Whingin Pom

I have not been on here for a couple of years cos we went to Aus and then came back

We have been back now for 2 years and she has just started to talk about returning to Aus but she is not sure.

Now i would go tomorrow but she is still unsure, I need to convince her that we should be out there and not here.

She is stil living her life for her parents and sister and other family and not for herself, I know she loved it out there but missed them.

So you all have to post her and tell she has to do it.

She is scrawni 2 by the way

Oh and only nice posts and no upsetting her I have to live with her remember

suzimc

In the nicest possible way, surely you've got more chance of success if she decides without pressure?

Whingin Pom

Yes thats why its been two years back and she is thinking about it on her own without me pushing, and i asked for nice posts.

M J

Youre wife has to make that decision by herself i fear... or else she may only push reservations to the back of her mind, which may reappear after settling there.
Did you return because she missed her family?
M J

M J

Scratch my last question, just read one of your wifes threads which explains more.
Things are different for you now. Have you not thought of maybe a holiday/rekkie trip to think it over again?
If you have a look around Queensland you can tell me about it!! My husbands been but my picture is based on internet, books, friends and BE !!!!
Good luck M J

borolad

im in the same boat mate . maybe we could talk tactics, bribes, kids, sex ?
or leave the girls and go our selfes

Scrawni 2

You sneaky little bugger you, husband of mine You knew that I would read your post, nice try but the jury is still out

Mandy

JenJen

I think you're best off not trying to force the issue

My husband has forced the issue and ok we're now going the visa has gon in but I wouldn't say i'm that happy about it all.
Besides liek I told my husband if anything and I mean anythign bad happens to my family while we're out there he'll be getting the blame for forcing me to go.
So if I were you i'd sit back and let her decide in her own time.

You can't live life for your family but there are some ppl who are really important to you and to leave them behind is heartbreaking. You can't ask her to choose between her family and you - my husband did that an it's caused no end of problems between us.

So don't be like my husband be patient and wait til your wife's ready.

Jen

grahampaula

This is a tough one because if you end up going back and your wife is not 100% committed, there is a good chance that you will end up back in the UK again. It is a decision that can not be taken lightly and in my opinion, should be made by both of you for the right reasons. Perhaps now that your wife knows how hard it is, she might be able to forward plan in order to cope with the situation a bit better (I know that you can not plan your emotions but at least if she is prepared it might help a little.)
You have to sit and talk together about all the reasons for making the move in the first place and if you both still agree on the same, weigh up all the pros and cons. Also apart from the obvious one of missing family and friends, did you have any other problems that brought you back to the UK and if so look at how you can overcome these before you decide to give it another go (providing that you do.)
It is a tough decision to make but provided that it is made at the right time, without any pressure then hopefully it will work for you all.
Best of luck for the future in whatever decision you make.
P.S Don't forget to keep buying your wife big bunches of flowers (I know it will not persuade her to go but I am sure that she will like it anyway.)

Whingin Pom

I do agree with you, and if your hubbie is reading this, bad man lol, but don't think its not the right thing to do for everyone, life out there is easyer and you will be better for it, its just sad that those type of choices have to be made.

It is the right move to make and i would not say to anyone don't go, but it has to be made by both and you both have to be comfortable with going, but don't sit at home in ten twenty years time and regret not goin when its just you two sat at home in the cold and all the kids have flown the coop, maybe abroad.

When you go, leave a little in the bank for airfares home, keep yourself busy and make as many friends as you can, now that wont be hard cos most of the folk out there are very open and friendly people anyway, don't be a standoffish brit join in and have fun.

The wife didn't have transport and was stuck in the house all day while i was at work and the boy was at school, giving her lots of time to think about and miss home. Its not her fault she is a very warm woman and I think the emotion of being alone made things too much.

She herself has raised the topic of going back without any prompting from me, although she knows my fealings on the matter, and I believe she wants to go but is scared, but as she can't make her mind up about weather to have a curry or a chinese or what pub to eat at i was looking for some gentle persuasion from others.

tum

I can't give you the ultimate answer. My husband and I started the visa procedure in February 2005 (and yes....still waiting). The bad part is that we are already waiting ages for a decision from lovely DIAC. The good part is we can get used to the idea of actually moving.

Personally I would like to just giftwrap my mother and take her with me.....but this is not a real option now is it. So I (not intentionally) used those 2 years to see my role in the life I live now. It's a good role, I'm a wife, mother, daughter, I have nice inlaws and a great brother and SIL. I love their kids to bits and know I will always be there for them. But imagining myself in this role for the next ooh 30 years or so makes me feel like I'm standing still. In that respect the remark 'I rather have the lead role in my own movie than a side role in someone else's ' really put things in perspective for me.

Were others are bound by their surroundings, property, friends, way of life, ....with me it's my mother. Luckily she's a loving outgoing person and already told me...if that's what you would like go for it...give it a try....even if it means that probably you will stay there...I will come out and see you....save me a room...better safe me a granny flat .....ok in her heart she wants me and of course also her grandson to stay.....but life is what you make of it and she has taught me that.

I don't know if it makes any sense to you, but I just jotted down how I feel. Good luck with making YOUR decision.

take care,

Miranda

Andrew 18

Would her sister want to move to Australia with you, and if she did maybe your wife would as well? and gifts would help as well. Give it time over weeks and months. Talk to her a little bit each day about it but not overload and persuade her to go.

Whingin Pom

Thank you Miranda, that is a lovely way of thinking about things.

When you hear people say "but its the other side of the world" it anoys me a little, ok 30 years ago that would be it you would go and not see anyone ever again, 6 weeks in a boat then the holiday and 6 weeks back, you would loose your job and have to mortgage the house to pay for it, but now its just a day traveling and a bit of jet lag and alot cheaper too.

nev_n_angie

Hiya

I think and deeply feel that too much emphasis is put on geography - I chose my husband and he chose me. My family are where I've come from, but as an individual, I firmly believe that you only get one shot at life - the reality is that eventually, my parents will pass away, if I do not do this, I can live my life regretting the 'not knowing'. My immediate family - 3 kids and Hubby and dog are what I am concerned with at the moment. That's not to say that I wont miss my Mum and Dad/Brother/Sister etc. I believe that, when all is said and done, your kids leave, your parents will pass away and all you have is each other (apart from fantastic memories of the past and it's people). We are going because we know that's it what we both want - I have more reservations than my hubby as his family is scattered - Parents in France and brothers and sister all over UK.

I will mss friends and family - but we are not dead yet - one shot at life - make the best and the most of it!!!

Bit too deep - sorry

tum

You're welcome! And yes it is the other side of the world,
but not so as it was 30 years ago. And not even 20 years
ago. I went to Melbourne then with my grandmother to visit
her brother and sil for 7 months. I was 18 at the time (fresh
out of school ) and there was no email, faxing was terribly
expensive as was calling someone. A letter took ages to reach
someone and you couldn't interact as you can now using skype,
internet, msn and cheap phonecards. So things improved a lot
since then in my opinion. I'll really miss those one on one talks,
the fresh smell of coffee my mum made and just sitting together
and not talking. We'll just have to do that when she comes over
and make up for it.

I don't know if your wife also talks to her family about what will
happen if someone gets sick, what would you do or think you would
be doing. It's always better talking about it, than guessing what
other people think or feel and making it into a worst case scenario
event (which is what I do if I wouldn't stop myself ).

All the best.

Miranda xx