And when you are separated or divorced, you can't live your life around your ex and expect to get on with your own life. Ultimately they are no longer together and he has to do what is best for him first and if that means it will benefit his life by moving to Oz to go for it.

Wish I'd never asked the b****y question.

Please don't worry about it. It was a perfectly reasonable question to ask. You just got one idiot chipping in. Well, that's life - idiots are everywhere.

For every idiot on here, there are lots and lots of helpful people. So, don't be put off asking questions.

P.S. Forgot to say: once you've been on BE a while you know who the idiots are and just ignore them ... Best way.

It's an emotive subject and without typing a 2000 word essay every time, it's also hard to get the full story across.

Questions about tea bags have caused issues on here, so I wouldn't worry. The info you can pick up on here is often very useful and can help you make a good decision.

Cooler

Thats because some morons can't actually read what you wrote, then jump off the deep end and want to let us all know their moral standing on a point that nobody else has ever raised. As if any of us give a crap about their moral stance or might be vaguely interested in it in any way.

You've just actually answered your own argument. The OP was making sure that he won't be creating financial difficulties within his new life which means you've actually just agreed with his original logic that you criticised in the first place

What he's done seems rather sensible to me - to the extent that it ensures the financial stability for the children. Certainly better than diving in headfirst, then finding out that you've got no money from one day to the next, and then no money left to be able to send the ex resulting in everyone suffering.

Well, I'm glad you did. It means you can approach everything from a more informed position which has always got to be good. If anyone else reading becomes more informed about how it works as well, then you've helped others by asking it as well.

Post about kids usually get jumped on, put CSA in the equation and you've got an even bigger likelihood. Don't let it bother you mate.

I am not going to get into a slanging match on here but I am not an idiot or a moron. I don't think there is any need for name calling. Somebody close to me is struggling to raise their child. The father formed a limited company to falsely show that he is on a low wage when really he is having a very good lifestyle. The role of the CSA is to calculate a reasonable amount for an absentee parent to pay. Yes, I know that they make mistakes and people disagree with the political way in which their resources are targetted but the reality is that, for a lot of parents raising kids, the CSA have been helpful in getting them money that they would otherwise have gone without.

And the other side of that reality is also that a lot of parents who aren't allowed to raise their kids they are used as a money tree. My OH was left with less a month than our mortgage cost to pay all bills and travel to work after he'd been bled dry - because I worked as well they decided to take my wages into account because she said he had too high a standard of living. She decided that because I was talking about buying a new car if I was made redundant........

Had we had the option of setting up a limited company with what we do I would have taken it as I objected to having to pay for everything, including his son who lives with us - and sorry, I don't see why the hell I should have to do that.

I don't judge all ex wives by this standard - you shouldn't judge all ex husbands by your friends exes standards.

You are confusing a closely subjective circumstance with an objective viewpoint and have allowed your experience of Someone Elses pain to cloud your vision in this subject. You may also be seeing your friends viewpoint without understanding why her other half had taken that stance. Its difficult for you I am sure, but you really should of thought about your comments first.

I don't think lazy half arsed Dads should shirk their responsibilities.
I don't think money grabbing succubusses should be milking dads for all they can score.

Does this help?

Totally agree!! lol

The bottom line is that anyone going into the whole emigration thing needs to do so with their eyes wide open and fully aware of how things work. The CSA system being just one of them. It would be very naive of me to just pack my bags and jump on a plane without having any idea what my financial commitments are, what standard of living I can expect, how I am to live and support my family, etc. This doesnt just relate to the CSA, but all the other costs that leave our bank accounts every month in order for us to live.

To find things out, I thought I'd join a friendly forum of people who have experienced similar things and would be willing to help!

I didnt come on here to be attacked or judged by ignorant people that know absolutely nothing about my personal circumstances and have got zero right to have a go at me.

My personal life is exactly that and I have no intentions of splashing it all over this forum for people to pick at. I would therefore appreciate the same level of respect I try to afford to others and that is to help where and if I can and keep my personal feelings to myself.

This thread has concerntrated more on the moralities of the issue, rather than the original question I was trying to ask.

For all those of you who have offered support and helpful advise, thank you very much. Really....it is appreciated.

I am sorry if my post has upset you and on reflection I could have worded it better. This subject really pushes my buttons but I accept that I don't know all of your circumstances. It was the limited company bit that did it for me but yes, you obviously had your reasons and they might not have been the same as those in my experience.

No disrespect is meant by this at all, but being a woman, you will never be able to see things from a genuine "absent" fathers perspective. We have absolutely no rights what so ever. The system favours the parent with care all the time and is open to exploitation, usually at the "absent" fathers expense (emotionally and mentally, as well as financially). Anyway, enough on the subject.