Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Its not negative, its realistic. We have had many families on here over the years that end up divided over whether to stay or go back, and a lot do end up with divorces and a parent living 12,000 miles from their kids. Its something that really does need thinking about from Day one.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

'just go back' ooooh how easy it sounds and how many of us have debated those little words over the years.......

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

You are being negative too.

I know plenty of Australians who have foreign spouses, who they met abroad, moved to Australia, where the foreign spouse misses their family back home, but have started a family in Australia, and continue to be happily married. Not a single one of the no less than 20 couples I know have ended in divorce.

In my own experience Mrs Beoz came to Australia kicking and screaming. Its only made our relationship stronger.

Its a test of a relationship for sure, but if it can't handle the up and downs that life throws at us then what's the point of being in that relationship.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

And if Mrs B wanted to go back whence she came, would you go or would you force her to stay? For some of us the marriage is the thing (you can't cuddle a country after all) but the cost to ones mental and physical health can be enormous. Just because the marriage hasn't broken up doesn't mean you have two perfectly happy people living in it. In a mixed marriage, one is always going to be the sacrificial lamb by definition and how the lamb copes with the slaughter goes up and down with time, age, external circumstances etc. it might be quite fine for years then all of a sudden circumstances change and they need to move on.

A lot of us cope by having a feeling of freedom that we can move on if we need to - that's where a lot of (usually women) folk have come unstuck, married to Aussie men who say they will move back if necessary but, then, once back in their own environment, refuse to go. It's not being negative, it's learning from history and having a plan B - although it would be interesting to see what weight an Aus court would put on a signed agreement if a parent did want to move their child from Australia if the other parent changed their mind.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

I have already said in this thread that I would move back in an instance should Mrs Beoz decide that was what she wanted to do. I have spent enough time in my life (nearly half of it) living in the UK. It's no bother for me.

In my opinion, relationships are built on compromise. I was the one who initiated move to Australia to follow a good job offer. Mrs Beoz compromised on that. In return I owe it to her should she want to move back.

For Cherry, the other way of looking at it is this. If she doesn't give her husband the opportunity to move to Australia, then he may become resentful and it may ruin the relationship. I've seen that before.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Hmm, I know exactly what you mean. been here 10yrs and just wanna go home and be with family and old friends these days. International relationships are hard on one partners family or the other and that unfortunately will never change.

As for the move the best question i can ask you is where do you currently live and where will you be moving too? Plus what hobbies/interests do you have.

reason I say this is a good question is because I ended up in Brisbane and it has none of the hobbies or interests I like as widely available, or in some cases even available, in Brisbane. Those interests I do like are bloody expensive compared to the UK and I struggle to find the funds to enjoy them.

Having friends in Oz is good but I hope they are good friends as I found those that I knew to be friendly and welcoming when I was a visitor but pretty much vanished once I was here permanently. Unfortunately, unless you have a good gut feeling, then you won't know until you're here.

It's hard but don't feel forced into having to move as that is wrong to ask of someone.

all the best in your decision making.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Excellent! Glad to hear that - it was exactly what my DH said too, then he changed his mind after I'd stuck it for 20yrs! Thought he was home and hosed obviously!

Compromise is certainly essential and if you are trapped it does go some way to making life liveable.

You may well be right about the OPs husband being resentful if she won't go - so if she doesn't want to risk it then he needs to feel some compromise. It doesn't sound like this is a "better opportunity on the table" rather some nebulous wish to return to his "home" which argues perhaps a greater reluctance to return if need be - I dunno! Difficult! I think the big difference is that Australia just won't let kids go whereas you can make a case before British courts and kids have been allowed to leave the jurisdiction with compelling reasons. It's a much bigger gamble and all comes down to trust in the relationship.

The safest thing is to take a career break, don't sell the house and have a go but be very clear of commitments on both sides.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Some psters still don't understand that 'negative' and 'realistic' are different. I also know posters who are still married, but equally I know may personally and in cyberland who have migrated and then found their families in tatters. It is just something to be aware of, immigration can be a huge test for a relationship.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Count me as one of those - but the break-up of the marriage had nothing to do with emigrating and everything to do with the fact that we had drifted apart anyway. In hindsight we emigrated in the first place to try to give the marriage a new start, although we didn't rationalise it like that at the time, and it didn't work - but we both enjoyed being in Australia that neither of us ever thought of returning to the UK.

There is no doubt that moving to the other side of the world can be a traumatic experience, but if the marriage breaks up because one partner wants to stay and the other wants to return home then in my opinion the marriage probably wouldn't have lasted in either country.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Well I have been living in the UK for over 7 years and although I can't give much advice on London to Brisbane (as I grew up in Perth and now live in the North East of England) I can tell you about my experience. My parents emigrated to Oz when I was a baby (in the early 80's) and were one of the few English families that we met in the process who did not ping pong back (mostly due to lack of money!). If I compare my life and upbringing in Perth to my cousins and other family friends who lived in the UK then I would have to say I think I had more opportunities than they did. Very few of them got a tertiary education and most now have low paying dead end jobs, are unemployed and all had children in my opinion way too young...... But perhaps this is just the area my family was from (this was also many years ago). I quite often say I want to go back to Australia so my children can have a better life (and my parents continually tell me this!!!) but if I was totally honest I just want to go home so I can be close to my family and friends and my parents can have real relationships with my daughters rather than virtual ones. There are many things I have come to love about England (not the weather!) and we are fortune to live in a nice bungalow in a nice village and my eldest daughter attends a lovely little village primary school and will have the opportunity to eventually attend an 'Outstanding' secondary school. She attends swimming, dancing, gymnastics and stage school, we regularly take her to the theatre so my children so have and will have many great opportunities here, however, it is still not home. I would love to go back to Perth but am unsure if we could afford a house that is similar or the same standard of living plus I know my partner would hate it. So right now for me I am definitely making all the sacrifices. I have to agree with Denzil73 international relationships are hard on all parties involved. I hope it all works out for you CherryUK.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Just on this part. Having attended school in both the UK and Australia, I have zero friends in the UK from school, and very few in Australia. I did try and re-connect with a number of them when I moved to Australia, but life had moved on, they had their own circle of friends, and yes we caught up for a drink upon arrival, but the effort seemed too hard. 3 years down the track my connections bizarrely are centred around those who I knew in the UK, who moved to Oz and connections around that. I have a brother in Sydney who I rarely see because he lives 50km away, and my parents don't live in Sydney so I see them every 2 or 3 months. I will admit, before moving to Australia, I was really looking forward to connecting with family and friends but it hasn't happened, despite living very close.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

I'm not clear whether the OP has a relationship - therefore all she needs is a Plan B - which is quite within her grasp and planning ability.

There are realistic views but there are also negative scenarios bourne of all sorts of limitations and individual situations. We have to be careful that just because it was a disaster for someone (with their own unique circumstances) does not make it valid for other. Frankly there are options - there are always options. There is a bit of negative current at times - even Jad has won the Lotto now in Aus - living in Melb with a degree of world financial independence - all made in Australia...!

EDIT I was struggling to put this into words but G once said that a lot of people move to Australia with personal issues and baggage - so there is a high chance that negative but realistic people make the move. Is it any wonder that these boards occasionally get unhappy drifters? I've noticed something in recent years - people continuing to come and make a success of it - what this tells me is the cost is putting off many and only the strongest are reaching these shores (as I allude to below).
For ages, Aus was an easy option for a family wanting a 4x2 and a 4x4 - about 6 years ago I started to notice a lot more career people coming over (it is interesting because there used to be a lot of hang-wringing over the way professional people did not do so well in Australia - there were people wracked with concern and many people decided not to chance it) : however it seems the tables have toppled as it is now the best resourced migrants that can overcome all the challenges (cost being one)- and they have my admiration.

The board as a whole is actually quite balanced these days - we see less unhappy trolls (there was always at least one resident locum - normally an angry single man)- there is less warfighting- (we needed Hutch and G together to maintain those) - less obsession with materialism - and in the main there is an overriding sense borne of the economic climate.


There are long summer nights in Melb too - I don't get why people want it dark until 10pm - 9pm is fine and you get that hour back in winter!

hm...I mention it because there was this somewhat excited thing years back when people came over almost as 'economic' migrants - I feel it is so expensive now that you have to bring some pretty special assets (financial, ability, experience) to bear to make it a success.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

We brought nothing. No money and a quarter of a shipping container worth of a few possessions. I left everything else, including a lot of money in the UK. 3 years down the track we have a car, furniture, (can't think of what else that's of any value we've bought) and substantial savings. Could buy a property if we wanted to, but it would not be a 3 to 4 bedroom in the eastern subs of Sydney. For many, the eastern subs of Sydney is not a priority but for us, the ease of access to the city and beach, and to be near our friends is important, so renting is perfectly acceptable for us. It also gives us flexibility. I'd say we were pretty successful in most aspects of our life, after coming to Australia with nothing.

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

We brought our capital over. We left some furniture behind and immediately regretted it - well the pissy mattress that doubled up as a sofa worked ok for a few months. :)

Re: Am I making the right decision?
 

Shame about your family not making the effort as in Oz 50k is no distance at all but in saying that my in-laws have the majority of their family living within 20k radius of them all. What I've found since being here is the Oz family gets together every now and then but otherwise they don't seem to interact on a regular basis when in such close proximity.
I comparison my family and others I know in the UK will see each other regularly, as in at least once every few weeks, and in my little Bros case every month or 2 as he's a couple hundred miles away but they make the effort.
Also, when it comes to school friends both me and the Wife, as she schooled here from 15 to end of high skool, have found that unless you go to kindy or primary and make friends there that you keep throughout skool then you are never really accepted as part of the group. And, for instance, going to the gym is not a sociable thing unless you already go with mates but you don't interact outside of that.

In Comparison, I have made friends easily when at Uni and my best friend is a guy I met at the gym 20yrs ago and we still keep in touch plus those good friends from Uni are still in touch with me. heck I even made friends with a brothers mate at his stag do and we keep in touch. Maybe it's a QLD thing, as Victorians I've met are far more friendly, but this is what I've experienced and everyone has always said I'm a nice, likeable guy so it ain't me.

Just what I've observed in my bubble of the world.

Sounds like you are one of the lucky ones who landed a good, well paid job and have kept employed since moving here.

Others aren't so fortunate. I've always been a hard working and go by the ethos of a fair days work for a fair wage yet I have been treated poorly by the companies I've worked for and also ended up having to work in a sector that bores the shit outta me cos QLD has very little technical work and what there is is now flooded with 457 visa holders cos immi just make the money and don't actually care if there is enough jobs for everyone. But that's another story.
Even so, if I could get a job, and been trying for 6 months now, it wouldn't be enough to buy a house cos the property market caters for the last generation and the already rich. For what you get in Brisbane, or any major city in Oz, the property is generally worth half that amount. Especially if you look at the local gov appraisal guidelines.

Personally i think it's easier to have a medium wage job in the UK with a reasonable size and priced house in a nice area not all that far from a big city and entertainment options.

Trouble always is tho that those that managed to get into the property market when it was affordable and that they are living comfortably seem to get out of touch with what it's like for those trying to start out these days.