Bubo

Having finally decided we want to try life down under, me and OH can't agree on how we want to do it :curse:. I want to get PR, sell up and move out there but he only wants to go for a year or 18 mths 'cos doesn't want to sever ties with England due to his family.

In the last week weve gone from selling the house to renting it out and now he wants to leave it empty ('cos he doesn't like the idea of anyone else living in it ) and only go for a year! The problem is even if I get a job when we're out there well be realy strapped for cash running two houses, and we won't get to live. That was the main reason we decided to go 'cos all we do here is work and pay bills, and Im wurried thats all we'll end up doing but in the sun lol. Now weve got to try and save up enuf money to last us for a year out there for rent and food and stuff.

He's already applied for his TRA and if thats good then we'll apply for a 176 (my brother already lives out there) and I'll just have to hope I can convince to him to take the plunge and do it properly but I know if I push he will just dig his heels in and we'll nevr get out there!

Did anyone else have to deal with their OH having cold feet?

Sheff_Sparky

No sorry. But you really need to get this sorted because it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Read as much as you can on these forums about people having cold feet - MBTUK is a good one.

Baby75

Hi Ya

im the one with the cold feet in our house my dh has longed to go over to Australia and he has been asking me for ages his best friend lives there and he has been at him to come over to plus he came home for our wedding and after he left my dh was really keen i was having none of it but i was expecting lol after we had our son he was made redundant and i said **** it what do we have to lose, any way im waffling on here my point is i go from being so excited to what are we doing are we mad! but i know its the right move forward for us.
my husband sat down with me and we talked and came to an agreement that we would give it our best shot and go for the two years but if i or the boys got homesick and wanted to come home then we would i feel much better knowing my options are open i feel much better knowing that. even though we might never come back you just don't know.

any way good luck with your dh i think alot of people get the wobbles around the tra and then entering the visa process so im sure you'll get it sorted renting your house would be a good idea my friends did that when they moved to spain
Niamh

Bubo

Hubby came home today and said that he definitily doesn't want to go! He just doesnt want to move that far away from his family.

He says even if the TRA is good (we should be hearing back soon) he realy doesnt see the point in going we have a perfectly good life here and why risk it all.

Oh well, another dream bites the dust. Back to the daily grind.

homewardbound

Yes - I split up from him... couldnt wait around for him to fanny about and decide so after 3 years bit the bullet and said goodbye!

Baby75

I hope your not to disappointed, may be he needs to see what he has to gain by moving over have you ever been to visit Australia and i think compromise wins the day if you talk and say to him you would still like to go over but we will go for a couple of months.or even for a family holiday . so he can see if its really for you all .
I don't know if it would be worth spending the money on your visa as say if you did get the visa and validated it with a trip or just get a holiday visa.
Just a thought small steps at a time

any way hope it works out for you both good luck

Bubo

Disappointd? Youve no idea!!! Lol :curse:

Weve already been. We spent three weeks there in July. He seem ed to love it, tho obviously not as much as me! We were talking about going back next sping for another holiday "to make sure", but I dont know if that we'll get there now lol.

I hope we can still do the visa but right now he says he doesnt want to even apply in case it causes bother with his boss. Work seems to be the big porblem for him. He doesnt want to risk his job here and wont even look at jobs over there.

Ill keep nagging him tho lol.

Baby75

ah we get there in the end sure he doesn't have to tell his boss my husband is not telling his on till about a month before we leave better off that way.

i hope it all works out for you and keep us posted if he changes his mind fingers crossed he does

Niamh

gedge

i probably don't know enough about you and your circumstances but on the face of what you've written it seems to me like it would never work even if you somehow persuaded him to continue with the application
both partners have to be committed to giving it their best shot
if you come here with only one of you really wanting it to work, you'll likely end up in a worse situation than you are now

talk it through with your OH, explain what it means to you and let him tell you completely what he feels.. it might not be what you want to hear but you have to let him have his say too as he does you
when you've both talked this through and seen it from the other person's perspective then you'll be in a position to make decisions

best of luck to you

samnsam

If I was you I would let it rest for a good 6 months then bring the subject up again, maybe he thinks he is being pressured into the move, so has put a total block up on the idea.

kevinbloomfield

Would you? I'd bin him off and find someone else with a bit of get up and go in them.
The OP needs to live her life and leave him behind in the good old UK

Bubo

Weve talked it thru b4 adn again since his decision yesterday. I know why he doesnt want to commit 100% like I do but its still v.frustrating!

The good news is hes not saying no, just not right now and not 100% like I want if we do do it. The only problem is Im not sure we can affiord to do it unless we go 100%...

No he doesnt, but he prefers to be honest. Theres not many do these days, so I cant fault him for it too much! Thats no comment on your OH tho Baby75. I see no point in telling them and I wouldn't tell my boss until I were sure I was going.

Thanks for all the advice and comments anyway all.

Mrs Kiwi

Oh Bubo
you poor thing. I know exactly how you feel. I was the person in our house who suggested the move to Oz and was really committed.
So I worked on my hubbie who wasn't sure but after a while he got really excited and up for it just as I'd hoped.
And guess what? I then became scared witless - reality had set in as it was time to put the house on the market.
I had sleepless nights and endless tears about whether or not I wanted to go but luckily we communicate really well and after long chats I realised that I definitely DO want to go, and I always have, but the reality of selling the house was too much.
We thought about renting it out but after covering buildings insurance and agents fees we wouldn't have quite enough to cover the mortgage.
Plus I, like your other half, couldn't stand the thought of tenants wrecking my house.
So after much soul searching we have come up with the correct solution for us. We are going to sell the house but we are going to buy a small flat here which we can rent out while we are in Oz. That way we are still on the English housing ladder and not cutting all ties, but we can still bring a good amount of money into Oz to start a new life. We will just put down a small deposit on a flat- just enough to ensure the rent covers the mortgage.
Thats a "halfway house" solution that has really given me huge peace of mind - I have always wanted to go to Oz but lost sight of that temporarily when I was confronted with the reality of cutting all ties with England.
But hopefully we can have the best of both worlds - fingers crossed.
Suggest this to your OH and see what he says.
Convince him that it doesn't have to be "all or nothing." Good luck. X

Baby75

No he doesnt, but he prefers to be honest. Theres not many do these days, so I cant fault him for it too much! Thats no comment on your OH tho Baby75. I see no point in telling them and I wouldn't tell my boss until I were sure I was going.

Thanks for all the advice and comments anyway all.[/QUOTE]

ah dont worry i know that you don't mean any badness in that , we all do things differently i hope it all works out for you sounds like your making process any way so thats a start
Niamh

kevinbloomfield

Stop pussy footing around, ditch the waste of space and get on with your life. If you dont then in 10 years time you'll realize the mistake you've made and it may then be too late.
Is he a man or a boy??