crocodileseamus

Hi Folks,

I was wondering if anyone out there could help with dealing with homesickness.

Although we haven't been accepted yet, my wife worries continually about how she will cope with being homesick. Some days she is fine with it, other days she says there is no way she'll be able to leave.

I realise it is probably easier to leave home when you are in your 20s never mind approaching 40 with 4 kids (39 actually, in case she reads this).

We own a rental property here and also a commerical property as well as our own home, all outright.

Wifey wants to keep one property, however, we have been advised to sell the lot, as there will always be an emotional tie with home if you have a property.

What I am really asking, is what is the psychology of moving abroad?

I probably don't make any sense, but I would welcome advice,

Thanks,


Crocodileseamus

asher

you can look at this two ways

you keep the property in the UK and when you get a bad bout of home sickness you give up and go back as its so easy as you have a property


you keep the property in the UK and that comfy feeling that if it gets too bad you can throw in the towel gets you through the bad bouts of home sickness


how are property prices where you are?

I know that here in the SE we could never get back on the ladder to what we have so are renting out as I know that we will be back sometime as kids are here and I will want to be here when my mother finally goes, we can always sell later.
however I also want citizenship in Australia and to go back again after sorting family.

It all depends upon your own personal circumstances

so am afraid only you can really decide this

rabsody

I would definitely keep a property. I've been here seven years and first couple of years had the odd bursts of homesickness, but it was manageable. However after the first visit home three years in (along with other contributing factors), I've never been the same and the homesickness has progressively got worse and worse. If you keep a property you keep your options open, if you tie all your money up here, well, you just don't know what may be around the corner, either emotionally or financially.

It's that old chestnut about not putting all your eggs in one basket ...

AndyR1976

I think I would keep one property too!

The way property prices are going in the UK I'd justput it in the hands of a good esate agent and let them rent it!

It would be nice to have a bank account with money going into it every month anyway!! And you can always sell later!

I'm not sure that keeping a house would provide any emotional ties to England - if you ahve family, friends in the UK and are familiar with england then you'll have emotional ties anyway - regardless of whether you own anything!! Why do you have to see it as a 'tie' - just a bloody house!

When I moved to the UK 3 years ago I didn't really get homesick. I have commented before on this forum about how, as an aussie, you get used to living thousands of miles from your family (even though you are in the same country you can be thousands of miles apart from everyone - not like in England where people tend to see their famly all the time!)

When we move back to Australia this year I am worried my other half (who is English) will be homesick. She is close to her parents and has never lived more than 10 miles from them etc.

I have thought about this a lot and come up with the following (just some ideas) for when you arrive:

Keep busy - this will be easy for the first few months as you get new house etc and start to explore your new home, but after a few months you might have more 'spare time' to think. I am concerned about this because before I moved to the UK I had lots of 'nothing time' - its part of the aussie way of life - sitting on the beach, sitting around the pool, sitting next to the BBQ with some friends. I am concerned that my girlfriend will use all this 'spare time' for 'thinking' and that this might make her miss home.

Friends - I think its important to establish some connections and friends in Australia. Some might do this through work, through children (meeting other parents) etc. Join some clubs - and also stay in contact with people on this forum! If youi move and can meet another couple of people that have done similar then you might be able to support each other and provide advive!

Be positive - its easy to be defeated if you can't find work, house, kids are unsettled etc. try to stay positive (difficult for english people)

Enjoy what you've got - make the most of day trips, seeing new places, taking the kids to new areas etc. Keep you busy, lets you see new things and you'll get to know your new home better - thus making you feel like more of a local.

Plan a trip home - this is something I think will really help - how about plan a trip back to the UK in 2 years time - say, for christmas!? that way, if the missus is feeling a little homesick after a few months you can say 'don't worry, you can see you're (insert favourtie relative) when we go back next christmas....' Also, I think a trip home might make you realise what you have got in Australia - I can imagine you leaving your nice place in Brisbane to stay with friends in a 2 up-2 down thats 2 miles from anywhere when its a cold and bitterly horrible winter! Maybe you'll arrive in England and think "this is why we moved" (alternatively, you might come back to england for a holiday and realise you wnat to move back - unlikely, but it happens!!)

John50

If you have the option of being able to leave one property back home at least you have a fall back option you really dont know whats around the corner.
I have been here only a month and have been terribly homesick (more than i ever thought i would be) but it will get easier i know. at least i am doing it and not sitting back in blightly thinking what if ?
All the best to you.

snappy

This is a MAJOR upheaval in anyone's life no matter if they have no friends or family that they love and care about. The best of relationships are put to the test as you have to rely on each other until you find your feet, no having a quick bitch with your mate over coffee as us women like to do That first agrument no matter how positive you were about the move over here will just be screaming the words"WHAT HAVE I DONE" in your head. Starting all over again with new people that know nothing about your history or how you tick can be draining after a while when you have no real friends to show for it. Then you miss your old home, your old life and wonder why did I do this???

I had never been here before, never in a million years imagined I would be here the other side of the world to everything familiar. I've had days when that screaming in my head gets very very loud BUT and that is a big but those feelings didn't last everyday all week all month long, they happened when I felt out of my comfort zone.

I fell in love with Oz very quickly, I still even after a couple of years miss my old home, I do miss the people I had in my life with all the history but at the same time I feel alive in a way as I don't have to put up with the years of guilt and history with my friends or be caught in the middle of family squabbles anymore. I feel far more confident than I ever was in talking to complete strangers now. I have now got some great mates and the ones that made all the promises and cried all those tears before I left have faded into my past bar an odd couple. My comfort zone is here and now and I haven't been back to the UK for a visit yet and to be honest I'm dreading my first visit as I really don't want to leave my home here.

Everyday crap still happens, the holiday feeling has long gone but at the same time I still pinch myself when I look out and realise I'm here in Oz. So my secret to it all is be real about the move, all negative feelings are important to go through now before you move as you will be well prepared for the bad days you will get at the beginning of it all, but most importantly when you get here enjoy enjoy enjoy

Regarding selling or not if it makes your wife feel better then keep one. Personally unless it was a great family home I wouldn't bother or had some major history ties for you. I think the decision has to be yours as a family. Good luck with it

crocodileseamus

Hi Andy,

I know I am reporting that my wife is scared of being homesick, but I guess I am as well.

We have established friends here in Northern Ireland and bother with the family we want to bother with, but we don't know a sinner in the part of Oz we hope to move to.

We do make friends easily and are very sociable people, my wife wouldn't get our youngest child christened, he is only 8 months old, as she reckoned it would be an excuse to join a church and meet people. I just hope that all people who go to church aren't too holy!

I can only imagine what you are going through, I think about it all the time. But our main reason for moving is the kids, there is nothing here for them anymore. Everyone is becoming more and more materialistic, it isn't about the person it is about what you have.

Please try and keep your chin up and keep busy and try and remember the reason why you went, although I am sure you are wondering yourself.

Chin up,


Crocodileseamus

Nu-Shooz

Keeping your property is a good idea, but there will always be the chance of temptation to return so easily if things don't go too well to start with.
I for one would have gone back home if i had kept my property. But because i sold it, i had to stay longer, the longer you stay the more chance of settling. Well hopefully

Homesickness happens in doses, sometimes everyday, once a week, once a month...

Only you can decide what to do. I would keep it, especially if you know your wife is unsure.

Good luck.

crocodileseamus

Sorry John,

Mistook you for Andy. Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone.

Crocodileseamus

Pollyana

The one thing I would echo which someone posted above - set yourself a time for your first trip back, 2 years maybe. Gives you something to aim for if you start feeling you need a taste of home. Its the way I deal with it now - plan the next trip as soon as I arrive back in Aus. Helps the people back home too

why

I am a ping pong person who's been back and forth
I get homesick on and off.
If i could have, i would have kept property over there
I would also buy a return ticket and go back regularly (I am planning to go back every two years) that seems to help being homesick...rather than making life here seem like a prison sentence....be light hearted... and view it all as an adventure not something that is completely irreversible.. life is too precious to waste it worrying.....
It's not just me though as you may have read on here there are lots of people who have lost vast amounts of money by coming here and then going back....the heartaches and reasons for going back for me where people...my family....i still miss them everyday......but you get used to it....all the other stuff doesn't really matter....good luck and remember it should all be fun!!!!

on a mission

I WOULD HAVE DONE THIS


KEPY MY PROPERTIES IN BOTH COUNTRIES AND FLEW BACK TO THE UK FOR A HOLIDAY AROUND 4 WEEKS TO GET MY DOSE OF FAMILY.

JUST TO REMIND ME WHAT FKIN DUMP IT IS AND HOW RARELY WE SEE OUR FAMILY.

I LIVE 20 MILES AWAY AND SEE THEM ALL ABOUT TWICE A YEAR

movin'on

I would keep a property too, especially as you don't have a mortgage on it. We moved to Bermuda 6 yrs ago (we're looking to oz now hence my constant reading on this forum!!) - I had a property which I sold after being here a year. To be honest I felt lost and worried for a while - homesickness and I was panicking that we didn't have a house, would never get back on the housing market, could never afford to be able to move back home (we didn't and still don't know if we'll ever go back to the uk) etc. So, 2 yrs later we bought another property (when the prices had peaked - clever eh?). Anyway, emotionally it did a lot for me to have a house back home 'just in case'. Financially it's been a killer though!!! (We have a mortgage, are currently trying to sell in this climbing interest rate climate....- not that great at money my other half and I).

Anyway - after all this rambling which will probably not even be useful to you, what I am trying to say is, the security of a property helped with the homesickness and the sense if displacement we felt for a while. You can always sell it later.....

ShozInOz

Croc, this is a tough one, and you won't really know until you know. I was horrifically homesick immediately on arrival to Aus, for about 4 months, then it started to get better. It was the one time that my wife and I felt differently about where we live and where we want to live. After the homesickness subsided, we ping ponged in our minds for a couple of years, then decided to come back. A few months of being back, and we were looking to return. For us, Australia is a better place to bring up a child.

It wasn't the homesickness that brought us back, it was a lack of committment to Aus. But homesickness can feel desperately bad and can certainly lead to decisions that you would not have made otherwise.

Based on some of our experience, my advice is this:
- Talk to people who have MADE IT in Australia. I am now fascinated by what they did differently, what they actually did to make it work. There are plenty on this website. Think about what you would need to do to make it work.
- Look at the things that bring people home on this website. Look at how those things might affect you.
- On arrival, talk to each other lots, but be mindful of what your motives are. I immediately wanted to agree that we would only be there for X months/years etc. Be mindful of the games you will play, and how you will collude with each other. Try to balance extreme views.
- Do not go back to the UK too early for a holiday. We did after 6 months. I don't think that helps at all.
- Try to talk about Australia as home. Try to think in dollars, not pounds. Use ABC as your homepage, not BBC.
- Set up a photo website. This really helped me. Post a journal, photos, etc. It will reinforce what a great time you are having.
- See some of Australia. Don't become too trapped in your city/town.
- Get the best webcam, intenet connection, etc., that you can to stay in touch with loved ones. I found talking to relatives invaluable. I could not and did not want to cut off from them. This may make you feel that they are still part of your lives. In fact I honestly spoke to rellies more then than I do now.
- Get involved in Australian life. Help pick up litter on clean up day, celebrate what Australia is providing to you and others.
- Do not berate or criticise Australia to Australians. Do not berate or criticise the UK to Australians. Both create divides and can be offensive.
- Don't be afraid to admit sadness and grief. Moving countries involves huge loss. You have a right to grieve. But don't be temped to try to ressurect the UK too soon, else grief may be replaced with regret.
- Develop friendships with Australians, and with British who are happy in Australia.

It is not easy, but remember that homesickness is, after all, a feeling. Feelings come and go, just like opportunities.

movin'on

Oh my god ShozInOz - what great advice for anyone considering the move! I'm putting this on my favourites.