Originally Posted by Scotty1

Yep been there and its not an easy place to be.

A few issues for you.

Do you want to have a 5 year old who is not your child living with you if you have no support network and your partner has a job that takes him away from home a lot? Be honest with yourself on this one because if you do move and are allowed to take his son you will end up doing a lot of the caring.

If the child currently lives with his mother and the mother is a normal parent - eg not abusive, makes child go to school, cares and looks after said child with love and attention, then your partner's will have to make a very strong and well planned legal case. Assuming the mother won't just agree - you are in for a very long expensive legal battle with no guarantee of success.

5 is also pretty young for a long distance relationship to be easily maintained. My husband has done it with a 12 year old, but the first two years were really not easy. If you moved how would the child maintain relationship with other parent? We have contact twice a week on skype and two visits - one way for each party - a year. Will he/ his son be able to do this? That is a key issue for any court application.

Are you likely to get another RRV or are you planning to move before next year? Are you sure you will get another RRV? Child custody issues do not tend to get solved quickly.


Sorry to pose some challenging questions and really don't mean to rain on your parade, but you may find yourself in the horrible position of choosing Australia or your partner, or him choosing a life with you or regular contact with his son. Both put a big strain on a relationship.

Hope it works out for you - really not an easy one

Scotty

Originally Posted by Ray and Debbie

Is the child's father's name on his birth certificate ? If so, he has parental responsibility.

Hope it all works out for you.

Originally Posted by stephix26

Yes it definitely is on the birth certificate, not quite sure how much of a difference parental responsibility actually makes?
Thank you

Originally Posted by Emma_Par

Year before last my husband applied to adopt my daughter(who is now 11.5) (biological father was apart of her life when it suited him) however to cut a very long drawn out proceedure short the judged granted my husband and I a residencey order which includes parental responsibility, this may have been different if she was younger, as someone said, the law changed and at the time of her birth her father didn't automatically have parental responsibility. During our court case the biological father didn't even apply for it (more full him). We explained to the judge that they may be a situation where we may move abroad for work and how would that affect us and bio father, she said that they would look into the best thing for the child and seeing as we have residencey order the child would stay with us, however the father could try to take us to court to stop us! (knowing him he wouldn't plus the judge would laugh in his face following his behaviour and lack of relationship with his daughter since the order was granted, just for info he also has a visiting order to see her every 3 weeks (which we asked to be granted to him so he couldnt say we stopped him from seeing her when she's older) but has seen her once in nearly two year, of which the visit was instigated by me).

I think it greatly depends on everyone's views including the child's and how far you want to go with it (courts?) and how much stress that can put everyone including the child under, not to mention the cost (FYI if she is in council house and low income she will more than likely be entitled to legal aid and trust me it is expensive. We ended up in a situation where we was representing ourselves and bio father had solicitor to represent him yet he is a sponging bum, so unfair)

You have also got to look into if the child does go with you who would look after him and that is the discussion you have to have with your partner, what's happens if you two separate when you are in Aus what would happen to the child as I take it your partner is away more than at home with job! There is so may things to talk about (sorry to sound so morbid, but these things can happen!)

Good luck with everything. (it's not gonna be easy!)

Originally Posted by Kelli28

Regardless of what courts may allow or not allow, I think it's incredibly selfish for a parent to take the child from the other parent, no matter what they think the other is like as a mother or father, they were obviously good enough at some point to have the child.

The child will always love both parents no matter how much money they have. To take a child away from its mother at any age will cause stress and anxiety and to grow up without a mothers love IMO would seriously effect the child.

I think what your partner wants to do is cruel and selfish, sorry I don't mean to sound harsh but I think he needs to think about his sons needs and not his own.

Originally Posted by paddyo

There's a mother talking.......I was with you for the first part and then 'child from mother' crap starts. Child from parent should be the phrase.

Originally Posted by Bermudashorts

I agree, the second paragraph really should have said "child from parent" for a more powerful argument.

in this case, I think the debate is academic, OP or rather OPs OH has little to no chance of getting permission to take the child that does not live with him to Australia if mother is against it.

Originally Posted by paddyo

I hate this sort of post where one half of a failed relationship personal attacks the other.....just smacks of sour grapes and poor standards.
These posts also bring up the mother versus father rants and it really disturbs me.,....to my mind its the child who is the most important, not any parents feelings towards the other.

Originally Posted by paddyo

There's a mother talking.......I was with you for the first part and then 'child from mother' crap starts. Child from parent should be the phrase.

Originally Posted by paddyo

There's a mother talking.......I was with you for the first part and then 'child from mother' crap starts. Child from parent should be the phrase.

Originally Posted by Kelli28

I may be a mother however, I was also a child that grew up without a mother. So I don't think it's crap at all.

Both parents are important but I think the bond between the mother and child is often stronger, don't mean to have a go at dads or anything, but evolution has made it this way. Women can only have limited children while men can have many. Women are programmed to be nurturing towards their own offspring while fathers are providers.

Originally Posted by Dorothy

Really? What would your father say about how inadequate you thought he was as a parent simply because of his gender?

If something happened to you would you prefer that your children be placed with a woman because their father wouldn't be "programmed" to nurture them?

I do think it's a load of crap. While I love my children, my husband is a far more nurturing parent than I am. He always has been. Evolution has nothing to do with that. It's just how our personalities are.