PeteY

By the time a "child" is 18 the moral compass is probably pretty much set. If you hav'nt tought a kid how to behave by then....chances are you will have difficulty correcting it.

80% of kids at uni live away from home, be it in rented or owned accomodation. Uni starts at 17....

In my opinion, an 18 year old is capable of making thier own descisions.

I would have to admit, the parent should really be accessible for the first few years of the childeren leaving home...

sofistek

Can we leave this now, people? Wilfbain has admitted that he got the wrong end of the stick, with regards to the first post. As far as the law is concerned and as far as some people are concerned, there is nothing wrong with an 18 year old living with his or her partner. Some others don't think of it as morally right but that is their prerogative. It has very little to do with the subject of this discussion.

nosuchluck

well said Tony
we can't all have perfect children/perfect circumstances
rach

Wilfsbane

Intimating what? I have 5 kids. One nearly perfect (2nd youngest) one a total disaster (eldest) and the rest somewhere in between. Sounds fairly normal to me.

suzanne crabtre

I wanted to post to you yesterday, but something was wrong with my computer.

When my eldest Daughter was 16 years old, we moved from Oxfordshire to Lincolnshire. My daughter had a boyfriend at the time and was adamant that she wasn't coming with us. She wouldn't even come with us to look at new houses. Stormed out of the house with her bags and went to live with boyfriends Mother. There I was tearing my hair out worrying. Wondering where I had gone wrong. Didn't know where to turn, or who to talk too, just pacing the floor most of the time.
Well, the rest of us moved.
3 months later, I had a phone call. 'Just thought we might pop up and see you this weekend if you don't mind Mom'.
'Yes fine, see you the weekend'.
Well, they came, he went, she stayed, and never went back.

She is now 22, married, and wants to come out to Australia with the rest of us. The husband is not keen. He's a Farmer, and as my daughter puts it 'got his feet stuck in the mud'. She is bringing him out to us when we move for him to have a look.
Goodness knows what will happen if he still has his wellies stuck!!!
On a serious side, if they decide that it isn't for them, then we will have to accept their decision, and I won't try to influence them in any way. I know it must be their decision, not mine.
Good luck, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
I thought that I was the only one leaving their kids (although grown up she is still my baby) but don't feel such an ogre now.
We only get one go at this life, so we must all live it.

Sue

sofistek

You must have an iron will, Sue! I would sure try to influence them, if I thought it was the right thing to do. I'd also want them with me, so would definitely argue the case for going. They can't make a decision without all the pros and cons.

Jolyn

This might be comforting:

A friend of ours stayed in the UK when his mother and younger siblings (father deceased) migrated to Australia 20 years ago. He was just finishing high school so he didn't want to go. He lived with an aunt and later in college accommodation in term time.

It seems to have worked out fine. He's visited them regularly, contemplated emigrating but decided to stay in the UK. They're all still on good terms.

Having your parents close to keep an eye on her sounds like the key and keeping her visa options open if possible. Definitely get her and the boyfriend to visit if you can before she starts her training. Then she'll have a good memory of an appealing new home to go to if things get rocky with the boyfriend/training/job.

By the time she has her own kids the UK will be so expensive to live in they'll be on the first plane over!

Wilfsbane

Migrate:

Move from one region to another or move to a new district.

Emigrate:

Leave one's own country to settle in another.

You're all drivin' me nuts with this constant misuse of the word “migrate� (but it’s only the Poms and the Ozzie wannabes that seem to do it - Mmmmmmmm).

PeteY

Different dictionarys give different meanings for different words.

Check out www.dictionary.com And look up migrate. Theres the definition you give above, as well as others such as:

v : move from one place to another

Or

v : \Mi"grate\, v. i. [imp. & p. p. Migrated; p. pr. & vb. n. Migrating.] [L. migratus, p. p. of migrare to migrate, transfer.] 1. To remove from one country or region to another, with a view to residence; to change one's place of residence; to remove; as, the Moors who migrated from Africa into Spain; to migrate to the West.

And i've changed my mind....your blatantly not Wilf. He had some brains.

sofistek

Calm down, Wilfbain. Very few posters check spelling or grammar but most people know what they mean, most of the time. In any case, from your definition, emigrate is a subset of migrate, or certainly an overlap. Australia is definitely a different region from the UK.

Wilfsbane

You're blatantly misusing the word "your." It's the contraction you're (you are) you're after. See, not so brainless am I?

As for the rest of your posting: Next time I have an Emigration/Immigration issue, I'll be sure to contact the local office of the "Department of Migration." I believe they're looking for a few good Mexican labourers (Migrants)

Wilfsbane

No kidding? That's a revelation.

Gra.B

I noticed we had some talk on here about smacking children, but are there any laws on smacking pensioners?

Gra..


don't bite WB, just kidding...

Wilfsbane

No there's not. So give yourself a good smack "up side a yo hade." Why do you assume I'm a pensioner. You know the one about assume don't you (ass u me)?

"...just kidding"

rapitts

Moving to another country is a very hard decision, especially for young adults, kids.

You basically have to start making friends all over again. In a long term relationship this makes things harder, I know I've been in that boat a few years ago, I moved back to U.K. because of an ex-girlfriend, but I've learnt my lesson and hopefully heading back.

The best advice is to leave your daughter in the U.K., as hard as it may be, things will work out for the best. Maybe living with the bf will put a strain on the relationship and it will end naturally.

Maybe it is time to think about yourself in a nice kind of way, your daughter is taking the big steps of life.

She may well follow you to NZ in a few years time anyways.