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Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Old Jul 6th 2008, 8:38 am
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by claire doyle View Post
I think that when you have young children you miss having family around you and sometimes feel that they are missing out. The longer you stay in Australia the more you believe that you had such a busy life in UK with loads of friends and only remember the sunny days etc Then if you end up living in a boring place (Blackwater!!) you end up thinking there is no choice but to move back to the Uk (Wales) and do all the things you missed. Then you make the big move back have a great time for a month then reality sets in and the things you missed dont really happen. Winter comes ... kids are bored, its dark at 4 pm freezing cold, kids have a swing set for Christmas and dont get to play on it until March!! There is only so much shopping you can do before you crack up! Everything is GREY everyone is pale and white every event is indoors!! Shops are hot and crowded, cafes are full. Beaches are superb (Gower in Swansea) but too cold to go in the sea! Then you start getting pains when ever you think of Australia and desperate when you think of what you got to go through to go back ... and how can you leave your family again. BUT immediate family comes first and stress is good for you and when you do finally come back you NEVER NEVER regret it!

Summer in Wales ... WET COLD MISERABLE

Winter in QLD ... Blue sunny happy healthy!!
You summed it up for us. We had a 1 yr old and when we did the pro's and con's the family and her missing out on her extended family tipped the scales to the UK.

She is now 3 and I am sick of having to stay inside as the weather is pants. I work full time as we have a huge mortgage something we had to do to get back on the property ladder. We both have well paid jobs in the UK but everything is going up (I know things are going up in Oz too) and I dont need to work in Oz.

As for the extended family we never see my hubby's family they are in London and not one of them has been to see us. We always have to go there. It is not cheap on petrol and hotel costs. We have even offered to pay train fares up here but still noone comes.

We have both fallen out with our siblings on our return for different reasons so we do not see them or their families so my daughter is not getting to see her cousins anyway so we figured may as well be in Oz. Every ones lives move on and though we are settled in the UK we want the outdoor life Oz has to offer for our kids and I want to be able to bring my kids up not other people at the nursery (who are wonderful dont get me wrong) my daughter goes to.

Hubby is a civil engineer on the railway. They are paid badly in the UK compared to the salary they can earn in Oz. QLD do not pay as much as Melbourne or Sydney but cost of living is slightly less. We could be moved to Mackay or Rockhampton but for the forseeable it is Brisbane.

To the poster who asked were we actively seeking employement the answer is Yes once we made the decision to return we were (I also work for the Railway in the UK). Then I discovered I was pregnant so I dropped out of the job hunt. My hubby registered with a handful of recruitment consultants and he had 2 phone interviews and got the second. All very quick interview on 2nd May fly out on 1st August. We could set the timeframe and due to me being pregnant had to be now or after baby was born.

So to those contemplating the return back dont know what to say we have done it and now we are returning. It is emotionally harder now kids are involved with grandparents especially when you get emotional blackmail.

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Old Jul 6th 2008, 9:07 am
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

The shipping companies must love you guys
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 10:04 am
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by Poly View Post
Hi,

Has anyone moved to Oz but came back and dont know why?! I moved to Perth in 2006 and lasted just over a year. Not really sure why I came back to UK and if I am very honest I wish I never had. Has anyone done this before?

I moved there with my two kids to be close to family and give my kids a better life but I felt very isolated and found it hard to meet many people because I worked full time. I made the decision to move back to UK because I missed friends, shops and at the time lots of other things which I cant even remember now!!!!

My eldest girl wants to stay her now that she is back and the youngest wants to go back to Oz! The eldest is 10 and the youngest is 5 so neither of them are old enough to make a decision. I started working as soon as we came back but cannot settle at all and I am desperate to move back!

Does anyone have any advice??

Px
Stacks of us have done it! There are hoards of second timers in Australia. There are a lot on the MCTTUK forum but many don't publicly admit coming back here as it can be dynamite...but they do PM. We were in Sydney for 2.5 years and returned to UK for many reasons, which turned out to comprise a fair bit of fantasy on our return to normality, after a few great months that is. I just found life harder there - far harder (with a child). Without a child, I think it would be a lot different, and we may well have stayed in the UK had we not had a child. Moving back here is no mean feat. If you can possibly settle well in the UK, then do try really hard, because moving back is hard going. But if not, then you know what to do. We found 2nd time harder practically (child in hand, housing scarce) though we had support from friends. It was far easier emotionally in that there was little or no homesickness but harder in terms of leaving Auntie, Grandad, etc. It was far easier socially as we had a network already so we slotted straight back in and have met more friends since. Overall we are glad to be back, but more balanced about the whole thing really.

If you can't remember the reasons why you returned it is worth trying to put yourself back in that situation to think about what they were, and what you'd do differently to deal with them, but the chances are they will have changed now and may not even be valid any more. For instance when we decided to return my Wife's Mum was going to be a big part of our and our daughter's lives so this was a big pull, esp. as my Mum died some years ago. But my wife's Mum died suddenly a few days before we got back, so that all changed. I imagine moving back to the UK would have worked better if we had not moved to a completely new area miles away from anyone we knew, as we did, but jobs restricted me and we were choosy over areas. I find that making new connections in the UK harder. People seem to stay inside a lot more. That's just my experience though.

Overall I'd say that any major change brings a different type of suffering, and it really depends how you cope with each type of suffering.

Last edited by ShozInOz; Jul 6th 2008 at 10:06 am.
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 10:31 am
  #19  
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Smile Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Thanks for all the advice! It's good to know there are other people in simular situations to myself. I have made my mind up that we are def going back but now have the house and shipping scenario to go through again. I bought a house 6wks after we came back to the UK because renting was out of the question (too expensive). I dont think I would sell my house so hopefully will not have any problems sub-letting it. I have told my family that we are thinking of coming back and they are over the moon and agree that sooner rather than later would be better for the kids to slot back into school. Like everyone who has done this before I am feeling the pinch money wise and need to find a removal company that dont cost the earth! I used Crown to go to Oz and a sister company of their's to come back (both were very good) problem being now I have lots more furniture and will be taking it with me as I found Oz pricey for stuff like that. Can anyone recommend a shipping company???
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 11:41 am
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by claire doyle View Post
I think that when you have young children you miss having family around you and sometimes feel that they are missing out. The longer you stay in Australia the more you believe that you had such a busy life in UK with loads of friends and only remember the sunny days etc Then if you end up living in a boring place (Blackwater!!) you end up thinking there is no choice but to move back to the Uk (Wales) and do all the things you missed. Then you make the big move back have a great time for a month then reality sets in and the things you missed dont really happen. Winter comes ... kids are bored, its dark at 4 pm freezing cold, kids have a swing set for Christmas and dont get to play on it until March!! There is only so much shopping you can do before you crack up! Everything is GREY everyone is pale and white every event is indoors!! Shops are hot and crowded, cafes are full. Beaches are superb (Gower in Swansea) but too cold to go in the sea! Then you start getting pains when ever you think of Australia and desperate when you think of what you got to go through to go back ... and how can you leave your family again. BUT immediate family comes first and stress is good for you and when you do finally come back you NEVER NEVER regret it!

Summer in Wales ... WET COLD MISERABLE

Winter in QLD ... Blue sunny happy healthy!!
I couldnt have put that better myself! You have just expalined all our reasons for wanting to return after 2 years back in the UK
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 12:03 pm
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by claire doyle View Post
I think that when you have young children you miss having family around you and sometimes feel that they are missing out. The longer you stay in Australia the more you believe that you had such a busy life in UK with loads of friends and only remember the sunny days etc Then if you end up living in a boring place (Blackwater!!) you end up thinking there is no choice but to move back to the Uk (Wales) and do all the things you missed. Then you make the big move back have a great time for a month then reality sets in and the things you missed dont really happen. Winter comes ... kids are bored, its dark at 4 pm freezing cold, kids have a swing set for Christmas and dont get to play on it until March!! There is only so much shopping you can do before you crack up! Everything is GREY everyone is pale and white every event is indoors!! Shops are hot and crowded, cafes are full. Beaches are superb (Gower in Swansea) but too cold to go in the sea! Then you start getting pains when ever you think of Australia and desperate when you think of what you got to go through to go back ... and how can you leave your family again. BUT immediate family comes first and stress is good for you and when you do finally come back you NEVER NEVER regret it!

Summer in Wales ... WET COLD MISERABLE

Winter in QLD ... Blue sunny happy healthy!!
All a bit too spot on. Much easier I think for childless people as there is tons to do in the uk from their perspective.

I relate to the swing issue! The local parks here are fantastic so no need for a personal one, but needless to say the old one in the UK did not earn its keep.
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 4:50 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Have pmd you Poly.

Ho hum feeling exactly the same as others posters on here we will be eating heaps of humble pie as I NEVER thought we'd ever contemplate on coming back to Oz.

We feel the kids are missing out and we should have stuck it out, but Im afraid I didnt wanna listen to anyone I was so homesick and low more than anyone really knew and also I kept it from certain people who just didnt understand and now we have to stay for the time being until things sort themselves out, a two year timescale we have given ourselves and then we gonna come back but to East Coast......

Dont get me wrong we have been really lucky with jobs etc here but the opportunities for working mothers isnt the same here and I miss being able to put them in YMCA every day working and STILL having money at the end of the month (childcare here is ridiculous).. and of course other reasons ....

Kath
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 8:27 pm
  #23  
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

From what l read theres stacks of people who return after only 6 months or so and regret it, don't they say you should give it atleast 2 years before going back? MAybe often the problem is people have moved into the wrong suburb or state or are in a job they don't like and changing these things would make life in OZ alot better. For example if you moved to Melbourne and were expecting warm weather all year round and great beaches close by you would be disapointed, moving the the gold coast would give you those things.

Last edited by tassietiger; Jul 6th 2008 at 8:38 pm.
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 9:21 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by claire doyle View Post
I think that when you have young children you miss having family around you and sometimes feel that they are missing out. The longer you stay in Australia the more you believe that you had such a busy life in UK with loads of friends and only remember the sunny days etc Then if you end up living in a boring place (Blackwater!!) you end up thinking there is no choice but to move back to the Uk (Wales) and do all the things you missed. Then you make the big move back have a great time for a month then reality sets in and the things you missed dont really happen. Winter comes ... kids are bored, its dark at 4 pm freezing cold, kids have a swing set for Christmas and dont get to play on it until March!! There is only so much shopping you can do before you crack up! Everything is GREY everyone is pale and white every event is indoors!! Shops are hot and crowded, cafes are full. Beaches are superb (Gower in Swansea) but too cold to go in the sea! Then you start getting pains when ever you think of Australia and desperate when you think of what you got to go through to go back ... and how can you leave your family again. BUT immediate family comes first and stress is good for you and when you do finally come back you NEVER NEVER regret it!

Summer in Wales ... WET COLD MISERABLE

Winter in QLD ... Blue sunny happy healthy!!
you are absolutely spot on here! Exactly what it is like.We are heading back and never been more sure we are doing right thing.
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 9:27 pm
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Originally Posted by ShozInOz View Post
Stacks of us have done it! There are hoards of second timers in Australia. There are a lot on the MCTTUK forum but many don't publicly admit coming back here as it can be dynamite...but they do PM. We were in Sydney for 2.5 years and returned to UK for many reasons, which turned out to comprise a fair bit of fantasy on our return to normality, after a few great months that is. I just found life harder there - far harder (with a child). Without a child, I think it would be a lot different, and we may well have stayed in the UK had we not had a child. Moving back here is no mean feat. If you can possibly settle well in the UK, then do try really hard, because moving back is hard going. But if not, then you know what to do. We found 2nd time harder practically (child in hand, housing scarce) though we had support from friends. It was far easier emotionally in that there was little or no homesickness but harder in terms of leaving Auntie, Grandad, etc. It was far easier socially as we had a network already so we slotted straight back in and have met more friends since. Overall we are glad to be back, but more balanced about the whole thing really.

If you can't remember the reasons why you returned it is worth trying to put yourself back in that situation to think about what they were, and what you'd do differently to deal with them, but the chances are they will have changed now and may not even be valid any more. For instance when we decided to return my Wife's Mum was going to be a big part of our and our daughter's lives so this was a big pull, esp. as my Mum died some years ago. But my wife's Mum died suddenly a few days before we got back, so that all changed. I imagine moving back to the UK would have worked better if we had not moved to a completely new area miles away from anyone we knew, as we did, but jobs restricted me and we were choosy over areas. I find that making new connections in the UK harder. People seem to stay inside a lot more. That's just my experience though.

Overall I'd say that any major change brings a different type of suffering, and it really depends how you cope with each type of suffering.
you are right about the negative postings. i hardly ever post on the return to UK forums coz every one always seems to give posters a hard time.Until you've been through it you can't say stick it out or go home etc.Every case is so different and so personal.but i would be more than happy to pm any one who wanted to discuss it in more detail.
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Old Jul 6th 2008, 9:50 pm
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Thanks everyone for the interesting thread, for 2 reasons.

I'm in Canada for the 2nd time, moved back to UK after 2 years in Canada then back in Canada after 2 years in the UK! Feel much more settled here this time, although funny how the old feelings surface every now and again. Nostalgia for places, and missing family although when we were back we did not do all the things I had allegedly missed so much!!

Ping ponging costs such a lot financially and emotionally and like someone said once you start I can see how it becomes a cycle.

I think it happens because of an individuals values. These may be conflicting. Say you hold strong values about being a close family, about personal development, looking after your body, and helping others.
You fullfill the personal development and looking after your body by moving to Australia, having the excitement and adventure plus great place to get outdoor activity. But then your values around family and helping others surface because these have been compromised by moving away. And so the balance is shifted you move back and the other values are compromised, and you move to the other end of the scale.

The key could be in revealing and understanding your own values. We have values we know about and also have core values that are unconscious but it is possible to uncover them and then you have the key to understanding whats driving you in each direction. These have a hierarchy and once you know which are more important you can make sure you are in the place most likely to fulfill those values. Then you can look at ways to meet the compromised values in new ways instead of following the old patterns.
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Old Jul 7th 2008, 12:42 pm
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Hi Kath,

I tried to read your PM but it wont let me! I will try again after I post this.
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Old Jul 7th 2008, 9:16 pm
  #28  
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

great thread and thoroughly enjoying reading about all your stories, not going to put mine on cause you probably already seen it but well done all and keep em coming
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Old Jul 7th 2008, 11:55 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

Tell us where it is then and we'll refresh our memories!
Originally Posted by lisaroo View Post
great thread and thoroughly enjoying reading about all your stories, not going to put mine on cause you probably already seen it but well done all and keep em coming
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Old Jul 9th 2008, 1:26 pm
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Default Re: Back to Oz for the 2nd time

i think its on update forum, and its called back home and NOT
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