Damson

So here's the situation. My hubbie is desperate (with a capital D) to move to Oz. He would cheerfully pack us up tomorrow and bugger off; he's disillusioned with the UK (particularly the future and the legacy tax and opportunity wise that the kids will be left). We've run our own business (succesfully) for 12 years which has come at enormous cost to our family life. We would free up our liquid capital and start afresh for a new adventure. Kids are dead excited too. His occupation is very much in demand, and getting a new job shouldn't be a problem. We even know which area we want to go to and what school. We fell head over heels in love with it on our reccies.

Now the rub. I'm far less keen and feel a bit of a wimp to be hones. It's all becoming so real now (have visas and are talking dates and removals companies) and I'm panicking like mad which is something that, although he appreciates and takes on board the homesickness aspect, he isn't. He's under no illusion that it will be a slog but can look at the bigger picture. He is confident it will work and he may well be right. After all, I love the area there as well (I also love Centre Parcs too, but wouldn't want to live there!). We met so many friendly and helpful Aussies and had a good time each time we visited. However, I get panick attacks (which wake me up at night). He does remind me though that I'm a natural worrier and particularly bad with change and am quite a set in my ways kind of a person and, that when I have changed situations in the past (areas, jobs, setting up the business, having kids etc) it has worked out fine.

Is any one else in this situation or has anyone else been through it? If so, how did it work out for you?

Any input much appreciated.

chelly77

I too am petrified....We fly on the 21st January. We have no family or friends in Sydeny or Australia, my company have now backed out of the job offer they made to me for the companys Sydney office and I am now really worried about finsing a job.

On the other hand I have to keep reminding myself that this is an adventure and I have to throw myself into this and take each day as it comes. I am trying not to think of what might happens if X Y Z and just deal with each situation as it arises.

Fingers crossed for both of us that everything works out

I am sure you will be fine and that when you look back on this post in 6 months time you will kick yourself

mabozar

I used to feel like you too a couple of years ago until a job offer came along and the thought of why are we still here attitude!
I don't panick anymore just dead excited to try it have more friends out there now than here.
My mum died at the age of 37 that's my age now so I'm going to give it my best shot and have a drink for her when I get there. We are not that close to family, both our mum's are gone and that makes life very different for us Grand parents are not that close to our kids either. It's just that itch to scratch if it doesn't work out we can still come back to our old house don't know if the old job will still be there or the old life?

I think you will be fine when you get there I think what you are feeling is only natural.
keep in touch I'll let you know when I get there.

Carol

Damson

Thanks so much for your replies, it really is nice to know others are going through the same thing (sorry, not nice, but you know what I mean!)

That is so sad Carol that your mum died at such a very young age, that must have been extremely tough. It does make you realise how precious life really is. I do think that your attitude will hold you in good stead and that you will thrive. Just wondering where you are off to?

Chelly, 21 January eh? I think being this close to going you are very entitled to be a bit nervy - I'm sure I'm going to be a complete wreck. With unemployment levels in the UK at an alarming rate though, job safety is an issue on either continent, so there's no guarantee of anything here either I guess. I do think you are right in the deal-with-it-as-it-happens attitude. So often I get bogged down in the detail, I forget what's really important, which is something that my hubbie is always pointing out - smart alec that he is.

We are going to make a special effort to enjoy our last UK Christmas though which will be lovely.

Note to self, get a grip.

Perhaps we should set up a support group!!!

mabozar

Yes that would be good set one up.
We are headed to Perth, do you have any kids?
Carol

1968_karen

Can I join your support group please?

We are due to leave end of January and Im panicking ........ but definately going!

We are off to Melbourne.

Kayelem

Hi. We only got our visa grant a week ago and the night sweats have started!!! It is a big thing and like everything in life who knows whats round the corner. My only comfort at the mo is that we are going to rent our home so at least I can come home if it doesn't work out. We have set a goal of 2 years before deciding if it is for us which doesn't make it so daunting for us or our families we will be leaving behind. We are heading for Perth probably June-August 2010. I am a nurse and I have heard soo many ill or elderly people say they wish they could have their lives over again and what they would do differently, most wish they had emigrated. Go for it, enjoy the adventure.

ukmouse

We spoke to some dear friends of ours last night to tell them we are moving to Perth. They are in their 70s and said 'if we were younger there would be nothing stopping us.' They were so excited for us they even got out their Atlas whilst we were on the phone to see where we were going to be. Everyone we have told seems as excited 'for' us as we are at going.

I have to say that 'staying' in the UK is possibly just as scary as moving away and giving yourself a chance for something new. The planes fly both ways after all.

louise

I definitely think it happens to everyone (even if they tell you it doesn't)

Well we've sold our house and moved out now so we might as well go for it, as has been said many times before, we can always come back if we don't like it or we don't settle. Nothing has to be forever.

I think if you have come this far you would always wonder "what if" so try it and at least you will know, whatever the outcome

mabozar

Yes you can join only if you have lots of wine!

Carol

koalakim

Hi Ms Wimp

Been there and got the T-shirt!

It is a BIG thing, we got fed up with everyone saying to us "oooo that's a BIG move" yes, we flipping well know it!!!!

I know you've been building up to the move for a long time now and it's natural that you'll get the wobbles every now and again - it is a big thing to up sticks from all you know and love to start again in a new country.

We had lots of friends shuffle off to live abroad for a bit but all of those with the exception of one friend were to do with the Hubby's job so they had work and money to go to and were kind of taken care of. For us we were jumping in blind and not only not having the comfort zone of work to go to and we decided to start our own business!

The build up to our move was around 10 years in the making from our first holiday to Oz to visit a very old friend to actually moving here. It was soooooooo consuming, everything was centered around the move. It took a few years to find a way to actually apply for the visa and then the usual OMG do we or don't we go! We were disillusioned with the UK a bit (earning more and less in your pocket) but we had good jobs, a nice place to live, loved living in Brighton, fantastic holidays and it would have been very easy not to have come. However, there would always have been that nagging feel of "what if". What if I got to 90 and really regretted not going and giving it a try. My Gran was a great traveller and I always remember her saying when she was on the way out that she shouldn't have listened to the Docs in her 60's and given up travelling as she trundled on for another 30 years! I've had a couple of friends pass away in their 40's which is scary and you do realise life is short and you have to cram this stuff in whilst you can!

I had massive panic attacks not only before we went but also for the first 6 months here - night ones with sweats and thought I was having a heart attack which did spoil a 2 month trip we did around WA! Got super panicy when the mobile didn't get any reception in remote areas!

However, 3 years on - would I change it? Yes and No - I do miss my salary, my sports car and regular money! But that is to do with work stuff and not living in Australia. Looking back we may have done things a little differently on the business side but it's the way it happened so that we can't change but about actually living in Australia then there are heaps of things that make life more pleasant here. I look around at the countryside and the gum trees and think wow! I walk past Fishermans Beach in Mornington and it just looks stunning at the moment and think wow! I've just twigged - it's all about letting go and appreciating your new surroundings, new experiences etc. Maybe it's easier to do in your 20's when you are more flexible in taking risks and thinking etc.

Things are settling down for me now at last, business is picking up and we are building our own house. My Mum and Dad have accepted this is where we are for now and are even excited about the house and I've been instructed to send pics each week so Mum can do a file!

I know you're not particularly happy with the UK and it can only get worse! At least out here the sun shines more and that helps, winter is shorter and I would say although it's been hard for us and there have been times I wanted to jump on the plane back - overall it was a good thing to do and hopefully things will get even better!

It's natural to have doubts but don't forget when you get here then you already know a few people (even if it's only virtually!) and it's great to have that support system. You do need to chat to people who have been through it all and it really does help. I really don't know what I would have done without meeting people through Britvics and a couple of girls I got to know so we could all have a good natter about the BIG move!

As far as homesickness goes, never suffered from missing the UK (apart from Tesco's, Next and M&S and the good old English pub) but we do miss our old friends and family of course. We've had a couple of visitors but would like more but realise it's a big trip for them too, it never bothered us just coming to Oz for a couple of weeks!

I do worry about the folks as they get older especially as I'm an only child but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I spent ages worrying about it but you just don't know what is going to happen.

I think you do have to look at the bigger picture. Most people feel it is a better place to bring up your kids and not only that once you get citizenship you are giving them options for the future and also your grandkids

Don't forget you can drop me a note anytime you've got worries - I'm the biggest worrier on the planet and I've managed to survive nearly 3 years here! I too don't adapt to change very well but I'm learning just to go with the flow and follow lifes meandering path (that's very poetic!) - hey do you think we were separated at birth?

Take care of yourself!

KK

verystormy

We knew we were moving out here about 8 months before the due date - 457 visa, so a lot quicker. For the first 6 months my wife didnt really believe it was happening. Once it did sink in, although she desperatly wanted out of the UK, she had a serious case of the wobbles. It is a big move, no denying it. And for us, it meant the sale of the house would only just cover the mortgage and no funds to do much with when we arrived. But as the time approached, the excitment took over and the thought of the adventure. We arrived to a overcast cool drizzly Sydney 19 months ago and havent looked back since. Oz isnt perfect, far from it, and a lot of the issues you had in the UK exist here as well. But it does have some great advantages and at the end of the day, you give it a try and have a adventure. Worst case is that you find it isnt for you and go back. We might not stay, though wont return to the Uk, but might try another country. The future is exciting, just roll with it.

asher

We all have the wobbles at one time or another it's a big move just be certain that they are wobbles and not real issues, many who move back do so due to missing their family.

I have a great life here in Oz I have some great friends too I could happily live here the rest of my life

If you are not a very shy person you will do well but you do have to make yourself do things, go places and put yourself out there

moneypenny20

I've yet to read any posts from people saying they don't have that panic at some point. I was fine at the end, it was about a year before we moved that I had my doubts, mainly because my first born was so adamantly against the word Australia.

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have those feelings at some point. Most of us are parents and the idea of selling up, uprooting everyone from everything you hold dear to try something new 12,000 miles away is very scary especially when your whole focus is the happiness of your children.

Go with the flow

Damson

This thread has had a calming effect on me (about time something did!). Hearing that others are in the same boat and being reminded by the ones who've done it and came out the other side how normal these feelings are is so helpful - thanks Moneypenny.

I don't know how people move so quickly; we've been pondering since 2007. I do think sometimes though that it's best to just get on with things as it concentrates the mind - having too much time to think can sometimes be a bad thing.

Have to say a HUGE ta to KoalaKim - my rock (and twin). Every forum should have a Kim on it. It was lovely to read your journey, and I'm sure it was of interest to the others in the same boat - I'll keep in touch.

We definately need stories like yours verystormy, what brave people you are and glad it's all working out for you.

Asher, you are right, it is important to make sure that wobbles are just that, and not real issues. I honestly think that barring leaving family and friends behind there is nothing else stopping us - oh and the bloody exchange rate (I also love my house and neighbours and wish we could take them with us too though). I am quite shy, but describe myself as an introvert extrovert. I will suddenly do/say something daft that will make my husband groan and say oh for god's sake woman stop it/shut up or similar. I think I embarass him sometimes. The rest of the time though I'm pretty much on the edge of the playground at dropping off time watching everyone else. Depends on what mood I'm in as to how brave I am. All I would need is quite a few brave days - ah, so that's why so many people talk about alcohol on this forum! Hic

Karen_68 you are very welcome to join - I think there's enough of us now to call ourselves a group! Mabozar, I think we can broaden things to Stella and Bacardi Breezer too - we don't want to be too exclusive! We're off to Melbourne by the way and have two kids though feels like more.

Louise, well done on selling your house - what a huge relief that must be. I should imagine it was a pretty "yoiks" moment for you when you signed on the dotted line. The thought of leaving my place fills me with dread. At least you've got it out of the way now and it's just one less thing standing in your way. You are right though about "what if's" - they can be a real pain.

ukmouse, how lovely to have a blessing. I'm pretty lucky in this respect in that our parents are quite supportive, albeit secretly wanting it to all fall through. My MIL's reaction funnily enough was to go and get her photo album of Melbourne out too and sound quite jolly. She was trying not to cry bless her but she was doing better than me. I don't do restrained crying I'm afraid.

If anyone wants to keep in touch and let me know their experiences, that would be great.

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