invictia

Hi Guys,

Well I didn't make it, I fly back to UK on Monday to arrange dads funeral.

Sally

Dorothy

Oh, I'm really very sorry.

invictia

Thanks Dorothy,

One of the reasons I held back, could have gone last week, is that I wanted to keep my memories of how he used to be, not these last few weeks, Its going to be bad enough seeing my mum who has now got Alzheimers as well, the last time I saw them, they were fit and healthy in 2003 when they spent a month with me over the Xmas period when I lived in SA.

I dont feel guilty about waiting, but I really wish I didn;t have to go, I have my sons 21srt birthday tomorrow, so I am keeping myself busy on that, going to work first thing on Monday morning, I need to keep busy.........

Flying out 16.30 from Perth on Monday and arriiving in LHR at 5.45 am to about 7 degrees!!!! Will be back in Perth on 7 March, and this will probably be the last time I see my mother alive as well, as we are expecting her to be gone within the year as well.

sal x

asher

Sal I'm so sorry that's awful for you.
I hope your son has a wonderful party and has some lovely memories of it.

sending (((((HUGS)))) for you at this awful time

Red_V_Roger

When it happend to us last year, QANTAS would not move an inch on their top wack fare.

viviennef

Good luck to you. Remember no matter what you did you will feel the guilt. Its part of living with altzheimers. I lost my Dad this year after a very difficult 6 years. He had it for almost 10 and he lived with me until I came here. It was hard to leave him but at that stage he still had some, if not much comprehension and begged me to live my life and not waste it on him. anyway long story short, I kept going back thinking it would be the last time. When he got ill this time, I was very pregnant and couldnt get to him, I tried very hard to get a flight to take me as he was in hospital but I am high risk and so they wouldnt. Then he died and I couldnt go back for the funeral.

I can't actually move on very well from that or even just losing him in general and every single day I wake up and think about him not being here to know my children. We were really really close - the guilt is something that can eat you up regardless of how much or how little you do. I think its better in some ways not to see them when they are just an empty shell - I have a picture always in my head of them bringing him to me the last time and me not knowing that the man on the nurses arm was my dad. My mum now has it too and I can't face it at all.

She is on Aricept which seems to be working pretty well - you have to really fight to get it on the NHS but we did and its like a wonder drug.

Good luck and thoughts at this difficult time

moneypenny20

For what it's worth I think you're right. My dad was very poorly and in a cottage hospital where it was known the elderly didn't walk out He was doing ok and didn't want his mates visiting, kept himself going by saying he'd see them down the pub. Anyway, his doctor who was also a family friend went to see him and during their chat, dad mentioned his pub visit. The doctor told him not to be silly, he would not be walking out alive Dad died 12 hours later. I didn't want to see him, just remember him being an arse when I'd last seen him but my mother (:curse made me, dragged me in there. The result? Do I remember the laughs at the last visit or do I remember this shell of a pathetic old man, with a towel under his chin that was not my dad? The last one and it's a memory I'll hold against my mother till the day I die.

Hope you have a good flight.

Pollyana

I did much the same. I wanted to remember my Dad as he had been a few months before, when I last saw him, not how he was at the end. My sister was here with him all the time, and she agreed with me, even though she'd have liked me to be here she said it would be best to remember him as he was. Also she reckons it was far more help that I came over afterwards, for the funeral and to sort out his things. I was much more of a support to her then, which brought us closer together.

CPW

Good thoughts heading your way. Have a safe journey: and I think you're right in the mean time to keep yourself busy with the birthday party preparations.

Jan4kids

I understand completely....a hard visit is ahead of you. I wish you all the best xx

As for me (apologies.... I just need to say this somewhere to anyone who is listening) My Mum said not to come....'I'm fine', 'what would I talk about', 'save your money', 'there's nothing you can do'....and other such 'Mum-isms' (all meant kindly by the way )

I wanted the opposite to the OP I tried so hard to see my Mum one last time and wanted be with her at her death (as I was for my Dad 12 years ago now)....but it's not so easy getting the timing right with kids, work and the distance.........it just wasn't going to happen any sooner than it did....I had 3 kids being minded for two nights by someone I wouldn't have chosen if given a chance (long story) and my youngest went to a house with an elderly lady with an unfenced pool *sigh*

She died 10 hours before I got there......

I am beating myself up constantly at the moment and now feel so lost as an only child with no parents....too many feelings bubbling, but also too many commitments as a (supposed) fully fledged adult myself to give into them right now. We weren't very close, but somehow that makes it all the worse

Anyone else lost their last Parent whilst being so far away? ....how did you get through it?

Jan

daunted

bumping this for someone who needs help

rab

My sister in UK has been telling me for a few months how our Mum is deteriorating. Yesterday she called me and said she thought I should come over if I wanted to. I asked her to send me a photo. She sent me 8 today and I cannot believe how sick mum looks.

I am telling you this because it may help you. The situation is not always clear.

I don't know when mum will die, but I know she's not going to get better. If I believe what I see in the photos it will be very soon but could be months.

If we get the call that Mum is dead we will arrange to travel together (me, wife and 17 month old) and visit, help, grieve, and have a break there too.

It sounds harsh but I want to remember Mum from last May when we visited and saw her last.

If I get the call that she's going and they're getting the vicar etc, I might try to catch the earliest flight and hold mum's hand while it's still warm. In that case my wife and baby will follow a few days later. I know I might miss her, but it's chance worth taking.

What i can't afford to do is to fly over and then have to go back for a funeral.

This is very stressing, again why I am trying to explain how you feel when it happens.

I rang Singapore Airlines tonight and asked if I could buy flexible date fares. Waste of time, I got an Indian bloke who asked me, after explaining the situation, "what is your departure date sir?". I explained again that I do not know my travel dates but want to reserve fares on compassionate grounds, don't necessarily need the cheapest fares as I can always compare them online, but just need to know I can get a seat when i need one. He asked again in his robot voice, "what is your departure date sir?"

Fortunately, seat availability looks good right now, and fares not too bad, probably because of the impending recession.

If you have any advice, please reply.
I want to get from ADL to LHR sometime soon and don't know when, but it might be in a hurry. Has anyone else had this experience and can offer advice?

If this happens to you too god bless you and this difficult situation.

And by the way did the OP get on? I think this thread started a while back. What happened?

rab

rab

Oh dear, quoting myself in my question above, I have now read that the OP never made it in time. Sorry about that Sal ........

rab

DaveandLinda

I think this has been mentioned on here before and it might be a little late for some people, but it might be worth looking at taking out insurance with Kinsure. They will pay for emergency flights and accommodation if you have to travel to loved ones in the event of illness or death. They arrange everything for you so you don't have the hassle of ringing around. You can take it out from Australia or the UK.

My daughter's family are in Oz and my only brother with his family and we visited them all recently. My son is also spending 10 months over there. On returning we decided to fork out £150 (for a couple - less for a single person) for insurance with Kinsure as I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to get a flight out should anything happen. I have asked my daughter to take out a similar insurance to cover herself and hubby. She has a friend who had to return to the UK recently at great expense when his brother was taken seriously ill. So I think it's worth it.

The only downside is you have to wait 3 months after taking out the insurance before you can make any claims., but this doesn't apply when you renew it.

rab

The sad footnote to my messages a post or two ago is that my mum died at 09:30 this morning and we are flying back on Tuesday to the funeral and to deal with her affairs.

Very sad. But at least we can plan properly. I didn't like the thought of an emergency dash.

rab