JAR123

We have not started the visa process yet as we have a major factor to consider.
Our Daughter died 4 years ago & is buried locally to us.
We are considering going ,to give our other children a better start in life but do not know if we will be able to cope leaving her behind.
I do not know if it is a possibilty if we managed to get a visa & settle there whether we can have her moved .
Has anyone had a difficult decision to make like this.

I know it is a very personal decision and difficult but I would appreciate your comments.

tiredwithtwins

you poor things - what a decisiion to have to make. I cant offer first hand experience to advise you, but my heart goes out to you - i cant even begin to imagine how you feel. It is something i have thought about in the past when one of our boys was seriously ill - i personally wouldnt leave him, but thats just me.
having worked in paediatric itu i have seen the suffering parents and siblings go through when a child dies - unless you have been that parent it is impossible to imagine the pain you must feel.
sue

JAR123

I have sent a pm to you hope thats ok

sel

I can understand how difficult this must be for you, I too would find it a very hard one to get my head around.

The only thing I can think to say is that I'm sure she lives on in your hearts and you have all your precious memories that, wherever you are, will always be with you.

Also do you have family here that will tend to her grave on your behalf. Then on special days your family can go to a chosen place that you can all share in rememberance.

I hope that someone here will be able to give you more informed information regarding your question of moving her and that you are able to move on with your lives.

Sel x

JAR123

Thank you.
There would be family here.
From a religious angle we do not believe she is there but the mind does not allow it totally and we regulary visit the grave.
So So Difficult.

tiredwithtwins

hiya jar123,

ive replied to your email - and will be in touch after tomorrow.

sue x

Pollyana

My heart goes out to you - this must be a very distressing decision for you.

Please don't take offence to me looking at this from a practical point of view, but before you consider it any further I think it might be advisable to contact AQIS, the quarantine people in Australia. I have reservations as to whether they would allow your daughter to be moved here, as their rules are fairly strict.
There might also be a problem in getting an airline to carry her, as they also have very strict rules.

JAR123

Thank you for your honesty I understand what direction you are coming from.

Stormz

Wow. Just when you think you`ve seen every sort of question this forum can offer....

How old was your daughter when she died?

As a recent father myself, I can only imagine a little of walking in your shoes, and I`m not sure what I would do if our daughter were to die and be buried here and wanted to go to Aus.

I don`t know what I`d do, but my wife`s Nan died in Australia and she wanted to be buried with her Husband in S`ton, so they cremated her and my wife brought her over on the plane. I`m not sure if they knew there was a cremated person in her luggage but anyway.

Maybe you could cremate her and take her to Aus? Only thing is it may have to be a smuggling job as AQIS are so strict. Check it out with them first anyway and then maybe take your daughter with you one way or the other.

JAR123

She was a year old.
This is the hardest decision to make.
It's the crime etc thats brought us to look at it for our other young children to give them a better life but our situation is not simple.

Vanessa

I have never experienced the pain and trauma that you and your family must have gone through during the past 4 years however, my step-son who is 17 has/is going through a similar experience, albeit about his mother. His mother died 4 years ago at a very young age and her ashes are in the garden where we presently live. We had to tread very carefully when raising the subject of moving but he has now come to terms with it and in fact, he is looking forward to moving on. His mother, like your daughter, will never be forgotten no matter where you are in the world but only you know if you can take the leap and move away. Grief is a strange thing and effects different people in different ways and so there is no right or wrong answer. I wish you well in whatever decision you make and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Professional Princess

First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for the loss of your little girl. Im not a mum myself but I can imagine there is no pain like you're suffering.

But whilst its so incredibly painful for you to leave her grave behind and is obviously causing you distress to think about it, there are a couple of ways of looking at it.

You say you want to give your children a better future and I think you are totally right in saying this because they are the future.

As mentioned you can get someone to tend her grave and/or enquire about moving her.

Always remember though, your sweet little girl will live on in many ways.

And although you may move to another country, you take with you her spirit, every milestone she reached, and the memories that you have of her.

Wherever you move to, you will remember her and everything she did and the lives she touched. Nobody can ever take that away from you.

Whilst her grave may remain in the same place, memories can be anywhere you want them to be.

Give your children the best future that you can offer them because moving away doesnt mean forgetting.

I hope you find an answer that is right for you.

Samantha

moneypenny20

Really feel for you. From a totally atheist point of view (the only view I have), she is not there, she is in your hearts. If you get out there and are settled, you never know, you might become unsettled and want to come back. I don't know the logistics but if you got her out there, would you then bring her back (this sounds horrible and hardheated but I don't mean it to, just don't know how else to word it, sorry)

I (think) I would leave her where she is. Take your memories and once settled maybe plant "her" tree (or whatever) and treat that spot as her grave.

Stormz

You don`t need to answer this, but I`m curious as to what happened, as I my daughter is going to be a year old on the 21st of May.

Anne4Terry

Hi

Sorry I don't know your name. We too lost a daughter, ours in a car accident 6 years ago now. She was 15. We are busy going through the process of applying to go to Perth and it is something that we have thought long and hard about. In reality you know that your daughter
is not in the grave you visit yet in your heart it gives you a focus point to go and chat and to grieve. I could go on for hours about this but my main thing is to say that we DO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

Last year we had a star named after our daughter. You are able to choose which constellation it goes into and I purposefully chose the Triangulum Australe in the southern hemisphere so that we would be able to locate it once down under. Co-ordinates are sent with a map showing how to find your star. Knowing that is there waiting does help. We went on a visit a few months ago and I was able to look to the sky and feel closer to her. Completely irrational and stupid I know but I felt she had travelled with us.

We also have a small decorative box with a few personal mementoes including a lock of our daughter's hair. I think once we have settled into a house (if we are successful) we will have a plant in our garden that we will dedicate in our daughter's memory.

I do understand your indecision, and I know myself that I stand at my daughter's grave and tell her that we won't be abondoning her. In reality she is with us all the time. I feel her around and am sure that she will stay with us when we move. Like you I have other children to think of and although I am aware that the wrench will be horrific it cannot possibly be like it was six years ago and I have seen the others' lives move on and it would not be right for me to stop that.

Wishing you love, bravery and understanding

Anne