Australian facts "Honest".
Jan 5th 2006, 8:12 pm
#1
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Sutton Coldfield now beautiful Karalee
Posts: 530
Australian facts "Honest".
1. There have been reports that sharks of all kinds have formed nasty
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
Jan 5th 2006, 8:16 pm
#2
here and staying
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: happy in the hills of Perth......
Posts: 4,351
Re: Australian facts "Honest".
Originally Posted by The S's
1. There have been reports that sharks of all kinds have formed nasty
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
Oh yes PMSL
Can't wait till i can e-mail this one back to my rellies, (once we're out in Oz of course
)Hopefully they will get the message
Jan 5th 2006, 8:33 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Buderim on the Sunshine Coast.
Posts: 812
Re: Australian facts "Honest".
Fantastic, made my day.
Jan 6th 2006, 1:54 am
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Mandurah Perth
Posts: 366
Re: Australian facts "Honest".
Originally Posted by The S's
1. There have been reports that sharks of all kinds have formed nasty
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
gangs on all the shores of Australia in a bid to stop people from taking
holidays there. The sharks in question especially have a reputation for
attacking in-laws and those that don't respect the fact that taking ones
alcohol and slating husbands and wives, is not the 'done' thing to do.
It is also said that the sharks are expert in hiding behind rocks and
jumping out shouting 'You pommie git' and tearing a leg off right up to
the bone. (they also wear leather jackets and boots and are called
'Stevo' and 'Bluey'.
2. Please don't believe that the spiders are more scared of you because
it's just a load of bollox. The Red Back spider ahs a nasty reputation
for hiding in your bed and will jump out usually at 1am and shout 'Yer
bugger' and bite you quite hard. Red Backs hate visitors and if you are
a moaning POM then I am sorry, but you will be attacked in droves and
may wake up in the morning with no toes left. Best you stay in England
as it's safer.
3. The Kangaroos wear boxing gloves - no really. They hang out wearing
board shorts and thongs on their feet, they drink beer and smoke. They
can spot an unwelcome visitor a mile away and will smack the shat out of
you. Best you avoid them - they are everywhere.
4. Marks & Spencer is really overated. Please don't come over and miss
it, You may as well stay in England and get your bloody marmite from M&S
in your usual shop, and the bras are made from underground cabling and
if you are bigger than a 36b, your bra will have 'big knockers' printed
on it.
5. If you don't like people walking around with no shoes on, then don't
come to Australia. You as an unwelcome visitor will be expected to walk
all day and every day that you reside, in your bare feet. This includes
walking through dog and kangaroo faeces. Oh yes, and shark faeces as
well because you will have to occasionally walk on 'their patch' -
especially when you are pushed into the sea.
6. If you don't like children, then please don't come because when you
stay in someones house, you should respect their rules. And if their
kids want to put funnel webs in your underpants then so be it. It is
also expected that unwelcome visiting will naturally incurr the penalty
of allowing the children to be themselves in their own home and if you
don't like it, sod off.
7. All Aussie men strive to be like Paul Hogan and Steve Irwin so if you
don't like them on TV 24/7, then sod off. In this house all we watch are
Croc Dundee, Croc Hunter, Neighbours, Cell Block H, Home and Away.
Please don't moan about the Bill or Eastenders because it is shite.
8. All we will eat are BBQ's and it is polite to bring some food and a
bottle to a BBQ and very rude to eat someone out of house and home. If
you really need to eat that much without contributing you fat bastard,
then toodle along to Coles and get yourself some cat food. Contribute or
bugger off - simple.
9. If you want to swim in our pool then the new ruling is that you do it
naked and with an audience. The neighbours do like to see the pommie
todgers so they can laugh at them. And if your beaver doesnt look right,
you will be turned upside down and used as a money box. No towels will
be provided so you must drip dry.
10. And finally, if you find hostility when you book your flights to
stay in our house, eat our food, slag off our family, that is because at
the end of the day, you are not wanted.
Hi
No comment but loved it
Beth
