Hi everyone Iv been here for a few weeks and have finally decided to post as I really need some advice.

My husband and I both have PR and plan to move out to Oz around 2013. Living in Australia has been a life long dream, however I have a dilemma! The dream always included my children moving out with me but now that theyre adults and have families of their own I realise that them being with me is not possible.

My husband and I both left the UK last year and after 7 weeks in Oz I decided that it was not the right time so we packed up and came back to the UK. My problem was my children and grandchildren, I cried constantly and missed them so much. But the pull of Oz is still there and both my husband and I so want to try again. I realise that 7 weeks was not enough time to settle and that by now (had we stayed) I would probably be alright without them. I was wondering whether anyone else has felt like this and packed it all in and then wanted to return and been successful second time around.

I did all the usual things to stay in touch like SKYPE, texting and emailing but sometimes I felt worse as family members kept telling me to go home as I belong there (UK) and my daughter's texts were heartbreaking telling me that she just wanted me home as she felt she had no1 to talk to I know when we go again that I will miss them enormously and cry and ache for them but was wondering how long it would take for me to adapt without them around me. I sooo want to give it another go and be stronger, if I dont return then i know i will regret it to my dying day I know everyone is different but any advice would be appreciated.

Many thanks

Difficult one but I guess if you are really enmeshed with your kids and grandkids then that is going to make it harder.

I have had a kid on the other side of the world for a decade now and, quite honestly, it was better for us to keep interaction to a minimum - he was an independent adult and didnt need his mum and dad in constant contact. He knew where we were if he needed us and vice versa, we had the occasional holiday together which was great and now he is married, has his own home and a good job and we see him occasionally.

I have just recently moved back to UK - so will see the UK son more frequently (possibly) but now have the Aus son and two granddaughters on the other side of the world (it's been 23 days without them and I dont really miss them at all). We have occasional Skype sessions but TBH it doesnt do much for me, the connection is not all it is cracked up to be. We email occasionally and, like the time when they were out in the bush, if we get pictures once every couple of months that will probably be about it. The D-i-L was more upset than either my husband or I really - she liked living on our block and having the constant back up of grandparents on site - personally I sometimes resented their presence because it meant my life was not my own.

So my advice would be to lay off the Skype and email thing, call occasionally if you must, get out and make your own friends. I think that is probably true for any successful migrant - the knowledge that you have to be very self sufficient and more than a little selfish to make it work. At the end of it all you have to work out what is important to you - if it is your life in another country then go for it.

Seven weeks isnt really long enough to have given it a proper go, but we all know some one who arrived on monday and booked the next flight back on tuesday....

Suppose the question is, what in your life has changed that makes it different this time round to how it was a year ago?????

Do you have at least SOmE family/friends here? Or are you coming entirely on your own????

My mate's parents "divorced" her... She's an only child but when she was 17, married with a kid they cut her out of their lives... Only visited her perhaps once a year, she learned they had moved from her cousins, they concentrated their lives on the two of them and she has always found it strange.... They pop in to drop off presents for the grandchildren around christmas... But make it clear they dont want a family relationship with her or them....

Coming from a close knit family I find it heartbreaking for her... But then I havent walked a mile in their shoes... And I know every family is different... HIS family are easy to walk away from.... And loose touch with... Its like they mean nothing to HIM... It was just an accident HIM and his siblings occured in the same household... HE could happily not talk to HIS mother again... Not through spite or malice, just through a total disinterest in her and what she's doing....

When Kevin nearly went back to the uk at 18 I was BESIDE myself with despair.... But if she went back now I'd be like.. Whatever she wants to do is fine by me... Just as if my parents had never even contemplated immigrating it wouldn't have distressed me... Alhtough having said that I'm HUGELY relieved they are coming, because my biggest worry has been who would look after them when they are old... I know I can and will... Its in my nature... If they were alone in the uk then I WOULD have worried and had huge guilt... Possibly even to the point of wanting to "go home" .... Thankfully I wont be facing that now...

Oh I really feel for you on this one because our families are so important and as you get older I think you realise this more. My family are all living in Australia and from time to time ( Christmas) we get together with the kids and grandchildren and it is just so special. I have come to the conclusion that blood is quite definitely thicker than water! No question. If I were you I think maybe I would spend an extended ( a year?) time here and then see how you feel. I certainly wouldn't burn my boats, so to speak. When we first emigrated way back in the 1970s I used to feel so sad when I watched all the young women with their mums and dads, knowing mine were back in the UK and were missing out on their grandchildren. Now I am the grandparent and I would feel the same in reverse if I never got to see the grandchildren. Only you can decide of course. Australia is a wonderful place and has been good for us but it doesn't come without a price to pay.

what makes you think you'll be any happier this time round mate?

I'm not trying to put a damper on it all but you seem really close to your kids & grandkids. What makes you think living 12,000 miles away for the second time aint going to break your heart again?

What's changed from last time?I'm all for living your own life and living it for you not your kids or family but sometimes it isn't for everyone mate.

Good luck with whatever you decide:sunglasses:

Indeed.
If it's the same, 7 weeks is still going to be a long time.

I would say the biggest reason migrants return to their homelands is not because they miss the home land but because they miss people. That could be family or friends.

Those that don't, or can't accept that, or can't come to terms with it, are on a sticky wicket from day one.

Be very sure.

Family member telling you to come home and daughters txting you saying she has no one to talk to is manipulation and emotional blackmail of the worst kind...

Your daughter SHOULD have her own friends and support network... Not relying totally on mummy... Thats unbelieveably selfish of her...

Sorry if that sounds harsh.. But my 46 year old sister is STILL reliant on my parents who are in their 70s... Kids have to grow up and get a life and sometimes tough love has to be the way to go.... Otherwise you'll be pandering to their whims forever...

Drink some cement and harden the fluck up... Get out here and live YOUR life... Stop living it for others...

Ok, this may be an alcohol induced post... But theres truth in it....

I agree with the overall sentiment from eddie ... the move the second time round is highly unlikely to be any different to the first if you are being pressurised from people back in the UK, particularly your daughter. In my view, you need to have stern words with her well before you head back here about being more self-reliant and supportive of your plans. You've done the mum thing when she was little, she's an adult now and whilst of course you never stop wanting support of some nature from your parents, they certainly should have outgrown the clingy stage by now. It sounds like when young kids start at school and they get separation anxiety - you'll need to tough it out if you really want a life over here.

Good luck whatever you decide, but I definitely think before any solid plans to come back here are made, that you need to tell your family what's what!

Mine is not an alcohol induced post, possibly tea induced though

I left home and country when my youngest was 18 and came to the UK. My youngest had the support of grand parents and siblings if he wanted it and I was only a phone call away. I have enjoyed my time here but due to restrictions here concerning my going home to see my young adults I am feeling the pull of country again after 14 years here and loads of interesting travel and experiences. I have made two emergancy trips home over the years and managed to be there when my daughter got married and gave her away, timed my trip home to be there the day my grand daughter came out of hospital.

I am in the process of attempting to divest myself of my house here and move back to Oz again next year. I have found so far that when I am home I have real quality time with my family, they are happy for me if I am happy, and I possibly have more contact with them while I am here than I would if I was back home full time.

Live your own life and I agree with the comment about your daughter .. that is emotional blackmail .......... maybe she will move out that way if you settle there ????

Thank you all for your good advice. Yes my daughter is a little selfish and quite spoilt so I suppose it's all my own doing her being that way.

The difference 2nd time around is that I know I will miss my family, I know I will cry and ache for them but I know i will be okay. I had no idea that I would miss them as much as I did. It's really strange because now if I dont see them for weeks or even months at a time it doesnt bother me at all.

I will go back and next time I will go with a more positive attitude, I know I will miss them but like one of you said, emigrating isn't without it's price so it's the price il have to pay. On a more positive note, I will look forward to visits from them and for trips back to the UK. I will remember that I have reared my kids and they don't need me like they used to and if they ever did need me then Im just a day away. My priority is my husband and I and im gonna live my dream the other side of the world with him.