JMC, I know how you feel, well my wife does. I started a similar thread about a month ago for just the same situation. Give it time is all i can say. the more and more friends they speak to the more they realise the reasons behind your move. They will start chatting to friends about your plans and find so many of them had sons/daughters emigrate and think it's the best thing they have done. They will also tell your parents about their visits to oz and how much they love oz. My wife's mother is only just starting to talk about it, due to her listening to others, not us.

asher

My mother is deaf, she and my stepfather are real technophobes, mother wont even use minicom but I have given them a computer and set up dial up for them and down loaded skype. I have bought them a webcam and written instructions on how to use it all.
they are practicing now whilst i am still here to help as I have told them it is this or no contact!!

I have also assured them that we will pay for flights for one visit out for them. But my mother is more the sad I know lots of people who have had to come back, I don't think it is right for you etc.

Basically what it comes down to is do what you have to, assure them you love them but you only get one life.

Kim

Cheetah7

No I think we have crossed wires here, I am saying that being upset/devastated works both ways.

Parents get so upset to the point of being nasty when we leave them to go to the other side of the world.

And some people who when they find out their own children (young adults) either dont want to migrate to Oz with them, or return back to the UK, get equally as upset although probably not nasty.

I just meant that people can do and say horrible things when they are desperate.

One girl has posted in a thread, she is coming back to the UK because her grown up child wont be joining her and fair enough as well.

But I agree there is never an excuse for nastiness.