di90

Me and my 12 year old daughter moved to Melbourne 4 years ago. I'm single, and we have no family here and very few friends, despite me putting myself out there. The few friends i have, i rarely see...

In the first year it was great and we settled very quickly. Many people made us feel welcome and invited us out. That stopped after the first year and people moved on or stopped asking.

I feel desperately lonely with just my daughter for company!! Weekends and the holidays are the worst! I'm still single and no friends/acquaintances call me, and no one ever invites me out. I try to organize things and people attend, but no one ever reciprocates, so i stop asking. I have asked people to invite me out but it just seems to fall on deaf ears!

I'm part of a single parent group and on meet up but these people just don't seem interested in maintaining friendships....

What is a girl to do to get some friends and maintain them? Anyone else have this problem? Advice appreciated.

Sue

Hi di90,

Sorry to read you are feeling a bit down and lonely.

It's hard putting yourself out there and finding people you can connect with. I quite often meet folk who I think I like and then later on realize we don't have much in common so we sort of drift apart.

Do you have any hobbies that you could join clubs for? Or maybe even taking some classes at a local college often helps.

spouse of scouse

What about some volunteer work in an area that interests you, Di? It's a great way to meet like minded people and become a part of your community. It doesn't have to be the traditional Meals on Wheels if that isn't your thing - it could be a sporting club, school, hospital, church, youth centre, helping new migrants with English, the choices are vitually unlimited. Your local council should be able to steer you in the right direction.

Or join a local club that interests you, music, dance, sport, writing, poetry, singing, art, darts at the pub, wine appreciation (that'd be my pick ) - again, the world is your oyster! Have a go, if you don't enjoy it you can move on to something else until you find the right one.

Good luck and keep your chin up - you'd be surprised how many people there are out there who are feeling exactly the same way as you.

spouse of scouse

I didn't think about TAFE etc, great idea Sue. I used to work as a TAFE lecturer, mainly evening classes, and the vast majority of students were adults (as opposed to teenagers, which would have sent me running).

OzTennis

Snap, I taught at Bendigo TAFE College (the old School of Mines) 'when I wore a younger man's clothes'.

I agree on the advice given by the ladies. I've found sport and work to be my inroad to making lots of friends in Scotland. You have to put yourself about though and eventually you'll make lasting friends.

NickyC

Tried Meetup? Thousands of groups of like-minded people in the Melbourne area.

http://www.meetup.com/find/?offset=0...=&sort=default

paddyo

eHarmony...its the future!!!

manzipoo

I know the feeling!!
My hubby and I live in Mornington on the peninsula and its worse down here.
The friends we have made live in Melbourne, but don't get to see them that often.
Its so hard here, people seem to keep themselves to themselves, stck to their own.

We have holidayed up In Cairns and love it up there, everyone seems more friendly and willing to be your friend.
I have found north/south divide here for defo.
We can try for a meet up if you want. ?
Can you personal message on here? If so I can give you my details, you can check me out on facebook, see if you like the look of us and take it from there.

GarryP

Agreed, there are loads of different groups to sample - some meetups of which have free drinks ("Mmmm, free beer"). As such you can have as much social interaction as you want, pick and choose the types of people, etc.

RedT

I've also found it really hard to make friends. Everyone is friendly etc but then goes their seperate ways. I've met up with some girls a few times but even though we have fun, they never go the next step and arrange another meeting unless I initiate it. Then I'm left wondering if I'm just being annoying asking them to go out! I'm planning on joining a choir in the next few weeks in the hope that I'll meet some people, I'm also seriously considering changing jobs as my office is very small and my colleagues are friendly but never go out together etc. Otherwise I don't know what to do coz I'm not enjoying life as it is and it's very hard to get into the frame of mind to meet people and be sociable when you're lonely/depressed. Vicious circle!

paddyo

I have noticed that, generally, most Aussies socialise with their neighbors and friends since school...there is not a lot of 'office mates' socialising apart from the odd special occasion or two.
It is definitely a different psyche than the UK.

saff

I don't know what it is, but I've found everyone here to be quite.. cliquey? don't get me wrong - friendly as anything and a great laugh when we do do something, but like you say, it tapers off and then you only hear from them once in a while and it's hard to get people to do anything, but I Guess they're much more adapted to chilling at home with a few beers and a barbie here.. But I've found that after two years 90% of my freinds who I meet up with regularly, including my current girlfriend are uk ex pats

I've found that work aside, the only way I've made good mates is by mutual interests, in my case, motorbikes! if you see any clubs, groups or forums for anything you'd like to do recreationally as a hobby, it can be a great way to meet like minded people

Dorothy

Ask yourselves (general yourselves, not anyone specifically) how many immigrants you had as friends before you moved to Australia. How many friends did you have since you were at school? Now put that into the context of an Australian. Of course they're going to be friends with neighbours and people they grew up with. It's part of human nature!

paddyo

Thats my problem, I am not friends with any of my school socially, merely on Facebook. But, that's because I joined the Navy and in that environment your mates were your colleagues but its a unique Armed Forces thing. Initially I used to go home at weekends to see my girlfriend and mates but eventually it tailed off, couldn't be bothered to keep going back to a village that stayed trapped in time and a girlfriend who was insanely jealous.....although with good reason in hindsight
I have become a global liver, in that I can live anywhere and it would not bother me as long as my family were happy and safe, and so it would be nice if my colleagues did socialise more but I understand their reasons. Plus, especially in Sydney, the diversity of home locations makes it almost impossible to just 'pop across the road for a beer with Bob' as Bob would be 30-100km away!!
Also I am over 50 now....and all my age peers have grown up and matured...sadly I suspect I am slow in doing so

Dorothy

Holy crap! You're over 50? I always had you pegged as in your 30's.