bobbins

not sure if anyone read my posts from 4-5 months ago, but if you did then you will know that I lived in the illawarra NSW for only a short time. lived in a beautiful area - never didnt like it, but felt more than overwhelmed with homesickness to the point where I returned alone with my family following shortly after, I felt that bad.

On returning, I think that I found what a lot of people find - it was never about family, whilst I love them dearly, they are definately not close and supportive and have seen them twice since returning. They live a long long way away - all of 45 minutes. My friends are what I missed as well as the beautiful area we lived in of north lancashire, the familiarity, the fact that I have moved countless times and lancs felt - in my heart - home. We had a great life before we left but left for the adventure, the weather, and that we were funded to go. no brainer really.

Here goes the dilemma. We have the opportunity to return in the autumn and most of the time, it seems very appealing. the good friends I thought I had here are not that good after all, my heart will always be here, but circumstances that have happened means that the shine of our life here has definately tarnished. The one good thing here is that we are in an area of excellent schools and we, I think, lived in a fluffly pink bubble interms of schools and education beautiful area. I do think that the uk and my area has a lot to offer - but the weather has been a distinct reminder of how restricted outdoor life can be. we have considered moving to another part of the UK, but it seems if we have to start a new life again, why not take the chance of returning and doing it back in NSW before we loose the opportunity. I can accept that I probably didnt give it long enough I dont think I would want to return as badly as before since the lifestyle I had before is not here as it was before, but my big concern is possibly ending up always wanting coming back and the children being unsettled? or we could stay and always feel that we have missed out on something. Any thoughts welcome!!

ittakesages

Hi
Those two words 'friends' and 'familiarity' are the two I use the most!!

Very briefly, we moved here in Sept 2008 and spent the first 6 months in Eltham on the East side of Melbourne. We never really settled there because we found it too busy even though we were 50 mins out of Melbourne! After about four months there we decided to start looking elsewhere and decided on Geelong. Literally two weeks before the move our life in Eltham started to fall into place. We found ourselves with a great circle of friends (although only spoke to them socially on the school run) and felt that things were starting to pick up.

We moved to Geelong and have now been here for two months. The area suits us much more - much closer to the Ocean! - and the settling in has been much quicker. Still miss friends from the UK but my children (3 boys, 11, 9 and 5) are so settled and want to stay here forever! I keep reminding myself that for the boys it will always be much easier because they haven't left behind the long friendships and familiarity that we had in the UK. Our lifestyle here is definitely better than the UK - yesterday we went to the beach and saw pelicans, a penguin, star fish and all sort of interesting things. The sun was shining, we were playing on the beach and we are only 6 weeks away from mid-winter!
I think that the 'friends' and 'familiarity' bit will come it's just going to take time.

I really wish you all the luck with your decision, just wanted you to know that I sooo understand where you are coming from on those two 'f' words!

scrubbedexpat055

I could almost of written your message....

We arrived in Melbourne in Nov 2007, and due to homesickness (or more accurately missing friends sickness) we agreed to return to the UK. My wife and daughter returned home after 6 months, to our original town and to a school we knew to be good. (our experience of Australia schooling had been disappointing). I stayed on in Oz, as I was in the middle of restructuring a business and didn't want to drop the firm in it, by just leaving. In Nov 2008 I returned to the UK.

I was really looking forward to coming back, and we had a great Christmas with the family etc. However, I had started to "get" Australia by the time I left and was enjoying myself, even though I was missing my OH and DD.

Our old friends are great, but in reality there are 1 or 2 whom I am really close too, and whilst it is gret to get together, or to share a drink in the evening, our life is mainly just the three of us, not great family gatherings.

We feel that we have travelled so far, emotionally and literally, and yet there is more to achieve, see and experience.

We have decided to give Australia another go, helped on by my old company ringing regularly to see if I wanted to come back and work for them. Last week I said yes, and I will start work on Sept 14th.

Whilst for many, to return to the place you left might seem the oddest of things, the familarity that it brings is (to us) useful in helping to establish ourselves. We know somethings we want again, and those things we definately don't and will try to keep the homesick blues at bay this time.

In hindsight, one of our big mistakes was to consider it a permanent move. This time we are looking to commit for enough time to obtain citizenship for us all. This is not just a citizenship gaining exercise..... It is just our way of having a focus. When we get there, I am sure we will make a choice regarding staying longing or returning to Europe, we will however have given it a proper go, and been Australians, even if only briefly. Our daughter will have the lifelong choice of where to live, so overall roll on September.

Good luck to you.

Pete

(Currently finishing the decorating to put the house we bought 4 months ago, back on the market)

Petals

If you want to return come and stay and try to see it through your childrens eyes. I have written this many times but my parents dragged me around the world and I can look back at the experiences I had with fondness but not the hardship of moving schools and countries as a child. I married a scot returned to the UK for a while and lived there and then we came here and here in Melbourne we have stayed owning two houses in 35 years. We have been in this one for over twenty years now and my children have had a wonderful life and still have here and they are Australian.

Its not about the schools I keep writing this, yes good schooling is preferable to bad but in the end education comes to everyone at different times in their lives. With the web everyone can become educated now when they feel like it. Too much pressure on young people makes them make bad decisions about what they should do with their lives.

Remembering friends and family I remember that feeling and the bubble being burst as well.

That said I lived in New Zealand and am still in touch with good friends there, have family in England we are in contact with all the time. My best friend moved to Queensland over ten years ago and we speak every week and email all the time and always have since she left.

There is no reason to lose touch with people these days and it does not matter if they are in the next village or in Australia with the phone and internet these days.

Its up to us to water the friendship and family just like those pretty petunias in a pot.

ABCDiamond

Two points really stood out to me from other posts:

• always feel that we have missed out on something.
• one of our big mistakes was to consider it a permanent move

I am a pingponger, and I am actually very glad that I am.

I feel that I have seen it from both sides, Australia from wide eyed perspective, UK from a "I miss that" perspective, and then Australia from a "It wasn't that bad after all" perspective.

Maybe part of the migration process should be a compulsory return after 2 years or so... (but not a holiday style return)...

pompeyblonde

Toatally agree, if I think to myself, its not necessarily forever, I immediately feel better and start to settle, the thought of never returning (to the UK) makes me feel sick, having said that I may never return, but want to believe I could! I try to plan two years ahead and its worked so far.

I wish I had the cash to be a ping pong! I'd chase the summer if I did.

LIBBY

Hey I am a twice returner to the UK so ping pong....ping pong....ping!!

We arrived back to the Gold Coast in August last year and at around Christmas time I could easily have made us return to the UK again.....making us pongers!! again

But, so glad we havent. The best advice I can give anyone on here, who is thinking of going back is to make friends.

We have made really good friends now who we go camping with and just chill out at their house the odd weekend or them at ours, but its helped me no end to feel more settled.

It takes a while to find that comfortable place with new people, but if it was meant to be you will click and relax.

Thats my thought on why its worked better this time round for us. Get out there and meet people.

LibbyX

mindblower

[/QUOTE]

Good observations, follow the voice inside though.

iamthecreaturefromuranus

Ahhh, the Illawarra, my home as well. Beautiful to look at, but as dull as ditch water... or at least that's what I always used to think. Now after three years here I'm just used to it. The place didn't change, but I obviously did. I hated the place for a long time and loathed the comments from people about 'giving it time'... what the Hell did they know?. Well they were right. It does take time, and quite a bit of time in my case. I don't think the Illawarra will ever be 'home', which I always think of as Manchester, despite not living there for 15 years, but the Illawarra is 'home' for now.

All I can suggest, if you do chose to come back, is try and forget about comparing things to what you left behind as much as possible. Comparisons don't help and start to drive you nuts after a while... there are still plenty of things I miss about the UK, and things that I think could be better in Oz... but neither of those are going to change, no matter how much you complain about it.

quoll

I agree with the others it's that "this is it forever" moment that makes living here so hard. While you even think you have the choice it is so much easier to handle - until that day when you realize you have passed the point of no return and it will be too late - so make your decisions active.

As for moving kids around the world - all depends on how old they are. Little kids handle it better than big kids and educationally you dont do them any favours to chop and change once they have hit HS IMHO.

Bottom line is there is nothing magic about living here - even the weather can get you down when it is sunny and bright and harsh day after day. You can have just as good a life, if not better, in UK with a much wider range of activities. I doubt that the friendships you develop here in adulthood will stand the same test of time as those you made in your developing years - after 30 years as a reasonably friendly person there are only maybe a couple who I would call at 3am compared with many more in UK. There is much more movement here and most Aussies have their strong "growing up" friendships.

I'd say come back if it is an opportunity and it fits in with all the family stages of development but be active and dont let yourself get stuck in a rut here because down the track that rut can be hard to get out of.

ABCDiamond

Nooooo

It does of course depend on what you like, weatherwise..... Personally the weather is one of the bigger pluses for me.

quoll

Yup it is a sad old life when you scour the bom site for a glimpse of blue to relieve the tedium!

ABCDiamond

I didn't think it was that bad in Canberra ...

It's beginning to get a bit dark up here now though, I may have to go inside soon... I suppose you still have an hour or two before it gets dark down there.

mohogony

My advice to all ping pong poms is to burn your passports.

quoll

Good idea, as soon as you land at Heathrow!

Nah, Canberra is the sunshine capital of the world - getting darker quite early at the moment though. It's those tantalizing rain clouds that sometimes gather but then seem to do a miraculous split to go north and south of the city - those are the bits of blue/yellow or even RED!!!! that we really need.