A difficult decision
May 16th 2005, 1:19 pm
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Dalyellup W.A
Posts: 221
Re: A difficult decision
i have four children,and have actually wondered if anything were to happen here,what i would do.
and to be honest i can hardly even bare to put myself in the situation for even a moment.
But without wanting to sound flippant i came to the thought that maybe i would have a new memorial in Australia,somwhere i could go and just remeber them.Jackie
and to be honest i can hardly even bare to put myself in the situation for even a moment.
But without wanting to sound flippant i came to the thought that maybe i would have a new memorial in Australia,somwhere i could go and just remeber them.Jackie
May 16th 2005, 1:26 pm
#17
Just Joined
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 11
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by JAR123
We have not started the visa process yet as we have a major factor to consider.
Our Daughter died 4 years ago & is buried locally to us.
We are considering going ,to give our other children a better start in life but do not know if we will be able to cope leaving her behind.
I do not know if it is a possibilty if we managed to get a visa & settle there whether we can have her moved .
Has anyone had a difficult decision to make like this.
I know it is a very personal decision and difficult but I would appreciate your comments.
Our Daughter died 4 years ago & is buried locally to us.
We are considering going ,to give our other children a better start in life but do not know if we will be able to cope leaving her behind.
I do not know if it is a possibilty if we managed to get a visa & settle there whether we can have her moved .
Has anyone had a difficult decision to make like this.
I know it is a very personal decision and difficult but I would appreciate your comments.
I understand a little of what you are going through. I lost my mum 9 years ago (she was only 53, I was only 24). Although I don't visit her grave all the time I do go at Christmas, birthdays, Mother's day etc. I never actually think of my Mum being there as I prefer to think of her up above looking over us, but it is still nice to have somewhere peaceful to visit. Not a day goes by that I don't think of mum and not being able to visit a grave will make no difference to this, but what I was planning to do when we get settled in Oz is plant a nice tree, bush or something similar in our garden that will be known as "Mum's tree" .
My 2 children never knew their grandma, yet she is still very much part of their lives as I speak of her all the time and will continue to do so no matter where we live in the world. Although you may be not be able to visit your daughter's grave you will still carry her with you in your heart wherever you are. As hard as it sometimes is to accept, life really does go on and you must do what you think is right for yourselves and your other children. Our children are one of the main reasons we are also going to Australia and I do believe mum would have been right behind us had she been here, but she isn't so we can only do what we think is right. Anyone who knows you well will know you have not made this decision lightly. Anyone who says otherwise IGNORE!
Whatever you decide make sure it's what you really want and not what you feel you should do.
Take care
Claire
May 16th 2005, 1:26 pm
#18
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 94
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Stormz
You don`t need to answer this, but I`m curious as to what happened, as I my daughter is going to be a year old on the 21st of May.
May 16th 2005, 1:31 pm
#19
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 8,147
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Hi
Sorry I don't know your name. We too lost a daughter, ours in a car accident 6 years ago now. She was 15. We are busy going through the process of applying to go to Perth and it is something that we have thought long and hard about. In reality you know that your daughter
is not in the grave you visit yet in your heart it gives you a focus point to go and chat and to grieve. I could go on for hours about this but my main thing is to say that we DO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
Last year we had a star named after our daughter. You are able to choose which constellation it goes into and I purposefully chose the Triangulum Australe in the southern hemisphere so that we would be able to locate it once down under. Co-ordinates are sent with a map showing how to find your star. Knowing that is there waiting does help. We went on a visit a few months ago and I was able to look to the sky and feel closer to her. Completely irrational and stupid I know but I felt she had travelled with us.
We also have a small decorative box with a few personal mementoes including a lock of our daughter's hair. I think once we have settled into a house (if we are successful) we will have a plant in our garden that we will dedicate in our daughter's memory.
I do understand your indecision, and I know myself that I stand at my daughter's grave and tell her that we won't be abondoning her. In reality she is with us all the time. I feel her around and am sure that she will stay with us when we move. Like you I have other children to think of and although I am aware that the wrench will be horrific it cannot possibly be like it was six years ago and I have seen the others' lives move on and it would not be right for me to stop that.
Wishing you love, bravery and understanding
Anne
Sorry I don't know your name. We too lost a daughter, ours in a car accident 6 years ago now. She was 15. We are busy going through the process of applying to go to Perth and it is something that we have thought long and hard about. In reality you know that your daughter
is not in the grave you visit yet in your heart it gives you a focus point to go and chat and to grieve. I could go on for hours about this but my main thing is to say that we DO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
Last year we had a star named after our daughter. You are able to choose which constellation it goes into and I purposefully chose the Triangulum Australe in the southern hemisphere so that we would be able to locate it once down under. Co-ordinates are sent with a map showing how to find your star. Knowing that is there waiting does help. We went on a visit a few months ago and I was able to look to the sky and feel closer to her. Completely irrational and stupid I know but I felt she had travelled with us.
We also have a small decorative box with a few personal mementoes including a lock of our daughter's hair. I think once we have settled into a house (if we are successful) we will have a plant in our garden that we will dedicate in our daughter's memory.
I do understand your indecision, and I know myself that I stand at my daughter's grave and tell her that we won't be abondoning her. In reality she is with us all the time. I feel her around and am sure that she will stay with us when we move. Like you I have other children to think of and although I am aware that the wrench will be horrific it cannot possibly be like it was six years ago and I have seen the others' lives move on and it would not be right for me to stop that.
Wishing you love, bravery and understanding
Anne
im so pleased that someone can offer jar123 some first hand experience and understnading of the emotions that are going on - as the mum of multiples i can understand to a certain point, but i think some first hand personal experience is what is needed here.
this forum is such a huge fountain of caring.....its so touching to know that even though the majority of us have no experience of what jar123 is going through, we can at least offer some heartfelt thoughts - im sure many of us will be thinking about you over the coming months; i know its certainly given me something to think about, and has certainly put into context a few things going on in my life at the moment.
who said the internet was full of wierdos?............they should come here and see the unconditional love and support that is offered to people seeking help for difficult decisions.
i for one am proud to be a member of such a caring forum.
((((((hugs))))) to all......
sue xxx
May 16th 2005, 1:53 pm
#20
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by tiredwithtwins
im so pleased that someone can offer jar123 some first hand experience and understnading of the emotions that are going on - as the mum of multiples i can understand to a certain point, but i think some first hand personal experience is what is needed here.
this forum is such a huge fountain of caring.....its so touching to know that even though the majority of us have no experience of what jar123 is going through, we can at least offer some heartfelt thoughts - im sure many of us will be thinking about you over the coming months; i know its certainly given me something to think about, and has certainly put into context a few things going on in my life at the moment.
who said the internet was full of wierdos?............they should come here and see the unconditional love and support that is offered to people seeking help for difficult decisions.
i for one am proud to be a member of such a caring forum.
((((((hugs))))) to all......
sue xxx
this forum is such a huge fountain of caring.....its so touching to know that even though the majority of us have no experience of what jar123 is going through, we can at least offer some heartfelt thoughts - im sure many of us will be thinking about you over the coming months; i know its certainly given me something to think about, and has certainly put into context a few things going on in my life at the moment.
who said the internet was full of wierdos?............they should come here and see the unconditional love and support that is offered to people seeking help for difficult decisions.
i for one am proud to be a member of such a caring forum.
((((((hugs))))) to all......
sue xxx
Thanks for the hugs Sue. I shall pass some to Jar123. We nearly lost our youngest child from meningitis when he was 13months old. He spent a week on life support so I also know how she feels to be watching a baby slipping away from illness as well from a sudden trauma.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
May 16th 2005, 1:55 pm
#21
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Thanks for the hugs Sue. I shall pass some to Jar123. We nearly lost our youngest child from meningitis when he was 13months old. He spent a week on life support so I also know how she feels to be watching a baby slipping away from illness as well from a sudden trauma.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
Sorry, should have said Nearly. not Dearly. That'll teach me not to proof read!!
May 16th 2005, 2:09 pm
#22
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 354
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by JAR123
We have not started the visa process yet as we have a major factor to consider.
Our Daughter died 4 years ago & is buried locally to us.
We are considering going ,to give our other children a better start in life but do not know if we will be able to cope leaving her behind.
I do not know if it is a possibilty if we managed to get a visa & settle there whether we can have her moved .
Has anyone had a difficult decision to make like this.
I know it is a very personal decision and difficult but I would appreciate your comments.
Our Daughter died 4 years ago & is buried locally to us.
We are considering going ,to give our other children a better start in life but do not know if we will be able to cope leaving her behind.
I do not know if it is a possibilty if we managed to get a visa & settle there whether we can have her moved .
Has anyone had a difficult decision to make like this.
I know it is a very personal decision and difficult but I would appreciate your comments.
If it was me, and I did decide to go, I would find a lovely spot in my garden,
and create a beautiful patch with your children, and dedicate it to your daughter.
Anyway, all the best on whatever you decide to do.xxxx
May 16th 2005, 7:43 pm
#23
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 94
Re: A difficult decision
Thank you all very much for your touching responses.
Especially to those who have shared their own personal experiences I am truly grateful.
Especially to those who have shared their own personal experiences I am truly grateful.
May 16th 2005, 7:51 pm
#24
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by JAR123
Thank you all very much for your touching responses.
Especially to those who have shared their own personal experiences I am truly grateful.
Especially to those who have shared their own personal experiences I am truly grateful.
Do you think the response you have had will help you make a decision? Where have you thought abought heading for? We are looking at going to Rockingham, W.A. Would be happy to meet up if you are going in that direction. Currently live near Guildford, Surrey.
Anne
May 16th 2005, 8:01 pm
#25
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 94
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Do you think the response you have had will help you make a decision? Where have you thought abought heading for? We are looking at going to Rockingham, W.A. Would be happy to meet up if you are going in that direction. Currently live near Guildford, Surrey.
Anne
Anne
May 16th 2005, 8:05 pm
#26
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: A difficult decision
This really puts things in perspective, what a decision you have to make but the advice you have been given is very wise.
I lost my best friend to cancer when we were both 17 (1987), of course this is nowhere in the same league as what some of you have had to suffer but I never forgot about her no matter where I was in the world. I always lit a candle to her memory on her Birthday or Aniversary of her passing. I go to her grave often now I am back in the UK.
I felt honoured in a way that I was able to travel the world, I had been given a chance to live my life, something she was never able to do and that is how you must proceed.
I am a strong believer in the spirit living on after passing, I have seen this on many occasions and this comforts me.
I loved the constellation/star idea and the planting of a tree.
Best wishes
Merlot xx
I lost my best friend to cancer when we were both 17 (1987), of course this is nowhere in the same league as what some of you have had to suffer but I never forgot about her no matter where I was in the world. I always lit a candle to her memory on her Birthday or Aniversary of her passing. I go to her grave often now I am back in the UK.
I felt honoured in a way that I was able to travel the world, I had been given a chance to live my life, something she was never able to do and that is how you must proceed.
I am a strong believer in the spirit living on after passing, I have seen this on many occasions and this comforts me.
I loved the constellation/star idea and the planting of a tree.
Best wishes
Merlot xx
May 16th 2005, 8:09 pm
#27
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 94
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Merlot
This really puts things in perspective, what a decision you have to make but the advice you have been given is very wise.
I lost my best friend to cancer when we were both 17 (1987), of course this is nowhere in the same league as what some of you have had to suffer but I never forgot about her no matter where I was in the world. I always lit a candle to her memory on her Birthday or Aniversary of her passing. I go to her grave often now I am back in the UK.
I felt honoured in a way that I was able to travel the world, I had been given a chance to live my life, something she was never able to do and that is how you must proceed.
I am a strong believer in the spirit living on after passing, I have seen this on many occasions and this comforts me.
I loved the constellation/star idea and the planting of a tree.
Best wishes
Merlot xx
I lost my best friend to cancer when we were both 17 (1987), of course this is nowhere in the same league as what some of you have had to suffer but I never forgot about her no matter where I was in the world. I always lit a candle to her memory on her Birthday or Aniversary of her passing. I go to her grave often now I am back in the UK.
I felt honoured in a way that I was able to travel the world, I had been given a chance to live my life, something she was never able to do and that is how you must proceed.
I am a strong believer in the spirit living on after passing, I have seen this on many occasions and this comforts me.
I loved the constellation/star idea and the planting of a tree.
Best wishes
Merlot xx
May 16th 2005, 8:22 pm
#28
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: A difficult decision
I think those of you that have posted your personal stories are incredibly brave.
Spoken about with dignity and words written with so much feeling that it brings tears to my eyes.
I hope all of your loved ones lost, rest in peace and the future is good for all of you.
Samantha
Spoken about with dignity and words written with so much feeling that it brings tears to my eyes.
I hope all of your loved ones lost, rest in peace and the future is good for all of you.
Samantha
May 16th 2005, 8:25 pm
#29
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 975
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Thanks for the hugs Sue. I shall pass some to Jar123. We nearly lost our youngest child from meningitis when he was 13months old. He spent a week on life support so I also know how she feels to be watching a baby slipping away from illness as well from a sudden trauma.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
Good luck for the future!!
Sharon
xxx
May 16th 2005, 8:29 pm
#30
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: A difficult decision
Originally Posted by Anne4Terry
Thanks for the hugs Sue. I shall pass some to Jar123. We nearly lost our youngest child from meningitis when he was 13months old. He spent a week on life support so I also know how she feels to be watching a baby slipping away from illness as well from a sudden trauma.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
I could fill a book with all the terrible things that have happened to us as family (oldest son dearly killed in a fire, middle child with kidney disease for 5 years) etc.but I still firmly believe that there are people out there much worse off than us. I like to think that I am a positive person which is why I smile A LOT and can only see this move as being a good thing.
I too am inspired and humbled.
Merlot xx