Re: Don't belong
 

Based on my personal experience. If you aren't like this then that's great. I probably would have felt welcomed by you.

I agree that there are rude people everywhere in the world. I just haven't managed to find anyone to hang with and live happily so far and not for want of trying.

Don't forget that this forum was created for ex-pats to ask questions and have a moan if they wish. If someone likes spag on toast more than baked beans on toast then that's there choice and I just let them have their choice whether I agree with them or not :)

Re: Don't belong
 

After reading this thread I think I've got a handle on my issues. I think it could be something to do with ones identity. I had the worst Identity crisis of my life on my last visit back to the UK. Where after 3 days or so things started to really irritate me, then they started to depress me. Obviously it was a bad time inasmuch as I was going back for my mothers funeral. Everything seemed to irritate me after a while though. I guess that's the precursor for depression. The Identity crisis stemmed from the fact that any stranger I met seemed to have real difficulty believing I had spent the last 35 years in Australia as an Australian to the extent if I mentioned it it was like I was pulling some kind of South London Del boy con. I felt I had nothing in common with the locals and any negative report I saw or came across was amplified to a ridiculous extent in my mind. Now I'm back home amongst my local community, where I've spent the last 30 years or so here in Coburg I feel comfortable and relaxed again and have my true identity back.

Cant remember last time a stranger said or indicated that I was a foreigner despite my obviously very very London accent. I even started a thread on that a while back... re has the term Pom died out.



It's horrible not fitting in so I guess that's the crux of the issue.

Re: Don't belong
 

Very true, and that is the crux of the matter. I'm too old and tired to try and change myself now - which I did in the early days here, I really tried to change and fit in and understand the stuff like kids TV references and Aussie sporting 'heroes' and some of the more obscure slang, but it didn't work, I still couldn't fit in, so now I just accept I'm the odd one out, and I settle for fitting back in whenever I go home instead!
I do have a very small number of Aussie friends in Brisbane (like count on ne hand type of small number :sneaky:) and its quite sad that after so many years here its ended up that way but I guess its partly to do with the fact that as I get older I seem to have less tolerance for fake friends. I have found here that when the chips are down and you really need support the people around you melt away faster than they did when I was in similar circumstances back home, maybe because the friendships are more superficial cos they are newer and not built on that 'friends from a young age' bond, I don't really know. The mates I have left now really are the mates I can rely on, so at least I know where I am with them!

Re: Don't belong
 

I can understand where you're coming from. I've gone through depression as part of moving here.

I am hoping things are better in Melbourne than they were in Brisbane. Melbourne feels more homey then Brisbane ever did. Brisbane never felt homey. So I'm hopeful that once I've found work friends will slowly come about but also looking into meet up groups to see what transpires.

Re: Don't belong
 

Nail on head! :goodpost:

Re: Don't belong
 

My advice if you want to fit in - adopt a couple of school age kids and start hanging with the school mums. Guaranteed wine o'clock at every occasion. You'll get to make friends and learn things you never dreamed about ;).

Re: Don't belong
 

Excellent advice. Another good move is to take up a sport; or watching a sport does equally well. Choose your sport wisely. Rugby always has a fun crowd (either code), and probably football and Aussie Rules as well. Cricket, not so much. You can always say, "Oh, I know nothing about it, but my nephew/niece likes it so I wanted to come and see how it was done." You don't have to like it; there'll be plenty of people who don't!

Re: Don't belong
 

Agree on that. When I moved to Australia (had lived here before and had mates but they hadn't developed and our common interests had decreased) I joined a couple of cricket teams and developed new mates from that.

Most people can develop mates anywhere. You just need a common interest and forced meetings and the laughs follow.

Re: Don't belong
 

Thanks peoples :) I've already looked into meet up groups and am hopeful :)

Re: Don't belong
 

Absolutely right; and "forced meetings" are exactly what lonely people have to do. As for playing sports you're no good at - never mind: there is pretty much always somebody worse than you. When we were expats in a place where we knew nobody, I took up cricket again for the first time since my schooldays 16 years before. (And I was pretty hopeless then, I assure you!) It was a smart move, because it helped us develop an active social life.

Re: Don't belong
 

I've made more friends via Melbourne Victory, than through any other aspect of life here in Aus... and I include work and school in that.

The social network of that is into 100's of people I can talk to now after 10 years of attending.

Plus it's real football. I've got to the stage now where I reckon I've gotten more pleasure and fulfillment out of Australian football than English football..... I even know regular travelling Adelaide and WSW from their respecitive Cities that I talk to.

There is one aspect of the A league which is very hard to adjust to....It's incredibly political on the terraces.... as in the relationship with the club, other fan groups, and the press. The North Terrace takes itself so seriously that it's almost farcical...however they do put the spotlight on the club.

Re: Don't belong
 

Don't you mean "soccer"? I thought football mean't Aussie Rules? we use to go and watch Perth Glory, we had some good times, (the football standard was not so great though) but to be honest it is absolutely nothing compared to how I feel when I go and watch Manchester City FC, (even back in the last "dire" years at Main Road). Participating or even volunteering in Sport is an excellent way to make friends and also keep healthy, we made most of our friends in Perth that way and we had some great times. Even walking our dog on south Freo beach I made friends, its not easy if your starting from scratch, we left the Uk with a whole bunch of friends we'd know forever and we did not know a soul in Australia when we arrived, it took a while (as I did not want the type of rent a crowd) but we did make some really good friends. Finding the right area (we moved a few times and finally found an area we felt settled in) and taking time to get to know people rather than rush in, you will get there if you want to and it will be worth it in the end.

Re: Don't belong
 

For immigrants in Australia, it's important to appreciate Australian humour. It can be quite harsh, sometimes; other times it's soft and sentimental. The link above is to one of the latter variety - told by a former Australian Prime Minister well known for his urbanity. (Well, everything's relative...)

Re: Don't belong
 

Haven't heard that one before, but had me self a good guffaw. Tks Gordon, for the find!

Re: Don't belong
 

Way back in 1960 I fitted in from the start, joining tennis and table clubs and playing competition. I've kept up with table tennis ever since, also with badminton for a few years, so Gordon Barlow is right about joining a sports club.

Also in the early years shiploads of migrants were constantly arriving, so locals in Oz needed to adapt to us as much as we needed to adapt to them.

Now back in Devon after half a century in Oz, and very much older with health issues, fitting in isn't as easy as in my Aussie life. I've joined a small table tennis club, but it feels as if I'm back in the 1950s without the energy!