julie wareham

we are just waiting for the ok on a 457 visa and now our 16 year old has just had her gcse results and says she wabts to stay here with her friend sand go to college and is threatning to move in with her mate and family and is not going to go, we have said all along its all of us or none of us, 18 year old wants to go and do apprenticeship, 14 year old is really looking forward to it, employer is going to sponsor for pr.

my question is as she is only 16 can we make her go , she will not be able to financially support herself here on her own and we have no other family here, where do i stand legally making her go , which is what i aim to do , but need to know if the law would back her or me.

Whingin Pom

As far as I am concerned she is still a minor and should thank her lucky stars that you are giving her the oppertunity.

charlie-k

Difficult one!!!! why don't you contact citizens advice bureau?

mum01753

When it comes down to it would she really choose her friends before her family?

I dont think so boyfriend maybe but not friends.

Carry on and include her with your plans i am sure she will come round in the end try to be understanding in her needs and let her know you only want her to give it a fair go with the family and if she hates it she could go back with her friends family and stay there for college.

also invite for her friends to come and stay in hols, thats what i did with my son whom is 13yrs and he is quiet satisfied with that.


Also remember to tell her you love her and feel that if she did not come with you, you would be very upset and there would be a big hole in the family but you would understand if she felt that was bet for her.

hope this helps

Cheetah7

As far as I know a person can leave home at 16 providing that they are mentally sound and capable of looking after themselves.

If she insisted on moving in with a willing friend then I am afraid that the law probably would not make her leave against her will if she can prove to be self sufficient.

I would try another tactic rather than a forcing one. I know when I was that age, if my Mum tried to force me to do anything then I would rebel even more.

I wonder if it would be worth doing the 'just try it for 6 months' - type of deal.

Or you could ask her if she had the opportunity of a lifetime and the whole family decided that she couldnt even try it, how would she feel?

At least if you try and meet her halfway by saying 'Australia, try it for now and see how the future pans out' rather than 'Its forever', she might not feel so frightened.

When I left home at 16, my Dad was far from happy but because I had somewhere to stay and some cash coming in, there was nothing he could do.

It cant be easy for you but sometimes backing off a touch may just have her running towards you as opposed to the opposite direction.

I hope you sort it out, being a stubborn person myself I can only go on what makes me tick when I am forced in to something.

Good luck and I hope you all make the move together as a family.

AnnaB

I also thought that when they reach 16, they can make there own decisions. I hope so anyhow, we are including my son (to first hubby) on our application. He will be 16 in October and takes his GCSE's next year, although I will (hopefully) be obtaining a stat dec from his dad, I have been advised that as he will be 16 when he leaves school, he can decide what he wants to do and if he chooses to come with us, then his dad can not stop him, although I am hoping it won't come to that, he wants to come and is looking forward to the move and the opportunities it will bring.

AnnaB

This is excellent advice, I am similar to Professional Princess, if my parents told me I wasn't going to do something when I was 16, I would go out of my way to prove them wrong and do it, also vice versa, if I was told I was going to do something I would go out of my way to prove I wasn't. I think most 16 year olds are stubborn:curse:

julie wareham

we have given her the try for six months option and the we are a family we all go or none of us, she could not support herself financially on her own and really just at the end of the string now as all our hopes pin on her agreeing to come and we have bent over backwards to accomodate her wishes ie the six month trial, leaving party, friends over to holiday etc. really don't know what to do our dream is slipping away before it has started because of a 16 year old is holding us hostage as such.

Wendy

You need to try different tactics here, telling her that you all go or none of you do is giving her a hold over you. Tell her that you are going with or without her and I bet she'll change her tune a bit.

Tell her that if she wants to stay here she will have to get a job and support herself - or does she think money grows on trees? Let her move in with her mates while you are still there, I bet it's not as rosy as she thinks it's going to be. Don't under any circumstances give her any financial support, she wants to move out and be independent - let her try it.

Streaks

I think this is excellent advise.
S xx

julie wareham

tahnks all good advice i know but it tears you in two trying to do whats best for all, she would be better off out there just need the courage to call her bluff, kids can't live with them can't live without them and teenagers turn into the monsters from the dark at times , thanks everyone for advice.

JAJ

You probably can't "make her go" (are you thinking about putting her in chains or something?) Obviously you can move your home and if she has no support network in the U.K. she would probably have to join you anyway.

You may want to think about the consequences of a decision either way, in terms of the impact on your future relationship. She may get over it - or she may not.

Streaks

I sincerely hope it all works for you Julie, I know how you feel my son has only just joined us on a WHV after not seeing him for nearly 6 months and I missed him so much at times I couldn't bear it, he has agreed to stay for the duration of his visa and see if he could live here as when he stayed in the UK without us he said he couldn't wait to be with us again. Good luck it's all sent to try us.
S xx

Wendy

If she still doesn't want to come, and you still don't want to leave without her then you don't have to go that far. Just don't let her know that

Australia_bound?

You cannot force a a 16 year old to go anywhere she doesn't want to go! Get her to validate visa's with you (talk to her and inform it keeps options open and negotiate with her) and let her make her own way, she may decide after a few weeks she misses her family and follow you out to Aus, or she may make her own way perfectly well in life. No point in turning it into a massive argument as all that'll do is make her dig her heels in all the harder.